


Covered in the Colors

by catholicorprotestant



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Biracial Iwaizumi Hajime, He's half Mexican ;), I know shocking, IwaOi is a background relationship, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Seijoh third years are my life, Slow Burn, Some angst, artist Makki, journalist Iwaizumi, mentions of drug use, mentions of previous non-con, photographer Mattsun, there's going to be so much fluff, these boys will be the death of me I swear, writer Oikawa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 135,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catholicorprotestant/pseuds/catholicorprotestant
Summary: Hiro sees the world as infinite beauty, and he wants to take hold of it, add to it. He always has his sketch pad by his side. He doesn't believe in much, but he believes in art. No matter what his best friend, Tooru, said love was a fairy tale. Everything changes when he sees a person photographing the sunset.A picture is worth a million words. Issei knows this, and he sees the world through a lens, always thinking about how his surroundings would look in a photo, what it would say. A boy he sees around the university who's always hunched over a drawing pad catches his attention. What would his picture say?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I probably shouldn't be starting yet another AU, but I was in the mood for MatsuHana and found nothing but background relationships, so I thought you know what? I'm probably not the only one who wants this, and I have an idea, so I'm going to run with it. 
> 
> If you haven't heard "Colors" by Halsey, I came up with the title from it, and honestly I just feel like the entire song was fitting. Here's a link to a lyrics video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvH5ZhSn1Jg
> 
> I really hope you guys like this. Let me know!

Hiro was an artist for a simple reason. 

There was beauty in the world. The sky was a canvas that was painted with hues of pink, and gold, the colors were mixed so perfectly. At night, it was painted black with the most beautiful display of white and golds twinkling above the earth. The stars drew pictures in the sky that people who paid attention told tales of. There were entire books of the stories of the constellations. 

Every season came with its own paint brush of colors, and not enough people admired it. Spring was the most loved it seemed. The new green after months of white snow and barren trees, along with the blooming of flowers of all different colors were a welcome sight as the air gradually warmed. Summer had its own way of taking those beautiful colors and bleaching them into new hues. 

Autumn was Hiro’s favorite. He loved to sketch and paint autumn. Brown, red, gold, orange, it was a medley that had always made him feel comfortable, warm. Even seeing that particular color combination had him feeling the crisp air on his skin, and the smell of apple cider and spices. And of course back to school…

“There’s a cute boy in my class,” Tooru said in an excited voice.

The sound of the milk steamer nearly drowned out his voice. At first Hiro wanted to pretend he hadn’t heard. He didn’t feel like talking to him about some boy he thought was cute at work. It wasn’t appropriate, and he needed this job even if it didn’t pay well. It was good enough for a student. But he knew Tooru. 

“That’s nice.” 

Hiro offered him a smile, and set the cup on the bar, calling the person’s name. A girl in a high school uniform thanked him, running out the door. She came at least once a day, sometimes with her friends. They’d sit in the corner giggling and stealing glances at Tooru who was oblivious to their stares. Today was different. She had heard his comment about the boy, he knew it. Her shoulders were low, and the smile on her face was gone. She had almost rushed out of the door. Good.

“Makkiiiiii.” Tooru whined. “Ask me about him. Don’t just say _that’s nice_. I swear you’re impossible.” 

“We’re at work.” Hiro shrugged. 

“So? I need to be asked about my love life. What if he’s my soulmate, Makki?” Tooru stared at him with his arms crossed over his chest, and mouth pulled to the side. 

“You think everyone is your soulmate.”

“You never know, Makki, you never know.” Tooru shook his head. “You’re just not a romantic. How will you ever find love with that attitude?”

Hiro sighed. He didn’t believe in all that stuff. His best friend had alway had his head in the clouds believing things that made no sense. Everything was possible. Ghosts... anything paranormal really, aliens, magic, soulmates, love at first sight. The list went on. But it made sense seeing as Tooru was a writer even if it was only fanfiction and a few original fictions that he would never share with the world, but stood over Makki’s shoulder nervously while he read over it. 

“I don’t really care.” Hiro shrugged. “I’m not really looking for love. Personally I think it’s all just a bunch of crap to look for it. I don’t believe in soulmates. I’ve never felt anything for anyone, so I’m not really even sure if it’s a real thing or just something that society has imposed on us and made us desperate to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with. It’s just ridiculous.” 

Tooru huffed, and turned to clean the espresso machine for the millionth time that day. He had a thing about it, insisted it made the coffee taste better. Hiro didn’t really notice. Again it was something that Tooru believed in that Hiro just found to be bullshit. 

“You know what, Makki?” Tooru spun around. “You always have your head in a sketch pad, and maybe that’s why you think that true love isn’t real.”

“Maybe you believe it because you always have your nose in a book,” Makki countered with a smirk.

“Why are you like this?” Tooru threw his hands in the air in defeat. “You’re impossible.”

“I would say the same about you.” Makki laughed going to help the next customer. 

The rest of the shift went fairly well. It got slow near closing, and with no customers and everything cleaned for closing, Makki sat on the bench hunched over his sketch pad working on his next piece. He kept glancing a Tooru who was reading yet another new book, totally entranced as his eyes scanned the pages with vigor, and his mouth hung slightly open. 

Real life sketches. It was Makki’s favorite thing to draw, and it was often that he drew the people in his life. It was how he got good at drawing people. He liked to do it when the person didn’t know he was drawing them; there was something so raw about it. Without the awkward poses their personalities came out, and he could draw the emotions on their face. He always started with the person, then added the background as an afterthought, though it was very deliberate. 

The alarm on Tooru’s phone went off startling the man who almost fell of his bench. Closing time. Hiro laughed at his friend’s clumsiness. Tooru had always been a bit of a clutz. 

“Rude! I could have died,” Tooru frowned, pushing his glasses back into place. 

“Stop being dramatic.” Hiro rolled his eyes. “This is for you.”

Hiro pulled the page out of his sketch pad and slid it to Tooru. It was a simple gesture that Hiro had done on so many occasions that he’d lost count, and every time Tooru would just stare at it in awe. It did help Hiro’s confidence. He still didn’t think he was very good, but everyone else seemed to think so and so did his grades. Still…

They closed the coffee shop, putting everything in order, and checking that there was enough stocked for the morning rush. With the lights off and the doors locked, the two walked silently back to their apartment. They both stared up at the night sky, something that they’d both done since they were kids. It was Tooru who introduced Hiro to the world of stargazing. 

The night sky was beautiful, a soft, velvet night sky with the twinkling diamonds of stars. He could never do it justice no matter how hard he tried which frustrated him beyond belief. There was just something missing. Maybe it was the fact that it was just an infinite black void with tiny far away balls of gas burning away until their life burned out. It was hard to capture what it really was, and so he found himself staring at the sky to admire it in the only real way possible. 

Their apartment wasn’t much. A small two bedroom with a decent living room and kitchen. Tooru had been the one to design it insisting that he needed it to be a certain way so that he could think and write. It was another one of his silly beliefs, though it always worked out, but it was more mind over matter. Hiro couldn’t care less. He’d sit on the couch drawing, pretending to listen as Tooru asked him questions, and talked about how much writing he’d get done now that it was perfect.

“Watch a movie with me?” Tooru gave Hiro his puppy dog eyes. 

“No.” 

“Please?”

“I really need to get some sleep. I have class early tomorrow.” 

“Please? Please?” Tooru held his hands together begging for him to approve. 

Hiro rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. But just one.”

“Thank you!” 

Tooru hugged him, and rushed to their television stand where they kept all their movies while Hiro went to change. He glanced around his room at the various projects he was working on for his classes, and sighed. He hated working for a grade, but he had known what he was getting into when he first decided to go to art school. Still it was disheartening when the motivation for the projects were gone and he hit a block. He never hit blocks with sketching. 

When he got back, he sat on the couch, curling up in the corner. Tooru had picked some paranormal movie where a demon plagues a family who moved into the house rumored to be haunted by an evil spirit only to find out that it was true and they’d made a terrible decision. Same thing in every single one of these movies. Ordinarily he’d make jokes through the movie, and Tooru would shush him until he started to get in on it, but tonight he was tired and his mind was on other things, like why he couldn’t get the night sky. 

In bed as his eyes grew heavy with sleep, his mind filled with images of evil things haunting the living. It would be a nice piece. He could do it for his modern art project,a and the night sky for his painting project. He let himself be pulled into his dreams where his mind always found the most inspiration, if only he could remember it exactly when he woke up. 

Outside the window was the night sky smiled down at him. 

\---------

Mondays meant getting up earlier than was legal to go outside to capture a few photos of the sunrise before running off to art history. Eight in the morning classes were the worst, but it was the only time that he could take it. It wasn’t all bad though, Issei loved seeing all the different arts students in one place learning together about a common ground. Photography, sculpting, media, painting, sketching, tactile, it was all art that started from the time that humans had the capability to produce beautiful things. 

Issei fumbled with his camera, and bag of lenses as he sat in the art building between classes. His project this year was tell a story with photographs. The problem was that he really didn’t know what story he wanted to tell. It was the hard part about going to school as a photography major, you were assigned things that were both ambiguous and specific and it left you with a headache. Everything he could think of sounded stupid. 

Hajime had suggested he tell a story about world events being the journalism student that he was. It was a good idea really, but somehow it didn’t feel right. How could he really capture all the terrible things in the world when he was in a city that was vibrant and alive far away from the turmoil. He could focus on the homeless, but that would be exploiting the poor. 

He sighed, leaning back against the glass wall of the corridor while he racked his brain for inspiration. His eye caught the familiar sight of the boy who would always sit on the floor of the art building hunched over his sketch pad with ear buds in his ears while he shut the world out to focus on his art. 

Issei always wanted to talk to him, ever since that day he saw him wearing his favorite band’s tee shirt. But the boy’s body language and actions gave the impression he wasn’t wanting to talk to anyone, and Issei would be caught dead if he invaded someone’s personal space, so he admired from afar. 

He was cute. Dusty brown hair that was kept short. Light reflected off his eyebrow and lip ring. Issei felt a bit jealous, he’d always wanted piercings but he was worried how his parents would react. They were paying for his tuition after all. He usually wore a band tee shirt that showed off his various tattoos, but today he was in a simple black long-sleeved shirt, with a pair of jeans with ripped knees, and a pair of boots. 

Issei wanted that style. He wanted to let loose and just be how he wanted to be, and be unapologetic like that, but he had to play it safe. His parents knew a lot of people, and he was never sure who was a potential spy. Getting through photography school would mean playing it straight. After he would be himself. 

His fingers brushed against the top of his camera, itching to take a picture. He wanted to remember him for after he finished and off the tight leash his parents kept him on. What lense would be the best? What would be the best exposure? 

“So my best friend is a stalker?” Hajime sat down next to him, setting his bag on the floor. 

“No. I was just sitting here minding my own business and he shows up. If anything I’d say he was stalking me.” Issei smirked. “Besides, I don’t think he’ll notice.”

“Don’t.” Hajime commanded. “We’re supposed to eat lunch together today, and the cafeteria is going to close soon.”

Issei nodded, collecting his things. He stared at the boy once more trying to memorize him. He was the coolest person he had ever seen, and with a good taste in music too. If only he wasn’t so shy. He looked familiar, but he wasn’t sure where. Right before Issei turned around, they made eye contact for just a moment before the boy went back to his work, more focused than ever. Issei could have sworn he saw something on his face, but what?

He followed his friend through the grounds of the university to get to the cafeteria. They glance over the options which were scarce now. He braced himself for Hajime to tell him it was his fault, but he was greeted with nothing but silence. Issei glanced over at Hajime who seemed to be very interested in the sticky bun options which were well...pork and more pork. 

“Something wrong?” Issei frowned.

“No. I just…” He turned to Issei. “Do I look weird? Or smell? Or something?”

“Oh, Hajime, Hajime, Hajime. You always look weird and smell.” Issei smirked. 

“Shut up.” Hajime shoved his shoulder. Issei laughed. “I’m serious.” 

“No, why?” 

“There was a guy in my lit class staring at me the entire time. It was really uncomfortable. I was starting to get self-conscious.” Hajime pulled his mouth to the side.

“You?” Issei scoffed. “Mister pull off my shirt and have everyone orgasming on sight?”

“Shut up.”

A few students were still mingling around trying to scrounge the last bit of food before continuing their day. The image burned into his memory. That was something he could do for his project, a story of student life. It was boring, but wasn’t that part of being a student? Boredom, death, and stress? But there were good things, and that was what he could focus on while adding some humor. A smile crossed his face as he imagined photographing students that took naps on their books in the library. 

_And here we have the death of students, perishing in the throws of studying._

He didn’t even really need the captions. Pictures said it all, and taken in a natural setting, but a the right moment. You didn’t want to make the person look unflattering, that was just plain rude, unless of course it was one of his friends in which case he would go out of his way to make them look as unattractive as possible. 

There was also the issue of lighting. The harsh lights of the incandescent bulbs weren’t the best in his opinion. He liked natural lighting, or white lights that made the pictures look happier, but maybe if he was trying to find the somberness of his hilarious project it would work. 

Issei decided to push it to the back of his mind. Projects assigned so early in the semester were a blessing and a curse, on one hand you had a semester to find what you wanted to do for your project and work on it until it was perfect, but on the other you had time to work on it until it was perfect, and then find all the flaws and dig yourself into a hole of hell. The life of an artist of any sort. 

“So who’s that guy in the art building?” Hajime asked as they found a seat outside. “A friend?”

“No. I don’t remember his name. He’s in my art history class, but he’s always drawing...always. It’s like he never even looks up. He’s the first to get to class and the last to leave. I am curious to see his stuff, but he comes off as a bit shy and awkward. He doesn’t talk to anyone that I’ve seen except for this really pretty guy who seems like a bit of a nerd. I really love his style, you know it’s what I would kill for.” Issei sighed leaning back and shaking his head. “But alas, I am doomed.”

“I say fuck your parents and do what you want.” Hajime shrugged.

“Easy for you to say. You have the cool parents who don’t care what you do.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong.” 

“I know. But yeah, he has good taste in music too. God, I want to talk to him.” Issei sighed once again. 

“Just do it. When have you ever not done something if it wouldn’t interfere with your parents paying your tuition?” Hajime glanced at him. 

Issei mulled it over in his head. That was a good point. Maybe he could catch him when he wasn’t busy. For once he could show up to a class before the doors closed, but that sounded awful. He was more of a sleep in as much as possible without being late person. Sometimes if he was going to be late, he’d go ahead and stop by a Starbucks and walk into the class with it, logo turned out so the world could see. It was amusing. 

A flash of light caught his eye and he looked up to see the boy hugging his sketch pad almost desperately against his chest. It was strange that even though he was carrying a messenger bag, the sketch pad was out, as though if he put it into the bag it would be forever lost. It meant something to him. Most artists cared about their work, and held onto it for dear life, but this was different. God he wanted to meet him. 

He was about to get up when the pretty boy sacheted up to him, and linked arms with him, whisking him away. Issei frowned. He’d missed his chance. He looked down at his camera bag thinking about how he carried it everywhere with him without putting with his other things. It was fragile and expensive; he’d had had to work all three years of high school to afford it. Maybe that was what the sketch pad was the mystery man, valuable and fragile.

Mystery man. He liked the sound of that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Another update! Yay! I really appreciate everyone who's given kudos, comments, and subs. I'm so grateful! 
> 
> Enjoy!

There was a park near their apartment that Hiro liked to go to draw. It was serene, and the fresh air got his brain going. The bird chirped, and insects buzzed, and the sound of the river that passed by painted pictures in his head. Being outside always brought out the most creative side of his mind, and right about now he really needed some inspiration. He parked himself beside a tree, and pulled out his pencils. 

Sketching had always been a passion for him, even when he was little. He wasn’t a kid who liked to color with crayons and markers. He loved paint, and learning to mix the primary colors to get the perfect hues for what you wanted. But there was something about sketching, about holding the pencil in your hands and smelling the lead that had always made him feel at ease. There was a soft scratching sound on the paper as he marked the blank canvas with art that Tooru always said he was too critical of, but he didn’t understand that it was the same way Tooru was overly critical of his writing. Putting pieces of your soul out there was scary, you are suddenly naked and vulnerable, and the slightest of criticism, no matter how helpful was painful. 

It was that very sound that made Hiro want to be a tattoo artist. He had the skill set. Tattoo artist almost always took what you wanted and drew a sketch out for you to approve. The buzzing of the tattoo gun was the sound of your art going on to a blank canvas for the world to see. There was an anonymity to it that made you feel proud, and safe. Seeing the client smile when it was all said and done, that they loved your work, that they came to you and trusted you with something they would take with them for the rest of their lives was worth it. 

Hiro remembered his first tattoo. He had wanted to sketch his own design, but nothing seemed quite right. In his frustration, he had gone to the artist and showed them what he had been spending hours and days on, and explaining how it wasn’t quite right. They’d taken in and the next day he’d come in for his appointment and they had made it perfect. He kept coming back. Everyone who came into that shop left with a smile on their face, and the artist looking so proud. He wanted that, so he had to practice, he had to get things perfect because he wanted to see those smiles.

He tapped his pencil on the pad, looking around trying to decide what to draw. Nothing seemed quite right. He mulled over the idea of sketching the landscape of the park for the million time, but it didn’t seem right. He wanted something more, something different. The was setting just on the horizon painting the sky in brilliant colors. About now he was wishing that he’d brought his paints instead, it would make for a beautiful water color painting. 

His eyes scanned over the park around him. Nobody was out which wasn’t surprising at this hour. It was a secluded part of the park after all, so it was the best place to think. Hiro had brought Tooru out here once before, promising him that his writer's block would clear when he just sat down and let the calming sounds around them calm him so that his mind wasn’t so focused on what he was trying to write, but a bug had fallen on him, and he’d screeched and wanted to go home. 

A ladybug landed on his pad, taking a rest from the busy day of doing whatever it was that ladybugs did in their little lives. He couldn’t help but smile as the creature climbed over his finger. He played with it for a moment. 

“And what good luck do you have for me, little bug?” He said gently. “Are you going to bring me something to draw? Should I draw you? Sketch out your little life?” 

Hiro had always believed that all living things could understand when you spoke to them, and you may not be able to hear or understand it, but they spoke back. Everything was connected, and that was part of the beauty of the world. He watched the ladybug silently, listening to whatever it was telling him. Tooru would probably write a story about it...that is if bugs didn’t freak the boy out. 

The ladybug climbed to the tip of his finger before taking off in a silent farewell. He watched it go, and something caught his eye. 

There was a person standing near the water with a camera, taking photographs of the sunset. He watched him for a moment as they kept turning his camera, and moving their body around to get the right angles and shots. Photography was a difficult art that Hiro had never been interested in learning, nor was he good at it, but watching this photographer trying to capture one of Earth’s greatest gifts he wondered what it was like. 

They turned, and Hiro could see them properly now. A tall boy with shaggy black hair wearing a pair of jeans, and a black hoodie. From this angle, the light reflected around him in an almost angelic way. He wasn’t very far from him, but with the way the sun was setting there were shadows over his face. 

He watched him for a moment before starting to draw the scene, the photographer by the stream. It was almost dusk before the photographer left. Hiro could barely see his sketch pad now, but he stayed wanting to watch them. He could see him better now, a strong jaw and features. The photographer was absolutely beautiful. 

“So this is the luck you brought me.” Hiro laughed softly to himself before packing up for the night. 

\---------

Issei looked through the photos on he’d taken in the park on his laptop trying to find something sufficient. He stopped when he found the picture he’d taken of Mystery Man that he’d seen at the sitting in the shade of the large cherry blossom tree. Maybe it was wrong of him to take his picture without him knowing, or even knowing him. It wasn’t first time Issei had taken photographs of strangers, but somehow this was different. 

Mystery Man was sitting there, with his knees pulled up, sketch pad leaning against them in a makeshift table. He was staring at something his finger with a docile smile on his face. There must of been some sort of bug on his hand or the boy was a weirdo that stared at his hands in the park. Either way Issei was intrigued. 

“What are you smiling about?” Hajime asked from where he was sitting on the floor eating with a cup of tea. 

“I got a picture of Mystery Man.” 

Issei moved to show Hajime the photo. Hajime studied it for a moment, before flicking his eyes back to Issei. He braced himself for Hajime’s disapproval that he was sure to follow, but to his surprise Hajime went back to his food. 

“You should talk to him.”

“What, no lecture?” Issei smirked. “Iwaizumi, you’re getting soft.”

Hajime shrugged. “You’re going to do whatever you want anyway, so why should I waste my time telling you to stop stalking the poor guy and talk to him?”

“There it is. The famous Iwaizumi advice bundled in a rare passive-aggressive manner. You’re still getting soft.”

Issei chuckled and turned back to his photos. He stared at Mystery Man for a while. He was more handsome than he’d realized. In addition to his eyebrow and lip piercing it looked like his ears were pierced several times too, and it suited him so well. His eyes looked sleepy from the angle, and his smile was a bit lazy but it stirred interest in Issei. 

He didn’t want to talk to him. He _needed_ to talk to him. This boy was something special. He was shy, but sweet despite the punk style. Issei knew that his style had nothing to do with his heart, but there was that perception. Having so many classes in the art building, he was around many students that were a bit eccentric making him feel like he stuck out like a sore thumb. But this boy, this mystery man, was different. Issei didn’t know how, but he knew that much. 

He tried to turn his attention back to his project, and looking through what felt like millions of shots trying to find the best ones to use, but he kept coming back to that picture. Staring, wondering. What was he like? Was there more under his shy exterior? What did his laugh sound like? He’d seen Mystery Man around school a few times before this semester, not really paying much attention, but for the last few weeks he had been slowly invading his mind. If only he could open his mouth and say something. 

Photography had appealed to Issei since he was little, always playing with toy cameras to imitate his parents who wanted to document his and his sister’s childhood so as not to miss a moment. When he was eight, he was given a throw away camera to take pictures when he went away to camp for the first time. Things evolved slowly, and in junior high he’d joined the photography club and learned to develop film in a dark room. 

His cell phone was the best camera he had, but it wasn’t enough. He needed a professional camera like the ones they were able to use at school so that he could capture the world around him. Issei had found a store that sold the best cameras on the market, and he wanted the best one, but the price tag was impossible. He’d gotten a job at a local store, working as much as he was allowed, saving every single yen until he was finally able to pay for the camera that was now his baby. 

They say a photograph says a thousand words, and he knew that was true. A single photo captured so many things, a moment with millions of things. He’d photographed the graduation party that his family threw him joined with Hajime’s family. Looking at those photos he could remember the day, all the emotions, smells, conversations. There had been laughter, music, tears. It was so much captured in one single moment, and it was something beautiful. It was everything, and it made his heart sing. 

He wanted to do tell other people’s stories. There were people who went into photography for a journalism side that Hajime never failed to let him forget, or to work for travel companies and take photos from all the beautiful places, and those were all amazing things. But for Issei, he wanted to capture those moments in people’s lives that they could look back on and remember. Being an event photographer was his dream. 

One year there was a big storm back home, and the house leaked. Many of the pictures his parents had taken were ruined, smudged and distorted. He remembered his mother sobbing over them because even though she’d lived that moment and observed it, she’d lost that tangible memory. It was that year that he realized what photographs were worth, and his favorite thing about the advances in technology was that those photos and new ones were in a space that was safe from events like that. 

Photographs told a story, captured so much, and looking at this photo of Mystery Man...he wanted to know that story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Please please please comment? <3


	3. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am so sorry for the delay in updating. Life has been crazy, but writing this update has rekindled the spark. Also shout out to Peepahsocky for motivating me to get back on this.

Hiro wasn’t one to socialize. He didn’t see the point. There were a lot of things that he’d dealt with throughout the years, being burned, drama, all that shitty bullshit that belonged in the past. Tooru was enough for him. His one best friend, only friend. He wasn’t bitter about it anymore. He’d let it go. If he was being honest, it was a blessing in disguise. It was inspiration for his art, though he got inspiration from a lot of things. But there was something in seeing and living through that pain that pushed him into his work. 

Music and art were his things. If he wasn’t in a place that he could be alone, and left undistracted, he would put in his earbuds. Even if he didn’t have music on, nobody would know that. It even worked on Tooru who knew everything about him. Though if he could be alone in solitude and calmness, he would just listen to the noises around him like when he sketched at the park. 

He always picked classes that were early. Nobody wanted to talk at eight in the morning, and most were probably half asleep. It was rough for sure, but it made things less complicated. Plus, if he woke up early enough, he could watch the sunrise on his way to class. He was always sure to be the first one in class, so he would never sit and draw, but kept the image in his head to draw in class. 

The classroom for art history was nothing special, but to Hiro it was art. Everything was art. The front of the room had a large projection screen, and a podium to the right where the professor could stand to give the lecture. Their professor, and most of the art department instructors rarely stood behind it. The walls were covered in paintings, and sketches. Some of them were from the curriculum, but they were also there for admiration. 

He climbed to the back of the classroom, and put his bag down. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to pause the music so that he could draw in the silence of the room. The lights buzzed overhead as the electricity shot excitedly through the metal fixtures. The air ducts were a gentle continuous sigh. Birds chirped outside, and the wind whistled. Leaves circled on the ground outside the window. It brought a smile to his lips. 

How could anyone not see the world as beautiful? Art and music were all around them. Nature had a song of its own with the tracks changing from night to day, spring to summer, different areas of the world. There was not a place in the world where there wasn’t music. You just had to listen, to take off the filter that kept one from hearing it. 

He wanted to hear it. 

The world was also its own music videos. That’s where the visual art came in. The colors of the seasons changing. The sky had an infinite amount of colors that could mesh together. People were gifted with thoughts that could make the finest buildings, and technology the world had ever seen. Nothing was an eyesore. People just didn’t look hard enough. 

Not talking to people, not making new friends kept Hiro aware of all of these things. If he got too distracted by what people were saying or doing, or conspiring then he would turn cynical. It’d happened before. His art had suffered in a way, turning into angry and sometimes violent works. His sketches were especially dark. He wanted to make bright and beautiful things. And it was when he got himself away from caring so much about socializing, and making the most friends, and having something to do every single night of the week that he saw the beauty again. 

So he walked to class with his music on to wake him up, and when he got to the room, he’d turn it off so he could actually hear the music. He made sure not to buy those ear buds that blocked the world out, instead opting for the ones that sat there and allowed the outside in. 

He pulled his pencils, and hunched over his sketch pad drawing the new things he’d learned, and seen onto it as he waited for class. He had an hour to himself.

\---------

Mystery Man was always the first one to class, and the last to leave. Issei was determined to be there first before anyone else showed up. If he could be alone with him then maybe he could strike up a conversation about art or something, and they could hit it off? But what if Mystery Man was too engrossed in his sketching for Issei to interrupt? He couldn’t let that thought deter him now, he had a plan. Never had he ever wanted to know somebody this much.

He hummed to himself while he walked down the street. He resisted the urge to stop and take pictures like he usually did, when was the reason that he was always late to everything. Who could blame him when there was so much beauty to be captured? His eyes rushed over it all, trying desperately to memorize it. 

The truth was no matter how you saw something in the moment, it would fade, sometimes you couldn’t remember it at all. Sure, photos couldn’t capture it exactly how one sees it, but it was much more clear than it could be remembered. And a picture can pull you in. One look and suddenly you’re there again. Scents were so strongly associated to memories. Issei wanted so badly for people to remember. 

He glanced at his phone. Forty-five minutes until class started. Issei yawned just looking at the time. Why was he up so early? Why was it that his only class with Mystery Man at eight in the morning? Why? Issei rolled his eyes, glaring at the ground. It wasn’t right to even make classes that early. Just another reason that he should make his portfolio about the death of students. With the time to spare, he popped into the coffee shop near the campus for some much needed caffeine. 

The smell of the coffee and sweet baked goods welcomed him as he opened the door. He didn’t come here often, usually opted for the cafeteria on campus because he didn’t have to pay anything for it. But it was closed until eight, and this opened at five in the fucking morning. They were torturing whatever poor souls lived beyond those doors. 

The sound of the bell alerted the man at the front desk who glanced up from his textbooks, shoving them under the counter. He had messy curly hair that fell in such a way that seemed intentional. He looked well rested despite the early hour. Issei thought if he took a picture of him at the bar it could be the cover of some book about love and a coffee shop. Issei chuckled to himself. Hajime would probably eat that shit up. He wouldn’t tell, but Hajime loved him a good romance. He’d never said anything nor done anything to suggest it, but as his best friend Issei just knew.

He walked up to the counter, staring up at the menu before ordering a caramel macchiato to go. While he was waiting, he glanced around the shop. Art was on the walls, probably from the students at the university who were trying to sell their art. It was one of the ways to make money doing what they loved, that and commissions online for fandoms that you thrived on. There was a section set up like a small living room with a sofa and a few chairs. Tables attached to the wall were all around the front of the store by the window with plugs for phones and laptops. There were small tables you could sit at to talk or study. 

Issei made a mental note to add it to his study locations. He thanked the barista who waved to him absently going back to his books. What was it like being a student working there? Honestly it sounded awful. Issei wished he was allowed to have a job, but his parents refused to allow him that. He needed to stay focused on school because if he was going to get a degree they weren’t happy about, he at least needed to make sure he got the best grades. 

As expected nobody was on campus. It was strange to see it like a ghost town. The wind was picking up this morning, and the leaves danced across the ground in small twirls. He took a shot with his camera excited to show it to Hajime. He walked down the path to the art building examining the shots he got. The sunset was in the background of a green section of grass with brown, gold, and red leaves. Not a soul in sight. The corners of Issei’s lips jumped up. 

The door to the art building was unlocked, so some poor soul had to be here somewhere. Harsh lighting of the fluorescent bulbs shined down on the polished floor. Murals lined the walls. He passed his favorite vending machine as he made his way to the last classroom furthest from the entrance. There was one wall that was solid windows. 

Issei liked to imagine that he was in a movie staring out the window dramatically waiting for his true love. Of course that never happened, nor did he expect it to. But there was something about watching people who didn’t know you even existed walk past, talk to friends, sit on the lawn that was appealing to Issei. Not in a creepy, stalker way, but in the way that it was natural. People didn’t have their guard up. Everything was just perfect, like a movie. Those were the kind of pictures Issei liked to take, candid pictures that captured every emotion felt in real time. It wasn’t fake. You couldn’t fake life. 

He pulled his focus away from the wall to complete the task at hand. He needed to talk to this guy. There was just something about him that pulled him in like the planets to the sun, something like gravity. Only it wasn’t that. It was something different. He _needed_ to know him. He couldn’t get him off his mind, so this was the one way to do it. 

He opened the door, and blinked when he saw Mystery Man sitting in the back of the classroom hunched over a sketch pad. What the hell? When did this guy get here in the morning? After all that effort, he was here for this. Issei wanted to scream. He had gotten up at the ass crack of dawn for this boy. The sun wasn’t even up when he left. And he was already here. 

Issei narrowed his eyes, tightening the grip on his coffee cup. He didn’t know what to do. The guy was right there, and it was only the two of them, but he had his earbuds in. Would it be rude to go up to him? It would be weird. He’d seem like the biggest asshole in the world. Matsukawa Issei would not be that guy. He wasn’t desperate. 

Still…

He sighed heavily, and climbed the stairs up to the the middle of the class. He dropped his bag, sighing once again. He sat down, racking his brain for what he should do. Small talk was always an option. He could make up some bullshit question about homework or a test or something, but seeing how this was one of the easiest classes in the program, that would make him look like an idiot. 

What would Hajime do? Nothing if current actions were to be taken into consideration. He was just quiet these days, staring off into the distance. Issei would have to run his hand in front of his best friend’s face to get him back down to earth. Then there was the issue of him asking random questions about his style or if he came off as too stand offish. Issei didn’t know, but he had a feeling it was Pretty Boy. 

HIs phone buzzed in his pocket. Speak of the devil. 

_Are you okay? You’re not home. Did you even come home last night?_

_Well, well, well. Up early are we? And yeah, I just had some stuff to do._

_Stuff? Like what? You barely even get up for food._

_Mystery man. Can you believe it? He’s already here. I don’t know what to do. Plan foiled._

_TALK TO HIM. It really isn’t that hard._

_Have you talked to Pretty Boy?_

There was no response after that. Issei leaned back in his chair, a smirk on his face. Take that Iwaizumi. Tell him what to do and then not take his own advice. This was some serious shit. Though he couldn’t say much really. He was technically in the same boat, but he didn’t play like he knew what to do. This really wasn’t something he was used to at all. 

He felt eyes boring into the back of his head. He turned to see Mystery Man smirking at him. He let out a soft laugh, and went back to his drawing. An in. 

“What’s so funny?” Issei asked, sitting on the table now facing the boy. 

“Huh?” Mystery Man cocked his head to the side, taking out one of his earbuds. “Sorry, did you say something?” 

His voice was soft, quiet, but not in a way that was in any way shy. Just soft. It made Issei smile. 

“I asked what’s so funny.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The boy played innocent. Asshole. Issei knew damn well that Mystery Man knew exactly what he was talking about. Play innocent, huh. Two could play at that. 

“Oh yeah, okay. Of course. My bad. It must be your drawing. Is it something scandalous?” 

“Definitely scandalous. Is it even art if it’s not?” 

He folded his arms over his sketch pad, leaning toward Issei with that smirk glued to his face. It suited him. This would be the perfect photograph. Beautiful. Sarcasm and humor played behind that smirk, and twinkling eyes. 

“Nope. Though...I’m a photographer, myself. If I did that, well...I think I’d be in jail.” 

“Photography students are creepy stalkers.” 

“Excuse me?” Issei feigned offense. Though in his case...Hajime was a little bit right. But he just had to talk to him. 

“I said what I said. Don’t think we don’t see you watching people, and taking photographs all willy nilly.” 

Issei shrugged. He glanced at his camera, his prized possession. Was that really what he was using it for? He really needed to step up his game if he wanted to get the best candid pictures he could. 

“Why are you here so early?” Issei asked, changing the subject. 

“I’m always here this early.” 

“Yeah, but why? Class doesn’t start until eight.” Issei glanced at the clock. Twenty to eight. 

“Why are you here?” The boy narrowed his eyes, a playful look on his face. “You’re usually late.” 

Issei’s heart fluttered. So Mystery Man had noticed him too. Wait...why was he feeling like this? This wasn’t a crush, but his body reacted like he was. It was all so new, so unfamiliar. 

“My roommate made me get up because I’m always late. He said he’d buy me ramen, so here I am.” Issei yawned, rubbing his face. “I’m not a morning person.” 

The boy hummed softly, leaning back. 

“Mornings are beautiful. I love mornings. The way the sky is painted with watercolor brush strokes while the sun slowly comes up above the horizon. It’s breathtaking. Plus you don’t have to talk to anyone.” He smiled softly.

“But you look like shit, you’re so exhausted.” 

“Exhausted is the new sexy.” 

Mystery Man snorted. “You’d get along just fine with my best friend, Tooru. The guy runs on like, three hours of sleep.” 

“The fuck?” 

“Right?” 

“Sleep is like...the best thing in the whole world. One of my favorite things. That and eating.”

“I don’t know, I think sleep is for the weak.” 

“What?” Issei blinked. 

“I’m joking!” He laughed. 

“Anyway...You must be a media art student.” 

He nodded. “Sketching is my favorite, but I like painting too. By the way, I’m Hanamaki Takahiro. You can call me Hiro.” 

Hiro. 

It was a strong name, and somehow it was fitting.Issei didn’t know him, and yet…

“I’m Issei.” 

A few students walked in, and soon there was a stream. Hiro was now hunched over his sketchbook once again, pencils blazing. Issei watched him for a moment before sitting down in his chair, a small smile on his face. It may not have been what he wanted, nor expected, but it was progress. Mystery Man had a name now: Hiro. Beautiful soul. The ice was broken, and still he wanted more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Please comment to help me keep up the momentum. <3


	4. Chapter 4

Hiro read over the creative writing piece Tooru had written in which the world was in a postapocalyptic place, but not for the reasons you’d think. An alien race known as the Chozet from a faraway solar system in the Milky Way Galaxy called the Keihsunso system had come to Earth, only wanting peace and help defending them from an alien race known as the Naeblilm from the Nebula Galaxy that had declared war on the entire Milky Way Galaxy. 

The humans didn’t think that aliens were real, so when they came, it was such a shock. The Earth ended up attacking the aliens who had no choice but to fight back, effectively destroying the world. Some survived, but most perished. The survivors were of two mindsets, those who wanted to help the aliens that had always supported them, and those who had seen their families and home obliterated, helping only out of fear of what would happen. 

It wasn’t that the Chozet were a malicious race, but the humans threatened to wipe them out, and actually had one of their housing units with a good portion of the children was bombed that they acted with no discretion. They had insisted and demonstrated a numerous amount of time what their mission was to the humans, but it was all in vain. 

It was actually a pretty riveting story. Tooru really made the characters come to life, and he’d made these intricate societies that the Chozet and the Neablilm had. The whole thing read like a satire of the violent and xenophobic nature of humans while also highlighting the love and empathy that humans had. Honestly it was one of the best things his friend had ever written. 

Hiro glanced up from the laptop. Tooru was sitting at the foot of Issei’s bed, back straight, and eyes wide as he wrung his hands nervously. 

“What do you think? Is it bad? Tell me the truth. But be kind, I’m sensitive. What was your favorite part?” 

“It’s good, really good. I want to read more when your nerdy ass gets a chance to write more.” He pushed the laptop toward Tooru who picked up up promptly and clutched it to his chest. “The way you bring the characters to life is a work of art. You can tell so much time and planning went in to create these two new worlds, and how the war between them is going. The satire on humanity was on point, and might I say this is the best you’ve ever written.” 

Hiro thought to himself for a moment, trying to figure out if he’d ever read anything so vivid. 

“Do you think you could draw a cover art for me for when I have to turn in my manuscript?” Tooru ran his fingers through his hair, averting his eyes sheepishly.

“I’ll think about it, but I’d say you have a fair shot. I may charge you.” Hiro smirked at him. Tooru nodded with a smile, and pranced out of the room to write more. 

Hiro had read so much of Tooru’s writing over the years. Being the sci-fi addict that he was, there were plenty of stories of aliens, space, teleporting, and futuristic world. That was his favorite thing to write, most notably his on-going X-Files fanfiction. He was amazingly good at it. Hiro wasn’t really into sci-fi at all, but when he read what his best friend wrote, he was sucked into a world so vivid and exciting that he was left with the urge to draw. 

Another one of Tooru’s favorite things to write was about magic and the supernatural. Witches, demons, ghosts, ghouls, vampires. His mind could imagine up these things and put them into words. He could make his own monsters and there was so much that went into it. These were cranked out like crazy in October because despite Halloween not really being a big thing in Japan, Tooru was absolutely obsessed with it. 

Tooru would write love stories that made even Hiro believe in true love, love at first sight, soulmates, and elaborate romance. In feathery words Tooru turned sex into something beautiful. It wasn’t just sex, it was love, and passion. It was things that had Hiro questioning his own life. It was a glimpse into his best friend’s mind. 

He could write the kind of stories that would be on Lifetime about stalkers, kidnappers, and serial killers. The dark places of his mind that few people ever saw. Nobody would suspect a thing from the bubbly, kind, sassy, and dramatic Tooru. It was just like how Tooru could turn on you at a flip of a switch to drag you when need be. He was always scanning the room, picking up on everything. He could figure a person out the first time he spoke to them. 

Everything his best friend wrote was amazing. Everything. Every last keystroke. When they were kids, Tooru would write stories in class on paper then hand them to Hiro to read. He had improved so much because he was open to criticism if it was given in a constructive way. Now he could bring the stars to life. 

Hiro was jealous of that. No matter how hard he tried, he could never get anything down so perfectly. Every sketch had a flaw, every time the pencil hit the paper. He could never open the world like that. But he loved art, he loved the way it poured from his soul. All of that and he still didn’t get good marks on his latest piece. What good was that? What was he thinking about becoming an artist. 

He sat up, throwing on a hoodie, grabbing his sketch pad and running out of the apartment not saying a word to Tooru. 

The cool night air filled his lungs as he rushed down the stairs. His eyes scanned around him before he took off down the street to anywhere but the apartment. He couldn’t breathe inside when he was upset. His mind would dwell on the bad, and it’d weigh on his chest, just sitting there stacking up. 

His feet took him to the park. The full moon illuminated the path he was walking down in a soft silver glow. Moonlight was one of his favorite things. It wasn’t harsh like the sun, but a soft glow that made him feel safe and comfortable. It’d always been like that for him. It was actually how he met Tooru when they were kids. 

Their neighborhood didn’t have streetlights, so when you were walking down the street it was by moonlight. He remembered walking one day and almost tripping over Tooru who was sitting on the sidewalk. His mom let him sit outside and look at the stars for a while after dinner because it calmed him down. Tooru used to have really bad night terrors, so he started looking for the first star so he could make a wish for the bad things not to come. He fell in love with the stars, and he taught Hiro to love them too.

He remembered that night so vividly.They were probably around eight or nine at the time. His parents were fighting...again. He didn’t want to listen to it anymore, and they hadn’t even realized when he’d left. Before they got divorced when he was thirteen, being inside made him feel so suffocated, and his mind would be swarmed with bad things. Going outside helped him, and he liked how the night looked during a full moon, that calming silver like tonight. That night he’d taken his backpack with him, for what reason he wasn’t sure. Maybe to do some homework or something. 

He had been too preoccupied with his parents fighting, and trying to hold back tears that he didn’t even notice Tooru sitting there. When he got there it’d been too late, and he fell on top of him. He skinned his hands and knees. Tooru got a bloody nose, and bruises. They were both a crying mess. Tooru’s mom had helped both of them. And the next day, Tooru had stomped over to him to tell him how mean he was, and they ended up becoming best friends. 

Maybe it was that night that made him love the full moon so much. Things happened during full moons. Lots of bad, but also chaotic good. The first night after his dad left was a full moon. It was the first night he didn’t feel like he was suffocating in his own home. 

Hiro sat down a bench near a streetlight and started to draw.

\---------

Issei had his earbuds in as he walked around campus trying to kill time until Hajime was out of his class. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Hiro since their encounter a couple weeks ago. There hadn’t been another opportunity to speak to him. In fact outside of class he hadn’t see him at all. He hadn’t seen Pretty Boy either, and Hajime hadn’t said anything about him either, just quieter than usual, spacey. If Hajime could just stop being a loser and talk to Pretty Boy, he’d have an in. 

His phone buzzed, cutting off the music. Hajime. 

“Speak of the devil! Where are you? I’m getting annoyed waiting for you.” 

“I’m in the Student Center,” Hajime said nonchalantly as if he went to the student center every day. 

“Why the hell are you there?” Issei groaned, turning to walk to the opposite end of the campus. 

“I had to talk to someone.” 

“Pretty Boy?” Mattsun perked up, picking up his pace. 

“No. It’s nothing. I’ll meet you in the library.” 

“No! I am already on my way to the Student Center.” Issei rolled his eyes, tilting his head back. 

“Okay…” Hajime sounded relatively angry, but Issei really didn’t care. 

“See you there, buddy.” 

The music started to play again while he made his way toward the building. Nobody went to the Student Center unless they were lame, at least that was what Issei and Hajime had concluded. There was nothing in there. Just study rooms that felt more like jail cells with whiteboards, and rentable laptops that you weren’t able to do anything on. You could find a tutor in there, or sign up to be one. Either way it sounded really ridiculous. So there really was no reason to be there at all...unless Hajime had fallen from his straight A streak and needed a tutor. 

Issei smirked at the thought. It wasn’t that he wanted his friend to fail, but he wanted him to come off his high horse that he so often rode. He needed to let loose and live life. Just once Issei wanted him to look at the beauty in the world instead of having his nose in the news looking at all the shitty things going on in the world. They couldn’t be more opposite on the way the looked at the world. 

The building stood alone with nothing near it. It was one of the oldest buildings on campus, and was honestly the ugliest thing Issei had ever seen. If he believed in eyesores, this was it. It was made with solid brick with thick windows with the panes of glass having the little crossed rods in them. Issei snapped a photo. It looked so dark and bleak, especially with the storm clouds rolling in, and the trees bare of leaves. Leaves were scattered on the ground. The only thing missing from the ghastly sight were crows sitting ominously in the trees. 

The entrance to the building was also ancient. The rest of the campus was so stylish to keep students from realizing they were in hell. They all had automatic doors, but this building had one of those old heavy metal doors that creaked when you opened it. It really was the worst building on campus, but Issei had changed his mind. People who came here weren’t lame, they were fucking insane. 

“Oi, Iwaizumi, you asshole!” Issei called down the hall. 

Hajime glanced up from where he was sitting. His foot stopped bouncing nervously when he saw him, and he got up, pulling his backpack over one shoulder. Issei waited for him to get to him. There was no way he was going to walk further into Dracula’s lair than he had to. 

“What are you doing?” Issei hissed pulling him by the front of his shirt toward the door. 

“I told you. I had to talk to somebody.” Hajime shrugged, his eyes shifting back and forth. 

“Oh yeah? Who? Are you making bad grades?” Issei gasped, spinning around to face him. “Are you cheating on me?” 

“Shut up.” Hajime rolled his eyes, shoving him. 

“Did you see Pretty Boy today?” Issei pressed. 

“Are you tired?” Hajime asked.

“Huh?” 

“Are you tired?” Hajime glanced at him. 

“Um...I’m always tired. I have a bad case of college student-itis. It’s highly contagious.” Issei smirked. “Why do you ask?”

“You know that coffee shop close to the university?” 

Issei nodded. The same place he went that day he went to class so early. He narrowed his eyes at Hajime. He never went to coffee shops. He found them cliche and overpriced. Plus he thought he could make a lot better coffee at home, and honestly that was right, but it was also inconvenient. So why was he bringing it up?

“Well...I heard from someone in class that it’s pretty good, and they have really good wifi. Do you want to come with me? To study, I mean.” Hajime looked nervous. 

“Are you asking me on a date?” Issei laughed. 

“No. God. I just want to go there to study. Maybe it’ll be a change of pace.” Hajime shrugged. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime, man of routine, wants a change of pace. Are you feeling okay?” 

“Yeah. Do you want to go or not? I don’t have to go with you. I can go alone. At least then I won’t have to be seen with you.” 

“My heart!” Issei gasped. “But yeah, sure I’ll go, BUT only if you tell me why you were at the SC.” 

“I just went to t-” 

“I’m not stupid, Hajime. I know you.” Issei, pushed his hands deep into his pockets. He’d be lying if he said this wasn’t starting to get to him.

“Okay, if you must know…” Hajime stopped, looking around them. When he made sure the coast was clear, “I signed up to be an editor for the lit department.” 

“You did what?” Issei blinked. 

“I signed up to be an editor. It’s nothing really. I just...you know Oikawa?” Hajime crossed his arms over his chest. 

“No.”

“Pretty Boy has a name.” 

“Ohoho. So my boy has made a step. But yeah, what about him? By the way, I am so proud of you, okay?” 

“Thanks. But no, I found out that Oikawa always goes in there for edits and stuff. Because he wants his writing to be like _really_ good. So I thought if I sign up to be an editor, then I could talk to him more.” Hajime shrugged, and shook his head. “I feel like an idiot but…”

“Okay, so for coffee…”

\---------

Hiro liked working afternoon to closing. Sure, it was work, but he got to do it with friends. He and Tooru usually worked it Wednesday, Saturday, and Sundays together. Tuesdays and Fridays he worked with Suga. Mondays he worked open with Akaashi. Suga was a science major, going premed, and Akaashi was an engineering major. They all got along well, and sometimes did things together, but not often. Tooru and Suga were pretty close, but Hiro had to work every day. He was on his own. His parents weren’t able to pay for any of this, and even if they were, he’d refuse to ask. 

It was a fairly quiet Wednesday afternoon. A few students were there studying, downing coffee like it was water while they worked hard at their homework. A few high school students were talking on the sofa. Other than the steady stream of customers, it was a good day. He was able to talk to Tooru and be a dick to him in the name of love. It was perfect.

Hiro handed Tooru the cup of coffee he’d just finished making, and got ready to make the next. He went to clean off the milk steamer, only to accidentally have it go off in his hand. He jumped back, dropping the rag. He glanced at his hand for signs of burns despite it not hurting him, just startling him a bit. Tooru laughed.

“Shut up.” Makki glared throwing a rag at him, as the bell of the door opening rang.

“Okay, Makki. I’m so glad you’re not majoring in math or science like Suga and Keiji because you’re definitely not smart enough,” Tooru chided. 

“Go fuck yourself,” Hiro said with a smirk. “We know you do anyway.”

“So crude!” 

“Yet you don’t deny it. Shut up and call out the order.” 

Tooru was still snickering when he turned around, ready to call the order up, and take the next customer’s order. He stopped suddenly, the cup falling from his hand to the ground. The skinny white mocha latte with soy milk, extra syrup sprayed all over his pale blue skinny jeans, and his brand new shoes. He rushed to the counter, cheeks blazing red. He stumbled over his words, failing to make a coherent sentence. His hands were trembling as he tried to hit the buttons. 

The guy on the other side of the counter, a tall guy with black hair with tan skin in a hoodie, was no better at words. His eyes were averted, cheeks blazing. His order was jumbled up somewhere in the slew of haphazardly thrown words falling out of his mouth.

Hiro laughed, walking over to the counter, to take over his friend’s job. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty.” 

He froze. His sentence had been in unison with a familiar voice. He glanced up to see the same boy from class with the messy curls and the eternally exhausted look on his face despite the smirk on his face. Hiro smiled at him. 

“Excuse my friend here. He’s usually this dorky, but most of the time he can speak Japanese. I swear,” Hiro apologized. 

“Likewise.” He turned back to his friend. “You okay there, buddy?”

“I...I have to…” His friend started to stray away. The boy, Issei?, grabbed his friend by the wrist. 

“Oh no, lover boy.” He looked at Tooru who was now busy trying to clean up his mess, though he seemed to not know where to start. “You Oikawa?” 

“Um...me?” Tooru stared up with wide eyes. 

“Yes, you.” Issei glanced at Hiro with a knowing look. 

“I...me...I...yes.” 

“This is Iwaizumi Hajime. He wants to fuck you.” 

Tooru once again dropped what he was holding, getting even more red and flustered. Hiro let out a loud laugh at that. 

“Issei!” Hajime smacked him hard from the sound of the hollow thud that echoed from Issei’s back. 

“This is what happens when you don’t talk to your crushes, Hajime. I have to do it for you, and well…” 

“He takes pictures of you when you don’t know it.” Hajime said to Hiro, throwing a finger at his friend. He turned back to Issei. “Two can play at that.” 

“You’re a photographer, right?” Hiro crossed his arms. “Stalkers just like I said.” 

“Touché.” Issei nodded. “But don’t get so flattered. It’s not just you. You’re nothing special, no offense. I like candid photos.” He shrugged. 

“Ouch.” Hiro held his hand over his heart, feigning offense. He turned back to Tooru who was a mess. “Oi, Tooru. Your crush wants to fuck you. Isn’t that what you wanted? Now you don’t have to do it yourself. Shoo. Go talk to him. Coffee date. It’s your break anyway.” 

“I...what? I...no!” Tooru stuttered out. 

Hajime was muttered to himself, red as can be, glaring at the wall. Hiro couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey, Hajime, you’ve got a date.” Issei winked. 

Hiro shoved Tooru out from behind the counter and Issei herded the two to a table in the corner. He came back and leaned on the counter. 

“So…” 

“So.” Hiro narrowed his eyes. 

“Why don’t you ever talk to people in class? I’ve been trying to talk to you. I saw that you like similar music and it’s like nobody in this godforsaken university likes anything halfway decent. What do you think of us striking up a friendship. Don’t worry. I don’t want to fuck you.” Issei winked.

Hiro glanced over at where their friends finally seemed able to form words. “Tooru’s my friend.” 

“Hajime’s mine. I don’t see how that has anything to do with us being friends.” Issei picked up one of the cup sleeves. 

“I just…” 

Hiro took a deep breath. How could he say that he didn’t want to make new friends without sounding like an asshole. Besides, if things worked out between Tooru and this Iwaizumi guy, they’d probably be seeing a lot of each other. Maybe it’d be okay. Just a casual friendship. He wouldn’t let himself get too close. It would only be superficial. 

“What?” Issei smirked. “You want to fuck me?” 

“Ew, no.” Hiro threw a sleeve at him. “Sure. I mean we’ll both probably have to handle those two poor souls. They can’t even speak.” 

Issei laughed. “I think you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really hoped y'all like this. I had so much fun with chapter. I've been so eager to write the meeting. 
> 
> Tell me what you think! Please leave a comment :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! So I am sorry for the delay, but I am back with another chapter. We're gonna dive into our boys now. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Hiro leaned against the wall, tired of watching Tooru change his clothes a million times. Each time he would ask Hiro for his opinion, which he didn’t even know why he was being asked, because every time Hiro told him he looked good, and Tooru would argue that he looked awful. To be honest, Hiro knew for a one hundred percent fact that Tooru looked good in everything. They both did. Tooru called them the sexy duo, but Hiro found it rather embarrassing, but he didn’t deny it.

“What do you think about this one?” Tooru asked. 

He was wearing a pair of dark jeans with a navy sweater over a pale blue button down that he was leaving untucked in a shocking turn of events. His hair was in as pristine condition as always. He was wearing his contacts in the first time in Hiro didn’t know how long. 

Tooru had stopped wearing them after he’d gotten hurt back in high school. Glasses were easier he had said, but Hiro knew it was because of how much he’d cried about losing his scholarship because he couldn’t play volleyball anymore. Tooru was too proud to admit that to anyone. He just wanted everyone to think it was just because he found them a hassle. On rare occasions, Tooru wore his contacts. It was so weird to see him wearing contacts nowadays. 

“I think you look weird without your glasses, but other than that you look as gorgeous as ever.” Hiro winked at him. 

“Ugh, stop fake flirting. This is a serious matter, Makki. I want him to like me, ya know?” Tooru tugged his sleeves. 

He looked so worried, so vulnerable. Hiro hated seeing him upset. This was his best friend. There was zero chance of him not following at a safe distance away in the restaurant just in case things went south. It was a tradition, though not one that Tooru was aware of. Hiro was nothing if not a protective friend. 

“He will.” Hiro sighed, shaking his head. “And if he doesn’t like you then fuck him because he’s obviously an idiot, and Oikawa Tooru doesn’t have time for idiots. You got that?” 

Tooru nodded, a little smile playing at the corners of his lips. Hiro waited, holding his breath for Tooru’s decision. 

“You’re so right, Makki!” Tooru laughed softly and turned and looked at himself in the mirror. “Do you really think I shouldn’t wear contacts?” 

“Do whatever you want. It’s your date. It’s just been a long time since I’ve seen you wear them, you know? You look cute enough for your date.” Makki glanced at his phone. “You have like ten minutes to decide before lover boy comes to pick you up.” 

Tooru groaned. “Why does he insist on picking me up? What do I do? What do I say? This isn’t how first dates go, Makki.” 

“Not in your life. It’ll be fine. Shut up and pull yourself together, you dork.” 

Hiro walked out of Tooru’s room and into his own room. He picked up his backpack and sketch pad. The plan was he’d pretend he was going to the library to study or go out to draw when Tooru left with Iwaizumi. He’d head off the opposite direction and loop back onto the main road to follow at a safe distance. It was going to be perfect, foolproof. Besides, he was sure those two were not going to be very aware of their surroundings. 

There was a knock at the door that sent Tooru into a state of momentary panic. Hiro sighed and slapped him on his arm to pull him together on his way to the door. Tooru was following closely going over a list of things that he was forbidden to do or say when he opened the door, really it was just giving Hiro more and more ideas. 

Iwaizumi looked stunning. Hiro was at a loss for words for a moment. When he’d initially met him, he hadn’t really paid attention. The man was wearing a pair of jeans, and a tee shirt that showed off his arms. No wonder Tooru was attracted to him. Yet after watching Tooru agonize over what to wear for two hours, Iwaizumi’s outfit seemed lackluster. It was nothing too elaborate or fancy, not something Hiro would consider appropriate for a first date. Hiro couldn’t help but think that Tooru was more invested than this guy. It was something that heightened his senses. 

“Hello.” Hiro hoped his voice conveyed his feelings. He wanted this dude to understand that if he hurt Tooru in any way, that Hiro was going to kill him. 

“Um hi. I’m here to pick up Oikawa.” 

Oikawa. He was taking his friend on a date, but was going to refer to him so formally. Hiro was internally screaming. It wasn’t like Tooru didn’t mind people he cared about calling Tooru. Hiro didn’t give a shit that it was customary. This was his best friend. This was the person he cared more about than anyone else. This was the person who had been there with him through every awful thing he’d ever gone through. Nobody, _nobody_ , was going to hurt his best friend if he had anything to say about it. 

“Move, Makki.” Tooru pushed past him to greet his date.

“You look...amazing.” Iwaizumi breathed. 

“Thank you! You do too.” Tooru turned to face Hiro. “I’ll see you later!” 

Later. Sure.

\---------

The restaurant was busy. Families were gathered around tables and in booths talking and celebrating life. Hiro didn’t like going to restaurants like this. He couldn’t stand being around strange children. The big seemingly happy families around him sent him down the rabbit hole of possibilities of what happened behind closed doors. Just like he didn’t believe in love, he didn’t believe in happy families. At least he was here for Tooru so he had something else to focus on. 

Hiro stared over his menu at the booth Tooru and Iwaizumi were sitting in. Everything seemed to be going well. Tooru had a cute drink that probably tasted more like juice than alcohol which he’d probably get drunk as fuck on since he didn’t seem to understand that it was in fact alcohol. Hajime had a beer himself. They were talking and laughing. Tooru seemed happy. There was nothing out of the ordinary. 

He ordered his food and sipped on his water, pulling his hood to cover his face a bit more. He couldn’t risk being seen. There was one time Tooru caught him when they were in high school. He’d been so furious with Hiro for spying on him. Never again. He refused. 

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” 

Hiro jumped and over to see Issei leaning against the booth in black slacks, black button down long sleeve shirt with a blue tie. He had his arms crossed over his chest with a smirk on his face. Hiro’s breath hitched. What if Issei was here to stake out his friend too? What if…

“What are you doing here?” Hiro asked, leaning back trying to play it cool. He couldn’t let Issei tell Iwaizumi. 

“I work here,” Issei laughed. “Mind if I join you? I’m on break.” 

“Do whatever you want,” Hiro stared at him, daring him. 

“Cool.” Issei slid into the booth across from Hiro. “It’s going well, huh?” He glazed over at their friends. 

“Seems that way.” 

“Who’s a stalker now, Hanamaki?” Issei winked at him. 

“Shut up. I’m looking out for my friend.” Hiro sipped his water. 

“I get that. Why do you think they’re having their date here in this restaurant while on my shift?” Issei examined his fingers. “Hajime wanted there to be an out if things turned south.”

“And?” Hiro’s stomach knotted. 

“Things are going great. Hasn’t so much as once given the signal.” Issei moved to have his back against the wall of the booth, feet in front of him on the seat. “True love, don’t you think?” 

“I don’t believe in that bullshit.” 

“Yet you’re here.” Issei’s eyes got wide and he gasped, pulling himself to sit up. He leaned across the table. 

“What?” Hiro leaned back, sipping on his drink. 

Issei’s eyes darted back and forth before he covered the side of his mouth with his hand to prevent anyone from overhearing. “Do you like like Tooru?” 

“What?” Hiro choked on his water. 

“You do!” Issei gasped before he started laughing. “Oh my god. This is gold.” 

“No. It’s not what you think. Ew. No. Tooru’s like my brother.” 

“Kinky.” 

 

“Shut up.” Hiro rolled his eyes. “No, it’s just...I’ve never seen this shit work out. Never. People get hurt. Tooru’s gotten hurt so many times, and I have vowed to never let anyone get away with it again.” 

Issei took a breath in through his teeth and winced. “No offense, but if you ever thought Hajime hurt your friend and you tried to fight him, you’d be a meat pancake.” 

“What? What do you know?” It was Hiro’s turn to lean against the table. 

“Just that he can like bench press this entire building.” Issei laughed. “But he would never think of hurting someone. He’s a big softy, though sometimes he has weird ways of showing it. I like you. I consider you a friend now. And if I so much as thought for a second that this would end in heartbreak, I wouldn’t let them do this.” 

“You don’t even know me.” Hiro sighed. 

“We’ve been talking.” 

“That doesn’t mean you know me.” 

“Then let’s get to know each other. Tonight. My shift ends in an hour, and then we can get out of here and talk.” Issei stared at him, his face completely blank. 

Hiro felt himself starting to shrivel. Panic was starting to set in. This was supposed to be a casual friendship. They were supposed to talk when they saw each other around. They weren’t supposed to go out together alone with nothing around them. He felt too vulnerable. Everything came shattering back into his mind. His parents fighting. Tooru’s dad dying. The friends he’d had stab him in the back. The friends he’d seen stab Tooru in the back. The heartache, and pain, betrayal. His step parents and siblings. Tooru’s stepfather who was a tyrant. 

No. It wasn’t safe to branch out. He didn’t want to feel all of that again. He never wanted to feel like he wasn’t enough, never wanted betrayal. It was already a gamble with Tooru. He trusted him, but there was only one person who could break Hiro, and he chose Tooru. 

“I don’t know. I have-” 

“Remember you said that we needed to take care of our friends? Shouldn’t we know each other enough to be able to help each other’s friend?”

Hiro thought for a moment. His eyes trailed over to where Tooru and Hajime were sitting. It’d been a long time since he’d seen Tooru smile like that. He was across the room from his friend and he could see his eyes sparkling. Love. That stupid thing that Tooru insisted on believing in, the thing that broke his heart a million and one times. Hiro had heard a quote before, “love is giving someone everything to break your heart, and trusting them not to.” He knew it wasn’t just about romantic love like so many people thought. No. It was all love. 

Hiro’s eyes flicked back to Issei who was still smirking at him. His eyes were puffy with exhaustion, and his hair was a mess like all the other times that Hiro had seen him around. He couldn’t help but think the poor guy should just go to sleep after work, but something was tempting him to say yes. 

“So long as we don’t get all mushy.” 

“I would never. Feelings are overrated.” 

“Definitely.” 

“Okay. It’s a date. I’ll see you after. Have fun being a creeper!” 

And with that Issei was gone. 

\---------

Clocking out was Issei’s favorite part of the day. He’d successfully gone through another day of not blowing up at someone for being a complete asshat. The number of people who treated him like shit because he was their waiter was exponential. He found that picturing them getting a tape worm for complaining about how their food was undercooked after eating ninety percent of the meal and demanding another. Karma. He was a firm believer in it. 

He said goodbye to his friends, bidding them good luck for the closing shift, and went to find Hiro so he could get the much needed drink. 

The restaurant had slowed down. There were about five tables occupied, and nobody was waiting to be seated. Hajime and Tooru had left about half an hour ago, but he hadn’t seen Hiro make a dash for the door. The more he looked, the more concerned he got that Hiro was standing him up if you could stand up a friend that is. Issei was pretty sure it was. His heart skipped a beat, and he sighed defeated. Hiro hadn’t seemed enthusiastic about the proposition, but Issei couldn’t think of a time he’d seen him look enthusiastic. Issei rubbed his face, and resigned to the fact that Hiro just didn’t want this no matter how much Issei wanted it. 

He walked out into the cold night air, rubbed his arms to get acclimated before he let a cigarette. He closed his eyes as the nicotine flooded his system taking away the stress of the night, and taking the edge from being ditched by someone he really wanted to be friends with. 

“Those things will kill you, you know.” 

Issei glanced over to see Hiro brushing off his pants, and adjusting the small messenger bag he had over his shoulder. Issei chuckled.

“Can I get one of those?” Issei raised his eyebrow. “They’ll kill you, but we’re all gonna die anyway, right? Might as well feel relaxed while you go.”

“I hear it’s not the best ending,” Issei responded opening his box to Hiro who took one. 

“I hear dying in general isn’t pleasant, yet somehow I find myself wanting sweet death more and more.” Hiro laughed silently, striking the lighter to get it to work. “Don’t you dare tell Tooru or I swear to god I’m blaming it on you being a bad influence. Don’t be fooled. He can kill you and make it look like an accident. The best friend you’ll ever have, or the worst enemy.” 

“Hiding things from your friends. So you are more secretive that I thought.” 

“His dad died from smoking...lung cancer. It was slow. He could barely breathe in the end, but he always had cigarettes.” Hiro leaned against the wall. He glanced at Issei. “I made a pact with Tooru when we were like ten. When I met him, his dad was already sick.” 

“So what made you break the pact?” 

“I dated someone who showed me this world that I fell in love with. They got me into the alternative scene. Tooru didn’t talk to me for a month when he found out, but then he realized that he needed me.” 

Issei watched Hiro. He was silent now. His eyes were focused up at the night sky. Issei wanted to take a picture. Ethereal beauty. People watching had always been one of Issei’s favorite things to do, but this was the first time it took his breath away. People watching before your eyes. 

“Let’s get out of here before we get into mushy, huh?” Hiro smirked. 

Issei nodded, snubbing out his cigarette. They walked along the streets silently. Hiro seemed to be lost in thought, and definitely not in the mood for idle conversation. His eyes were fixed to the sky. In Issei’s experience, artists would stare at things they were trying to figure out. What was in the stars that Hiro wanted to work on? Or was he simply just one of those people who loved to stare up at the sky. 

He turned his eyes upward. Issei had taken numerous pictures of the sky for different reasons, but he’d never been in awe of anything. Nature was beautiful, sure, but it was so still, so common, so basic. There wasn’t much complexity that he saw. Roses were roses. Trees were trees. Streams were streams. Stars were stars. No, Issei much prefered people. It was fascinating how when left to their own lives they were so carefree. You could really capture the true moment. Emotions were so complex, so, so…

Music pounded from the clubs that lined the street they’d just turned onto pulling them both from their thoughts. The street was full. People were running across the roads to get to the taxis or into other clubs. Others were in line to get into their destination of choice. This was what Issei was talking about. Real life. 

He ducked into an alley and into his favorite pub. It was much quieter than outside. Not many people frequented it since it was overshadowed by the popular dance clubs. Issei had never been a club guy. Pubs and bars, yes. 

The air was smoky and warm. Music was playing over the speakers, but not in a way that was overwhelming. He scanned his eyes over the booths, and found his favorite to be vacant. A smile danced on his lips. He turned to look at Hiro who was gripping the strap of his bag for dear life. 

“Have you been here before?” 

“No.” 

“Are you okay? You’re like clinging to that bag.” Issei let out a small chuckle. 

“I don’t want anyone to take it.”

“When’s the last time you heard of someone taking a backpack? Why would anyone want to steal homework? I’d be like okay, well it’s due by Friday, so thank you.” 

“I don’t want to lose my sketchbook or my charcoal or my tablet.” 

“So why did you bring them with you?”

Hiro rolled his eyes, and shook his head. There was a look in his eyes that Issei couldn’t quite read. He didn’t push the subject anymore, just turned and walked over to the bar where his favorite bartender was wiping down the counter. The man grinned seeing both of them. 

“Hey! How’s it going?” 

“I didn’t kill anyone at work, so I’ll call that a win.” 

“Always a win. What’ll be for you? The usual?” 

“Yup.” Issei turned, leaning against the bar. “And for you?” 

“I’ll have a water.” 

“Water?” Issei raised his brow. “Do you have like a history or…?” 

Hiro sucked his teeth, rolling his eyes. “No.”

“Then get a drink. What’s stopping you? There’s no classes tomorrow.” 

“It’s none of your business!” Hiro snapped sending him a sharp glare his way.

“Sorry. Jeez…”

Issei shook his head, slightly annoyed. He was just asking, trying to get him to relax. Even if he’d been too pushy, there was no need to be like that. Was there something he was missing? Issei took the glass of whiskey and walked toward the booth without another word. 

Hiro slid into the booth in front of him. Issei glanced at him. Hiro was staring into the cup of water, a finger running around the rim of it. His head was leaning on his hand. His body language was that of a sad drunk in here after a breakup or something. How could someone switch their attitudes like that? Had he done something wrong?

“Look Hiro I-” Hiro muttered something under his breath. “Huh?”

“I said my stepfather’s an alcoholic.” Hiro raised his eyes. “He’s an awful, awful person. Tooru won’t touch cigarettes; I won’t touch alcohol. I don’t see it necessary.” 

“You could have said you didn’t want to go to a bar.” Issei folded his arms on the table. 

“It’s not your business.” 

“But you told me.” 

“You _asked_.” 

“I guess I did. I’m sorry.” 

“You know…” Hiro’s eyes ran over the pub. “I don’t like talking about myself, but it always ends up coming out in bits and pieces, so whatever I let slip…” Hiro trailed off. 

“I’ll protect it until I die.” Issei smiled. 

“Thanks.” Hiro smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading. I hope you guys liked it. Please leave a comment. 
> 
> Everyone have a safe, and good Thanksgiving with lots of yummy food. I know it's hard to be around family for some people, but hang in there. <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry that this took a while to come out. I apologize sincerely. Life got crazy, but I'm back! Please forgive me

Issei loved math. He loved how it was always the same every time. Once you understood the concept, it didn’t change. It was different from any other subject. Science changed. Literature changed. History was always changing. Don’t even get him started about English. Math was comforting to Issei. He didn’t care how much people found that to be strange. He liked the stability. It was like a rock when he seemed to be in education freefall. 

He made it a point to take a math class every semester even if it wasn’t needed, or physics. It made logical sense to him. It was strange. Nobody liked math. Everyone hated it, and as soon as it wasn’t required they ran and never looked back. People found it even more strange that an aspiring photographer loved it, and took as much as he could. 

Math was everywhere. It was in flowers, and sunlight. It was in the way that leaves fell, and things dropped to the ground. It was used when making purchases, and budgeting. Math was practical. It had everything to do with photography, everything to do with art. People just didn’t realize it. It was used constantly, without fail. 

Issei liked stability. He craved predictability. His parents had always been so strict, so punctual. There was a routine that he followed every single day for the entirety of his life. He wasn’t a creature of habit, but he was a creature of structure. Photography for him was all of those things. It made him feel safe, comfortable, warm. 

Hanamaki Takahiro was none of those things. He was mysterious, unpredictable, a maverick. He walked on the edge of life, doing everything opposite of what you’d expect. He had his schedules for work, and his routine for being the first to class and the last to leave. But Issei knew differently. Hiro surprised him at every turn. 

It had been a couple weeks since they met, and very little had been checked of Issei’s list. He wasn’t used to having to work so hard to get to know a person. Hell, he knew Tooru better than Hiro and he barely even said two words to him. To say he and Hajime had hit it off well was an understatement. They were almost constantly at the hip. Issei didn’t know how many times he’d walked in on those to making out passionately in the living room, or in Hajime’s room with the door wide open. 

Today was one of those days. 

Issei closed his math textbook and dared to venture out of his room, hoping not to feel like he was intruding upon them. No such luck. All he wanted was dinner, not dinner and a show. He sighed. 

“You guys need me to go on a condom run?” Issei interrupted. 

Tooru practically fell of Hajime’s lap onto the floor. The only thing saving him was Hajime’s arms. Issei laughed, shaking his head. They were both flustered, hair a mess, lips swollen and red. In all the years he’d known Hajime, never once had he seen him react to someone like this. 

“I am not like that!” Tooru’s voice was about five octaves higher than usual. “I just like to make out. I’m not a common whore, thank you.” 

“Could have fooled me, babe.” Issei winked. 

“Shut the hell up, Issei,” Hajime grunted eliciting another laugh from Issei. 

Tooru stood up, fixing his clothes, and hair. Hajime handed him his glasses from the bedside table. He muttered his thanks, and walked to the bathroom to fix his appearance. Hajime ran his fingers through his own hair, and pulled off his hoodie. 

“You two hungry? I hear making out like that works up quite a sweat.” 

“I could eat.” Hajime shrugged. 

“I’m _starving_ ,” Tooru called from the bathroom. “Iwa-chan didn’t get me any food.” 

“Iwa-chan, eh?” Issei glanced at Hajime. “You and bae have cute nicknames already? Have you even asked him out?” 

“No!” Tooru stormed into the room. “I keep waiting.” He sent daggers at Hajime.

“Then ask him out, damn.” 

“I can’t. Makki and I made a bet because I _always_ ask first. So he said that I have to buy him dinner for the next month if I ask first. I cannot lose.” 

“But you want him to be your boyfriend?” Issei raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah.” Tooru crossed his arms, making eye contact with Hajime. 

“Hajime, do you want him to be your boyfriend?” 

“I mean…” 

“So ask the boy out, Iwaizumi. Stop being a loser.” 

“I...I can’t do that.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I can’t let him win a stupid bet that they made about me.” 

“And I’m not losing the bet.” 

“For the love of god…” Issei rolled his eyes. “You two are the most impossibly stubborn people I have ever met in my life.” 

Issei rummaged through the cabinets and refrigerator trying to find something to eat, trying to ignore Tooru and Hajime bickering about the stupid bet. He and Hajime hadn’t gotten groceries in a while, just trying to scrounge whatever they had. It was part of their save money initiative. If Issei’s parents were going to pay for everything, and give him extra spending money, then he was going to save every last yen so he could finally break free. 

“Do you guys want to go out to eat? Or pick up some groceries?” Issei asked, closing the last possible spot to find something to eat. 

“I can’t lose the bet! Iwa-chan, I cannot lose to him.”

“I’m not about to let you win the bet.”

“Holy shit. Listen up.” Issei walked into the living room, standing between the two. “I’m hungry, and I’m about to ditch you two to fend for myself if you don’t listen to me. Since you two are both stubborn children, we’re going to do this middle school style.”

“What?” Tooru blinked. 

“Tooru, Hajime like likes you. Will you be his boyfriend?” 

Tooru stared at him, mouth hanging wide open. His eyes flicked between Issei and Hajime.

“Well?” Issei put his hands on his hips. 

“Yes.” 

Issei turned around, and looked at Hajime. “Hajime, Tooru like likes you. Will you be his boyfriend?” 

“Sure…” Hajime waved his hand to the side. 

“So now it’s decided. You’re boyfriends now. Tooru, you win the bet. Hajime you get your boyfriend. Now for the love of god, can we go eat?”

\---------

Work sucked. That’s all there was to it. Issei loathed being a waiter, but he didn’t want to just live off his parents. It was under their nose, and they didn’t want him to work while he was in school, but he rationalized it as he was being responsible for himself. There was nothing insulting about what he was doing, though it could be argued that disobeying his parents was a low blow. At this point he really didn’t care. He wanted to be free. Being under lock and key his whole life had left him with a need to rebel. Working was his way of rebelling. He just didn’t realize how much he would hate it. He wouldn’t quit on principle; he still had his pride. Besides, he had his eye on some new lenses for his camera, and some editing software. 

Maybe if he worked outside of Tokyo things would be better, but he was in Tokyo and therefore had to deal with tourist who didn’t understand the meaning of being polite and respectful to wait staff. If someone bitched at him one more time for something out of his control, he was going to go off. There was only so many times he could smile and nod politely before he got blood on his hands. 

He’d only been there two hours, and had been yelled at more times than he could count. One woman threw her napkin in his face when he tried to explain that the dish she was complaining about being cold was meant to be served cold. The table had walked out so he had to pay the fucking bill himself. One tourist got mad that his English wasn’t up to par, and called him stupid. He wanted to tell them to get fucked because guess what, they were in Japan. But he couldn’t. All he could do was stay silent, and take it. Be polite. Fuck that. 

He tossed his apron in the cubby where it belonged before clocking out of his break. Relief. He lit up a cigarette, and leaned against the building while the nicotine calmed him. The night was cool and refreshing. Sirens blared in the backdrop of the city, mixing perfectly with the sounds of the night. People were talking and laughing as they went about their night. Issei was envious. He wanted to be out there being free. 

Once he was a photographer, he’d probably still have to keep some side job since photography was gig by gig, but the upside was that he had an outlet. There’d be no school to stress him out. He’d be free from his parents’ control. He could do what he wanted. Maybe he’d go work in an area that tourists wouldn’t touch, somewhere outside the city. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Hiro asking if they were still meeting up after he got of work. Issei had completely forgotten about that. His mood perked up a bit. Something to look forward after this hell. 

The door flew open, and his boss appeared with an irritated face. “Oi, Matsukawa, get back in here. Break’s over.” 

Issei nodded which seemed to appease the man as he ducked back inside. He finished he cigarette, and pocketed his phone as he went back into the war zone.

\---------

Hiro sipped on a peppermint latte while he waited for closing. Not a soul was around. Part of him wondered why they were even open this late. It was dead unless it was finals. He wasn’t complaining though. Usually he would close with Tooru which was always the most fun. The times he closed with Akaashi or Suga were nice, but they weren’t fun. Not in the same way at least. Unfortunately Suga had called in, and he was left alone, not that he minded it. 

He’d already cleaned the floors, bathroom, and counters. The beans and syrups were put away. All that was left was cleaning the machines because he knew damn well by now that the moment he did, someone would inevitably come in and he’d have to do it all over again. Everything was still, quiet, relaxing. 

He stared at his sketch pad trying to figure out what to draw. It seemed like the entire shift had been spent with him just staring at the blank page. Blocks were the worst thing in the world because he wanted to draw, needed to, but his mind and hands weren’t connecting. There was nothing in his mind, and drawing the room seemed like a tremendously terrible idea. He’d tried, but it was forced and honestly just made him want to crawl in a hole and die it was so bad. This block was going on a little over a week now, and it was driving him insane. 

The sound of the bell on the door caused him to jump. Issei smirked at him. Black slacks, black long-sleeved button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a blue tie pulled loosely hanging around his neck. Work attire looked nice on the man. It had Hiro wishing he could wear something so elegant instead of the stupid work shirts he had to wear here. Issei looked as exhausted as ever. 

“Need some caffeine?” 

“I need alcohol,” he muttered. 

Hiro tensed. That statement was all too familiar, and it never failed to stop his heart for a moment. He squeezed his cup so hard his knuckles turned white, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. He blinked slowly, taking a few deep breaths. 

“You okay?” Issei asked him, leaning on the counter. 

“I’m fine.” Hiro forced a smile. “I just…”

Issei nodded, eyeing his hands for a second. “Right...your stepfather’s an alcoholic. Sorry. I only mean it figuratively, you know. It’s not a problem.” 

“I know.” Hiro averted his eyes. “Can I get you anything? It’s on the house.” 

Issei hummed, thinking. “What do you suggest would cure a hell of a shift?”

“I’m not really sure. Do you like peppermint?” 

Issei scrunched up his nose. “Fuck no. Shit’s disgusting.” 

“Speak for yourself.” 

Issei laughed, causing a smile to form on Hiro’s lips. It was an infectious laugh, more of a chuckle, but it was warm. “Anything other than that fancy latte shit that I’m sure Oikawa drinks with no coffee.” 

“He actually takes it black,” Hiro deadpanned. “Black iced coffee. And if I remember correctly, your boy takes his milk and sugar with a splash of coffee.” 

“Black coffee actually sounds nice.” 

Hiro nodded, going to pull out the coffee beans to ground. He inhaled deeply, eyes closed taking in the aroma of the beans. He’d worked at the coffee shop two years, and he had still never gotten over the smell of freshly ground coffee beans. It was almost overpowering at times. He loved going on home, and not changing, letting the scent cling to him in a warm embrace. 

“How was work?” Issei asked breaking the silence. 

Issei laughed. “Awful. Someone threw a napkin in my face. I got yelled at I don’t know how many times. A group of angry tourists skipped out, so I had to pay the bill. Someone seriously got mad because their somen was cold.” 

“What?” Hiro snickered. “I cannot believe you can put up with tourists.” 

“I really can’t.” Issei sighed, and leaned his back against the counter. “Oh and I was yelled at and insulted because my English is ‘bad.’ Like listen here, asshole, look what country you’re in. I swear to god, Hiro, one day I’m going to go to jail for murder.” 

“I’d personally just like spit on it or something.” 

“Oh, that would be fantastic.” 

“Do it, but only to the assholes.” 

“Noted.” Issei smirked. “It’s the bad tourists that don’t make me feel weird about accepting tips from the good ones. Silly Americans just handing out money. You know some of my coworkers get all flustered over it. They try to give it back. I’m just like you know what? I don’t get paid enough to deal with all the bullshit, so I will gladly take whatever money you want to give me.” 

“Ooooh, Issei, you better watch yourself. Someone’s gonna realize you’re taking advantage, and get mad.” Hiro handed Issei the cup.

“I really don’t give a shit.” Issei yawned. “What do you want to do once you get off?” 

“I don’t care.” 

“You hungry?” 

“I could eat.” 

“I know a ramen place.” 

“I know a ramen place, too.” Hiro smirked. 

“This place is better, I’m sure. Let me take you out.” 

Hiro stared at him for a seconds before blinking in shock. Take him out? Did he…? Was this…? 

“Friends, I mean,” Issei blurted a bit too quickly. “Friends. We’re just friend. I don’t…” 

“You can take me out.” 

“I can?”

“Yeah, but it means you’re buying.” Hiro winked at him. 

“I already bought people dinner at work. Sorry.” 

“You’re the one who asked me, sweetheart.” 

“Hanamaki Takahiro, you sly dog.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know.” 

Hiro finished up closing the coffee shop while he and Issei talked. He could feel himself starting to speak more freely, and actually enjoy talking to him. There were times when he felt like he’d known him his entire life. This was one of those times. He’d closed himself off to the world the last two years, and he had forgotten what it was like to start to connect.

\---------

Issei led Hiro through the city to the restaurant. He was surprised by how many people were still out. It wasn’t that late, but there were still more people out than there usually were. Once they reached the place, they were lucky enough to get a window seat. His eyes scanned the crowds trying to find the best place to focus his people watching. 

“What are you doing?” Hiro asked, narrowing his eyes. 

“People watching.” 

“You’re such a stalker…” Hiro chuckled and shook his head. “Photographers are creepers.” 

“We are not. Have you ever people watched, Hiro?” Issei leaned across the table. 

“No? I’m not a creeper.” 

“Do you really like being that closed off from everyone that you don’t want to watch people? It can be therapeutic. You can see the good in people, and see how people really are when they don’t know people are watching. Just seeing people naturally rather than posed and awkward.” 

“I’m plenty familiar with how people are, okay?” Hiro snapped. Issei raised his eyebrows, and leaned back. “Shit, sorry.” 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Just did.” Hiro smirked at him across the table. 

“I’m serious.” 

“Fine.” Hiro shrugged. 

“Back at the coffee shop...when I said about needing a drink, you got tense and pale. You don’t have to tell me if you don't want to. It’s just I really want to not make you uncomfortable and-”

“Just ask, Issei.” Hiro’s face showed no emotion, just a blank expression. 

“Did your stepfather...was he...did he ever…?” 

“You want to know if my stepfather was abusive.” Issei nodded. “Yes and no. He was a wonderful man when he was sober. He’d take me to art museums, and the park and stuff. He’d go to all our volleyball games. He loved Tooru. But when he drank, he was a different person. A monster. I’ve had more than my fair share of bruises and busted lips. There’s been a lot of shit in my life regarding alcohol, and the only person whose drinking isn’t something that makes me uncomfortable is Tooru. I don’t like it, but I’ve learned to not let it affect me because he’s not like that.”

Issei was stunned. Hiro had said it like it was nothing, like he was talking about the weather. Something that triggered the response Issei had seen was more than nothing. Nobody reacted like that over nothing. How could he be so nonchalant? It didn’t make sense. Just another thing on his list of things that were shocking about Hiro. 

“I’m so-”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. So chill, okay?” Hiro played with his water. He raised his eyes up to Issei. “Don’t give me bullshit stories of why you want to know something, because honestly I don’t like that shit. If you want to ask, just ask. If I don’t want to answer I won’t. Plain and simple.” 

“Okay.” 

There was an awkward silence between the two while they waited for their food to come. Hiro wasn’t saying anything, just playing with his water and staring at the table. Issei tried to people watch, but he couldn’t focus. His mind kept playing on what he’d just been told. He didn’t understand how someone could be like this man. How could someone not want manners about such touchy subjects? Issei wouldn’t want people to ask something personal out of the blue. 

The silence started to become deafening and uncomfortable. He needed it to end.

"Your friend is such a child.” 

"Tell me something I don't know." Hiro rolled his eyes. "What did he do this time?" 

"He wouldn't ask Hajime out because of that dumb bet you made, and he told Hajime about it, and he wasn't going to let Tooru win the bet, so I went old school and asked the both for each other." 

"Free cream puffs, ramen and japchae!" Hiro grinned. "He didn't win the bet." 

"Well technically he was asked." Issei shrugged.

"Hajime was supposed to ask him out. That was the bet." 

Issei laughed, shaking his head. This was a beautiful revelation. Hiro was definitely one of those guys who was sly and sneaky. Another thing that Issei had learned about him. He wanted to know more. 

"Well I mean I was tired of them basically doing everything, but fucking. It's all the time, Hiro." Issei shook his head.

"Sorry. That's my fault." 

"What? How?" 

"I banished them from our apartment. Tooru absolutely loves to make out with people. Even if he's not dating someone. He'll make out with guys at clubs and bars. But he never goes all the way, ever. He’s like the sluttiest virgin in the world. I know this, so I don't let him have people over I know he's going to make out with." Hiro shrugged. 

"Have you made out with him?" Issei stared at him, his head resting in his hands. Hiro rolled his eyes, going back to his sketching. Issei gasped. “You have!”

“We’re not talking about me, Issei,” Hiro smirked.

Issei just stared at him. The information still reeling in his head. There was a strange nagging feeling deep in his core. All he could see with Hiro and Oikawa doing what Oikawa and Hajime were doing. His heart skipped a beat. Why? It shouldn’t matter what they did. 

“Do you do it now?” 

“God…” Hiro shook his head. “No. It’s been a long time, so no. And mostly just being him being drunk and whatever. Tooru’s not like that. He wouldn’t do anything like that when he’s involved. It never means anything.” 

Issei hummed. He stirred his drink with a straw, mulling over the information. “What other surprises do you have tucked away in their, Hanamaki?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Hiro threw him and mischievous grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! They're getting closer! 
> 
> Please leave a comment <3 It motivates me so so much


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you guys like this chapter. Also please note that the tags and rating has changed. 
> 
> I gotta say real quick, that if you like this, please let me know in the comments. It gives me a lot of motivation, and I spend a lot of time writing, so comments make my heart happy and let me know that people actually like what I'm writing. Thank you to each and everyone of you who take the time to read, kudos, and comment. I love you guys. <3

Hiro tapped his pencil on his pad with his head resting in his hand. Nothing was coming to him. There was no inspiration to draw. Nothing came to mind. He tried the pushing past the block and drawing what he saw. It wasn’t working. The pile of crumpled up balls of failed art were littering the space around the trash can, mocking him at how awful he was. Tears of frustration were threatening him with this sharp sting in the corners of his eyes. 

He leaned back, taking a deep breath and rubbing his face. This had been going on two weeks now, and he couldn’t push past it. At this rate he wasn’t sure how he was going to get this project done by the end of the term. He wanted to scream. 

His phone buzzed on the corner of his table, amplifying the noise. He sighed and picked it up. Issei.

_What are you up to?_

_Trying to draw, but this block is a bitch. I can’t get past is. I’m literally about to set this sketch pad on fire started by using these pencils._

_Oh shit. I’m sorry. That is the worst._

_Yeah_

_Do you want to hang out? I think I have an idea._

_I’m honestly up for anything._

_Okay. I’ll be over in like ten minutes._

Hiro tossed this phone aside, a half smile on his lips. Lately he was feeling different, happy. Maybe it was the fact that he had someone to talk to other than Tooru. He loved his best friend, but there was only so much he could take about sci-fi, conspiracies, and how much he was in love before he started to get bored. It was nice to have another person in his life as weird as that was for him. 

He pulled on a black hoodie, and changed into a pair of jeans from his pajama bottoms. He threw his pencils and the fading sketch pad into a messenger bag, and pocketed his phone before going to wait in the living room. The apartment was quiet with Tooru out with Hajime. Usually the door to his room was wide open with his laptop playing some video or song while the rapid typing on the keys breaking the silence. And when Tooru heard Hiro come out of his room, nine times out of ten, he’d come and talk to Hiro about something, or they’d watch a movie. On rare occasions they would just work on homework in silence. 

The knock at the door was unnecessarily loud, like someone was banging their fist against it. Hiro froze, his eyes locked on the door. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. He waited, frozen, expecting _him_ to come bursting in, shouting to open the door. Silence. Tears pricked in his eyes. He was unable to fight them off. His stomach was twisting in knots. 

His phone buzzed, pulling him out of the panic. Issei again. 

_Hey I’m here. I guess you didn’t hear or something._

Of course, of fucking course it was Issei. _He_ wasn’t there. No, no, he was in Sendai. He didn’t know where Hiro lived. It would be okay. It was just Issei. 

Hiro took a few deep breaths before pulling himself together and going to open the door. Issei was standing there in a pair of old jeans, and a long sleeved green shirt with a small smirk on his face. Hiro’s heart dropped. He was looking forward to him in his slacks and that button down rolled up to his elbows. He looked so, so good in that. It was a uniform, just a uniform. Why would he wear it when he didn’t have to? More importantly, why did he care?

“You okay?” He cocked his head to the side, his eyes narrowed in concern.

“Yeah. Just mad that I can’t get past this. Come on.” 

\---------

They grabbed some food at one of the corner stores on their way to the park. Hiro was silent, not even really paying attention to anything. Issei watched him out of the corner of his eye. Something was different. Just when he thought he had this guy figured out, he went back into his mysterious mode. He knew next to nothing about this guy which made him all the more alluring. Why was he so closed? Issei’s need to know more one escalated. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I said I was.” Hiro smirked at him. 

“You seem...spacey.” Issei dug his hands into his pockets. 

“Just thinking is all.” 

“About?” 

“About none of your business.” Hiro sent a wink at him. 

Issei sighed, rolling his eyes. This was impossible. He was never going to pry him open. Hiro drove him crazy. He consumed his thoughts, and he was sure it was because he had a million questions that seemed would never be answered. 

They finally arrived to their destination, and Issei spun around to grin at Hiro. “Here we are!” 

Hiro glanced around before stopping to stare at Issei with a raised eyebrow. “The park? This was your idea?” 

“Look, hear me out. This part of the park is far away from the rest of it. People don’t typically come here, so it’s mostly private. You can just sit here and your senses can get flooded with nature. There’s the stream, and the trees. This time of year the leaves are beautiful colors, and they fall down in this floating way that’s so majestic in a way. It’s art motion, Hiro. This is where I go when I’m in a block.” When Hiro didn’t say anything, Issei rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry that sounded so cheesy.” 

“You get photography blocks?” Hiro crossed his arms, a smirk glued to his face.

“Everyone gets art blocks.” Issei shrugged. 

“Art. Photography is art.” Hiro nodded. “So that’s what they’re calling it nowadays.”

“What? Photography _is_ art.”

“What goes into it? You don’t do anything special. You take pictures of things that are already there. You don’t create anything.”

“Oh see, that is where you’re wrong. You have to make sure that the lighting is right, pick the right lense. You have to make sure the scene is right because you just have to make the most of it. You have to capture the sheer beauty of things, and make the mood right. You edit, and edit, and edit some more. And then when you’re developing film, it has to be done in this specific way, or you fuck it all up.” 

Issei kicked at the ground. He was so fucking tired of the rest of the art department mocked the photography students. He spent so much time on it, and this was how it was viewed? His hard work meant nothing to them. His parents thought it was a fucking joke too. He never told anyone else that what they were doing was shitty or not real. Not even just art, everything. 

“You know,” Issei started, raising his eyes to stare at Hiro, “I knew that you were closed off, and a bit cold. I knew that. But I never pegged you for an elitist artist asshole who is in this self centered view of art. Fuck you.” 

Hiro stared at him, not wavering his little smirk. Issei wanted to punch him. Fuck this guy. Why was he even trying. It was becoming clear that Hiro didn’t want to be friends with him, and had no intention of ever getting to know each other. 

“And I never pegged you to be so sensitive to a joke.” Hiro shrugged. “So I guess we both surprise each other. And for the record, I wasn’t saying what you did wasn’t difficult.”

Issei was silent. It was rather silly that he’d gotten so upset over something so stupid. But still...and how did he know Hiro was joking? How did he know he was serious now? He didn’t know anything about this guy. Nothing. 

“I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I think you do a very good job of stalking people. It’s...cute.” 

Issei couldn’t help but laugh. He looked up at Hiro. He raised an eyebrow. “Awwww, you think I’m cute?” 

“Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Issei laughed again, and sat down against one of the trees. He stared out at the October afternoon. Autumn was in full force, and the air was more crisp. This was truly one of his favorite places. All the stress of the day melted away into the serenity of nature. He closed his eyes just listening. The stream was trickling along in a steady flow. Wind rustled the leaves in the trees. In the distance laughter could be heard. Birds were singing melodies that would not fall on deaf ears. The symphony of nature. 

He felt something brush against him, and he opened his eyes to see Hiro had joined him. From this angle, Hiro’s features were softened by the light. It would have been optimal for a candid photo, and while he didn’t have his camera, he pulled out his phone, and carefully snapped the picture only to be smacked on the arm by the man. 

“Stop being a creeper, Issei! Holy fuck!” Hiro’s laughter warmed Issei’s heart. 

“I’m a photographer.” Issei winked. 

“Fucking creepy is what you are.” 

“You looked nice.” Issei shrugged showing Hiro. 

“Oh yeah, I do. Let me see.” 

Issei let him take the phone. Hiro started tapping on the screen, and Issei realized what he was doing. 

“No! Don’t!” 

Hiro jumped up, playing keep away from Issei for just enough time to delete the pciture out of the phone, and the cloud. He handed Issei the phone back with a smirk. 

“Don’t take pictures of me without asking.” 

“You’re such an asshole!” 

Issei frowned, trying to find if there was anyway to recover it. It hurt. It was such a good photo. He stared at it thinking about how perfect it had been. It had been so long since he’d taken pictures like that on his phone, and he’d managed to get the light and angle perfect. It was like a punch in the gut. Hiro had a point, but that didn’t give him the right. It wasn’t like Hiro didn’t draw pictures of people without them knowing. How was this any different?

“Hey…” Hiro nudged him. “It’s not a big deal, you know?” 

“Do you want to play twenty-one questions?” Issei pocketed his phone. 

“What?” Hiro narrowed his eyes. 

“To get to know each other. We each can ask the other person twenty-one questions. You can get passes if you’re not comfortable with the question asked. You can get as silly or dirty as you want. What do you say?” 

Hiro chewed his lip for a moment, staring down the stream. Issei was sure he was going to say no, but to his surprise Hiro nodded. 

“You swear you’ll keep it to yourself?” 

“Cross my heart.” 

“Hope to die?” 

“Stick a needle in my eye.” Issei chuckled. 

They sat down near the tree, facing one another. Issei stared at Hiro, waiting for him to think of a question to ask. 

“Where did you grow up?”

“Sendai. Funny we never met.” 

“Do you have any siblings?” 

“One older sister. She’s three years older. She’s in medical school, while I’m the black sheep in art school.” 

“Favorite color?” 

“Blue.”

“How did you decide to do photography?” 

“My parents liked to take pictures of my sister and I growing up, so like any young kid I wanted to be like my parents. I got a toy camera, and loved it. One day we had a huge storm, and all of the pictures were destroyed. It was at that moment that I truly learned what pictures meant. My parents were there every step of our childhood, but it was like it was lost in that flood. I wanted to capture that.” 

“Very interesting.” Hiro nodded. 

“Are you close with your parents?” 

Issei snickered. “Not really. They’re really controlling, and it’s like they put way too much pressure on me to be the very best. And I can’t do anything I want to do until I’m financially independent which is why I work behind their back and save everything I can.” 

“What’s your favorite kind of music.” 

“I like punk, alternative, metal. I have several favorites, some are western. I mean Green Day is like a requirement, Bring Me the Horizon, One Ok Rock, and The Gazette.” 

“Ooooh nice!” Hiro grinned. 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” 

“I mean...maybe? Like two? But I’m gay so…”

“Have you ever had sex?”

“I was not expecting that.” Issei laughed. “But yeah.” 

“Does your family know you’re gay?”

“Yeah. Another way I’m just the black sheep that’s just not the model son they wanted.” Issie held his face in his hands with a smile.

“Tooru always says there are two types of people in this world. Star Wars and Star Trek. Anyone else is lying. What’s your answer?” 

“Unpopular opinion but I’ve never had an interest in either one of them.” 

“If Tooru asks, say Star Trek. It’ll be hilarious.” 

“Do I even want to know?” Issei raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah.” Hiro chuckled. 

“Thoughts on aliens?” 

“I mean I guess? We can’t be the only ones in the universe but like...?”

“Don’t talk to Tooru. Seriously. You’ll die. He’s like the biggest sci-fi nerd, and I’m pretty sure he’d be willingly abducted.” 

“I’ll tell Hajime to be careful of the little green men.” 

“Grey,” Hiro corrected. 

“Okay.” 

“How did you and Iwaizumi become friends?”

“Our parents were friends, and we’d fight as kids. So of course we’d be best friends.” Hiro laughed, leaning back against the tree.

“What’s the thing you’re most proud of?” 

“My camera. I saved up so much money to get it.” 

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go, and why?” 

“I’d go to Spain and seen the bulls run.” 

“What’s your deepest, darkest fear?” 

“Wow, going a little deeper now.” Issei smirked. “Um...hm...something happening to my sister. She’s my best friend, and honestly I’d die for her.” 

“That’s sweet. I thought Iwaizumi was your best friend? So if it was between your sister, and Hajime in like a Saw situation, who would you pick? Would it be hard?” 

“I’d kill Hajime so fast and not even think twice.”

“Okay, don’t piss you off. Have you ever gotten high?” 

Issei made a face, and shook his head. “Hell no. I’ve gotten drunk plenty of times, but yeah I’m not about to get thrown in prison forever for drugs. People who do are stupid as hell.” 

Hiro took a deep breath, and was quiet for a moment, his eyes averted. Issei opened his mouth to speak. 

“Do you know how to drive?” 

“Yes. That’s a boring question.” 

“How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?” 

“It’d steal a fishing ship, and live in the middle of the ocean. Zombies can’t swim.” Issei winked at him. 

“Do you think Iwaizumi would ever hurt Tooru?” Hiro stared at him so hard, Issei was sure he was going to ignite. 

“No. Hajime’s a good guy. He would never intentionally hurt anyone. He may seem tough, but he’s a real softy even if sometimes he has a weird way of showing it. He’s not the most emotional intelligence, but he has a big heart.” 

“How do I know I can trust you?”

Issei was floored by that question. Hiro was looking at him like a child who was asking their parent if they were going to be okay in some scary situation. It left him mind reeling. 

“You just have to trust me. I will show you every step of the way that I am worthy of that. I can’t make you trust me, of course. That’s just a given. But I swear on my sister’s life I will never betray your trust. I hate betrayal, and if you’re going to have to cut things off because of some reason, it should be civil and anything that person confided in you should go with you to your death.” 

Hiro nodded, staring down at the ground. The sun was setting, and the air was getting cooler. He shivered, but Issei wasn’t sure if the cold was the only thing at him shivering. He waited for a moment, letting them both think. Hiro raised his eyes. 

“Your turn.”

Do _you_ have any siblings?

Hiro took a deep breath, and pulled his knees to his chest. 

“I had a baby sister when I was four that was a stillborn which is when my parents started fighting. So they divorced, and I have four stepbrothers and three stepsisters. I have a half-brother on my dad’s side, and I have two half-sisters on my moms. We’re not really close or anything. Not since high school. Before I graduated things were okay.”

“What changed?” 

“Pass.” 

“Okay. So what was your first piercing?” 

“I got my ears gauged in high school.”

“Why are you so closed off?”

“I don’t trust people. The only person I trust is Tooru.”

“Why don’t you trust people?”

“I used to be trusting, but people fuck you over. People take advantage of you. They can ruin you. You trust someone, and you give them the power. I don’t want anyone having power over me.” 

Issei was quiet while he considered that. It did make sense. Hiro laid his cheek on his knees, his eyes staring into the horizon. The sky was painted with strokes of pink and orange. It was rather beautiful. It made the conversation a bit less intense, and more laid back somehow. 

“You said you’re not close to your siblings. What about your parents?” 

“Look…” Hiro sighed a few times. “I did some shit I’m not proud of, and I love my parents to death. They are fucking saints. My stepmom is pretty cool. You already know about my stepfather.”

“Did your parents getting divorced make you lash out?” 

“No. Actually my parents getting divorced was one of the best things to happen to me. Their fighting made me meet Tooru, so I got the best friend in the entire world out of that. Then they divorced and the fighting stopped. I got to spend time with them both, and it was nice.”

“Have you ever dated anyone?”

“Yeah.” 

“So have you gotten down and dirty?” Issei wiggled his eyebrows. 

“More than you have.” 

“Low blow, Hanamaki.” 

“I’m being honest. And some of it wasn’t-” Hiro sucked his lips in. “Next question,” he mumbled, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. 

“Are you okay?”

“Next fucking question!” Hiro snapped. 

“Okay, sorry.” Issei held up his hands. 

“Will Tooru hurt Hajime?” 

“Are you fucking serious?” Hiro chuckled. “Tooru is like...he can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but he’ll only be a straight up bitch if you do something first. So no. Not unless your bestie does something to hurt him.” 

“How did you two meet?”

Hiro sighed. “One night my parents were fighting and I was little, so I wanted to leave. I fell on Tooru who was sitting on the curb because his dad was sick, and that’s what he did at night to feel better. We went into the house, and his mom patched us up. We became best friends a few days later.”

Issei ran his hand through his hair while he thought of the next question. “What do you think about aliens and space?”

“Love aliens. Tooru just...he wears off on you. We fell in love with the stars.” Hiro pushed up one of the sleeves of his shirt and showed him his forearm. He pointed to one with random stars. “Cancer. That’s his zodiac sign, and this is the constellation. He has aquarius.” 

“Wait, wait, hold on, you have his sign tattooed on your body? And Pretty Boy has a tattoo?”

“Two actually. My secret plan is to slowly get him inked up. But yeah, we got bestie tattoos.” 

“Well then. Does that count as a question?” 

“No.”

“You have never...with Tooru?”

“No. Never. I would never date him.” 

“But you’ll make out with him?” 

“Not in a while.”

“Okay.” Issei laughed. 

“Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?” 

“Somewhere where I can just blend in, be anonymous, hidden. I like Tokyo for that.” 

Issei nodded. “What about you? Star Wars or Star Trek?”

“I can quote every line of Star Wars.” 

“Oh god, I wasn’t expecting that.” Issei leaned back on his hands. 

“Tooru watches them on repeat.”

“What does art mean to you?” 

“Everything. I honestly don’t think I’d be alive without it. It’s how I can breathe.” 

“What’s one thing you regret the most?”

“Pass.” 

“What’s your greatest fear?”

Hiro tensed, digging his fingernails into his arms. “Pass.”

“Do you trust me?”

“I trust you slightly more than I trust other people.” 

“What’s your honest opinion of me?” 

Hiro stared at him for a moment. “I think...I think that you try to be a good person. You’re a good friend to Iwaizumi. You seem to like Tooru well enough. You can make me laugh.” 

“So...are you willing to call this a friendship?” 

Issei held his breath while he waited for the answer. Hiro wet his lips, changing position like he couldn’t get comfortable. He made eye contact and nodded. Issei couldn’t help the smile growing on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think in the comments <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are all so amazing. All the comments were much appreciated, and got me through a tough week. <3
> 
> Also since I forgot to put in the tags, biracial Hajime ^_^ Enjoy

When either Hiro or Tooru were feeling down, they tended to cuddle up on the couch or in bed and sleep, or talk. There’d be pizza and ice cream with a movie playing in the background. Hiro wasn’t sure how it would be with Iwaizumi being the one dating Tooru. None of Tooru’s previous boyfriends had ever seemed so scary to piss off. Granted Iwaizumi didn’t really didn’t look like too much of a threat, but Hiro still didn’t want to take any chances. He didn’t want Tooru’s heart broken yet again. His friend deserved the fairy tale romance he pictured in his head since they were children which was why Hiro found himself laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

The talk with Issei had gotten him so shaken. Things were coming back to him that he really didn’t want to think about. He wanted to just feel good, just enjoy having a friend. He hated it. Why did his mind have to torture him like that? All he wanted to was to cuddle up with Tooru and watch something silly on YouTube or something, but Tooru was at work, and after he and Iwaizumi were going out to see a movie. Maybe he should tell Tooru to ask his man about the boundaries of their relationship because their friendship really had very little that was off the table, and god knows they took advantage of that. 

Hiro felt drained. Being around Issei was difficult, but in a good way. He liked talking to him, liked being around him. Issei was like a breath of fresh air in a way. He had this ease about him like he took nothing seriously, but also took everything seriously at the same time. He was so different from Tooru, and in a way it was jarring. He was used to Tooru filling the silence, but Issei was happy with the silence which scared Hiro. He didn’t like having time to think about the things that they talked about. 

His phone rang from his desk, causing Hiro just jump. He pulled himself up, and went over to get it. A smile danced on his lips when he saw the picture of him and his mom from last year’s New Years. She was dressed in one of her favorite kimonos she always wore with her hair braided down on side. Her arms were around his waist, and she was kissing his cheek, while he held a sparkler. She had to stand on her tiptoes now, and he had to lean down a little these days. Maybe he could draw that to get through his art block. 

“Hi, Mama.” 

“Hi baby. How are you doing? Are you eating okay?”

“I’m okay, and yes, I am eating alright.” 

“I saw that last photo Tooru posted on Facebook. You’re both too skinny.” 

“Mama…” Hiro leaned his head back.

“I worry about you. Is that so wrong?” 

“No.” Hiro smiled. “How are you? How is everything?” 

“Good. You’re planning on coming back for New Year’s again right? I don’t want you spending it alone. If you’re not, we’ll come to you. Is Tooru coming back?” 

Hiro could practically see the frown on her face. He hated that he worried her this much. 

“I’ll come back if you want me too, but like I said last year, I just...I don’t want to go out too much in Sendai. It’s not...it’s not really safe…” 

He tugged at his sleeves, and chewed his lip. She was quiet for a minute. 

“Takahiro...sweetheart...are you, are you staying…” She took a shuddering breath. “Are you staying clean?” 

The question slapped in the face. Tears pooled in his eyes. Her voice didn’t have any edge to it. There was no accusations. She had practically whispered it. But he could see her chew her lip, tears in her eyes, while she played with her hair. His stomach nodded, and his mouth was dry.

“Yeah, yeah, I am. I promise.” He swallowed hard. 

“Okay. I miss you, sweetie. I wish you could come home when Tooru visits.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I just…” Hiro didn’t know what to say. 

“I know. Maybe we’ll come see you.”

“I’d like that.” 

Hiro laid back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He missed his mom so much. There were times he just wanted to curl up in her arms like he had done when he was little. He used to think he was too old for it, but when everything happened that’s exactly what he did. She told him she’d missed holding him. Hearing her voice calmed him, pushing away the painful memories and slowing his heart to a even pace. 

“Your father and I are proud of you, you know. We love you so much.”

“I love you guys too.” 

“He misses you, you know. You haven’t talked to him since your birthday.”

“You talked to Papa?” 

It wasn’t like his parents didn’t talk. They were friends. They just couldn’t work through the death of their daughter, and he knew there was still love between them which was why they rarely spoke. He knew now that he was older that it was painful, so hearing they did always surprised him. 

“Yes. We talk often since everything happened. Why haven’t you talked with him?” 

“I just…” Hiro closed his eyes. “I’m scared to hear him be disappointed.” 

“He isn’t. You’ve come a long way, and we both are so proud of you. Call him. He’d love to talk to you.” 

“Okay.” Hiro promised. 

“Good. Okay, baby, I have to go. I’m sorry. I’ll try to talk to you soon. Call me when you have time. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

The call ended and Hiro laid there as the room darkened with the setting sun, not moving until he fell into a restless sleep. 

\---------

Issei sat on the floor of his room, spreading out the photos he’d taken over the week hoping to figure out a way to piece them together in a way that he could turn in for an assignment, but nothing seemed cohesive. Candid shots of people walking around the campus grounds, parks, and sitting in coffee shops. A lot of natural pictures, and sunsets. If he didn’t have something to go on, then he was sure he’d fail the class. 

He chewed his lip. He’d been at this all week. Nothing was coming to him. Maybe he should scrap it all, and go out with different lenses and look at the world in a different way. Perhaps he could just crawl under a rock and die. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about piecing things together perfectly. He wouldn’t have to worry about school, or projects or anything else. What did any of this have to do with what he wanted to do? He wanted to photograph events, show the raw emotion of humans. People were beautiful beings, and if he could capture that, even for a moment, then the world would be a better place. 

The front door slammed shut announcing the return of Hajime. Issei sighed, deciding to come back to his project later so he could come back with knew eyes. 

“You know you should be more gentle. You’re much too rough.” Issei yawned almost knocking into the man. 

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Hajime rolled his eyes, pushing past him to throw his stuff in his room. 

“Hey, Iwa...did you eat with Pretty Boy?” Issei leaned against the door frame. 

“No. I think he’s mad at me because I told him I didn’t like Murakami’s writing.” Hajime rolled his eyes. “Oh and I don’t like the Harry Potter series. Because somehow that’s my fault. He stopped talking to me, and after class, he left without saying a word.” 

Issei laughed, shaking his head. “Pretty Boy knows what he likes. And come on Hajime, how can you not like Harry Potter? It’s a classic!” 

Hajime deadpanned him for a moment. “You don’t like it either.” 

“This isn’t about me, Iwaizumi.” 

Hajime rolled his eyes, and started up packing his bag. He tossed his hoodie off, throwing it haphazardly on the floor. Issei wondered what Hiro’s room liked like. Hajime’s was an “organized” dirty, with clothes, books, and papers all over. Occasionally there’d be bowls and cups that would sit there for a week. Issei’s was neither clean, nor messy, but somewhere in between.While Hajime’s walls were bare, Issei’s had posters. 

“I just don’t get why he’s mad about me over this? And did you know our entire relationship was riding on the question of if I like Star Wars or Star Trek.” 

“What?” Issei laughed. 

“He said there are two types of people in this world, and told me to choose. He gave me this look, and I was so uncomfortable with it.” Hajime sat down on the chair by his desk. 

“I’m sure there are people who don’t like either, or like both.” 

“Not in Tooru’s eyes. I just can’t seem to understand him, you know. I really like him, but my god is he frustrating.” Hajime ran his hands back and forth over his hair. 

“Tell me about frustrating. Hiro and I are finally friends.” Issei rolled his eyes. “What is it about those two? And I thought Oikawa was an open book. He’s so...so...I have no idea.”

Hajime took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He bounced his leg, his eyes fixed on the floor. He glanced at Issei. “I picked the right choice though.” 

“Oh?” Issei raised and eyebrow, cocking his head to the side.

“Star Wars.” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you watch Star Wars.” 

“I have…just not often. Science fiction isn’t really my thing.” Hajime sighed again. “It’s actually pretty good though. You should watch it.”

“I’d rather die.” Issei deadpanned. 

Hajime rolled his eyes. “So Hanamaki? You like him?”

“I mean obviously.” Issei shrugged. “He’s a cool guy. He just won’t let me in, and it’s frustrating as hell. You should be lucky your boy talks to you about everything under the sun. Does he ever stop talking?”

“Apparently so. He’s not speaking to me.” 

“He gives off a petty vibe.” 

“I guess so.” Hajime smirked at Issei. “So you got a crush on Mystery Man?”

“What? No.” Issei shook his head. “No, I just want to be his friend. Get to know him is all.” 

“Sure.” The smirk was still glued to Hajime’s face. 

“Whatever. You wanna get something to eat? I want to go out.” 

Hajime shrugged, pulling his hoodie back on, and checking for his wallet and phone. Issei grabbed his and the two made their way to their ramen spot. 

Being about six o’clock meant the place was a bit crowded, but they got in after a short wait. Issei’s eyes scanned the restaurant trying to find any inspiration he could. It was mostly students since it was nearby the campus, and by the looks of the fatigue and stress, the definitely were taking a break from school to eat a rare bit between classes and studying. Everyone striving to be the top of their class and make their parents proud. 

His mind wandered back to the project about student life. Was it too cliche? Would it look like some high school yearbook, or advertisements for the school? He needed his project to stand out among all the other students in the photography program. If he heard his parents nag him one more time about what he was doing with his life he would scream. 

They ate their food silently, Hajime looking a little forlorn. Issei wasn’t used to Hajime being so upset over such a petty thing. His friend must be in deep. 

“Is Pretty Boy working?” 

“Yes.” Hajime sighed, leaning back in the booth. 

“You want to talk to him? Make up and getting kissy-kissy?” Issei winked and blew a kiss. 

Hajime narrowed his eyes. “If we were at a table with chairs, I would kick you. I do want to talk to him though.” 

“You got it so bad, Iwaizumi.” Issei shook his head. “I never thought I’d lose my best friend from a hard fall. Tragic.” 

“I will kill you.”

“Sure, you will.” Issei made a show of rolling his eyes. “Let’s go to the coffee shop.” 

“What?” 

“The coffee shop that Pretty Boy works at.” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“Maybe so, but let’s go.” 

Hajime reluctantly agreed, and after they’d finished their food, and paid their tab, they walked toward the coffee shop. 

The warmth of the shop welcomed them in a hug, pulling them in away from the cold October air. Issei inhaled the aroma of fresh coffee, and baked goods. People were lounging around talking to friends, or working on their homework silently. The low hum of voices was a comforting backdrop. 

Tooru was at the counter leaning on this arms, smiling and talking to some girl who was blushing and giggling. Tooru winked, sending the girl into what Issei was sure was a panic attack. Hajime tensed beside him. Issei raised his eyebrows at the sudden change in the man’s aura. Before Issei could attempt to calm him, Hajime was already clearing the distance from where they were standing to the counter. 

Issei took a deep breath, and walked over to prevent his friend from doing something stupid. Hajime cleared his throat, and Tooru side-eyed him before standing up, and walking toward the coffee machine pretending to do something. The girl frowned before walking out of the shop. 

“Why are you flirting with some high school girl?” Hajime crossed his arms. 

Tooru hummed, turning on the steamer, making it scream. Hajime glared at him, and Issei was sure he was going to shoot lasers and kill him. Issei slapped Hajime on the back. 

“Hey, maybe we should leave.” 

“No.” Hajime barked. “Tooru, what the fuck?” 

Silence. 

“Real mature. You know I expected better out of you.” 

Silence.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Hajime’s voice turned soft, and if Issei didn’t know any better, he’d say he heard a bit of a whine in it. “Just talk to me. I won’t know what I did wrong if you don’t tell me.”

Hiro came around the corner, tying his apron around his waist, and punching the time card. He glanced from Tooru to Hajime and back a few times before getting to work. Issei slid over to the counter reserved for finished orders. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi.” Hiro mumbled without looking at him. 

“How are you?” 

“‘M fine.” 

“You’ve been tense since our question game. Did I do something to upset you?” Issei frowned. 

“No. No, I’m fine. Just my head is...What’s going on with them?” Hiro nodded toward where Hajime was still trying to get Tooru’s attention. 

“Your boy is being petty.” 

“That’s new.” Hiro smirked. “What’s going on?”

“He’s ignoring Hajime because he doesn’t like Harry Potter or Murakami.” 

“No!” Tooru swirled around, suddenly. “He said that Murakami is dry and unimaginative, and that Harry Potter is an insult to literature.” 

“You asked my honest opinion!” Hajime’s voice was an octave higher. “Am I just supposed to lie to you?” 

“You’re not supposed to be mean. You basically said I had bad taste!” 

“I didn’t say that.” Hajime rolled his eyes. “See this is why-” 

“Oi, go take your break, babe. Go fight with your boyfriend off the clock.” 

Tooru muttered under his breath, throwing his apron to the side. Issei and Hiro watched them for a second before turning their attention away. Hiro sighed, running his hand through his hair. He went to the case of baked goods and handed Issei a banana nut muffin: Issei’s favorite.

“Sorry, I’ve been ignoring you. I’m not trying to be a shitty friend. I just have a lot of shit going on.” 

“S’okay. You’re not.” Issei eyed the muffin.

“A peace offering.” Hiro smirked at him. 

“Thank you. So how’s your art block?” Issei said as he unwrapped the muffin. 

“Better. I talked to my mom, so things got better.” Hiro shrugged, wiping the counter, his eyes glued to it. 

“So that’s all it took?” 

Hiro nodded. “There’s a picture of us from last year at New Year’s. It’s her contact photo, so I just saw it, and figured I’d just draw things from that day. It was my first one with them in year or so. It was nice.” 

“That’s really nice. I bet it meant a lot.” 

Hiro smiled, and laughed softly. “Our family always has this really big celebration every year. I mean it makes sense because the family is big, but last year was just something else. It was like...you know how it’s like that cleansing of the last year? Last year was like everything was gone, like every awful decision was gone. I don’t think I’ve ever prayed for a wish so hard in my life.” He raised his eyes up to look at him. “I love New Year’s.” 

“Wow, I’ve never had something like that before. I mean I love New Year’s too, but I just don’t think I’ve ever felt that cleansed before. Winter break is cool because I always go to Hajime’s house for Christmas unless they go see his family goes to Mexico, but they’re always back for New Year’s and-”

“Wait, what?” Hiro cut him off. “Mexico?” 

“Pretty Boy didn’t tell you? Hajime’s half Mexican. His mom’s from there. His dad’s company sent him to Monterrey, and he met his mom. They got married, and Hajime was born. They lived there until he was like four, and moved back. You should have seen him when he first came back. I mean, I don’t remember a ton, but he had so much trouble with Japanese.” 

“Wow.” Hiro glanced over at where he and Tooru were fighting in the corner. “Hm...interesting. So what about this year? You going home?”

“Yep. I should let you know,” Issei leaned his back against the counter, looking over his shoulder, “I gotta girl back in Sendai waiting.” 

“I thought you said you were gay?” Hiro cocked his head to the side.

“I am, but Iwa’s five year old sister is in love with me. I can’t break a five year old’s heart. I’m not a monster. I have to get her a nice present when they get back. She always brings me something nice.” 

Hiro laughed, shaking his head. “That’s so cute. What are you going to do when she breaks up with you?” 

“Be devastated of course.” Issei sighed. “Heartbreak.” 

“You’re ridiculous.” Hiro snickered. 

“What about you? Going back to Sendai?” 

Hiro paused, tensing for a moment. He stopped wiping the counter, and stood up, wiping his hands on his apron. “Yeah. I mean, I guess. My mom wants me to come, so.”

“Do you want to hang out? Iwa’s going to be gone until the first.” 

“I’ll...I’ll get back to you on that. My mom misses me and all.” 

“Right.” 

Issei glanced over at Hajime and Tooru. The argument seemed to have finished, since they were both standing, holding hands. Tooru’s cheeks were red, and there was a crooked smile on Hajime’s face. They kissed, and Tooru came practically bouncing, back to his normal self. 

Hajime waited by the door for Issei. He said his goodbye and headed back home, back to the hell of a project waiting for him in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all are doing well and are having great holidays so far. 
> 
> Please leave a comment to tell me what you think. It would make my heart so, so happy. <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry, it's been a bit since I updated. But to make up for it, this is a loooooong chapter. Sorry if it's too long. I'm hoping to start an update schedule. That's my New Year's resolution. What would be the best day for y'all? Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? If it's not a specific day, it'll at least be the weekend. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy this. :D

Hiro never cared about Halloween. It was just something that was mostly celebrated in America. But as the years passed by, Halloween in Japan was slowly becoming a hit. He wasn’t really much for spooky things in general since it was generally just really laughable at best. But Tooru _loved_ Halloween, and every year dragged Hiro to festivals and movie marathons dressed up in costumes. Last year Tooru insisted they dress up in Harry Potter outfits in which he was Harry, and Hiro was Ron. It was fun though, and seeing that little sparkle in his best friend’s eyes was always heartwarming. But this year, they’d been invited to a Halloween party that Issei and Iwaizumi were hosting, and Tooru was running around like a kid on New Year’s. 

Apparently Iwaizumi’s family was had traditions and customs, and Tooru had been reading all about them for the past few days rather than just ask his fucking boyfriend. Tooru had such a bad habit of doing the research himself when a person could just tell him things, but he always insisted that fact checking was the best way to go. He was right, of course, but when it came to things like how a person spent a certain holiday, or how their family had certain tradition, it was best to talk to the source. 

“Did you know it’s called di de l’motos?” Tooru greeted Hiro as he got home from work. 

“Somehow I feel like you’re saying that wrong.” Hiro gave his friend a smirk. 

“No, see, it’s right there.” Tooru pointed to a words on a screen that Hiro had no idea what it said, but he knew Tooru was saying it wrong. 

“You should talk to your boyfriend, babe.” Hiro pecked him on the cheek before going to the kitchen. “Besides...he could probably tell you how to say it.” 

Tooru rolled his eyes, slamming his laptop shut, and tossed it to the side. He followed Hiro to the kitchen, and watched him take some food out to cook. Tooru hummed, and leaned on the counter. 

“So...are you going to go?” Tooru looked at him through his eyelashes. 

“I haven’t decided yet.” 

“Mattsun would love for you to go.” 

“Since when do you call him that?” Hiro lifted an eyebrow. 

“Since always.” Tooru shrugged. “That’s what Iwa-chan calls him.” 

“ _Iwa-chan_ is his best friend.”

“I know that.” 

“It’s like between us. You call me Makki or Makki-chan; I call you Babe.” 

“Right.” 

“So...would you want them calling us that?” 

“They do. At least me. They’ve never called you Makki though. And I haven’t called you Makki-chan in a long time.” Tooru cocked his head to the side. “I forgot how cute it sounds. I’m going to call you that again.” 

“Please don’t.” 

Tooru giggled, and wrapped his arms around Hiro. “Makki-chan is so cute!”

“I swear to god, Tooru…” 

Hiro closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was his own fault. Tooru hadn’t called him that since…

“So are you going to go or not?” Tooru dug through the cabinets to find food.

“I said I don’t know. You know I don’t like to be around people drinking. It makes me uncomfortable.” 

“I won’t drink if that’d make you feel better. We can just have fun. Dance and stuff.” 

“I don’t know…” Hiro sighed. “I just don’t think that it would be a good idea. It’s still hard, you know? It’s only been a little over a year.”

“A year and a _half_.” Tooru wink at him. “I’m really proud of you. But you know if you don’t want to go, that’s okay. I’ll respect that. I just think it’d be good for you to make new friends, and you said that you and Mattsun are friends now, right? Besides I’d really like you and Hajime to get o know each other more. So if you don’t go to the party, then we’ll need to plan something.” 

“Your boyfriend seems decent enough.”

“He’s so funny, Makki! He’s so sweet. I love him, you know? Like _really_ love him. He smells really good. He doesn’t really wear cologne I don’t think? But yeah, I love it when we cuddle. Ugh, and he loves the things I like. Except Harry Potter. It’s rude.” Tooru hummed. 

“You always say you love the person you’re dating, babe. And you should. But be careful, okay? You get your heart broken all the time.” 

“I promise I won’t. He wouldn’t do that. He loves me. I think he’s the one, Makki.” 

“You always say that too.” 

“It’s different. It’s like, like, I’ve known him for my whole life. We just...our souls click you know? The first time I saw him, I felt it. I saw it, Makki. The fireworks. I told you the books weren’t fake. You just don’t believe in it.” 

Tooru stared at him with his big chocolate eyes, almost in a pleading manner. Hiro knew Tooru was in deep, but there was doubt in those eyes. It broke Hiro’s heart. Tooru was desperate for love, desperate to find the right person. But he put himself into situations where people thought they could use him. Tooru wore his heart on his sleeve, and Hiro was bound and determined to keep it intact this time. 

“I hope he is, Tooru. But, babe...don’t jump in. You’re worth the world, and don’t you dare settle for anyone who thinks you’re anything less.” Tooru smiled, and nodded. 

\---------

The rest of the evening Hiro thought about what Tooru had told him. He barely knew Iwaizumi. For all he knew the guy was a wreck. Tooru wouldn’t see it. He never did. Maybe it was time to scout out the boyfriend for Tooru’s sake. Besides, Tooru was right. He did always have fun with Tooru. If Tooru went alone, and got drunk, and something happened, Hiro wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. And after all, Issei did invite him. 

He tapped his pencil on this sketch pad, mulling everything over in his head. He couldn’t get the image of Tooru’s eyes out of his head. Hiro had that same face at eighteen. It was a need to find love, but if you weren’t careful, if you were too desperate, you could end up on a slippery slope. He wanted Tooru to find love. He wanted this Iwaizumi guy to be the one for his friend. But he knew the reality. 

He grabbed the invitation card Issei had given him, a small piece of orange stock paper. Spider webs, bats, ghosts, a pumpkin scattered around it almost haphazardly, but also with purpose. It reminded him of the invitations kids gave out in primary school. Issei had been so proud of his work.   
_**Calling all ghouls, and goblins. A spooky party awaits. Come spend the evening with those dearly departed that may have not been so lucky as to go to the next life. Come if you dare.**_ **(Costume required. Must be spooky. Food, drinks, and treats provided. BYOB. We may or may not share. ;) )**

Hiro laughed through his nose, shaking. Issei was something else, always making wisecracks or jokes that he just couldn’t help laughing at, even the corny ones. He had gone all out with this invitation. It would be rude not to go after he’d spend all this time on the invitations. Issei and Hajime were going to get their apartment decorated, and they invited the neighbors so they knew that there was going to be a party. 

He chewed his lip. He didn’t have work, and it had been a while since he’d done anything fun. If Tooru was going to be there, then he’d be okay, wouldn’t he? If it was too much, he could just leave. But what would he go as?

\---------

Issei hummed while he hung the fake spiderwebs on the wall. The table cloths had been set up, and snacks were already set out. He picked up his beer bottle, taking a swig, looking around the apartment trying to figure out what he should do next. He checked the time, and sighed. A few more hours. 

The door opened, and Hajime and Tooru walked into the apartment. Tooru was chewing his lip, eyes sparkling with excitement. He was practically clinging to Hajime’s arm. He was wearing a suit. Issei rolled his eyes. 

“Scary costume, Pretty Boy. Nothing scares me more than a businessman.” 

“Rude!” Tooru glared. “I’m not finished yet.” 

“You’re right. You need a briefcase and a constipated look on your face.” 

“Shut up, Mattsun.” Hajime grumbled. 

“You know you’re supposed to be helping me, right? I have done all the work, and you just get to play with your boyfriend. I work, and I work. No thanks. No help. I’m the only one who does any work around here.” Issei smirked. 

“You did a great job. Thank you. Now move.” 

Issei laughed, and watched them disappear down the hall to Hajime’s room. “Be sure you wear protection!” 

“Go fuck yourself!”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” 

“Iwa-chan, don’t be so crude. It’s not gentlemanly.” 

“Yeah, Iwa-chan. It’s not gentlemanly.” Issei folded his arms across his chest. 

Hajime muttered something under his breath before they disappeared in his room. 

Issei worked on finishing up the decorations, and making the spooky playlist, along with the poppy dance music Tooru had insisted on. Two different playlists for two different times. He smiled to himself, proud of what he’d accomplished all on his own. No help from anyone. 

Hajime and Tooru finally emerged from Hajime’s room. Hajime was in a vampire costume complete with fake blood. Tooru’s face was painted in a beautiful sugar skull. Some of the fake spider webs had been arranged on the shoulders of his suit, and his the top hat he was now wearing. 

“Wow.” Issei shook his head. “That is amazing.” 

“Thanks,” they both said at the same time. 

Issei laughed, jumping up as the first of the guests arrived.

\---------

Hiro straightened his tie, taking a deep breath before leaving the apartment. He was still torn on if he should go or not, but seeing the picture Tooru sent of himself and Iwaizumi together had pulled on him to go. They looked like they were having fun. He hadn’t seen Tooru look that happy in a while, and he’d love to spend the evening with him. 

The train was filled with people in various costumes. Hiro stared at his feet, playing the fake camera round his neck. Maybe this was a bad idea. It wasn’t exactly the most original costume, and everyone around him looked so nice. Tooru would undoubtedly take a selfie of the two of them to put on his instagram page. He’d look so plain compared to him. Suddenly the train seemed suffocating.

He got off a few stops before the one to Issei’s apartment, wanting to get some air, and clear his head. All around him little kids were running around, dressed up, and laughing. His heart tugged at that. When he and Tooru were younger, it really hadn’t been at thing in Japan yet. It was still something they saw in Western movies. Now seeing the kids, it made him feel like they’d missed out on something. 

He quickened his pace. 

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the apartment. Loud music, laughter, and talking could be heard through the door. He heart started racing. He took a few breaths, trying to calm himself, his hand tapping against his leg. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. Parties seemed to be a trigger. He beelined toward the rail of the balcony, and watched the people beneath him. It was stupid. This was all so stupid. He could do this. He could have fun too. 

He composed himself, and knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again, and still no response. He thought about turning away, but texted Tooru instead. Seeing him would make everything be okay. If he was with Tooru, everything was okay. 

After a few minutes of pacing, and waiting, Hiro was about to leave. The door opened to reveal Iwaizumi.

“Hi. Come in. Sorry, Tooru’s playing pocky. He dropped his phone.” 

“O-oh.” Hiro offered him a smile and walked in. 

The apartment was full of people that he had never even seen before. Were these even university students? He eyed a few convinced they had to be in high school. He followed Iwaizumi through the crowd of people to where Tooru was downing a cup of alcohol. Hiro sighed, and leaned against the wall. 

“We have snacks over there.” Iwaizumi pointed to a table to the side. “Do you want anything to drink? We have some beer you can have that they’re playing drinking games with, but it was kind of bring your own.” 

“I...I don’t drink.” 

“Water? Coke? Juice?” 

“Water is fine, thanks.” Hiro swallowed. 

“Oh my god, you actually made it!” 

Issei was suddenly next to him, hugging him. Hiro side-eyed him, and pulled away. He had a sleepy look in his eyes, and his breath smelled like alcohol. Hiro inched closer to where Tooru was at. 

“Pretty Boy said that you weren’t coming.” 

“I wasn’t.”

“But you’re here now!” 

“Yeah. I was worried Tooru would-” 

“Here you go.” Iwaizumi came back, handing him the water. 

“What are you supposed to be?” Issei asked. “You’re supposed to be scary.”

“I’m a photographer.” Hiro smirked. 

“That’s not scary.”

“What’s more scary than creepy stalkers who take pictures of you without your knowing?” Hiro cocked his head to the side. 

Issei frowned, glancing to the side. “That’s so mean.” 

“Sounds like someone’s been spending too much time with Pretty Boy.” 

“Maaaakkkkiiiiii!” Tooru giggled, wrapping his arms around him. “You said you weren’t coming.” He slurred. “I woulda not drank.” 

“It’s fine. You have fun.” Hiro smiled. 

“Wanna play pocky with me?” 

“I don’t think I should.” Hiro glanced at Iwaizumi who was on his phone. 

“Pleeeease? I would be fun.” Tooru giggled again. 

“You’re drunk, babe.” 

“I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“No. Play with me. I promise I won’t drink anymore while you’re here. Please?” 

“Fine…” Hiro relented. 

Tooru practically squealed with excitement, pulling him closer to the table. He picked up one of the sticks up, holding it up toward Hiro. 

“Open.” 

Hiro glanced toward Iwaizumi once more. The guy was talking to some girl. 

“Open.” Tooru pouted.

“Fine.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes and did as he was told. He knew exactly what was going to happen. Tooru wasn’t going to drink anymore. Hiro kept glancing at Iwaizumi while they got closer and closer. Tooru grabbed him by waist, and shoved his tongue in Hiro’s mouth. He tensed for a moment, glancing once again at Tooru’s boyfriend who was giving them an amused look. Hiro relaxed, giving in. He had completely forgotten how soft Tooru’s hair was until he was running his fingers through it. Tooru pushed him against the wall, hands running up his shirt. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey, hey. Okay. Enough.” Tooru was pulled away from him. “I said enough, Tooru.” 

Iwaizumi looked angry, and but didn’t have time to recover because Tooru pulled him toward him, pushing his own back to the wall. Hiro stepped away. 

Issei was staring at him, eyes wide. “I thought you said…” 

“Tooru’s the sluttiest virgin you’ll ever meet. Throw alcohol in, and it’s a done deal.” Hiro muttered. “Would your boy take advantage of him?” 

Issei pointed toward where Tooru and Iwaizumi were standing. Iwaizumi was trying to pry Tooru off him, holding his wrists and telling him to stop. “Don’t think so. Since Tooru went past tipsy, he hasn’t left him alone.” 

“Dance. Mattsun, I wanna dance.” Suddenly Tooru was draped around Issei. “No more scary. Dance.” 

“I’ll be back.” Issei smirked, disappearing into the crowd. 

“Wanna dance with me?” Tooru giggled. 

“Um…” Hiro looked at Iwaizumi who shrugged. “Okay.” 

Tooru dragged him to the middle of the room, and started dancing on him. Hiro couldn’t help but laugh at the trap style Halloween songs that started playing. He couldn’t even find it in him to get a rhythm going, but Tooru took care of it. Hiro started having a lot of fun. He missed just being with Tooru doing silly things. It’d been a while since they’d gotten down and dirty.

“Iwa-chaaaan!” Tooru turned around, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. “Dance with me!” 

“I can’t dance to this.” 

“Just dance.”

“Tooru.”

“I’ll dance for you.” Tooru giggled. Hajime rolled his eyes and stood there awkwardly. 

Hiro walked away, trying to find Issei to no avail. He sighed, and decided to lean against the wall. His eyes scanned over the room. He started to feel suffocated. His heart was racing. He felt himself start to hyperventilate, and made a beeline to the door.

Once the cold October night hit his face could breathe. He rushed to the rail, and closed his eyes, and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his nerves. 

“You okay?” 

Hiro turned around to see Issei leaning against the wall smoking. 

“Yeah. I just...I need to...I think I should go home. I just need to get Tooru.” 

“I don’t think he’s okay to go on the train.” Issei laughed. “Or to walk.” 

“I’ll get a cab.” 

“Just let him stay here. It’s safer. If someone wanted to do something, you couldn’t really do anything with him being plastered.” 

“But-”

“Here.” Issei handed him a cigarette. “You need to calm down.” 

“I can’t. Tooru. I just.” 

“Come on.” Issei tossed his cigarette on the ground, snuffing it out with his shoe. “We’ll take a walk.”

“Tooru.” 

“He’ll be fine.”

“No, no, you don’t get it. He gets-”

“Hajime will not let anyone touch a hair on his head.”

“What if he-”

“Look. He’s not like that. Since Tooru pushed over tipsy, he hasn’t had anything to drink. Just water. And he’s been eating. He’s sober as a wall. And he loves that boy, so he’ll be fine.”

 

“I don’t know him.” Hiro couldn’t stop shaking. When had he started shaking?

“I do. He’s my best friend. Do you think I’d be friends with someone who would do that? I swear on my life that Tooru is going to be safe. Come on, you need to calm down.” 

Hiro hesitantly followed Issei down the stairs. 

\---------

The two men walked up and down the streets silently, both breaking in the calming nicotine as they did so. Issei had since learned from an early age that sometimes silence was best. Forcing conversation would complicate things further. If someone wanted to talk, they would. Until then, just being there and letting them know that they weren’t alone, and someone was there to listen if they needed to. He would gladly be that person for Hiro even if he was curious as to what happened. 

It was a nice night. The sky was clear from clouds, and even with the city lights, the stars could be seen above him. It made him miss back home a lot. There the sky was like glitter. He’d never noticed it until Hiro brought it up when they’d first become friends. He wondered how many people lived under those stars and never gave them a second glance. 

The wind whipped their hair gently, cutting through their clothing. Issei saw Hiro shudder. Whether it was from being cold, or residual from earlier, he wasn’t sure. Issei took a drink from the bottle he was holding. He wished the alcohol hadn’t made him so warm, so he would have brought a jacket he could offer Hiro. It wasn’t like he would drink if he offered him anything. 

“Are you cold?” Issei tried to keep his voice soft, as to not jar his friend with speaking so suddenly. 

“No.” Hiro mumbled, his eyes on the ground. “Can we go to the park?” 

“Yeah, sure. Wherever you want to go.” 

Hiro nodded, making a beeline toward the park. Issei smirked, following him. He finished off his beer, and dropped it into the trash bin in the park. Hiro kept talking even after they were far into it. Issei glanced around, hoping that there wasn’t anyone lurking around. Hiro wasn’t paying attention to that though. 

He stopped at the edge where the stream ran. _Their spot._

Issei stopped short, his heart pounding outside of his chest. He swallowed hard. Their spot? What did that even mean? They didn’t have spot. But this was the place Issei had seen him under the tree. This was the place they both liked to come to get away from the hustle and bustle of Tokyo. They had played twenty-one questions here. It was somewhere that Issei had never seen another soul. But this wasn’t their spot because they didn’t have a spot. Because only couples had spots. 

Hiro glanced at him from where he was sitting under the tree. He looked good in the light of the full moon. The silverlight accented his hair, making it look almost like a bubblegum color. Issei wondered if he’d ever dyed his hair like that. He’d look good with it like that. 

_Stop it Issei. What are you doing? Pull yourself together. You’re not that drunk._

“Are you going to sit down?” 

“Oh, um, yeah. Sorry.” 

Issei sat down next to him, staring at the stream The light reflected off it almost like a mirror. He wished he had his camera. He loved taking photos during a full moon. The light was perfect for taking pictures of nature. Everything was calmer at night. The air was still, and fresh. Dew would fall onto all the leaves and the grass. 

“I’m sorry.” Hiro whispered. 

“What? What do you have to be sorry about?” 

“I shouldn’t have come to the party. I messed it all up. I should…” Hiro trailed off, shaking his head, and burying his face in his arms. 

“You didn’t ruin the party. I was happy to see you there.”

“I made you leave you own party because I freaked out. So you’re spending your night with me instead of having fun just because I knew I shouldn’t have gone there because I feel like I couldn’t breathe in there. And fuck, I made out with my best friend in front of his boyfriend.” 

“Hey, dude, I love this. It’s nice to hang out with you. We don’t get to do that a lot since you’re so busy. It was getting crowded in there. That’s why I went to take smoke break, and get fresh air. And don’t worry about the stuff with Tooru. Hajime doesn’t mind it...I mean he does, but he knows how Tooru gets drunk.” 

“How does he know?” Hiro cut him off, his eyes sending daggers.

“We’ve gone out before. He didn’t get too drunk. Hajime cut him off at like three drinks. But yeah. It was enough. He knows Tooru likes to make out with people. He knows you two have done it. It’s just not a big deal? It was surprising to me. I was a bit shocked if I’m being honest. Didn’t know you had it in you.” 

Hiro let out a silent laugh, and shook his head. “I told you I know a thing or two.” 

“Right.” Issei nodded. 

“I’m not a prick, just so you know.” Hiro glanced at him. 

“I didn’t think you were.” 

“I...I just...I mean…” Hiro reached for the right words. “I’ve gone through a lot. And about a year and a half ago, my life got back on track. I had this period of time that started about the tail end of high school. Tooru and I played volleyball growing up, and we lost our last game. Tooru had gotten this fancy volleyball scholarship, and I had nothing. I felt like this limbo. I felt lost because school was ending, and while I’d found a university to go to, for a major my parents wanted me to do, it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to be a salaryman. I know it’s like this sign you’ve made it and are successful. It’s makes your parents proud, and everyone looks at the parents and tell them how great their son is. But it didn’t feel right.

“I met these people at this bar where there was this local band playing. Tooru’s parents said he couldn’t go. But I met these people, a group of friends. And I decided you know what? I’m going to take a gap year and figure myself out. And a year and a half ago I did. So…” 

Issei was silent for a moment, waiting for him to continue. 

“I lied before, well partially. I did not want to drink because of my stepfather. But I did. I went to parties, got drunk, let loose, didn’t give a fuck. Just rebelled because I didn’t know who I was, and I was scared. It was kind of a rough patch. I got off the right track. I don’t like parties. A year and a half ago, my stepfather stopped drinking. He’s been sober a year and a half.” Hiro smiled. “So I don’t drink.”

Hiro laughed. “You probably think I’m this crazy asshole.” 

“I don’t.” They were silent for a moment. “So wait, Pretty Boy used to play sports? And had a volleyball scholarship?”

“Yeah, and people used to think he was cool. He had fangirls, Issei. _Fangirls._.”

“Wow. Did they know how big of a nerd he is?” Issei laughed. 

“One dated him. It lasted a week.” 

“So what happened?” 

“He’d gotten an injury in high school, and during his first college game, he got injured again. Made him retire. He lost the scholarship.” Hiro shrugged. “He was really depressed about it, but you know, falling face first into a book will do that to you.” 

“He tripped on a book?” Issei raised his eyes brow. 

Hiro laughed, leaning his head back. Issei admired the way his eyes crinkled up when he laughed. The smile should always be on his face. His laughter was refreshing. 

“I was joking!” Hiro said catching his breath, nudging Issei.

“Give me a break! I’m drunk.” 

“You don’t seem drunk.” Hiro smirked. “I like spending time with you too, for what it’s worth.” 

Hiro squeezed close to him, shivering from the air. “It’s getting cold.” 

“Yeah.” Issei turned to look at him. Their faces were so close he could Hiro’s breath on his skin. He ran his tongue over his lips, staring at Hiro. He still had that small lopsided smile on his face. His eyes were sparkling in the moonlight. He leaned in unconsciously. “Do you want to go home?”

Hiro thought for a minute. “No. I’m okay right here.” He laid his head on Issei’s shoulder. 

“You didn’t want to hug me before.” Issei narrowed his eyes at him. “And now you want to? I’m so confused.” 

“Ask first, dumbass.” Hiro let out a silent laugh. “Only Tooru and my family can do it without asking.” 

“Oh.” Issei thought for a moment. “Do you care if I put my arm around you?”

Hiro glanced at him. 

“Because it’s cold.” Issei snapped.

Hiro let out another laugh and nodded.

\---------

Issei fumbled with his keys for a moment, trying to unlock the front door of the apartment. Hiro plucked the keys out of his hand, turning the lock, and pushing the door open. Issei laughed, shaking his head. 

“Thank you.” Hiro nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

The apartment still smelled like alcohol, and the floor was sticky. Issei frown, remembering why they didn’t really have big parties. Drunk people spilled alcohol and drinks, and crumbs and partially eaten food seemed to be attracted to the floor like a magnet. He made a face at the state of if all. 

Hajime was throwing trash in a large garbage bag. He glanced up at them. “You ditched your own party on purpose so I’d clean it all up on my own, didn’t you?”

“No. But now that you say that, I think I have something to do at Hiro’s house, right? We have that thing?” Issei nudged Hiro. 

“Where’s Tooru?” Hiro crossed his arms. 

“Sleeping in my room.” 

“Is he okay?” 

“Yeah. I keep going to check on him.” Hajime frowned. “Does he always drink that much?” 

Hiro hummed, rocking back on his heels. “If he’s comfortable that he’s safe, yes.” 

“Oh.” Hajime nodded, going back to work. 

“I’m going to go check on him,” Hiro muttered, and walking down the hall leaving Issei and Hajime alone. 

“So?” Hajime smirked. “Did you two have fun?” 

“Yes.” Issei shrugged grabbing some beer bottles off the table. 

“What’d you do?” 

“We walked around.” 

“Did you now? Anything else?” 

“Hajime, I swear to god.” Issei took a deep breath. “It’s not like that.” 

“Really? And how is that you mean?” 

“You know...romantic.” 

“Do you want to fuck him?” 

Issei threw a half eaten slice of pizza at him, missing his friend’s face by mere inches. Hajime laughed managing to catch in the bag. Issei rolled his eyes. 

“Isn’t that how you got Tooru and I together? Telling him I wanted to fuck him?” 

“I mean...you do.”

“He doesn’t want to. That’s what matters.” 

“You know Hiro doesn’t trust you?” 

As if one cue, Hiro stormed down the hall, into the center of the apartment. 

“Why is he wearing your clothes?” He glared at Hajime. 

“He was wearing a suit. You can’t sleep in a suit, besides he threw up all over it. So I cleaned him up, got him dressed, and put in bed.” Hajime shrugged. 

“Did you touch him?” 

“Not in the way you’re thinking.”

“I’m taking him home.” 

“Hiro, dude, chill out. Tooru’s asleep. He’s safe.” Issei said. 

Hiro looked between the two men. “Then I’m staying here.” 

“By all means. We have some extra blankets and pillows. And if you want to change into something, you’re welcome to my clothes.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes at Issei's suggestion like he'd just suggested they do something crazy before disappearing down the hall once more. Hajime let out a silent laugh, shaking his head. 

"You sure about this one, Mattsun?" 

"Yeah." Issei smiled after than man. "Yeah, I am."

\---------

Tooru had a bad habit of drinking too much if Hiro wasn't with him to cut him off. He loved getting drunk off his ass, and found it to be a great way to relieve stress. Tonight was no different. He had promised he wouldn't drink if Hiro came, but he said he didn't want to go, so Tooru drank. Drunk Tooru was a lot to handle, and despite everything, Hiro was impressed by the fact that Iwaizumi had been able to handle it so well. He didn't strike Hiro as the patient type, but from what he'd witnessed tonight, he really was. 

Hiro took off his shirt, tossing it to the side along with his jeans before climbing into the bed and curling up with Tooru, who squirmed just a bit to get closer. He brushed his best friend's hair off his face. Iwaizumi must have cleaned all the paint off. There were still traces of it in certain spots, but for the most part he was clean. He couldn't imagine how difficult that must have been considering. 

The distinct sound of someone clearing their throat broke the moment. He glanced up to see Iwaizumi standing in the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets. He stared at Hiro with an expression he couldn't quite read. 

"I was going to sleep with him tonight."

"Like hell you are. He's drunk, passed out." Hiro spat. 

"No." The man sighed, and leaned against the wall. "I mean actually sleep." 

"Oh..." Hiro swallowed, then turning his attention to the man sleeping next to him. He breath reeked of alcohol and vomit. He was used to that. He was always the one who took care of Tooru after a crazy night. That was _his_ job. He wasn't ready to let go, wasn't ready to be replaced, because if he was replaced then what would he do?

"I called dibs. Sorry." 

"It's my bed." 

"He's my best friend." 

"He's my _boyfriend._ " 

"I'm not moving, so go fuck yourself." 

Iwaizumi's stare got more intense. He walked across the room, stopping near the bed. Hiro prepared himself. He was taller than this guy, and even if Iwaizumi was a lot more muscular than him, he was sure he could take him. To his surprise he kneeled down next to the bed, maintaining eye contact. He wet his lips before he spoke. 

"Can we please have a discussion?" 

"I really don't feel like it right now." 

"Listen, seeing as you're in _my_ apartment in _my_ bed with _my_ boyfriend, I think the least you could do is talk to me like a mature person. Man to man." 

Hiro stared at him."What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you. Preferably in the living room. I don't want to wake Tooru. It took me forever to get him to calm down enough to sleep."

"You act like he's a toddler."

"He sort of acts like one when he's drunk."

"Mmmm, 's hap'n?" Tooru slurred. 

"Nothing. Go back to sleep." Hiro kissed his forehead, pulling him closer to his chest. 

"Makki?" 

"Yeah." 

"No. Iwa-chan. Go away." Tooru pushed at him before falling back into his slumber. 

Hiro's breath hitched in his chest. That wasn't right. Tooru was supposed to want him. 

"Can we talk?" Iwaizumi repeated. 

Hiro nodded slowly before pulling his jeans back on, and followed Iwaizumi into the living room. 

\---------

Issei was finishing off another beer and a box of pizza with Hajime walked into the living room and sat down on the couch followed by a distressed Hiro. He was chewing his lip, and he was tugging at his black t-shirt he must have been wearing under his shirt from earlier. 

Hajime glanced over at Issei, who shoved pizza into his mouth. "Can we get some privacy?" 

"That's okay." Hiro snapped. 

"O...kay?" Hajime leaned back, rubbing his hands on his pants. 

Issei sat down on a chair, waiting to see the drama. Dinner and a show. The perfect combination. He chuckled to himself, turning his attention back to the box in his lap. 

"Do you have feelings for Tooru?" 

Issei spit out his beer and simultaneously choked on it all at once. He hadn't expected that. Hiro and Hajime glanced at him.

"No," Hiro said turning his attention back to Hajime. 

"Well see it's funny because I really feel like you do. That's okay if you do. But just realize that he's dating me, and I'd appreciate it if you respected that." 

"Why would I have feelings for him when he's like my brother?" 

"So...you'd make out with your brother?" Hajime raised his eyebrows. "Mattsun, would you make out with your sister?" 

"No." Issei said through a mouthful of pizza. 

"See? So what? What is it?" 

"We're really close." 

"I see that. See I don't mind if you have a crush because to be quite honest Tooru's a great package. I don't have a problem with you dancing like that with him. And if he wants to make out with you, and there are no feelings behind it, well fine. But I will not be okay with you trying to break us up. I am not okay with you getting in the way. I am not okay with you waltzing in here like you own the place and telling me that I can't spend a night with my boyfriend because you're jealous." 

Issei stared at his pizza. Maybe he should leave. It was getting heated. He grabbed another beer, and closed the box of pizza to take to his room. 

"You're seriously still drinking?" Hajime grumbled. 

"I like to pace myself." Issei smirked. "Besides, you're not my mom.”

Hajime rolled his eyes and turned back to Hiro. 

"So?" 

"He's my best friend. I don't have any feelings for him. We just have that kind of relationship where everything's on the table except sex. Tooru's kind of slutty in the nicest possible way. He likes kissing and touching and making out. We both like cuddling and stuff. I am just used to taking care of him." Hiro mumbled. "I'm scared of anything happening to him." 

"I won't hurt him. I promise." Iwaizumi offered a gentle smile. "I love him more than anything except my baby sister. I won't hurt him, but I just need you to respect boundaries. Okay?" 

Hiro rolled his eyes, grumbling something inaudible as Issei got further and further into his room. He kicked the door shut behind him, and set up his laptop to watch a movie while he finished off tonight's fun. Tomorrow he would go back to reality of school and work, but for tonight he was carefree. 

A soft tap on his door pulled him away from the movie. He pulled himself up, taking a minute to get his wits about him as the room tilted, and his mind from spinning. Once he was safe, he walked toward the door, and opened it. 

"Can I borrow some clothes?" Hiro asked not making eye contact. 

"Yeah, come on in." Issei stepped aside to let him in. 

He showed Hiro where he kept his pajamas, and let him dig through the drawer. Hiro stopped suddenly. 

"I know this might be weird, but I really want to take a shower. Can I borrow some underwear?" 

Issei glanced at him, with a sleepy smile. "You're in luck. I have a new bag somewhere in that top drawer." 

Hiro grabbed a new pair out, and excused himself to the bathroom. Issei chuckled, leaning back to enjoy the rest of the night. 

Right as he was about to crawl into bed for the night, another soft tap sounded at the door. Hiro was standing there hugging his pillow for dear life. His eyes were wide, and shifty. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Is...is it okay if I...um...if I...can I sleep in here? The couch is really uncomfortable, and I don't want to intrude, but...I...Tooru and I...we...I...bad dream..." Hiro didn't look at him. 

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want. I can sleep on the couch or the floor. You take the bed." Issei smiled, letting out a yawn, and stretching. 

"No. I don't want to kick you out. Actually...um..." Hiro glanced toward Hajime's room. "I want to curl up with Tooru. I...I need comfort, you know?" 

Issei felt like he'd been hit with a pound of bricks. Was he hearing that correctly? Hiro wanted to curl up with him in bed? Platonically of course. It was platonic...wasn't it? Issei's mind was swirling. Where were all these strange thoughts coming from? He had to play it cool.

"I may not be Tooru, but I am pretty damn comforting if you take the word of one Iwaizumi Anastasia." Issei leaned against the wall hoping his face looked more smug than it felt. 

"Oh...yeah. Do you mind?" 

"Not at all." 

"Okay." Hiro swallowed. 

"Let me just take this stuff out of my room first." 

Hiro nodded, walking into the room rather awkwardly. Issei grabbed the beer bottle, and the pizza box, and tried not to rush out of the room too fast. His heart was pounding in his chest. Why? What was going on. 

He tossed the trash in one of many garbage bags that they'd have to take to the dumpster in the morning. He wasn't really looking forward to that, but it was the reality of throwing a big party. It had been a huge success, but there was something so different, so strange. He couldn't place it. 

He grabbed a bottle of water, and made his way back to his room. Hiro had already made himself comfortable on the bed. Issei downed his water hoping he wasn't being too obvious that he was a bit flustered. He tossed the bottle aside, and walked over to the bed. 

"Are you sure?" Issei narrowed his eyes. 

"What do you mean?" Hiro mumbled.

"You didn't even want me to hug you earlier and now you're wanting to cuddle up with me in bed." 

Hiro sighed, turning over on his back. "Well I was hoping to cuddle up with Tooru like I told you, but fucking _Iwa-chan_ won't let me because blah, blah, blah. So..." He turned on his side. "We're friends, right?"

"Yeah. But-"

"I told you that I'm okay if you ask first, or if I want to. I want to cuddle up with a friend. If you're not comfortable, that's fine. But I'm just putting it out there." 

Issei took a few deep breaths, trying calm his heart. What if Hiro heard it? What if he thought he was a freak? What if Hiro thought that this was all a ploy? But Issei didn't feel anything like that for him. They were just friends. Just friends. Right. Friends. 

He kept telling himself that mantra long after Hiro had curled up next to him, with his head resting on his chest. 

_Just friends._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please, please, please leave a comment. They help motivate me, and it's always nice to have feedback. Have a great day! <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Look a day early! So I've decided FRIDAY's will be my update days, but if for some reason I'm not able to finish on Friday, IT WILL BE THE WEEKEND. I'm so excited for this. And thank you guys so much.

Issei was woken by the sunlight flooding the room. He groaned, pulling the blankets over his head. He hated mornings, and hated the sun for making his circadian rhythm wanting to work. Fuck that. His breath hitched when he realized he wasn’t alone. Slowly he lowered the blankets, and stared in awe at none other than Hanamaki Takahiro sound asleep next to him. 

He swallowed. So that wasn’t a dream. How drunk had he gotten? He double checked that they were both wearing clothes even though he could feel them. He let out a sigh of relief, but there a strange feeling attached. The night before he remembered the party, then walking with Hiro. But it was all a blur after that. He guessed that had been his breaking point. He was thankful that he didn’t have a hangover, but he had learned to pace himself, drink water, and eat. But still…

He stared at Hiro, taking a moment to fully take in the moment. Isse was sure he’d never met anyone who looked like Hiro before. He was tatted up, had piercings, and somehow still kept this angelic look about him. The sunlight brushed against his face as though it was painting a masterpiece. Issei held his breath and reached for his phone. He needed a picture of this, and a picture of them. 

He snapped the photo, and admired it for a moment, only to scramble to close the app when Hiro jumped up a few seconds after Tooru had started shouting through a sobbing voice, and Hajime rushed voice. Hiro was out of the room before Issei could even blink. He sighed, pulling himself up from the bed to follow. Personally he felt like getting involved in fights between couples wasn’t really appropriate, but hey, might as well keep Hiro from trying to murder Hajime. 

What he walked into was not a fight. In fact, he wasn’t even really sure what was going on. Hajime was standing there with the most helpless, guilty face he’d ever seen. Tooru was being coaxed by Hiro into the bathroom. Issei’s eyes widened, and he glanced at Hajime. 

“I didn’t know he couldn’t sleep in his contacts. He’s fallen asleep with them before,” Hajime muttered, his eyebrows knitting in concern. 

“What…?” Issei followed Hajime to the bathroom. 

Hiro was washing his hands, and snapping at Tooru to do the same. 

“You’re a fucking idiot, Tooru. You have had this happen to you before. Do you actually want to go blind? For fuck sake…” Hiro was chastising. “You smell like shit. Wash your hands.” 

“You’re being mean!” Tooru sobbed. “Stop yelling at me.” 

“Shut up,” Hiro snapped. 

“You could be nicer…” Hajime grumbled. 

“You can shut up too. You’re the one who put him to bed.” 

“I don’t wear contacts. He’s fallen asleep with them before,” Hajime was pleading. 

“Stop talking so loud!” 

“What’s that?” Hiro yelled. 

“Makki, stop!” 

“Yeah, dude, you’re being an asshole,” Issei chimed in. 

“Nobody asked you.” Hiro glared at him. “Okay, babe, calm down. Issei, do you guys have any eye drops?” 

“Uh...I don’t know. Maybe?” 

“Yeah, they’re right here.” Hajime walked past them to the cabinet, pulling Tooru into a hug and pressing a kiss to forehead. “It’ll be okay.” 

“It hurts, Iwa-chan.” 

“I know.” 

Hajime pulled out a bottle of aspirin too, popping open the bottle and placing the pills in Tooru’s hand. Hiro rolled his eyes, pulling Tooru from Hajime. Issei sighed, walking toward the kitchen. It felt like just when he had Hiro figured out, he’d come out of left field like that. He thought Tooru and him were close, that Hiro never treated his best friend like trash, and yet there he was. He didn’t like it, and he was sure if Hajime wasn’t so worried about the boyfriend, then he would be fighting the guy. Plus Hiro seemed to be helping Tooru, albeit as an asshole.

He started a pot of coffee, grabbed a bottle out of refrigerator, and went back down to the bathroom. Tooru was sitting on the floor whimpering while Hiro was holding his eyelid open with his finger trying to get something. Issei stopped, dropping the bottle, mouth open. 

“What the fuck?” Issei glanced at Hajime. 

“Apparently his contacts moved, and folded over, so they’re trying to fish them out.” 

“Ew. See this is why glasses are the better choice. If I ever have to wear them, and consider contacts, remind me of this moment.” Issei shook his head. 

“That’s why he stopped wearing them, actually,” Hiro muttered. “Mostly wore them for volleyball, and because he thought he looked better with them, but he has a terrible habit of not taking them out. This happens or he gets an infection. Stop moving!”

Issei nodded slowly. He picked up the bottle, handing it to Hajime, and walked into his room to change. He ran his hand through his hair and looked in the mirror. So he didn’t look like shit. Perfect. He fixed his mop of curls to be presentable, and slipped into some dark wash jeans, and a button down. 

Hajime was still looking worried when he came out of the room, but it seemed as though Pretty Boy had been rescued as he was now putting drops in his eyes, and the crying had stopped. 

“Can you see again, Pretty Boy?” 

“No,” he whimpered. “Not really.” 

Issei chuckled, shaking his head, and leaving the apartment. It was tradition to pick up burgers from the shop down the street after a long night of drinking, and he was sure Pretty Boy would need some. That had to be one hell of a morning after being that hungover. He could barely handle sunlight when he got plastered, and he had to endure the pain of folded contacts, Hiro yelling at him, and a bright light being shined straight in his eye. He needed something for his stomach. 

It was a nice day out. The sun was shining through the clouds, and the air was getting colder as November rolled in. The cool wind blew his hair around. He couldn’t wait for it to get cold. He loved cold. Back home it would snow, and he and Hajime always started snowball fights with each other, and helped Anastasia with her snowmen, and snow angels. Tokyo didn’t really get much if any. It was kind of disheartening. It didn’t get that cold, but he loved it.  

Coming back with four bags of greasy burgers, fries, and drinks had made him the hero of the morning. Tooru’s eyes were bloodshot, and he looked pathetic as he laid in Hajime’s arms. He perked up at the prospect of food. The guy must have been starving since Issei didn’t see him eat a damn thing except a few slices of pizza before the party to pregame.

“Where’d Hiro go?” Issei asked softly as to not make Tooru’s headache worse. He knew that pain all too well. 

“He went to get Tooru’s glasses from their apartment,” Hajime told him, pressing a kiss to Tooru’s head. 

“Thank you for the food, Mattsun.” Tooru smiled, rubbing his eyes. 

“Yeah, no problem.” Issei gave him a warm, crooked smile. 

\---------

Weekends at work were boring without Tooru. It wasn’t that Hiro didn’t like working with Suga, because he did, but Saturdays and Sundays were days with Tooru except he’d traded shifts with Tooru so he could go to the party. Things were different with Suga and Akaashi. He couldn’t talk to them the same way, and it often felt forced. They didn’t like to play around as much. 

The shop was boring, and Hiro was sipping on a coffee thinking about the previous night, and that morning. He _hated_ when Tooru drank too much. Hangovers were the worst, and Hiro remembered them all to well. He hated that he had to be so mean to his friend, but there was one thing he knew about Tooru. To get him to do something as important as fishing contacts out of his eyes when he’s hungover, you had to be stern with him. Besides, he needed to make sure his hangovers were miserable because he wished someone would have done it to him. Then maybe things would be different.

Spending time with Issei had been nice. They’d walked around in silence, and gone to the park. It was what he needed. He knew shouldn’t have gone because it made his skin crawl, and his stomach twist trying to pull him back in. But that was in the past. He even would have had to remind Tooru about it if he’d been the one to walk with him, but Issei wouldn’t press. He let Hiro talk when he needed to, and let him be quiet when he needed to without incessant prying. It was nice. 

He found a smile dancing on his lips at the thought. 

“Did you go to the party?” Suga asked from where he was cleaning one of the machines. “Tired?”

“I went for a little bit. Didn’t stay long. Tooru’s a mess.” 

Suga hummed, nodding his head in understanding. “How is school going?” 

“Okay. I’m trying to work on a piece, but I can’t get it right.” Hiro rubbed his face. 

“I’m sorry.”

After a moment of silence Hiro asked, “What about you?”

Suga closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to ground himself. “If I have to memorize one more molecule for organic chemistry, I’m going to kill someone.” 

“Like you’d kill someone,” Hiro laughed.

“Oh don’t be so sure.” Suga winked. “Tooru and I have much more in common than you think, remember.” 

Hiro nodded. That was true. Tooru and Suga were cut from the same cloth, though Hiro felt that Suga was more nurturing than Tooru. The latter was more playful. Both of them did have the cute, pretty exterior that housed potential wrath on whomever they deemed necessary. Hiro shuddered at the thought. He’d seen that before. 

They had made this one guy’s life hell a few almost a year ago after he started spreading rumors that he’d fucked Tooru and it was open market for anyone. Even said that he’d accept money for services. Tooru was so set on saving his virginity for someone who he was in love with it, and who was in love with him that he didn’t even let anyone give him a blowjob even though he’d get on his knees when he wanted to. Tooru had been getting prospects, and even had one guy corner him when he told him to get lost. The guy spreading rumors had actually been someone who Tooru had denied at a party, and because he was hurt, he did what he did. Suga and Tooru made his life so hard, the guy ended up switching universities. 

“Do you and Tooru want to come to my and Daichi’s apartment tonight for dinner? Daichi’s making yakisoba.” Suga smiled.

“I think we’re going to have to raincheck. Tooru’s hangover is _awful_. I don’t think I’ve seen him that bad.”

“Oh goodness. Well tell him I hope he feels better. Lots of water and electrolytes.” 

“Right. Thanks.” Hiro smiled. 

He glanced down when his phone buzzed. Issei. 

_Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie or something after work. Hajime and Tooru are probably going to be attached at the hip all day, and Tooru’s wanting to spend another night._

Hiro smiled down at his phone and texted a quick reply. 

_Sounds great! What movie and what time?_

_There’s a new mock horror film playing at 8._

_See you then. :) ___

__Hiro hit send, and went back to work._ _

__\---------_ _

__Issei couldn’t focus on his math homework, had no desire to go out to people watch, or take photos. All he could think about was last night with Hiro. Seeing him had made his heart skip a beat for some strange reason. He’d felt like a child seeing their best friend after a long summer apart. It was probably the alcohol mixing with the fact that he’d been told that Hiro wasn’t going to make it. It just enhanced that he was happy to see him. That was all._ _

__But then there was the walk through the city to that park where he’d seen Hiro sitting under the tree, his first picture of him. A candid shot of someone who he wanted to meet. Hiro went to the spot often. They’d gone there so many times since becoming friends, so it was okay to say it was their spot right? Because Hajime and he had a ramen spot, so it was okay to have a spot in the park with a friend, right? Right? But the difference was that that spot, Hiro let him in little by little._ _

__He looked at the picture he’d taken that morning for the millionth time that day. He and Hiro were going to go to the movies, so he needed to hide it just in case, but he couldn’t seem to move it onto his password protected laptop into the password protected folder with a password protected file. Maybe it was overkill, but Issei had a fear of losing his photos. Those meant so much to him. They were like pieces of life, and he’d often look back and see how his photography got better as time went on. It was back up in three different places. The image of the way his mother had looked when she lost all the photos of his sister and he kept him on edge. He had to do this._ _

__Hiro had been so beautiful that night with the soft silver light of the full moon. His eyes had shined with something that Issei had never been able to pinpoint no matter how much it went through his brain. When Hiro scooted next to him, fitting so perfectly under his arm, there was something about it. But it had been cold, and they were friends. It meant nothing._ _

__But then why had he felt the way he did when Hiro asked to sleep with him? No, _next_ to him. He threw his head back, as he slumped in the chair. He had felt warm? Was that the word to describe it? And god, just the way he curled up to Issei, the way he could feel Hiro’s breath on his skin made him get goosebumps. Did Tooru get goosebumps? Maybe he should ask him. Waking up next to Hiro was so nice. He looked so peaceful, so _beautiful_. He was a photographer after all, and he knew lighting. Perfect pictures. He stared at the picture again. _ _

___I wouldn’t mind waking up that that every morning._ _ _

__What? Where had that from? No. They were friends. Just friends. That’s it. Friends._ _

__He tossed his phone to the side, jumping up out of bed and knocking on Hajime’s door. When he’d gotten the okay, he walked in. Hajime had pinned a blanket over the window making it so dark, Issei had to wait for his eyes to adjust. Tooru was laying on his boyfriend, while a movie played on Hajime’s laptop. Hajime was rubbing Tooru’s back gently. Issei felt like he was interrupting something intimate._ _

__“I’ll come back later,” Issei said turning around._ _

__“No, it’s fine.” Hajime paused the movie, sitting up causing Tooru to whine and paw at his shirt. Hajime shushed him, and moved him of to him to the side eliciting a grumbled murmur from the man. “What’s up?”_ _

__“I need to talk to you...I think...I have...I need to talk to you,” Issei stuttered._ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__“Can I turn on a light? It’s so dark in here.”_ _

__“You can try the lamp.”_ _

__Hajime nodded toward the one on his desk. Tooru didn’t whimper, so Issei took it to mean that it wasn’t too bright. But then again, even with the brightness turned all the way down on the laptop, it was probably more intense than the small reading lamp. He sat down on the chair, facing Hajime, and pulled on his sleeves._ _

__“You can sit on the bed, if you want.” Hajime laughed._ _

__“Oh. Right.” Issei swallowed hard. He went over to the bed, sitting at the foot with his back against the wall. “So…” Where would he even start.  
“So?” Hajime prompted. _ _

__“Something weird happened last night.”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“Well see…” Issei glanced at Tooru who was curled up on the bed with his eyes closed._ _

__“He was asleep before. I think I just moved him a bit, but he’s back asleep.”_ _

__“So...I just…” Issei sighed. “You know I went out with Hiro to walk around.”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“And we do it all the time! But just...like...I said...I thought…” Issei shook his head trying to find the words._ _

__Hajime waited patiently, absently running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. Watching the motion was calming. The corners of his mouth twitched up. It’d been so long since his last boyfriend. He missed that, having someone like that._ _

__“We went to the park. There’s that part by the stream that’s away from everything? The place that I got to photograph the sky?” Hajime nodded. “We’ve gone there a lot. I thought of it as _our_ spot. But we can’t have a _spot_.” Issei sighed once more. _ _

__“You can have a spot.”_ _

__“We’re just friends?”_ _

__“Sure about that?”_ _

__“Shut up. You’re an asshole.”_ _

__“Shh, you’re going to wake up Tooru and he’s going to chastise you for cursing.” Hajime smirked at him._ _

__“Fuck you. I’m trying to talk to you.”_ _

__“Then talk.”_ _

__“Okay, so anyway. We talked. He told me some more about him, and I just...It’s like in shows when you’re left on that cliffhanger and you want to know so bad. _So bad!_ But you have to wait because it’s not like you can ask. He’s so closed off, and I don’t want to scare him. He’s going to do things on his time, you know? But god…_ _

__“And then he came home and he wanted to sleep in my room, and he curled up next to me, and my mind was screaming because holy shit he’s right here! He looked so nice in the moonlight. God, you should take Pretty Boy out in the moonlight. He’d be stunning.”_ _

__Issei paused, thinking it over. Was he being stupid? Should he even be in here talking? This was ridiculous. He was making a fool of himself, and in front of Hiro’s best friend no less. Granted...he was asleep._ _

__“I woke up this morning and saw him and…” Issei trailed off._ _

__“And?”_ _

__“And I thought something happened. I checked for clothes, and we were wearing them, but...part of me...No. No. Nope.”_ _

__Issei jumped up, ready to run. He’d said too much._ _

__“Hey.” Hajime jumped up grabbed him by the shoulders. “You listened to me for all that time. Talk to me.”_ _

__“Fine.” Issei took a deep breath. “Let me get my phone.”_ _

__He slipped into his room, closing the door behind him, and slid down. What was going on? He buried his face in his arms, groaning. Hajime knocked on the door._ _

__“Come on.”_ _

__“Fine…” Issei grumbled under his breath. He picked up his phone, pulled up the picture, opened the door and shoved it into Hajime’s hand. “I took this...and I thought...just for a moment...that I wouldn’t mind...waking up to that.”_ _

__Hajime raised his eyebrows, eyes widening just a bit. He wet his lips, and grinned at Issei. Before he could speak, Tooru was up clinging to Hajime. He squealed._ _

__“You’re in love!”_ _

__“What? I thought you had an awful hangover?” Issei narrowed his eyes._ _

__“I’m all better. Cured by love! Iwa-chan, gimme.” He took the picture and grinned. “Aw, in love!”_ _

__“Shut up! I am not.”_ _

__“Mattsun, you had a crush on him since the day you saw him.” Hajime crossed his arms._ _

__“Did not!”_ _

__“Did so.”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“You wouldn’t stop talking about Mystery Man.”_ _

__“Mystery Man?” Tooru gasped, tightening his grip on Hajime’s arm. “You gave him a nickname?”_ _

__“You’re one to talk. You wouldn’t shut up about Pretty Boy,” Issei snapped, crossing his arms._ _

__“Pretty B-” Hajime cut Tooru off with a kiss._ _

__“Because I had a crush, and now here we are.” He pulled Tooru into a hug. “You have a crush.”_ _

__“Fuck off. I _don’t_. It was the alcohol.” _ _

__“You’re not drunk now.”_ _

__Issei rolled his eyes, grabbing his phone from Tooru. He did _not_ have feelings for Hiro. Tooru and Hajime were full of shit. Just because they love each other, and are always trying to be disgusting, doesn’t mean he has the same feelings toward Hiro. They were friends. He was just someone cool to hang out with. He was just Hiro. They talked and joked, and every so often, Hiro would reveal a little part of himself. _ _

__“Does he like you?” Tooru asked, trailing him into the kitchen._ _

__“I don’t know. You tell me.” Issei rolled his eyes, just wanting to be left alone. “Besides, it’s not like a care. I don’t like him in that way. We’re just friends. I told you that.”_ _

__“Just friends don’t feel like that, Mattsun.” Tooru winked._ _

__“You’re one to talk.”_ _

__It was Tooru’s turn to roll his eyes. He leaned against the wall, and crossed his arms. “Friends don’t feel all warm and fuzzy like that, or think they could spend forever waking up next to them. And friend’s don’t wish they hook up.”_ _

__“What? You were supposed to be asleep.”_ _

__“Hajime woke me up when he moved me off him to talk to you. I was _trying_ to go back to sleep but _some people_ decided to talk about how Mattsun is in love. And...you didn’t deny it.” Tooru winked._ _

__Issei grumbled under his breath about he wished Tooru still had a hangover. Tooru snapped at him for being rude, and that was it. He wasn’t going to deal with this anymore. He had tried to talk to his best friend about something that was going on, and he was feeling bombarded and attacked. He grabbed some water, and a pack of pastries, before going to his room and slamming the door shut._ _

__Now all there was left to do was try to work on homework before the movie._ _

__\---------_ _

__High school and junior high kids were everywhere. Most of them were being so annoying. You could tell they were feeling cool to be out enjoying themselves alone. But this was exactly why they shouldn’t be allowed in public. Issei glared at some kids who were jumping on each others backs, narrowly avoiding knocking him over. Had he been this stupid in high school? He didn’t think so. Not that he remembered. It’d only been a few years, but it was like this Issei wouldn’t even recognize teenager Issei. That was probably for the best._ _

__He moved a little further away, pulling out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He needed to calm his nerves while he waited for Hiro. He watched everyone walking around the outside of the theatre. There was so much excitement, and happiness when he looked past kids being obnoxious. They were kids after all, but that was beside the point. Mothers were taking small children who were bouncing up and down for what was probably their first movie in the theatre. It made him smile. They were amazing, people. You’d see so much more good in the world if you just took the time to watch._ _

__“I see you’re being a creepy stalker as per usual.”_ _

__Issei shook his head, letting out a silent laugh. “Don’t you draw people?”_ _

__“Yes, but I’m not staring at them and taking pictures.”_ _

__“You’re such a dick.”_ _

__“Thank you.” Hiro winked. “Can I get one of those?”_ _

__“Why Hiro, I think I’m a bad influence on you,” Issei said handing him the pack._ _

__“You have no idea.” Hiro shook his head. “You swear you’re not telling Tooru?”_ _

__“I’m not a snitch, Hanamaki.”_ _

__Hiro laughed, and leaned against the wall next to Issei. Issei couldn’t keep his eyes from turning to take a peak at Hiro. He was watching the teenagers playing around with a nostalgic look on his face._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Nothing. It’s just...that was how Tooru and I were, and I can’t help that think that I tried to grow up too fast, you know? I mean I know I did, but I didn’t realize it at the time. Now seeing kids, just be kids…” He shook his head, and took a long drag of his cigarette._ _

__“Yeah, I guess.” Issei shrugged, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray near where they were standing._ _

__“We always want to grow up, don’t we? And we inevitably do,” Hiro murmured. He leaned back against the wall. “Biggest fucking scam of all time. Kids should be kids for as long as possible. You have your whole life to be an adult. I wish someone had told me that. Tooru’s like that. He loves to have fun, be a kid. It helps that he has a nephew he’s super close with.”_ _

__“Hey, I personally like being an adult.” Issei shrugged. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.”_ _

__“You gotta be careful.” Hiro put his cigarette out to, and started walking toward the box office._ _

__“Actually, I bought you a ticket.”_ _

__“Oh. Thanks.” Hiro offered a small smile. “Then let me get snacks.”_ _

__“No!” Hiro narrowed his eyes. “I mean...I asked you so I should pay, you know?”_ _

__“Ooookay.”_ _

__Hiro stared at him for a moment. Issei’s heart was beating so loud, he hoped Hiro couldn’t hear it. He had to stay cool. God, he was going to pay for him. What was this, a date? Why was he even thinking about it. Fucking Oikawa and Iwaizumi. They could go fuck themselves putting these stupid thoughts into his head._ _

__They got concessions, and found their seats. Hiro kicked his feet up on the bar, snuggling down in his seat. He threw some popcorn his mouth, offering some to Issei. He took a handful chastising himself for agreeing to only one bucket. This wasn’t a date. He shared a bucket with Hajime all the time. This was no different. So why did it feel that way?_ _

__He thanked all the gods that at that moment, the lights dimmed. He was sure his face was burning. It was times like this he wished you could drink in the theatre because then it could just be flush from that. He slid down further in his seat. He couldn’t help but notice how close they were. The arm rest was up to keep the popcorn between them._ _

__Issei took a deep breathe, and tried to focus on the movie, but Hiro’s laugh was so musical. _Get a hold of yourself Issei. It’s just Hajime and Tooru messing with your head._ He took a drink of his soda, trying to clear his head. He’d been wanting to see this movie for months ever since he saw the trailer, but now Hajime had a boyfriend, and didn’t want to go. On top of that, Hajime had gotten into his head so badly that he couldn’t even enjoy it. _ _

__As the jokes in the movie started to get more regular, Issei found himself relaxing and enjoying himself between the candy and popcorn, this was really what he needed. He went to get a handful of popcorn only to realize he and Hiro had reached in at the same time. He turned his head so fast he was surprised that it didn’t fly off his neck. Hiro didn’t seem to notice. Just grabbed a handful, and started throwing the pieces one by one in his mouth._ _

__The movie ended, and they walked to the metro together talking about the movie. Well...Hiro was talking about the movie. Issei was just kind of going with whatever Hiro had to say. His head was swimming, and his stomach was churning. He looked at Hiro, and his heart skipped a beat. Their hands brushed against each other’s, and Issei tripped over his own feet._ _

__“You okay?” Hiro laughed._ _

__“M’fine.” Issei grinned. “I guess I’m just tired.”_ _

__“Yeah.” Hiro nodded. They reached where their lines parted. “I’ll see you Monday, I guess? I’ll text you.”_ _

__“Okay. No problem. I’ll look forward to it.”_ _

__Issei’s breath caught in his throat. Why had he said that? Hiro stared at him for a moment before smiling and letting out a soft laugh._ _

__“Good night, Issei.”_ _

__“Good night, Hiro.”_ _

__Issei watched him leave, unable to move. People pushed past him, but it wasn’t until Hiro was out of his vision, and a little kid ran into him that he was pulled back. He leaned against the beam for a moment before kicking a stray rock._ _

___Fuck. I like him._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment because it'll make me so happy and motivate me to write more. Honestly the past two updates have been around a week-ish apart, and that's literally to you guys. <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! I am feeling so great about keeping up with a schedule! Remember Friday, Saturday, or Sunday updates. Enjoy~

Hiro felt like a complete failure. Weeks had gone by and he could still not get his pieces right. His professors were grilling him, trying to get him to focus. He wondered if this was why they were professors, because they obviously knew nothing of what it was like to be an artist. Sometimes you hit blocks. Sometimes you want throw out every piece of art you’ve ever made because obviously you’re a shitty artist. The number of times he’d thrown his supplies in the trash, only to have Tooru pick them out the next day was innumerous. 

It was nice having his best friend being a writer. Tooru threw his laptop across his bed, cried over how much he hated his newest piece. Whether it was fanfiction, original fiction, poetry for some assignment, or one of those stupid writing exercises with the topics they had to write about. Those professors also were obviously not familiar with writing. Because if they did, they’d know you can’t make an author come out with some stellar work when you boxed the creativity. 

He fucking hated it. He wanted to drop out of art school, and do some trade. Sure, it wouldn’t look as pretty, but at least he wouldn’t have to be dealing with this absolute bullshit. He envied Issei. Photography seemed so simple. Hell Tooru took a million pictures a day on his phone that looked amazing. Issei had told him that it was difficult, but at points like this, Hiro couldn’t help but feel like it was complete bullshit. All that art school had done was make him hate art. 

He flopped on his bed, glaring at the ceiling. How _dare_ his professors say that his work was sloppy, and that he wasn’t trying? How _dare_ they say that because he couldn’t work with the medium they wanted him to because it was new it was the worst thing they’d ever seen. What he wouldn’t give for a class where he could just sketch. That was his thing. That was his favorite way to do it. The sound of the pencil on the paper, and amazing scratching sound on that emanated from it. 

He glanced at the artwork of his tattoos. A smile danced on his lips, while a pang of pain clenched his heart. Each piece meant something to him. He remembered the day that he and Tooru had gotten each other’s constellations for their zodiac sign tattooed on their forearm. Tooru had complained that Hiro had less stars than his. But really it fit the tattoo of the alien spaceship, circled by “I want to believe,” “The truth is out there,” and “Trust no one.” A little ode to his late father. It was beautiful. He wanted to do this for someone. Sketching was what he liked to do. 

He didn’t have much more time to wallow in frustrations because Tooru entered his room, and flopped down on Hiro’s bed next to him. Hiro smiled at him and planted a kiss on his forehead. 

“What’s up, Babe?”

“Nothing. You?” Tooru turned on his side, resting his head on his hand. 

“Being pissed off. I think I’m just going to drop out of art school, and go do some trade. I hear that welders get paid pretty well. Or I could stay at the coffee shop forever. Apparently, according to my professors, my art is sloppy.” 

Tooru gasped. “Your art is not sloppy.” 

“It is.” Hiro groaned, laying back onto his back, and dug in palms into his eyes. “Fuck. I hate abstract art. One of my classmates literally threw neon paint onto a black canvas, and made this bullshit story of how it was this metaphor for the chaos of the world. Can you believe that? I hate oil painting. God, I hate it. Why can’t I just have a class where I can sketch?

“I don’t know.” Tooru frowned, playing with the bedsheets. 

“I have this one assignment to paint something that shows an strong meaning from your past. The only problem is I don’t know what.” 

Tooru hummed, nodding. He chewed his lip. “You could do when you decided to get clean.”

Hiro froze, staring at his best friend. His past was part of him. He wished he’d never gone to that concert. He should have stayed home because Tooru’s parents were letting him go. They could have had a sleepover, and ate pizza, and watched a movie. He would have never met Haruki. He would have never gone down that past. He would be a different person entirely, but part of him wondered if he’d even like that person. He liked who he was now. He was stronger for it, and he’d learned so much. There was wisdom, and maturing that came with it. Still, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to reveal that part of himself. 

“I’d feel so...vulnerable. Besides how would I do that?” Hiro turn on his side to face his best friend, laying his head on his arm. 

“Isn’t art about being vulnerable? You said you needed an assignment about being abstract, right? So maybe...do that?”

Hiro thought for a moment. “I don’t know how to do abstract art. It’s just so...so….” 

“Abstract?” Tooru grinned.

“Shut up,” Hiro let out a soft laugh, shoving Tooru’s arm causing him to lose balance eliciting a small scream. 

“Mean!” Tooru fixed his glasses that had moved with the shove. 

“You had it coming.” Hiro smirked. “But yeah, it’s just not really my thing? I like sketching. I like drawing. Watercolors, whatever. I’m just not a big fan of painting even though I feel like I’m relatively good at it.” He sighed. “What do you think?” 

“Well...what did it feel like when you first went to rehab?” Tooru immediate followed with, “If you don’t mind talking about it.” 

“No, no. I can talk to you about the world.” Hiro swallowed, turning his eyes to the sheets. “Scared. I had no idea what to expect. I’d just gotten out of that abusive _family_. I was worried they’d come find me. God…” Hiro shook his head. “The cramping, the chills, insomnia, the nightmares when I could sleep, the sweating. It hurt like hell. Having to beg to get something to help. Questioning if this was really all worth it. But, but I knew that it was. I knew that if I didn’t do that, if I didn’t leave, I was going to die alone, without any family or friends. I thought about everything I’d done to you, to your family, to my parents, to my step siblings. I swear to god, Tooru, once I start making real money, I’ll make it up to you.” 

Tooru brushed a stray hair out of Hiro’s face. “Don’t worry about it, Makki-chan. It wasn’t you.” 

“Stop saying that. Be like my older step siblings and hate me for it.” 

“I could never hate you.” Tooru smiled. “What else?” 

“When the withdrawal finally ended, and I was just...I realized how strong I was. It was overwhelming. It was like trying to learn how to live again. Everything changed. I wanted nothing more than to make it through, to stay clean. Because it was never really my choice to get addicted. I didn’t know they were going to lace the weed.” Hiro was silent. “I found me again. I wanted to make something of myself. I knew the second I got out and saw my mom and dad waiting for me, I was going to go home and apply for art school. I knew I could do it.” 

Hiro brushed a stray tear off his face. Tooru nodded. 

“So...take those feelings and put them on paper or canvas or whatever. Just like it flow through you, through the brush, and onto the canvas. Let it out. Because you can do it. I know you can.” Tooru pressed a kiss to Hiro’s cheek. “I believe in you.” 

“Thanks. At least one of us does. What about you? Why’d you come in here?”

“Just to talk to you.” 

“I know you wanted to talk about something.” Hiro smirked. 

“Well...see...I’m writing a thing, and this is only for research, Makki. Research.” 

Tooru’s eyes were so serious, it made Hiro want to laugh. There was just something about Tooru learning new things, researching stuff that amused Hiro. To see him do hours of research to write something was just amazing, but also a bit unnecessary. Just like when he was looking up customs of things that Hajime’s family didn’t even really do was amusing. Because he was stubborn, and wanted to put so much effort into things that nobody would read. That wasn’t true, no, he had hundreds of subscribers online just waiting for updates on various fanfictions, and originals. 

“Ask away, babe.” 

“What’s sex like?” 

“What?” 

“Sex. What’s it like?” 

“You’ve been writing smut for how many years? And now you want to ask?” Hiro laughed. 

“I did research online.” Tooru rolled his eyes. “But I wanted to ask you because you have experience, and I’m trying to improve as a writer. I want it to be more accurate.” 

“Fine.” Hiro rolled his eyes. “I personally love it. Miss it a hell of a lot.” 

“Oooh, you know what? Maybe you could find someone soon. You know...maybe. Because you miss it.” Tooru forced a smile. “Because I’m sure that there is someone who’s interested.” 

Hiro narrowed his eyes. “What are you suggesting?”

“Nothing! Nothing.” Tooru let out a soft laugh. “But anyway...what’s the first time like. Anal, I mean. Like bottom.” 

“I thought you wrote Mulder and Scully mostly.” 

“It’s for an original.” 

“Oooh, can I read it?” Hiro’s eyes lit up at the prospect. He loved Tooru’s originals.

“Um...well…” Tooru wet his lips, averting his eyes. “I think that you wouldn’t, um, like it so far.” 

“You know I love your writing. Don’t you always ask me to beta?” 

“Um, well, see, um, the tutoring center has some editors. They can read your stuff, and yeah.” 

“You’re going to turn in smut to a stranger?” Hiro laughed. 

“No!” Tooru smacked him. “It’s not smut. It’s a love scene.” 

“Okay…” Hiro rolled his eyes. “It hurts. Like not a lot. Well it depends on if the person knows what they’re doing. If they do, then it’s a bit easier. Lube, god, never enough lube. Condom, of course. Prep is key. Um...toys or fingers or whatever to get you all stretched and prepped. I’ve heard of people having a great first time with no pain. But for the majority I’ve had contact with, it hurts a bit. If it hurts a lot, stop. That’s not supposed to happen. It’s uncomfortable as shit the first few times. Once you get used to it, it’s great. Relax and it’ll feel better.” 

Hiro buried his face in his arms. “God, Tooru, I miss it!” 

“Like I said...maybe someone is interested.” 

“I swear to god.” 

“Okay, okay, so, in the scene, I should write it with like...lots of lube, and stretching, and then condom and stick it in?” Tooru’s eyes had something akin to innocence in his eyes ironically considering the topic. 

“I mean...yeah, I guess?” 

“Okay.” Tooru was quiet for a moment. “So...um...is there anything they should do before?”

“It’d probably be good if you take a shit before. It could get gross otherwise. And ruin the whole experience.” 

“You’re so crude, Makki!” 

“You’re the one who brought up sex!” 

“Fine.” Tooru pouted. “Okay, but anything else?”

“Clean up?”

“Okay…” Tooru took a deep breath. “Makki?” 

“Hm?”

“How do you know it’s the right time?” 

“You just kind of know, I guess.” Hiro shrugged. “For me it was just I was curious, it sounded fun. Some people just hook up because they enjoy sex, like how you enjoy to make out, and suck people off. Other people, like you, wait for love. It just depends on how you want to make your character. I think there’s no wrong way to do it so long as the person wants it.” 

Tooru nodded, staying quiet. Hiro could see him thinking. The gears turning in Tooru’s head were more obvious in Tooru’s eyes than Hiro had ever noticed from anyone, even before he didn’t want to interact with anyone else. There was so much that was different about his best friend which was why he was so comforting. 

“Would you be disappointed in me if I ever did it?” Tooru asked slowly. 

“What?” Hiro laughed. “No. It’s not like I can talk at all. I’d never be disappointed. If you want to fuck someone, by all means. But you have to want it, okay? Don’t let anyone pressure you.” 

Tooru nodded, turning his eyes down. 

“Wait...is Iwaizumi pressuring you into something?”

“No.” 

“Are you thinking about it?” 

“Not more than I usually do when I date someone and love them.” Tooru offered a soft smile. “You know I want to be in love.” 

“You said you’re in love with Iwaizumi?” Hiro narrowed his eyes. 

Tooru sighed. “You say I’m in love with everyone I date.”

“Which is true. You’re over here wearing your heart on your sleeve, but you have a good head on your shoulders.” Hiro nudged him with a smile. 

“Yeah.” Tooru thought for a minute. “Makki?” 

“Hm?”

“Can you stop calling him Iwaizumi? I don’t like that. It makes it seem like you don’t like him. It’s formal and stiff.” 

“I’ll call him what I damn well please, Oikawa.” Tooru narrowed his eyes, causing Hiro to laugh. “I’ll think about it, Babe.” 

“Okay,” Tooru almost whispered before snuggling up to Hiro. “I love you, Makki. And I think you’re an amazing artist. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Babe. I’m excited to go to your first book signing.” 

“If people even buy real books…” Tooru grumbled under his breath. 

Hiro let out a silent laugh, and wrapped his arm around him. “I’m sure there will be. If not, I’ll be the one to buy fifty hardcopies.”

“Such a good friend,” Tooru murmured. 

Hiro smiled, kissing the top of his best friend’s head before they drifted off into a nap before work. 

\---------

Issei fiddled with the lens on his camera absently. The last two weeks had been difficult. Coming to terms with the fact that he had feelings for Hiro had been mind boggling. He never would have guessed that this would be the case. How could he have known? It didn't make sense. He wasn't supposed to have feelings for him. He wasn't supposed to have feeling for anyone. It hadn't been long enough since the last boyfriend. That had been heartbreaking. He hadn't seen it coming, and after four years, it was over. Issei had been content to just be a five year old's pretend boyfriend. Now this. 

He'd practically avoided Hiro at all costs, but that wasn't going to be sustainable. They talked in class, sure. But outside it was just texts, and Issei making excuses about being busy with school and work. 

Technically it wasn't a lie. He did have a lot of school work he needed to do. His project was due in a month and a half, and he still had no idea what he was going to do. Every picture on his camera was a potential candidate, with the running idea that student life would be the best option. It'd be raw, real, relatable, and humorous. But would his professor find it as a amusing was the real question. 

And he had been working a lot, though by his own choice to have an excuse to not spend time with Hiro while also not feeling like a shitty person, and also making some money out of it. He didn't mind working really. He had friends there, and even though his boss was an asshole, and the tourists were awful, he generally did like it. 

Still...he felt like a shitty person. So maybe that's why he was packing up his camera to head over to the coffee shop. That way he could see Hiro, talk to him, and have an excuse to not stay long. God...he felt like a shitty person. Hiro told him how hard it was for him to trust people, and here was being that asshole. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around him, but he knew it would ruin the entire friendship if he let these feelings strengthen. 

The moment he walked through the front door, and heard Hiro laughing, he knew he was a goner by the way his heart flutter, and a small smile came to his face. Fuck...

"Mattsun!" Tooru called in a singsong voice, waving, and brandishing his signature smile. 

"Hey," Issei said, walking toward the counter. 

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Hiro smirked. "What's up stranger?"

God, that smirk. Had it always been this cute? Or was he just noticing everything like it was brand new because of his stupid feelings. Probably caught them from Hajime and Tooru. Assholes. His hair was nicer today too. The sunlight made it look more pink than usual. 

“Just coming to say hello, and get some caffeine.” Issei shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. 

“What do you want me to make?” Tooru asked, a knowing grin on his face as he eyes flashed to Hiro. 

Issei wanted to smack that look off Tooru’s face. The past two weeks, ever since he came home from that movie with Hiro, Hajime and Tooru wouldn’t leave him the hell alone, especially Tooru because apparently it was his duty to set them up as Hiro’s best friend. He wanted to crawl in a hole and die. He swore if either of his friends said one more fucking thing about his feelings that were definitely ridiculous, might he add, he was going to scream.  

“Um...I guess I’ll just get a-” 

“Makki, what’s your favorite drink? I think it would be a good suggestion for Issei, don’t you think?” Tooru stared at his friend with that stupid fucking smile. 

“I think he was ordering, Babe.” Hiro winked. 

“Okay, but really Makki. What is it?”

“You know what it is, idiot.” Hiro tossed a coffee sleeve at Tooru, hitting him straight in the eye. Luckily he was back to wearing his glasses, or that could have been another rendition of the infamous contact incident of 2015. 

“Rude!” Tooru threw it back at him starting an all out war. 

Issei leaned against the counter, sneaking a quick photo of it. They both stopped as the flash went off. His breath caught in his throat as they stared at him. Then the two started throwing sleeves at Issei. The three of them laughed, throwing little cardboard sleeves until a one of the professors from the university cleared his throat. They hid the sleeves behind their back, and Tooru quickly jumped in to take the order. 

“So is this what you guys do at work?” Issei smirked, crossing his arms in front of him. 

“Only when I work with this nerd.” Hiro nudged into Tooru. 

“Hey, Makki, isn’t it your break? Why don’t you go talk to Mattsun? Shoo, shoo.” Tooru waved him off. 

“What about my coffee?” Issei raised an eyebrow. 

“I’ll make you something special. The Makki special!” Tooru winked. 

“I swear to god…” Issei grumbled, turning away, and following Hiro to a table in the corner. 

“So…” Issei said. 

“So?” Hiro grinned. 

“What have you been up to?” 

“Work, school. My professors are being complete assholes. Can you believe that they said that I was a shitty artist who obviously doesn’t take art seriously enough to give my all? Like holy fucking shit. I have tried so hard that-look.”

Hiro held out his hands. Issei stared at them. Had they always been like that? Hands of an artist? Paint stained his skin and under and around his nails. Something that looked sort of like clay was there too. Charcoal and pencil lead colored the side of his hand a dark silver. It was beautiful, and yet Issei had wondered how he could work with coffee and food with his hands like that. 

“They’re not dirty if that’s what you’re thinking.” Hiro pulled his hands back. “They’re just stained. I have to explain that to people sometimes. But it’s like, I put my all into everything. I have clothes stained with paint and clay and shit. Like fuck, it’s not my fault I’m not into oil painting, and pottery. I sketch. I draw. That’s my thing. And I try so fucking hard to get what they want, and apparently it’s not good enough. I’m so over it. And I’m so frustrated, I can’t even draw anymore. I don’t...What am I supposed to do?” 

Hiro stared at him, his eyes glassy. Issei wanted to pull him into a hug, and tell him everything was okay. He wanted to protect him from their harsh words and criticism. It made his blood boil that anyone would dare say that about Hiro. He was an amazing artist, and Issei didn’t understand how anyone could think otherwise. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be just dumping all of this on you.” Hiro drummed his fingers on the table, bouncing his leg. 

“No, dude, it’s okay. We’re friends. You can talk to me about whatever you want. I’m always free to listen.” 

“Thanks…” Hiro offered a small smile. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re an amazing artist.” Hiro’s eyes jumped to his. When he didn’t say anything, Issei continued. “I kind of get where you’re coming from. I have to take film credits, and I honestly suck at film. The thing is, I really don’t try because I don’t give a shit. I’m there for photography, and I just do the bare minimum to pass. Maybe try to just brush off what they’re saying?”

Hiro laughed, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Film and photography are so similar. I can see how it’s difficult to switch, but like...they’re _so similar_. But all the art classes I’m taking are so different, and it’s required for the program. Just...I just want this degree. I want to make something of myself because I need to prove to myself that I mean something.” Hiro slapped his hand to his mouth, and paled like he’d just seen a ghost. “I didn’t…” 

“Don’t worry about it. We all are, you know?” 

Hiro nodded slowly, and his muscles seemed to relax. 

“How about we do something to get your mind off your asshole professors?” 

Hiro eyes lit up, and a smile emerged from his face. “There’s an art gallery open downtown that I’m really wanting to go to. It’s only going to be open for a weekend, and they’re going to showcase some of the best artists in Tokyo. I really want to go. God, I’d love to go.” 

“Then let’s go. Let me see when and where. If the art is shitty, we can make our own commentary.” 

Hiro laughed, shaking his head again. He pulled out his phone to pull up the information. The smile melted from his face. He chewed his lip for a moment before pocketing the phone. 

“Nevermind. Maybe we can see a movie again.” 

“What? What happened? Is it sold out?” 

“No, nevermind. I can’t afford that, so…” Hiro swallowed. “Sorry, I need to be getting back. My break’s over. I’ll see you later? We can get together, okay?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Issei watched him go back to the counter. He didn’t look the same as he did before this. He looked so...sad? Disappointed? Tooru sat the cup down on the table, and leaned in.

“You should take him to the art show for a date. He’s been talking about it for the past week and a half.” 

“What?” 

“I heard you guys talking about it.” Tooru waved his hand like it was no big deal. “Take him on a date.” 

“We’re not dating,” Issei hissed, eyes flying to where Hiro was cleaning the counter. 

“Not yet.” Tooru winked before walking back to work. 

Issei stared at them. They made it look so comfortable, so easy. He missed when things were comfortable with Hiro. Maybe he could get back to that. He hated the way Hiro didn’t look happy. He maybe be smiling and laughing with Tooru, but that was his best friend. Nothing that Hiro had told him sounded like he was in a good place. And what did he mean he wanted to make something of himself to prove he meant something? Issei wanted to make him happy. Hiro had been happy once, hadn’t he? Truly happy? Not guarded. He wanted to bring that back. 

He pulled out his phone, looking up art shows for that weekend, and found the one Hiro wanted to go to. He bought the tickets before he even realized what he was doing. His bank account might take a hit, but it was worth it to make Hiro smile like that, and if he could just bring back this Hanamaki Takahiro that he knew once existed who was happy and carefree. He made a quick reservation one of the nicest restaurants he knew of too. He would take Hiro on a night on the town. Hiro deserved that, and more.

Issei packed up his things, and quickly rushed out of the coffee shop before he could do something stupid. He couldn’t wait to surprise him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. Please leave a comment! It would make so happy, and they're like motivation fuel. Until next time! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! An early update! I'm really excited for this chapter. I really hope y'all like it. Heads up, it's really long. I'm sorry, but is that really a problem? Lol Enjoy! :D

Hiro grumbled to himself as Tooru took out yet another outfit for him to try on. Why couldn’t he just go in a pair of slacks, and a nice button down? This wasn’t his first art show, nor was it his first time going somewhere formal, but Tooru insisted for some stupid reason saying that he had to look perfect since Issei had gone through the trouble of buying the tickets, and making reservations on one of the nicest restaurants around. So he was going on an hour of this mess. He couldn’t wait until Tooru had to leave for work so he could have some peace. 

He had been shocked when Issei told him he’d bought the tickets for the art show. Hiro didn’t want to accept them because it was so expensive. He didn’t feel comfortable with it, but Issei told him the tickets were non-refundable, so there was nothing left to do. Issei refused his offer to let him pay back for the ticket since he knew Hiro worked to live rather that Issei who worked for spending money, and to save up for after college. His parents paid his rent, and tuition, even gave him money for groceries. Working was a way that Issei could feel like he wasn’t completely helpless. That had settled the guilt just a bit, but the restaurant was overboard, but Issei insisted that if they were going to go to a fancy art show, they should continue pretending to be among the Tokyo elite, though they wouldn’t be caught dead there. 

It still didn’t feel real. 

“There! I think this one would be perfect!” Tooru beamed, pushing another shirt toward him that looked identical to the last ten to Hiro. 

He rolled his eyes, pulling it on. Tooru nodded, a smile dancing on his lips. He grabbed a red tie from the bed, and wrapped it around Hiro’s neck, tying it into the perfect knot. He held up the blazer for Hiro to slip into. Tooru smoothed it out, before stepping back, finally satisfied. 

“Perfect.”

“I think you should be majoring in fashion rather than literature.” 

“Ugh, no. Fashion isn’t something I’m good at making, just at piecing together. “ Tooru smiled. “It’s so nice of Mattsun to buy you those tickets and take you to a movie.” 

“Yeah. I still think it’s too much,” Hiro said absently taking out his piercings, and putting them up. 

“He’s really sweet, don’t you think? He’s so handsome too.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Hiro looked at his friend in the mirror. “Why do you care so much?” 

“No reason. I just think he’s really cute, and sweet. Just like Iwa-chan.”

“You’re an idiot.” Hiro laughed.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you. I’m going to be going to Iwa-chan’s house after work.” 

“I know.” 

“Oh.” Tooru was quiet for a minute. “I’m spending the night.” 

“Huh...Okay.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Nothing. Just Issei mentioned going to Sendai this weekend for his wife’s birthday. I figured _Iwa-chan_ would go too.”

Tooru shook his head. Hiro could see in the mirror, Tooru chewing on his lip, and tugging at his sleeves nervously. “Iwa-chan didn’t say anything.” 

“Okay.” Hiro shrugged, turning around. “What’s up with you? You look nervous.” 

“I’m not nervous.” 

“You look nervous.” 

“Just…” Tooru let out a shaky breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff, and there’s something I think I want to do that I haven’t before. I’m just nervous, but an excited nervous.” 

“Oh yeah? What?” 

“I’ll tell you later. It’s a surprise.” 

“You’re such a nerd,” Hiro laughed. 

“Rude.” Tooru rolled his eyes. “I have to go to work. Tell me how it goes, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Hiro smiled.

“Good!” Tooru hugged him tight, and kissed him on the cheek. “Have fun with Mattsun, okay? Because he’s so nice.”

“I will.” 

With one last smile, Tooru was on his way out for work. 

\---------

Issei was sitting on the couch with his laptop in his lap watching YouTube when he was supposed to be working on his project when Hajime practically ran into the apartment, throwing the door open and kicking off his shoes so fast that he almost fell down. Issei laughed closing the computer. 

“Where are you going so fast?” 

Hajime swallowed, his eyes darting around the apartment. He took a few deep breaths before walking a bit too calmly toward the hall. 

“Nothing. I just...I’m running late. We have to catch that train to catch. And I haven’t finished packing, so I’m going to do that,” Hajime wet his lips quickly, not making eye contact. 

“Calm down. It’s only for the weekend. You don’t really have to pack much.” Issei leaned back, resting his feet on the coffee table. 

“I...um...well…” He swallowed. “Aren’t you supposed to do something with Mak- um, Hiro? How long do you think that’d be?” 

“Yeah, we’re supposed to go to an art show and then grab dinner. I promise I’ll be at the station in time.” 

“You’re packed?” 

“Nah. I have clothes and a toothbrush back home. Just going to be me.” Issei smirked. 

“Did you get Anastacia her present?” 

“I _am_ her present, Hajime.” 

“Issei-”

“I’m joking. Of course I did. I ordered it online, and had it shipped to my parents’ house. Calm down.” 

“Well...so...I mean...you’re not going to...come back?” Hajime leaned against the wall, trying to play it calm, but Issei could see his friend’s nerves. 

“I can if you want me to? I was planning on meeting you at the station.” 

“No!” Hajime practically shouted. He cleared his throat. “I mean, no, no, that’s okay.” 

“Are you okay?” Issei narrowed his eyes. 

“M’fine.” Hajime shrugged. “Why? Why would you…? I’m fine.” He offered a forced smile.

“Is Tooru still coming o-,” Issei stopped mid-sentence. “Oh. My. God. Oh my god! You’re going to- No!” 

“What?” Hajime made a face. “No. Ugh, no. Of course not. We’re not going to...No.” 

Issei laughed. He tucked his laptop into his bag along with his camera, and stood up, pulling the strap over his shoulder. “When’s Pretty Boy coming?” 

“He gets of work in like half an hour.” Hajime ran a hand through his hair. “I just...I don’t want to kick you out, but I think...could I...you...not be here?” 

Issei laughed at the burning red flush that was covering his friend’s face. He shook his head, and walked over to him, putting his hand on my shoulder. 

“No problem, buddy. I’ll head out now. I should probably work on my homework. See you at the station.” 

“Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry.” 

“Calm down. You won’t be able to perform.” Issei winked at him. 

He grabbed his jacket off the hook, and slipped into his shoes. He opened the door, whistling the song from the Hunger Games. He turned around, kissing three fingers before raising them up to his friend. 

“Oh my god…” Hajime grumbled, rolling his eyes over their signals. 

Issei closed the door, chuckling to himself as the made his way to the metro.

\---------

The knock at the door made Hiro’s heart jump to his throat and stay there pulsing a million miles a minute. He swallowed against it, trying to calm his nerves. He’d never been somewhere this nice, and he was going to see all the best artist in Tokyo. What if they were there? Would his art ever come close? He would love to have his art featured in a show even though it wasn’t really how he saw his art career going. Maybe it could a thing on the side? And one of his senior capstones was supposed to be submitting a piece to a show. 

He opened the door to find Issei grinning at him in that damn waiter outfit. Of fucking course he’d wear that with a blazer. Hiro mentally cursed Tooru for over dressing him. Though to be fair, Issei did wear a lot of button downs with slacks and jeans. He was pretty sure that was like ninety percent of what he saw him in. His style had a sort of preppy look to it, but more of class. God damn he looked good in it. He looked good in everything. He should join Tooru and his squad. 

Iwaizumi was out. He dressed far too sloppy for Hiro’s taste. He was surprised Tooru never mentioned it. After all, how many baggy jeans and oversized hoodies and snapbacks did you need? Issei was a shoe in. He’d talk to Tooru about it tomorrow for sure. 

“Hey.” 

“Ready to go?” Issei grinned, giving Hiro a once over. “Look at you dressing up in Tooru’s clothes looking all sleek and shit.” 

“How’d you know it was Tooru’s?” Hiro laughed, pulling on his shoes.

“It doesn’t look like something you’d own.” Issei shrugged. “Not enough edge.”

“I don’t do edge.”

“You so are edgy.”

Hiro rolled his eyes as he followed Issei down to the street. He winced at the cold. He hated the cold, but at least Tokyo wasn’t as cold as back home. He dug his hands deep in his pockets, hoping the metro would be warm. No such luck. 

They stood on the platform waiting for the next train, and Hiro moved closer to Issei, shivering slightly. Issei smiled wrapping his arm around him, rubbing his arm. 

“Not one for the cold?” 

“Fuck no.” Hiro’s teeth started to chatter. 

“Here.” Issei shrugged off the jacket he was wearing over his blazer, and wrapped it around Hiro. “I like the cold.” 

Hiro stared at him. Issei smiled at him, a sort of sideways smile. His eyes were soft, sparkling. Hiro swallowed and looked down at the ground before speaking. 

“Won’t you be cold?” He glanced at the sign that let people know how long until the next train. 

“Nah. I like the cold. I just wear it because I have my mom’s voice stuck in my head, yelling at me to put a jacket on before I died of pneumonia.” Issei shrugged.

“Right...Well thank you for risking dying from pneumonia for me.” 

“No problem.” 

Hiro wet his lips. “Issei?” 

“Hm?”

“This...this isn’t, like, a date, right?” Hiro didn’t look at him. He was scared of what he’d see if he did. 

Issei laughed. “Friend date...Do you want it to be a date?” 

“No.” Hiro laughed. “Sorry. Tooru’s been being weird so I guess it just, you know, crossed my mind. He makes it sound like this is something  more than it is. Like you being interested.” 

“God, no. Are you kidding?” Issei scoffed. “Tooru’s just being Tooru.” 

“You act like you know him.” 

“Am I wrong?” Issei crossed his arms, smirking at him.

“You’re not wrong.” Hiro returned the smirk, relieved that this wasn’t going to turn into something awkward. He’d have to let Issei down hard because making him hate him in that situation would be the best for both of them. 

\---------

_This...this isn’t, like, a date, right?_

The sentence ran circles in Issei’s head as the sat in the train, each having an earbud in while they listened to Hiro’s playlist, though he couldn’t really focus on the music. Was this too much? He’d spent a lot of money for these tickets, and he was fully prepared to spend a shit ton more at the restaurant after. This was a mistake. He was stupid. He should have kept avoiding him, pretending to be swamped. It would have been easier. He had to be careful. 

The gallery wasn’t far from the metro station, so they were back in the warmth before Hiro had gotten too cold. They had their tickets scanned, and checked their jackets and bags with the man standing behind the desk. Issei pockets his number, digging his hands deep in the pockets to prevent any accidental hand touching that may occur as the walked into the main room. 

Issei had been to fancy places like this before being the son of a surgeon and a lawyer, but nothing had been quite like this. It was solid white with pieces of art lining the walls. It seemed so bland. He had never been to an art gallery before, but he’d expected something with more...pizazz. Not just white. He had paid so much money on this, and this is what they got? He sighed, and glanced over at Hiro. 

His eyes were wide, a slight twinkle in them. Hiro was chewing on his lip as he tried to fight back the smile. He was like a kid in a candy store, and that made everything worth it. He watched for a moment. He’d never actually found out what his parents did for a living, but it was clear that Hiro wasn’t accustomed to luxuries. It made Issei feel strange, like he was just some spoiled rich kid who judged fancy places for not being fancy enough. He wanted to spoil Hiro. He deserved it, and if it meant seeing that look on Hiro’s face, he’d do it a million times. 

Hiro didn’t say a word, just made his way over to the first painting on the wall. Issei followed him silently, being sure to keep his eyes on Hiro for the most part. This may just be friends out at an art show officially, but Issei wanted it to be more. He didn’t want to mess things up though, so he’d just admire from afar. He needed to keep himself better composed. One more slip up, and Hiro could be thinking that Tooru was right. Speaking of Tooru, he needed to have a serious talk about that to him. As good intentioned as he might be, Issei was not going to ruin his friendship with Hiro. 

“Wow,” Hiro whispered as they got to a painting of a landscape at night. 

“Looks nice,” Issei agreed. 

“No…” Hiro shook his head, and glanced at him. “I have tried to get the night sky for ages, but this...wow.” 

Issei turned back to the painting, trying to see what Hiro saw. Photographing the night sky was incredibly difficult to get correct. He knew that frustration well. It was an oil painting. The artist had seemed to mix colors of blues, violets, and blacks to give the sky somewhat of a real tone. It was uncanny if Issei didn’t know better. The artist had used a silver paint for the stars so they sparkled as the light reflected off giving them the illusion of twinkling. The mountains were dark, but distinct underneath, and the small river that ran through them was also finished with a metallic dark, almost black hue. It certainly was breathtaking. 

They stood there staring at it until they were interrupted by a waiter in a tuxedo with a tray of champagne. Hiro politely declined, but Issei took one for himself. He wasn’t the biggest fan of champagne, but he was going to take advantage of being fancy tonight. 

The rest of the artwork was not nearly as good as the painting with the night scene. There were a lot of great paintings nonetheless, and Hiro’s face was so soft, and intrigued. He lingered at every work for just a moment before moving on. He was silent, mesmerized. Issei hoped that one day Hiro could come to one of these not as a guest, but as an artist. He would have his art on the wall with all the great artists in the area. Hiro deserved that. 

The room with sketches had Hiro spark up more if that was even possible. His mouth hung slightly open as he stared at one portrait of an intricate, futuristic society. Everything was connected, and beautiful, and entirely different yet realistic world. Hiro’s eyebrows furrowed and his expression became angry. 

“I can’t fucking believe it.” 

“Huh?” Issei turned back to the drawing, trying to figure it out. 

“That...that’s something from one of Tooru’s original works down to the fucking clothing of the people. He posted that online a few years ago. He’s been working on things like that for years. And they just...fucking stole it.” 

“I think it’s just a coincidence…” Issei said slowly. 

“No. No, look right there at the card. It says right there that it was inspired by a work they read. I cannot fucking believe this bullshit. How much are they making off of this? Tooru wants to publish so badly, but this asshole takes his work and draws it and suddenly it’s a fucking hit. He doesn’t even credit him.” 

“Hiro?” 

“What?” Hiro spat. 

“It has the title of the work. It says right there named after the title of the story.” 

“I don’t fucking care. There’s not credit.” 

Issei wet his lips, and glanced back at it. “Did he post it online under his name or a screen name?”

“A screen name.” 

“Was it a screen name that could be put in the credit without sounding ridiculous?”

Hiro was quiet for a second, before nodding. “I fucking told him…” 

The next room was modern and abstract art. Hiro sighed, muttering something under his breath that Issei couldn’t quite hear. Issei smiled to himself. Hiro was definitely enjoying this show, and it made his heart swell. All he could do was follow him. 

Hiro stood in front of a blank canvas with only a single black dot with the title “Over the Mountain.” He shook his head. 

“Can you fucking believe this shit is considered art? And not even that, but that it’s in an art show. Did you know people buy this shit for millions of yen?” He turned back to the painting. “And how the fuck is that over the mountain?” 

“I mean if the person who did it to express themselves, then I’d say it’s art. Art’s everywhere, right? Isn’t that what you told me?” Hiro glared at him. “Maybe...it’s like from a cloud? Like they’re looking down on the mountain. Maybe they’re on a plane.” 

“Or high as a kite,” Hiro huffed, walking to the next one. 

“I don’t think kites can go that high,” Issei laughed softly. 

“Shut up.”  

“I like this,” Issei observed as the they stopped in front of a painting with colors splashed onto the canvas with obvious paint splatter on the edges. The colors were spun together into what almost looked like a face. 

“Now this person was definitely high,” Hiro smirked. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“It’s how things look when you’re on ketamine or ecstasy.” Hiro shrugged. “You see a lot of different colors sometimes. Sometimes sounds are colors. It’s what it reminds me of.” 

“Huh?” Issei tilted his head. “How would you know?” 

Hiro tensed, before shaking his head. “Saw it on television. Some junkie was talking about.”

Issei laughed. “Why would you watch something like that? Those people shouldn’t be on TV.”

“Yeah, I know right?” Hiro smiled. “Fucking scum, right?”

“Yup.” Issei smirked. 

Hiro was quiet for a moment. “Let’s go.” 

They joked around with the rest of the modern abstract art, seeing who could make up the most crazy storyline before moving on to the next. Issei was sad to see it end, but he was getting pretty hungry. All this time, he’d only seen his face lighting up from the side. He couldn’t wait to sit in front of him, talk to him, and see him all lit up like that. He’d never seen him like this, and couldn’t wait to see more because my god was he beautiful like this. 

\---------

Hiro didn’t really want to leave the gallery. He was safe there, and he could just immerse himself in the work. It was so inspiring, and after seeing that painting with the colors, he had a better sense of what to do for his abstract art assignment. Tooru had been right. He could put those feelings he had into that, throw paint and rub it together to show everything. Throwing paint could show how angry he was with himself. 

“So...what’d you think?” Issei asked as he handed him his coat.   
“I loved it. Thank you so much for taking me. Oh my god, I cannot wait to tell Tooru someone drew something for his story. I wish they didn’t have security everywhere so I could have snapped a picture for him. He’s going to die.” 

Issei laughed next to him. “I would too.” 

Hiro’s phone buzzed in his pocket before the Star Wars theme blared through the speakers, interrupted the conversation. Issei smirked as Hiro pulled it out 

“That’s so embarrassing.” 

“Shut up. Sorry, I have to take this. It’s Tooru.” 

“Obviously.Tell _Babe_ it’s rude to interrupt dinner.” Issei smirked. 

“Shut up. We just walked out of the gallery.” Hiro rolled his eyes and answered. “Hey, what’s up?” 

“Hello.” Tooru’s voice was strangely even. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Takahiro, I was contacting you because I just arrived home to find it empty. I have a subject to discuss with you at your earliest convenience. Thank you.” 

Hiro’s blood ran cold. Something really, really bad happened. Tooru always made himself sound like he was talking his boss or the dean or something, so that he didn’t breakdown. You can’t show how you’re really feeling when you’re discussing business. The formality, the evenness of his voice, and the abnormal sense of calm made every hair on Hiro’s body stand on end. 

“You’re home.” 

“Yes, Takahiro.”

“Are you okay?” 

“I have something to discuss with you. Are you still with Matsukawa?” 

“Stop talking like that, you’re scaring me.” Hiro held his phone in a bone crushing grip. 

“I shall be waiting for your return so that we may discuss this matter. Goodbye, Takahiro.” 

The line went dead, and Hiro slowly raised his eyes to meet Issei’s as the blood rushed through his ears. “I have to go.” 

“Everything okay?”

“I’m so sorry. Something’s wrong. Something really, really, really bad happened.” He trembled.

“What?” Issei’s eyes widened.

“I don’t know. He called me Takahiro!” 

“That’s your name?” Issei narrowed his eyes. 

“He was speaking like he was making a business transaction. I don’t know what’s going on. It’s an emergency. I have to go.”

“Wait what? He’s spending the day with Hajime.” 

“Fuck…” Hiro groaned. “I knew this would happen. I knew your asshole friend would hurt him.” 

“Hey, man, Hajime wouldn’t hurt a fly. Calm down. Breathe.” Issei rubbed Hiro’s arms. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you’re this worked up.”

Hiro took a few breaths to calm himself, then looked Issei dead in the eyes. “I am so sorry, but I have to go. Just, just trust me. I know Tooru. Here.” He pushed his debit card into Issei’s hand. “Buy yourself dinner to make up for it. You can give it to me later. I have to go. I am so sorry.” 

Hiro pulled away and raced out of toward the nearest metro. His body was on autopilot, and his mind was a blur. All he knew was he needed to get home. 

He fumbled through his keys cursing to himself before he found the right one. He rushed in, looking around. Tooru was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, just staring at the oven with glazed over eyes. 

“Tooru?” Hiro took a slow step in. 

“Hello, Takahiro.” Tooru’s voice seemed far away. He didn’t take his eyes off the oven. Hiro sat down next to him. 

“Hey,” he said softly, bumping him with his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m making cookies.” 

Hiro turned his attention to where Tooru was staring. The balls of dough were starting to spread, and the chocolate was beginning to melt. 

“Yeah, yeah, you are.” Hiro swallowed. “Tooru, babe, look at me.” 

“They’ll be done in ten minutes. I have more dough. Maybe we can eat it raw, and watch a movie.” Tooru turned to him giving him a teary smile, and a forced laugh. 

“Yeah, okay. We can do that. What movie do you want to watch?” Hiro already knew. 

“Can we watch,” Tooru wet his lips. “Can we watch The Lion King?” 

Hiro blinked. “The Lion King?” He narrowed his eyes. 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay...We can watch that.” 

“Good,” Tooru breathed, turning back to watching the cookies bake. 

“Do you want to go get everything ready? Is it a pajama party kind of thing?” Hiro bumped him again, offering a smirk. “We can build a fort with blankets and pillows.”

“That would be nice.” 

“And we can order a pizza, and have ice cream with the cookie dough, and cuddle up under the blankets.” 

Tooru nodded, a single tear running down his face. He didn’t move to brush it away. Hiro dried his face with his sleeve, and pulled him into a hug. They stayed like that for a while just watching the cookies bake. Hiro’s mind was running a million miles a minute as all the possibilities as to what happened flashed through his mind. He’d seen heartbreak before, and this was definitely it. But what happened?

The timer went off breaking up the moment. Hiro jumped up, and held a hand out to Tooru who looked at it for a minute before taking it. Tooru inhaled deeply as he was pulled to his feet. Hiro leaned against the counter watching him as he pulled the cookies from the oven and silently put them one by one on the wire rack. Hiro grabbed one, missing Tooru’s swipe my mere millimeters. 

“These are so good, Tooru,” Hiro complimented. 

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth. It’s not polite,” Tooru chastised softly. 

“You gonna tell me what happened?” 

“Later.” Tooru forced a smile. 

Hiro sighed, resigning to the fact that his best friend was going to be classic Tooru, holding out on information until he was finally ready even if it was so long it made Hiro want to explode. 

Once they’d ordered the pizza, they both devoured the cookies with a glass of milk quietly. Tooru remained silent, his eyes flashing every so often. He wasn’t making eye contact. All Hiro could do was wait for the gates to open, because they would. He remembered the day Tooru’s father died, and Tooru had asked his mom if he could go to Hiro’s house because he was really overwhelmed with it all. It took until the next morning for Tooru to open up. They were just little kids, but Tooru kept it bottled inside. The adults didn’t talk about it around the kids, but his mother was gentle to Tooru. Hiro had known something was wrong. 

That year in high school when Tooru got hurt at a game, and pretended everything was fine until Hiro showed up at the hospital the day after he’d had surgery. He’d been so scared because he loved playing volleyball, and a torn ACL could be something to end it all. Hiro had been so scared for him. Everyone on the team had been worried, and everyone was asking him how Tooru was. He hated that he had to say he didn’t know. 

He remembered Tooru’s first love, and first heartbreak. He’d been so quiet about it. Then everything came crashing down. Tooru kept his feelings bottle up inside because he needed to think about them, and process them himself first. Nobody could pry it out of him. Hiro had learned that years ago. 

They’d changed into their pajamas and started to build their little nest to curl up in with blankets and pillows like a fort. If there had been more furniture, they would have actually built a fort. It didn’t matter that they were twenty-one. Tonight was about healing, and if that meant a pajama party in the living room watching movies until they both couldn’t stay awake anymore, then that’s what they would do. 

The pizza arrived just as they were finishing. Hiro paid the delivery driver, and kicked the door closed behind him. He set it on the ground, and took a survey. Pizza, raw chocolate chip cookie dough, a coke each, and ice cream waiting in the freezer. Everything was perfect, except the fact that Tooru was wearing one of Hajime’s hoodies. Despite the fact that the man was shorter than Tooru, he was more broad and muscular, so his hoodies always swallowed Tooru. It didn’t help the matter that he wore baggy hoodies in the first place. Tooru had the hoodie pulled up to his face, breathing deeply, pulling every scent out of the fabric. 

“Why are you wearing that?” Hiro frowned as he pulled the movie up. “This is supposed to be a no guy or girl zone. Just Makki and Babe.” 

“I like it is all.” Tooru gave him a half smile. “It’s comfy.” 

Hiro nodded, watching his friend closely. Tooru picked up a slice of pizza, and started eating softly. They didn’t speak the entire time, just watching the movie and eating until they were full before curling up on the couch, cuddling. It was so comfortable, so familiar. Whatever was going on, Hiro knew that this was the best way to make him feel safe.

He ran his fingers through Tooru’s hair and down his back to soothe him. He’d barely said two words since the movie started. He was just staring at it blankly while he laid against Hiro. Tooru had stopped crying once the Hakuna Matata song started. Hiro’s mind was racing. He wanted to know what happened. Tooru let out a shuddering breath as Can You Feel The Love Tonight started. 

“We had sex.” 

His voice was so soft that Hiro wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly. He paused the movie, and pushed Tooru up. “What?”

“We had sex. Hajime and I had sex.” Tooru was trembling. 

“What?” Hiro blinked. “You...he...what? Was it bad? Did he hurt you? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“No. It was great. He was so gentle.” Tooru tugged on the sleeves of his boyfriend’s hoodie, his eyes cast down.

“Are you...are you wishing you hadn’t?” 

Tooru nodded. “I thought he loved me.” 

“Huh?” 

“I am so in love with him. I can’t imagine my life without him. I pictured everything. How I wanted him to propose, and how I wanted to do it just in case. I planned our wedding. I pictured maybe adopting kids. I thought we could grow old together.” A few tears slipped down his cheeks. “I’ve never felt like that. I even started writing our story. It wasn’t a lie when I told you I was writing an original. I was so sure...” He shook his head as a sob escaped him. 

“Oh, Tooru…” 

Hiro felt the tears pricking his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his best friend, pulling him into a tight hug. Anger was building in his gut. Nobody, _nobody_ , broke his best friend’s heart like this. He’d seen heartbreak before, but this? He ran his hand up and down Tooru’s back, peppering his head with soft kisses while he waited for the round of sobs to subside.

“I thought he loved me,” Tooru repeated, his voice was a whisper. 

“What happened?

“When it started, it hurt a bit. He wanted me to tell him if I wanted to stop. I knew. God, I fucking knew that I wanted it to be him because I love him just so much. We finished, and I was gone. I was so overwhelmed. I knew he was it. I knew he was the one I wanted forever. He got up. I wanted to cuddle, but he said he had to go to Sendai.”

“Shit…” Hiro muttered. “Babe, I should have known. I should have...Issei told me...I…” 

“They don’t know about me. His family. I’m his secret, Makki. I’m over here so sure that I want to be with him, and I’m a fucking secret. He said, he said they didn’t want to know about the guy he was fucking. So...so that’s it. That’s all I am.” Tooru let out a hollow laugh. 

“I’m just slutty fucking Tooru just getting with everyone, right? Just...Is it so bad that I like to do everything but go all the way? Why can’t I just like it without being deemed this dirty guy who people feel the need to conquer. Why is it that every single guy I date always wants to try to get past that limit? Girls don’t do that. They’ve all thought it was sweet that I was saving all the way for someone I was in love with who was in love with me. Why am I even wasting my time with guys?” 

“Hey.” Hiro took Tooru by the face to look him in the eyes. “Listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you doing what you enjoy. Slut, whore, dirty, or whatever name people throw at you as an insult is not an insult. It says more about them. It’s just a word. And as for guys being fuck boys who want to get into your pants, they’re just disgusting. Iwaizumi is just one more of those fuck boys, and you don’t need to waste one more tear on that fucking asshole.” 

“But I love him. I still love him. I’m not his boyfriend anymore.” 

“Wait...he broke up with you after that?” Hiro jumped to his feet. “He fucking fucked you and then dumped you?”

“He said I was the guy he was fucking.” Tooru whimpered. 

“But did he break up with you?” 

“I just fucking told you, Makki! You don’t refer to you fucking boyfriend like that!” 

“Are you sure that’s what he meant?” Hiro was shaking. 

“Are you defending him?” Tooru laughed.

“No. God, no. I’m just wanting to know exactly how I should kill this fuck boy.” Hiro crossed his arms. 

“No.” Tooru shook his head. “Please don’t. I love him so much.” 

“I swear to god, if you say that one more time, I’m slapping you.” 

“I can’t change how I feel, Makki.” 

“I know. I know. God, I know all too well.” Makki plopped down next to him. He laced his fingers with Tooru’s. “As fucked up, and stupid as it sounds, I still love Haruki. He ruined me and my life and I still love him.”

“Really?” Tooru asked, his big eyes staring at him in an almost innocent, desperate way. 

“Yeah.” Hiro offered a sad smile. “I love him as much as I’m scared of him.” 

“So...I guess we’re both idiots, huh?” Tooru smiled through his tears. 

“I think I’m a bigger idiot about this than you, Babe.” Hiro winked at him. “You get two days of crying, and then don’t you dare let him make you cry again. Fuck him. The hell with him.”

“Yeah...yeah.” Tooru nodded. “Okay. Makki?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m sorry to ask, but...could you get me some alcohol? I can’t give you money.” 

“No, this is on me, okay. I’ll be right back. Just watch the rest of your movie while I’m out okay?” Tooru nodded. 

Hiro pulled on a coat, and his shoes before venturing out into the freezing cold again for an alcohol run for his best friend. He wanted this to be one awful bad dream, and he’d go home and Tooru would be happy. He deserved to be happy. Tooru was the best person he knew. His phone buzzed in his pocket.

_I’ve kept my wife waiting so long and the train in Sendai is delayed. Did you find out what’s wrong with ya boy?_

_I’m going to murder your best friend._

_Whoa there. You only have one side. Tooru didn’t listen to him. He was ready to just skip his baby sister’s birthday for Tooru._

_Well then why isn’t he here?_

_Tooru wouldn’t answer his calls or texts._

_If he wanted to talk to him so fucking badly and clear anything up, then he should be here, and then maybe he’d make it to see the light of day once more._

_I think you need to calm down. Like I have said. I don’t get involved in people’s relationships, and I don’t think you should either._

_In the meantime my best friend is falling apart at the seams. So please excuse me when I say that you should get involved when it concerns your best friend._

_Hajime’s a mess too._

_Lol okay. Fuck you Matsukawa. Have a good weekend with your shitty ass sorry excuse of a best friend and your wife. Bye._

Hiro muted the conversation with Issei. He didn’t want to fight with him. He didn’t have the energy. So he made his way through the streets to get the alcohol and figure out a way to heal his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, please, please leave a comment. They're like motivation gold. <3
> 
> See you next chapter :D


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG Y'ALL I'M SO SORRY!!! The last few weeks haven't been good. Mentally I was so drained. I could barely do the minimum. Thank you guys for being so patient with me. This is an extra long chapter, so I hope it'll make up for the dry spell. I love each and every one of y'all. <3

The sound of the train hummed as the passengers were jostled gently. Luckily the train was so late not many people were around. Issei had taken the trip between Sendai and Tokyo too many times in his life for him count. Never had it been so heavy. Hajime was slumped against the wall of the train, staring at this phone with glassy eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Part of him felt for his best friend. He was never really good expressing himself in situations like this. He didn’t like to open up. On the other hand while he didn’t know the details, Issei was angry at him because now Hiro hated him. They had made so much progress, and the night had gone so well, but Hajime had to go fuck it all up with whatever the fuck he did. 

And Tooru. God. Fucking Tooru. Why wouldn’t he just listen to what his boyfriend had to say? Was it really that fucking hard to talk to the person you’re supposedly in love with? Had they really had sex? Was Tooru regretting it? Had something happened? All Hajime told him was that he fucked up, and Tooru wouldn’t listen to him. Well what luck. He knew when he and Hiro were at the metro before the art show that Tooru would somehow mess this up. Him and fucking Hajime. 

He read over the argument between him and Hiro over and over again. He didn’t want to look at Hajime right now. He wanted to be angry at him and Tooru. He wanted to be angry at himself, at Hiro, at everything. They could not get to Sendai soon enough. He wanted to see Anastasia, and see his parents, and have some of Hajime’s mom’s cooking because dear god he couldn’t get that anywhere else in Japan.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Hajime muttered. Issei raised his eyes to him. “I...he...I love him so fucking much.” 

“Are you finally going to tell me what happened?” Issei sighed. 

“We did go all the way. He said he was okay. It was so perfect, you know? God, he felt so good. And it was like nothing I’ve had before, you know? And I fucked it all up.” Hajime groaned into his hands. 

“Yeah? How?” 

“I didn’t tell him we were going to Sendai. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t...Why didn’t I think of it? I knew. I think...maybe...I think because I didn’t want him to know that he can’t meet my family, that they don’t know about him, that they _can’t_ know about him.” Hajime stared at him. 

“You should have told him. I think he would have understood if you explained it _before_ you took his virginity, or rather he gave it to you. It meant something to him, you realize that, right? I’m not even dating the guy and I know that.” It had come how more harshly than Issei had meant it to, but Hajime didn’t seem to notice.

“You think I don’t know that?” Hajime chewed his lip. “I fucked up. God I fucked up.” 

“Hey...Hajime...why can’t your family know about him?”

“Because.”

“Because?” 

Hajime ran his hands through his hair and back. “Anastasia is only six.” 

“So? Do you think she cares? She’s always asking you if you think any boys are cute. Shit, I’m her fucking boyfriend. You’ve been unapologetically out since she was a newborn. Your family doesn’t care.” 

“Just…” Hajime sighed. “They don’t like to know when I’m fucking someone.” 

“You don’t have to tell them you’re having sex with your boyfriend. That’s not the same thing as you dating someone.” 

“I told him that. I said those exact words when he asked if they knew about him. God, he looked at me with this look in his eyes that I don’t even know how to explain. I said that to him, Mattsun. I said that fucking sentence to his face. And just like that I saw his fucking heart shatter. He thought...he said...he twisted my words to make it sound like I thought of him as just some guy I’m fucking. I tried…” Hajime’s voice broke, and he took a minute to get his voice back. 

“I just wanted to take a shower because I didn’t want to smell like sex when I got home. I wanted him to come with me. I wanted to hold him, and pepper him with kisses, and just love him because I didn’t have time to lay there and cuddle because I’d be there all day. I can’t...Fuck…” 

Issei stared at him, his mouth open slightly as he processed what he’d just been told. No wonder Hiro had been so pissed. He sounded like the biggest asshole in the world from Tooru’s perspective. Frankly, if Issei had been Tooru, he wouldn’t have stayed to talk either because what the fuck? Maybe he should apologize to Hiro for being so harsh because Hiro was right when he said that it was right to get involved when it was about your best friend. But Issei stood by his stance to stay out of the relationship issues, but the way he interfered was to help his friend through this. 

“Why am I such a fucking idiot?” Hajime groaned.

“You’re always an idiot. You can’t help that you’re born that way.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “I don’t need that right now.” 

“Sorry.” 

Issei frowned, kicking his feet up to sit in the seat in front of him. He wasn’t used to Hajime even being this open. Usually this kind of thing would have him clamming up, and turning red. Not once had he ever talked about wanting to be romantic like that after sex. Honestly the two of them had settled for hookups. The only exception was them being in relationships, but Hajime wasn’t good at relationships. He struggled with expressing his feelings, and putting them into words. Tooru was different. With Tooru, there was an exception, but even so he sucked at handling emotions. 

He waited for his friend to continue, and when he didn’t, Issei pulled out his laptop to work on his homework while Hajime went back to his phone. He may as well get something done. The weekend wouldn’t give him much of a rest seeing as Ana would be so excited to have her brother and him back. Phone calls weren’t enough for the six year old. 

“What’s Makki’s number?” Hajime interrupted him. 

Issei raised his eyes to him slowly, shocked at the nickname. “I...I don’t think you can call him that.” 

“Fine. Hanamaki. I don’t give a fuck.” 

“Why do you want it?” Issei narrowed his eyes. 

“Because...because if Tooru isn’t answering me, then maybe he will. He’s his best friend. I just want to talk to Tooru. I want to explain everything.” Tears loomed in his eyes. 

“You don’t want to do that, Iwa.” 

“I do!” He slammed his fist on the seat, attracting the attention of the few people up at the front of the car. 

“He won’t even talk to me. You realize that? He’s his _best_ friend, Hajime. Right now, Tooru’s a broken mess because of what happened, and you really think it’s a good idea to call him?”

“I have to at least try.” 

Issei stared at him, warring with himself on what he should do. He knew it was a bad idea. Hiro was just like Tooru, and he knew it. They were angels on the outside, but if you cross them, they could be dangerous. How had Hiro described it? They could slit your throat with a smile? 

_Tooru’s the best friend you’ll ever have, or your worst enemy._

They were the wrong people to have against you, and Issei was treading on thin ice into that category. What would he do if he did give him the number? Would Hiro get mad at him for giving it to him? He wanted to give him space, let the wound heal a little. Besides, his best friend was sitting here, a wreck, looking uncharacteristically desperate and pathetic. 

“Just be prepared to have the worst things said you. I warned you,” Issei told him, unlocking his phone, and sending him the contact information. “Your funeral, dude.” 

Hajime nodded, and called the number. Issei watched him for the corner of his eye. His friend tapped his fingers on his bouncing leg anxiously. 

“Hi, can I please-” Hajime’s breath hitched. 

“It was-” 

“I’m sorry, I-” 

“That’s not-”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“Please, just let m-” 

Issei watched the exchange, knowing that the longer the call went, the more Hiro was going to say. He didn’t want to watch. If his best friend was going to be hung by the judge, jury, and executioner that was Hanamaki Takahiro, then so be it. He had warned him. He didn’t want to watch his friend’s murder. At this point, Tooru would be helping bury the body. Issei was not about to be buried there with him no matter how much he cared for Hajime. This was not his fight. He put his earbuds in, and went back to his homework. 

\---------

Hiro wished that landline phones were still a thing so he could forcefully, and loudly hang up on that asshole, or at least a flip phone. Not as forceful, but he would feel like a bad bitch because he killed a man, and figuratively chopped his dick off like a guillotine. Instead he had to restrain himself from throwing his phone across the room. His parents would kill him if he broke it. What right did that fuck boy have to call his phone? Tooru said he was smart, but he was over here pulling this dumb shit like? In what world did he think he would let him talk to Tooru? Hell, Hiro was having to keep Tooru’s phone away from him, and now he has this asshole calling _his_ phone. How the hell did he even get his number? Tooru probably gave it to him. 

He took a few deep breaths, and started cleaning up the apartment. He’d finally gotten Tooru into bed, and asleep. Just seeing him so broken, and shattered made Hiro’s blood boil. In all the years he’d known Tooru nothing, _nothing_ , had been like this. Not even when Hiro stole everything from him, nor when he got hurt and had to stop playing the sport that he loved so much, not that he’d really been around for that. 

Thank god, their coworkers at the coffee shop were saints. There was only so much that Suga and Akaashi could cover, bless them. The new hires were starved for hours, so they could happily give them the weekend. Hiro would have to pick up more shifts to be able to afford everything, but he knew they’d be okay. He’d much rather make sure his friend didn’t do something stupid, and was okay.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Tooru had said about how he couldn’t imagine being without Iwaizumi. He knew his best friend was a cheesy sap that believed in all that love at first sight bullshit in those books he loved to read, and the shows he watched. They were together three months, _three months_ , and he was over here thinking about the long haul. That’s part of what was so devastating about this. Tooru had longer relationships than that, and never once planned their lives together. 

How Hiro didn’t know about this was beyond him. Maybe he was so caught up in managing another friendship that he’d neglected the one person who meant everything to him. Was it even worth it? He’d missed all the signs. He should have pried more when Tooru told him that he was going to stay with him even though Hiro knew that he and Issei were going to Sendai. God, what was he even doing? He’d failed Tooru, and now he was drunk and asleep in his room while Hiro was out here cleaning up the mess. 

He sighed, falling against the couch. He eyed the alcohol he put on the counter of the kitchen. Things would be easier if he just got drunk, and escaped everything with Tooru. He missed the escape. He missed not having to deal with things that were crushing him into the ground, but he couldn’t do it. That was weakness. He would be as weak as he felt he was if he did that. The minute the alcohol touched his lips, he’d be free falling down a slippery slope. He knew that much, knew himself. But...it wouldn’t hurt to go grab a pack of cigarettes and a lighter...would it?

He tapped his fingers on the couch, bouncing his legs. He could just grab his wallet, and walk down the corner store, and buy them. It’d be nothing. If he still had some left when Issei got back he’d give them to him. He was already smoking occasionally anyway, right? What would it hurt? He could be in the best possible state to get Tooru through this. He promised Tooru when they were ten years old to never touch a cigarette ever, and that day that Tooru caught him smoking with Haruki, he gave him the cold shoulder. He’d already broken that promise, and then some, and if Tooru didn’t know…

Hiro jumped up off the couch, and rushed to his room to grab his hoodie. He popped his head in to check on Tooru who was curled up in bed. His breathing was even and deep, and he was still wearing that fuck boy’s hoodie. Hot blood ran through Hiro’s veins as he closed the door. He checked his pocket for his keys and wallet, and pulled on his shoes. 

Halfway down the stairs, he realized he’d given Issei his debit card which was where he had most of his money. He checked his wallet for cash. It’d been a while since he’d bought cigarettes, but he was sure that he didn’t have enough. 

“Fuck…” he breathed. 

He _needed_ this. He still had Tooru’s card from when he went to buy him alcohol. He wouldn’t mind if Hiro borrowed some money, right? He’d pay him back. It would be fine. He continued his way down the street, inhaling the car exhaust fuses in the air.

The thing about living in Tokyo, it smelled just like a big urban city which was really stupid to think about since it _was_ a big urban city and they lived pretty close to the center of it, but still. It wasn’t like back home. The air was too clean, too crisp. It was hard to describe, but the city was so different. When he and Tooru were growing up, Tooru would always stick up his nose when they went to the center of Sendai saying how it smelled awful. He complained about the smell when cars drove by, and the way the rain smelled dirty. He complained so much, then moved to Tokyo. It didn’t make sense to Hiro, but he _loved_ the way it smelled because it reminded him that he could get lost in it all, and nobody could find him. It smelled like being invisible. 

The neon lights saying the corner store was open were only a few meters away when he realized that if he used Tooru’s card, then he’d see the transaction and ask what he bought. He could lie and tell him he bought food or something, but then Tooru would know because it wouldn’t be there. But was he really in a state to think about that? He could think that it was just from Hiro buying him alcohol. Hiro groaned to himself, turning around to go back home. 

People were still out and about. University students were swaying down the streets, talking and laughing too loudly. A group of guys were singing off key. Girls were dressed in short dresses, and heels with their hair and makeup flawless ready to go out on a night out the town at the clubs and bars nearby. Hiro shoved his hands deep in his pockets and forced his head down. Why was he feeling like this? Like he wanted to run? Everything was so overwhelming right now, and he just wanted to go with them. 

He focused on his breathing as he tiptoed into the apartment. Tooru was still asleep in his bed, not having moved one inch. His wallet was sitting on the desk. Hiro walked over to it, trying not to make a sound. All he needed was just a little bit of cash so he could get the cigarettes. He let out the breath he didn’t realized he was holding when he saw the money pop out. He glanced at Tooru before pocketing the money and heading back out again. 

It took everything in him not to run to the store. He swallowed hard, and walked to the counter. He didn’t know what brand or what kind to get, he just knew he wanted something. Nothing sounded right, nothing was what he wanted. He pointed out the box that was the same as the kind Issei always had, and handed the money over to the cashier. His hands were trembling as he tried to light the cigarette outside the store. 

With the first breath of the smoke and nicotine, he felt himself relax. He leaned against the building, watching the people walk by, and the cars passing back and forth. Sounds of cars honking, and the faint rumble of trains flooded his senses, soothing him. He pulled his phone out, and opened the conversation with Issei. A lump rose in his throat when he realized what happened. He pushed someone away when he’d finally started feeling like he had someone else to talk to, to destress with. 

His blood ran cold suddenly. He dropped the box of cigarettes and the lighter. The cigarette in his mouth tumbled to the ground after them. Tooru. He’d stolen from him for something he promised Tooru he would never do. Hiro swore he wouldn’t do it again, swore that he’d never break another promise, and here he was. He slid down to the ground, burying his face in his arms and let the tears fall down his face. 

His mother missed him and wanted him to come home, but he couldn’t because he’d fucked that up. Issei was such a good person, so much fun, and he’d fucked that up. He couldn’t get his projects and assignments right in class. Now his best friend was in shambles, and it was his fault, and he didn’t know what to do. Everything in his was breaking. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t mend his heart back together. He was so overwhelmed and it was at this point with him breaking down in front of a corner store that he realized just how overwhelmed he was. 

_Stay strong. Stay. Strong._

\---------

Their footsteps echo through the silent night, snow crunching under their feet. There was something serene in it all. Issei loved being home. It was peaceful. The city life was great, but being home was better. They’d walked this route home so many times in their lives, but this was different. They weren’t talking, or joking around. They were just silent. 

Issei raised his eyes to the sky, thinking of Hiro and their talks about it. He wanted to take a picture for him, show him the diamonds that hung in the velvet above them. It was crazy to think that so many people looked up at the sky, and no matter where you were in the world, it was the same night sky. Granted, the sky was the sky, but during the day it was different. There were colors in the sky unique to where a person was, and different weather. But at night, there was just that rich dark midnight blue with the stars twinkling from light years away. 

“Tooru would love to see the sky here,” Hajime said, forlorn.

“So he speaks.” 

“Shut up. He loves the stars, you know? Stars, moon, night, space. God, he’s such a fucking nerd, and he writes these poetic things about them. He talked to me about how much he loves Tokyo, but he wants to go live somewhere that’s not very populated, like this part of Sendai because he likes to see the stars.” 

Hajime sighed, shoving his hands deeper in his pockets. 

“I miss him. God, I miss him so fucking much. On a scale of one to one hundred how badly would my mom kill me if I left right now?” 

“If you don’t stop wallowing in self pity, you’re never going to find out.”

“Don’t be a fucking asshole,” Hajime grumbled. 

“Look.” Issei turned to face him. “I understand that you’re having a hard time right now, but you need to snap out of it. We’re here for your little sister’s birthday party, and you don’t need to be feeling sorry for yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you did put yourself in this position thinking with your dick.” 

“You knew, and you didn’t stop me!” 

“I do not get involved in other people’s relationships, Hajime. You know that. Besides, how was I supposed to know you were going to make an idiot out of yourself? I didn’t even think about it, you know. Maybe you’d talked about it. You didn’t even tell him you were going to Sendai this weekend, and with the way you two are attached at the hip, I don’t know how you were thinking you could manage that. _That_ is why you’re in this fucking mess, so if you could just _stop._ ” 

Issei knew he was being a dick, but he didn’t care. He had no tolerance for this right now. Really he was still angry at him. Had it not been for him, he and Hiro would probably be texting, and joking around. He would be sending him silly pictures all weekend, and introducing him to the wife. Now he wasn’t even sure if they were still friends all because his best friend fucked Hiro’s best friend in more than one way. 

“I couldn’t tell him I was going to Sendai because then he’d want to come, or at least ask to meet my family.”

“Oh no. Your boyfriend wants to meet your family.” Issei held his hands up feigning shock. 

“You know damn well I can’t do that.” 

“No, actually, I don’t. I don’t understand how you can stand there and act like you’re so comfortable in your skin, but then can’t even fucking tell your family you are in a serious relationship because goddamn, you two are the most in love couple I have ever seen. Fuck, you are never good at expressing your emotions, and you are not an emotional person, but you talk about him with this stupid look on your face. He’s so in love with you that he chose you, and you want to go ahead and fuck all of that up. Do you know how much I want to be in your place? Instead I’m playing pretend boyfriend to your six year old sister, and pining over a guy who probably hates me.”

Issei’s blood was boiling, and hot tears were pooling in his eyes. He could feel himself shaking, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or how _angry_ he was. And that stupid look on Hajime face that he just wanted to smack off his face. 

“I thought you don’t get involved in relationships.” Hajime glared at him. 

“Well would you fucking look at that! I care. Why? Can you just tell me why you’re going to hide him if you love him so much? How? How could you do that? Tell me because I don’t see it. _You_ were the one to tell me it was okay to come out, but you’re the one who’s still an insecure little boy who’s scared to let you parents know that you’re _actually_ gay. Look at me, Hajime.” He let a silent laugh. 

“My parents may hate that I’m gay. They think that I’m just the biggest disappointment because not only will I never pass on the Matsukawa name because not only could I not stand to be a father, but I’m a fucking homo who is studying something as stupid and meaningless as photography. But you know what? They love me so much. They never let me forget that. And even though it makes them uncomfortable, they know about my boyfriends. And it’s gotten so much better.”

“My parents wouldn’t understand.” Hajime ran his sleeve over his face. 

“What do you plan to do if you can manage to salvage your relationship, and you end up wanting to spend forever with him? Just hide him forever?” 

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Hajime pushed past him, digging his hands deep in his pockets. 

Issei watched him walk down the street. He didn’t care because it needed to be said. He’d get over it. They never sugar coated what they had to say to each other. They were blunt and straightforward. If one of them was being an idiot, they told each other. In the morning everything would be better, but for now, he was going to walk around Sendai until he cooled down a bit. 

He pulled out his phone and texted his mom that he’d be in a bit later. It wasn’t like it mattered since his father had already got to work a forty-eight hour shift at the hospital, and his mother wasn’t going to get off her shift until five in the morning. He was glad to have the night alone. He really needed it. 

_I’m sorry. What he did was really shitty, but he’s my best friend. Please don’t hate me._

He stared at the text debating whether or not to send it to Hiro. He wanted to talk to him so badly, but was this really the time? Would Hiro actually want to talk to him? Could he? He pocketed the phone before walking down the street away from home.

\---------

Issei rubbed his eyes, pulling himself up off his futon at the sound of his mother rapping on the door, calling to him to get up before breakfast was cold. He could hear her going on about kids these days being so lazy. He let out a soft laugh. If only she knew. He stretched, and walked out of his room without changing from his pajamas. 

"You finally want to join us, Issei? Look at yourself. You need to take better care of yourself. Do you want to end up being an old man at such a young age? You’re too skinny. Have you been eating properly? After breakfast, shower and change into something nice." 

She wrapped and arm around him, and kissed his cheek which he returned. She brushed back a stray strand of hair that had found its way out of the perfect bun in her hair. He smiled at her with a silent nod. His mother took a deep breath, and smoothed her dress. 

"You know how to get a hold of me at the hospital. Your father is on late service, so he'll be gone all day too. Have fun at the Iwaizumis’, and please for the love of god, take a shower. I love you, baby." 

He saluted her as she made her way out the door. The house was silent again. Most of his childhood had been like this, though he was usually with his sister. She didn’t come home much anymore since she was in medical school going on to follow her parents’ footsteps. The family business. He liked it just fine, but when he came home for visits lately, it was a bit hard since he didn’t get to see them as much. Even when they planned things out, it was always up in the air. 

He finished his breakfast, being sure to clean the kitchen up to leave it spotless since his mother had cooked him such a nice breakfast. He washed the dishes before making his way back to his room to get ready for the day despite just wanting to sleep forever. But this was for Anastasia’s birthday, and he was going to be there for her no matter what. All he and Hajime did was spoil that little girl, and today was not going to be any different. 

The sun was shining, reflecting off the thin layer of snow. The perfect day for the perfect little girl’s sixth birthday. Six? This heart sank a little at the realization. Anastasia was six. Where had the time gone? Wasn’t it just yesterday that she had been a newborn baby? Time moved way to fast. Just a blink of the eye, and here they were.

Issei would never forget the first day of high school, when Hajime came by so they could walk to school together and told him his mom was pregnant with a small smile on his face. It was no secret that Hajime’s parents had wanted more than one child. They adopted every single one of Hajime’s friends as their own. Anastasia was a gift. The day she was born, he got to see her. She was so tiny, and red. She had looked up at him with those big eyes, and his heart was gone. 

He knocked on the front door of the Iwaizumi residence only to have the door being yanked open by none other than the birthday girl. “Matty!” 

“Hey, birthday girl!” Issei grinned, dropping the gift bag on the floor when she jumped into his arms. 

“It’s my birthday! And, and, me and Ni-chan match! Look!” She pulled out his shirt for him to see. 

Issei immediately recognized the grey Godzilla shirt that Hajime had bought for her when the two went to the Godzilla museum in Tokyo. She tugged on her pants too. Green pajama pants with the logo repeated all over it. Issei grinned. 

“Oh my goodness, would you look at that!” Issei shook his head. “But you’re cooler than Ni-chan.” 

“I know.” She threw her arms around his neck, and buried her face in his neck. 

He kicked the door shut, and walked further into the house. The mixed aroma of cake and different kinds of food welcomed him in. Issei’s heart skipped a beat. He’d always loved the fact that his best friend had a multicultural family. Birthdays meant outrageous amounts of food that were forced on him, pinatas, and big parties when their family was able to come. Hajime’s mother would invite the whole neighborhood, though very few if any would come. 

Hajime was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, staring at his phone. He glanced up at Issei, giving a grunt as a greeting and going back to sulking. Issei sat down next to him on the couch, and Anastasia crawled out of his arms to sit on the couch in front of where her brother was sitting. She leaned back, and rested her feet on Hajime’s shoulders. 

“Ni-chan is sad because he thinks a boy is cute but he’s mad at him. He’s too pretty for Ni-chan.” 

Issei choked on air. “Yes, he is.” 

“Shut up, Issei.” 

“Oooooh, you said shut up!” Anastasia giggled.   
“I said it to Issei.” 

“That’s mean! You can’t be mean to Matty.” 

“It’s okay, Ana. I’m going to go say hi to your mommy.” 

Anastasia jumped up to stand up, kicking her brother in the process. She gasped, both hands clapping over her mouth. She slid down to the ground, wrapping her arms around Hajime’s neck apologize profusely. Hajime offered her a smile, and pulled her to sit in his lap. Issei shook his head, laughing softly as he started out of the room.

“Who’s that?” Ana looked up at Hajime.

“Oh, that’s Matty’s friend. He’s also Tooru’s best friend.” 

“No way!” Issei cleared the room in a blink of an eye, snatching the phone out of the man’s hand. Tooru’s facebook was pulled up, and the photo album was open. “No…Seriously? You’re being _that_ guy.” 

“I miss him.” Issei rolled his eyes, handed the phone back. 

“Matty, I don’t want you to talk to him anymore,” Anastasia said, staring at Issei with wide eyes and serious expression. 

“Who?” Issei let out a silent laugh. 

“That boy in the picture. I don’t like him.”

“Huh?” Issei tilted his head. “Tooru? Are you mad-” 

“No. The other one. He looks mean.”

“He’s not. He’s really nice and funny.” 

“He’s mean. Ni-chan said he yelled at him because the boy he thinks is cute is mad, and that’s not nice.”

The innocence of the child staring at him was so obvious and vivid. He wanted her to stay like this forever. There were clear lines of what was good and what was bad. If people weren’t nice, they were bad, and bad people weren’t nice. There wasn’t the confusing grey area. She didn’t know what that was like. Things were so simple when you’re a kid. But at the same time, he wanted her to grow and learn, and see things in a different light. It was important growth. Still…

“I’ll talk to him about it, okay. How’s that? He’s really nice, but his friend is sad so he got mad.” 

“Mommy says if you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say it at all. That’s the nice rule, and he broke it.” 

“Ana, sweetheart, enough,” Hajime muttered. 

Issei took the opportunity to leave the room to go say hello to the parents. Hajime’s father was sitting at the table reading the newspaper with his glasses halfway down his nose and his head tilted up, with a cup of coffee in front of him. He only greeted Issei with a glance and grunt. That’s where Hajime had gotten it no doubt. His mother however…

“Issei! Mijo, come here.” She kissed his cheek as she pulled him into a hug. “Have you eaten? Here have some breakfast.” 

“My mom actually made me breakfast.” 

Issei’s words fell on deaf ears. She was already making him a hearty plate of food. He sighed with a smile, and sat down across from Hajime’s father. At least he knew it was going to be more than worth feeling stuffed. There was no refusing food in the Iwaizumi household. Issei wasn’t sure how Hajime had managed his physique with this, but maybe it was magic. 

“I’m going to be cooking all day. Issei, can you help Hajime with the decorations?”

“Yes, ma’am!” 

Everything had to be perfect. Turning six was a big deal, and Anastasia was not about to let them forget it while she pointed out where everything should go. Issei was pretty sure she was the only six year old girl who was in love with Godzilla enough to have almost all of her parties with the theme. It wasn’t a surprise. She looked up to her brother so much, and that was his favorite movie. Back when they were kids he was _obsessed_. Loser.

The doorbell started, and didn’t seem to stop. Kids were running everywhere in a frenzy. Issei couldn’t help but laugh. He remembered being that age, and running around so excited for cake a food. This was even more special because nowhere could you get this food. Pure, authentic Mexican food. 

From the first time Issei had tried it, he was in love. Nothing was better than warm tortillas with butter, cinnamon, and sugar in the winter. Tamales for Christmas was a treat. He actually got to experience _Christmas_. A Western Christmas. And it was beautiful. He couldn’t wait for the food to be finished so he could sink his teeth in. 

\---------

Hiro kicked Tooru’s door open gently to avoid spilling the coffee in his hand. Tooru glanced at him from where he had made himself a cocoon in his Star Wars blanket. He had on some drama on his laptop playing. Hiro wasn’t sure how long he’d been up. He offered his friend a small smile, and sat down on the bed. 

“Here.” He offered the cup. 

Tooru sat up, closing his eyes for a moment before taking it. He sipped the cup silently, his head hanging. Hiro laid his head on the man’s shoulder. He glanced at the laptop, and rolled his eyes. One of those silly Korean dramas filled with heartbreak. Why Tooru liked that shit was completely unknown to him, but to each their own. Still, he wanted to shut the laptop, and pull Tooru up, and take him on a run. 

“It wasn’t a dream…” Tooru whispered. 

“What?”

“I thought...I hoped...I wanted it to be a dream, but…” He took a few deep breaths before looking at Hiro. “When will it stop being sore?” 

“Hm?” Hiro narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Everything. My body physically aches, and I’m not sure if it’s from sex or heartbreak. But I’m like really sore in the inside of my legs, and my bottom. I just…” Tooru took a shuddering breath, and let the tears fall down his cheeks. “I want to get over it, ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen, but my body _won’t let me_. How long?” 

“Maybe a day or so?” Hiro rested his chin on his knees he’d pulled up to his chest. “I think for me it was like almost a week, but you know the guy and I were stupid sixteen year olds that didn’t know what we were doing.” He let out a soft laugh. “I’m glad your first time was with someone experienced even if he was the worst kind of person. It hurt really bad for me, and I bled because holy shit we didn’t know. But it shouldn’t hurt like that for you.” 

He reached out, and brushed Tooru’s hair out of his face. “I know it hurts to have your heart broken, but, and I say this with the utmost respect, but now you don’t have to worry anymore? Like you’ve done it, and you won’t be as nervous.”

“I want to be nervous!” Tooru snapped. “Fuck, Makki, you just think it’s just some fucking card that you hand in, and then it’s over? Maybe for you, but not me. Maybe you’re okay with fucking anyone you want to no matter how gross they are, but I’m not like that. I’m not like you. I’m not that type of person, okay? So maybe...just...get the fuck out of my room.”

“Tooru...Babe, I…”

“Don’t call me that. You don’t have any right to call me that anymore. How could you say that to me? How could you do what you did to me and everyone else who loves, and then sit there and call the sweetest person in the entire world the worst kind of person? He was so sweet to me, so good to me, and this one thing happens, the _one thing_ he ever did to hurt me, and you want to sit here and say he’s the worst kind of person?”

“What the-”

“No. And don’t think I didn’t see you last night. So get the fuck out of my room. I hate you!” Tooru shoved him. “Get. Out.” 

“Oh, okay, so _that’s_ where you’re going to go? For you information, I didn’t want to wake you up, and Issei has my card in Sendai. I was going to tell you this morning, and give it back to you when he got back, but okay. God, Tooru, I thought you were better than that. So fuck you.” 

Hiro stormed out of the room. What was that? Why? After all this time, Tooru never once through his past in his face. He always said he forgave him. Part of it was warranted, part of Hiro had always wanted Tooru to get mad at him, to tell him how angry he was about what he’d done. But this wasn’t the time. Tooru was broken, hurt, and angry. But he said what he said. It couldn’t be taken back. 

He brushed the hot tears off his face, and went to his room. All he wanted to do was help Tooru through this. He didn’t know what to do. He had half a mind to go to Sendai, and fint them so he could personally kill Iwaizumi. This was his fault. All of this was that asshole’s fault. There was no way that Hiro could ever take back his actions, but he’d fought so hard to redeem himself. Now he felt he was a hundred steps back. Tooru was mad at him, Issei was mad at him. Why couldn’t he just do something right for once? 

He picked up his bag, throwing his art supplies into it. He changed into his work shirt, pulled a jacket on, and grabbed his sketchbook. He just needed to leave, to draw. He had to get space. Maybe he could just send Suga home from work so he could go study for exams. He had a difficult major. This way Hiro could make money, and sketch, and get away from the world. 

The wind ripped around him, trying desperately to infiltrate his jacket and numb his skin. He didn’t care. He’d dealt with more than that. He stopped to smoke a cigarette to calm himself down. Just another way to betray Tooru, to betray his body. Two fucking years he flooded himself with poison. And a year and a half of resisting it all. Then he met Issei who let him back into this. It wasn’t his fault. Hiro should have been better, and refused like he refused alcohol. It wasn’t like Issei had forced him to do it, or even pressured him in. Wasn’t it Hiro who asked him? Just another way he fucked everything up. 

No doubt he’d get fired soon if he kept taking off for pointless things. Before he met Issei, he never took off. He kept a strict schedule because not being busy was dangerous. This is why he built up walls in the first place. He only let a few people in that he knew and trusted. Now here he was with a hole in that wall, and his best friend hated him. He’d lose his job, fail out of school, and end up a failure just like he’d always felt like. Back in high school when he was so lost, that isolating feeling, it was all coming back. He pushed everyone away, and ended up at rock bottom, sitting in a holding cell for fighting, but being so happy that he was there. 

_And Tooru came._

Now...

He pushed open the door of the coffee shop, his eyes glued to the ground, making his way to the counter. Suga leaned across it, smiling up at him. 

“What can I get you, Hanamaki?” 

“Um...actually…” Hiro cleared his throat, and lifted his eyes to meet Suga’s. “Do you want to get off? I don’t mind taking the rest of your shift, and the one after. Things changed, and I really just need to clear my head, so-”

“Are you okay?” Suga frowned at him. “You’ve been looking so distracted lately, and taking off. Are you okay? Is Tooru okay?”

“You know I really don’t know about me, but Tooru’s going through a bad breakup right now, and he threw me out, so please, can I take your shift? If you need the money, you can work another one of my shifts.” 

“Actually,” Suga leaned back, “one of the new hires had to call out, so it’s just me for the rest of the day. I’d like it if you’d help me out. Maybe I can help?”

This guy was so kind, so much like Tooru. When he looked at you, there was an ease that spread through your body. Hiro loved that about him. He never really talked to Suga much outside of work, and they never really worked together, so there was so little interaction, but despite that, the man made him feel comfortable. 

He walked behind the counter, and into the staff lounge to put his things away. He washed up, and went right into making sure everything was stocked, clean, and ready. He was thankful for exams coming up, so the place was busy. He wouldn’t have time to draw, but he wouldn’t have time to think either. 

But he _did_ think. All that ran through his mind was all that time wasted being well...wasted, high, separated from reality because that was better than being scared. The problem was that he _was_ scared. He was downright terrified. 

He met people who he thought understood him, people who never judged him. They didn’t put him into a box. He escaped the questions of what university he was going to; what he planned to study, what his plans were for a job; when was he going to get married; how much money he wanted to make. They let him just be. When he went to see shows or to concerts, they were _actually_ enjoying it, and not just going to be nice. Tooru always stood there, his eyes scanning over the crowd, bored and hoping to find someone to have fun with in the bathroom. They weren’t. They were there with him, enjoying it all. 

Haruki. God, Haruki. His smile, his bright blue eyes that crinkled up when he laughed. He was beautiful. Hair dyed a different color every other week. Always had on some band shirt under a leather jack, or a plaid flannel shirt. His skinny jeans were always bunched up over his combat style boots. He had a way of making Hiro feels comfortable to be himself, whoever that was because back then Hiro didn’t even know who that was. They’d laugh together, watch movies, cuddle, smoke, and get high on weed, and enjoy life. Haruki gave him his first piercing, his first tattoo, his first hit. 

“Makki, Hanamaki, hello?” 

Hiro blinked, pulling himself from the thoughts he’d been pulled in to. Suga was frowning at him in concern. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I…”

“Are you okay?”  Suga crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his head slightly. 

“Um…” He cleared his throat. “Just...something happened and I’m just thinking about it. I’m sorry. I’ll get back to work.” 

“Okay. Do you want to clean front or back?” 

“What?” 

That only happened when they closed, but they couldn’t be closed. He had only just been making coffee, cleaning, and organizing the store room. His stomach dropped when he noticed the lights dimmed, and the open sign facing in on the door. The place was empty. Not a soul. He swallowed hard. 

“We’re closed?”

Suga blinked. “Yeah...Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been acting weird all day. You were saying anything, and it was like you were just going on autopilot. You’re not getting sick are you?”

“No, no, I’m fine. I’m just worried about end of term projects, and exams.” 

Suga nodded, seeming to be satisfied with his answer. He told him not to work himself too hard, and they got to work doing closing duties. It all went by so fast, and when he and Suga parted ways after they finished, Hiro found himself standing in front of the cafe staring at his phone. No texts or calls. He even checked the muted conversation with Issei. Nothing. A lump raised in his throat, his hot tears pooled in his eyes. 

Where would he go? Could he even go back to their apartment? Would Tooru even let him? He slid down the wall, and sat on the cold pavement. How was it that he was sitting here feeling sorry for himself, when it was Tooru who had gotten hurt? His best friend was grieving something so stupid though. Well...something stupid to Hiro anyway. Because who the fuck cares about their first time? The first time is awkward, and shitty. Nothing feels nice, and it’s embarrassing. Second, third, fourth weren’t really fun either. Only once you get used to it does it stop being awkward. Tooru hadn’t cared who his first kiss was, or his first time giving head. Why when it came to his own fucking genitals did he care? 

But that wasn’t really Hiro’s business, was it? Because it mattered to Tooru, and Tooru didn’t only give his virginity to Iwaizumi, he was left behind by him, dumped mere moments after. Tooru had his heart shattered for the millionth time, and this time someone had managed to shatter it worse than Hiro back then. Hiro knew that it wasn’t only Tooru’s heart that shattered, but also his soul. Because his first time mattered to him with all his heart and soul. He invested his heart and soul into Iwaizumi. 

Tooru was right about one thing though; Iwaizumi was really sweet to him. Hiro had never seen Tooru smile like that. He’d never heard him talking on the phone late at night quite like that. Tooru had fallen asleep next to his phone talking to his boyfriend. Iwaizumi never complained when Tooru wanted to marathon Star Wars a million times or when he went on his rants about aliens. He seemed to enjoy watching conspiracy theory videos all night until they were both sufficiently paranoid. And he did put up with Tooru’s negative side well enough. He’d seen the good, the bad, and the ugly with him. Hiro watched it unfold before his eyes, and while he was skeptical of the man, he made Tooru so happy. This technically was the only thing he’d done to hurt Tooru, but that didn’t matter because it was so fucked up. 

He was also right when he said that Hiro was the worst kind of person. If Issei knew, he’d agree too. Scum is what he’d said, right? 

He jumped when his phone buzzed in his hand. 

_Don’t freeze to death. If you die, I think I’d just jump off a building, or go to Aokigahara because I cannot take losing another person I love with every part of me. My dad, my grandparents, my sister and brother, Iwa-chan. I can’t lose you too. I’m not being dramatic either. I’m dead serious. Come home. Please? I’ll buy you a million cream puffs. I promise. ♥_

Hiro read and read the text. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, or text back. He just stared at the screen until he couldn’t feel his hand or his face. When he could, he pulled himself to his feet and made the trip home. 

\---------

The second Hiro opened the door, he was attacked by a sobbing Tooru. He stumbled back a few steps, trying to gather himself. Tooru only squeezed him tighter. Hiro brought his arms up to hug his friend back. This wasn’t what he’d expected, but this was Tooru, and you really never knew what to expect.

“I’m so sorry I said those mean things to you. You’re the best friend ever, and I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I was really sad and angry, and I took it out on you. Please forgive me. I promise I’ll never do it again. I love you more than anything. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?” 

Tooru’s words were so fast that they slurred together. A smile stretched across Hiro’s lips. He closed his eyes, and just held his friend, and let his friend hold him. This had been an awful start to the weekend. Tooru only had one day left to grieve, and then it was time to not let it get him down. He would hold his head up high, and make that bastard wish he’d never broken up with him. All Hiro wanted to do was curl up and talk with his best friend about everything.

“Can we just talk? Hang out and cuddle?” 

“Yeah,” Tooru breathed, and pulled back. He brushed the tears off his face, and forced out a laugh. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re okay. Come on, Babe.” 

Hiro closed the door, and kicked off his shoes while Tooru waited tearfully _still in that asshole’s damn hoodie_. He wanted to say something, to rip it off and burn it, but this wasn’t the time. Maybe after this weekend. They could do it Monday after work. It’d be symbolic. No more Iwaizumi. He never existed. Tooru could wait until the real one came along to have sex again. He could just have renewed virginity or whatever those weird Western people online talked about. 

He and Tooru walked arm and arm to Tooru’s room. All the printed photos of the couple were strewn around the room. Hiro made a mental note to burn those too. Just burn everything that was part of that relationship just like Hiro had done after Haruki, everything but the tattoos and piercings that he would never give up. It was part of him, part of his heart, and if that bastard did anything good, it was that. The meanings and memories took the place of who had done them. He wanted Tooru to think of his first time like that. Being young and in love. 

They laid down on the bed, and Tooru started up Star Wars on his laptop before snuggling back up against Hiro. He wrapped his arms around Tooru’s waist, and kissed his cheek. It was nice to have this. Tooru seemed to be doing better much to his surprise. He wanted everything to be better. Tooru didn’t deserve this at all. This was them. This was their life. He wouldn’t change it for the world. 

\---------

As promised Issei was kneeling on the grass and snow, holding Anastasia’s hands-or rather, claws. She beamed up at him from her Godzilla costume. He couldn’t help but think whoever that little girl ended up marrying would see that look on their real wedding day, and whoever that was they had better appreciate it. She had made him a flower crown, and told him that he had to be even prettier because they were getting married, and you had to be really pretty to get married. 

Hajime seemed less than enthusiastic. He’d been moping all weekend, and he still wasn’t pulling himself together. Anastasia missed him, and wanted her brother back. Here he was practically ignoring her, or at least from what Issei had witnessed. He didn’t care that they had matching pajamas, or slept with him every night they were there. Hajime wasn’t playing with her like usual. He declined playing hide and seek, or tag saying he didn’t feel like going out in the cold. When had that ever stopped him? Anastasia wasn’t going to be little for long. What was that saying? They’re only little for a little while, and for that reason, Issei did everything she wanted to do. That was why he was there getting his jeans soaking with freezing water for her. 

“Ni-chan, you have to be happier if you’re going to marry us. It’s the rules.” 

“Oh…” Hajime wet his lips, and glanced to the side. “Okay.”

He forced a smile, and looked at the notes that Anastasia had written in crayon for the wedding. It was barely legible since she had only just begun learning. Issei opted to help her by writing it out and letting her copy it since Hajime didn’t feel like it, but somehow Hajime could read it. At least _that_ was something. 

“Okay, start!” Anastasia beamed. 

Hajime cleared his throat.

“Matty, I love you like how Godzilla likes to knock down buildings. Ni-chan loves him, and loves you too, so that makes it best. I want you to be my husband ‘cause I miss you a lot and love you a lot too. Hurry with school because you gotta come here and by my husband.” A smile had finally found its way onto Hajime’s face. “What do you say, Matsukawa? Wanna be my brother-in-law?”

“Heck yeah! Coolest wife ever!” Issei winked at Anastasia. 

“Anastasia, do you wanna be-”

“I already said, Ni-chan! Listen!” Anastasia rolled her eyes, and sighed. “Dios mio…” 

Issei choked back a laugh. It was so amazing how kids could pick things up from their parents so easily. She was already becoming the spitfire her mother was. Siblings were interesting. Hajime was so much like his father it was crazy, and Anastasia grew more like her mother every day. She even looked like their mother. You could hardly see the Japanese in her. It was insane. Issei wanted to make a photography portfolio dedicated to this. 

“Then you’re married,” Hajime smiled. “Can we go inside now? I’m freezing. I can’t feel my fingers.” 

“You’re a baby…” 

Anastasia sighed. She took Issei’s hand in one, and her brother’s in the other, stomping toward the house muttering stuff in Spanish as she did so. God, he wished he could understand her because by the look on Hajime’s face, it was good. 

“Can you play with me?” Anastasia stared up at Hajime, tugging on his arm.

“Maybe later. I need to talk to Mama and Papa about something first.”

“But you _never_ play with me. You’re never here, and you’re being all sad this time all the time, and I wanna play.” She pouted, stamping her foot. 

“Play with Matty.” 

“But I want to play with _you and_ Matty. Please? Please? Please? Please?” 

“Tea party?” Issei asked, kneeling down to be at her eye level. “Isn’t there supposed to be a tea party only with the husband and wife after a wedding?” 

She gasped, the child’s eyes were as big as saucers, mouth wide open. “Yes!” 

She grabbed his hand and started running to her room. He grinned at Hajime mouthing for him to get his shit together. 

Tea parties with Anastasia meant setting up the most elaborate setup Issei had ever seen, but he’d let her tell him what to do, and what to put where. She took off her costume, and put on her jewelry, and a brimmed hat, and a dress over her regular clothes, along with a pair of gloves. She would always make Issei and Hajime wear the jewelry too because, “You have to be fancy for a tea party. It’s the rules.” 

Soon the tea party ended, and still no sign of Hajime much to his sister’s distaste. She sat there glaring at the window. “Ni-chan is a poopy head.”

“Can’t argue with that, but sometimes when you get big, there are really important things that happen.” 

“But it’s my birthday weekend. Mommy said so. So he has to play with me. Besides he’s always at college, and he’s not even smart like you, Matty.” 

“He’s plenty smart. He’s your brother after all.” Issei chuckled. 

“But he’s a poopy head, and I want him to stay here with me and play. I love him this much.” She spread her arms back wide. 

“He loves you that much too.” 

“No.” She sighed. “Can we play with the blocks?” 

“Of course.”   
Just as they had pulled out the blocks, Anastasia’s door opened suddenly. Her mother wet her lips, and Issei’s heart clenched with anticipation. He had seen far too many times what that woman was like when she was angry. She was about to explode. He racked his brain for any reason why she’d be this angry at him or Anastasia, but he couldn’t think of anything. She took a few deep breaths before speaking. 

“Anastasia, go downstairs and tell your brother goodbye. It’s time for him and Issei to go back to Tokyo. Then I want you to clean up your room.” 

“But Ma-”

“Now.” 

“I want Matty and Ni-chan to stay! It’s my birthday!” 

Issei pulled the six year old to his chest, and covered her mouth. This was not the time, and she was not the one. As her fake husband, he wasn’t about to let her feel the wrath of her mother. Not now. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Issei forced a smile at the woman. “How could I be so silly, and forgetful, Ana! If we don’t get back, we’re going to get in trouble at school! Let’s go.” 

He picked her up, and started out of the room. Hajime’s mother stopped him, pulling him into a hug, and kissing his cheek. “Be safe, mijo. It was so good to see you.” 

Issei returned the gesture. “Good to see you too, obasan.” 

She smiled at him for a moment, before letting go, and walking toward her room. Issei let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. So she wasn’t mad at him or Anastasia. It was Hajime…

He made his way slowly down the stairs careful to keep Anastasia from getting off balance. 

Issei stopped dead in his tracks. Hajime’s face was blotchy red, tears brimming in his while he tried to busy himself with putting on his shoes. Issei blinked. What in the world happened? What was up with Hajime this weekend? Were things really that bad? Hajime was the model son, perfect in every way. He never questioned his parents or talked back. He was always very respectful, and always listened to what they wanted from him, and tried to make them proud with every fiber of his being. So this situation was unfathomable. 

Anastasia ran to him, holding her arms up. He picked her up, hugging her close with his face in her shoulder. Issei averted his eyes to the side. He it seemed like such an intimate thing. Suddenly he didn’t feel like he belonged. 

“Why are you crying?” Ana asked, taking his face in her hands. She brushed away the tears on his cheeks, before wrapper her little arms around his neck. “Are you going to miss me too much? I can call you on Mommy’s phone and tell you bedtime stories.” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna miss you, but I’ll be back soon.” 

“Okay. And if you are scared of monsters, I can tell them to go away.” 

Hajime let out a soft laugh. “Remember I’m not scared of anything.” 

“Everyone is scared of something. That’s what Papa said. But you’re the bravest!” She giggled.

“Hey, Ana?” 

“What?”

“You know that boy I think is cute?” 

“Yes!” She perked up. 

“He’s my boyfriend, and I love him a lot. What do you say when I come home for New Year’s you can meet him?” 

Her hands flew to her mouth. She balled up her hands, and squealed. “Yes! I gotta find a pretty dress. Oh, can I have some flowers? I wanna give them to him because he’s really pretty. And I love him because you love him.” 

“I will.” Hajime squeezed her tight again. “Now go clean your room, and do what Mama and Papa tell you, okay. Be good and I’ll bring you a surprise.” 

“Okay! I love you, Ni-chan. Have fun. Bye Matty!” She took off running to her room. 

Hajime grabbed his bag, turning to open the door. 

“I swear to god, Issei, if he doesn’t talk to me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you a million for reading. I'd absolutely love comments. They're like motivation fuel. ^_^


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, y'all, I am so freaking sorry!!! Things have just not been the greatest, and my mind is all over. I'm really hoping to get back into the routine soon. I have a lot planned. This chapter was so hard to write, but I feel good about it. My betas were both unavailable at the moment, and I wanted to get this up as soon as possible since I've kept you guys waiting so long. So please bare with me. 
> 
> Anywho enjoy ^_^

Coming out was difficult. Issei shivered at the memories of his parents’ disappointed faces, and the harsh words thrown his way. His parents didn’t speak to him for almost a month other than what was necessary. His sister was what got him through it, and after a while his parents came to accept it. He knew they weren’t happy about it, but it didn’t matter. Now it was like he’d never had that conversation. They welcomed in his now ex-boyfriend into the family with open arms, and all was well. 

Overall for him, the hardest part was saying it to them. Everything else he’d thought of and prepared for, actually much worse if he was being honest. It was that moment of saying, “I’m gay,” that sent the fear of god into him. His parents were mad for a bit, but nothing like what a lot of people go through. That was what Hajime just needed to get through. Issei had been so surprised back in high school when Hajime’s parents were so cool about it. But that weekend, it was finally real. Their son was gay, and wanted them to meet his boyfriend. It was in their face, and their reactions were not at all positive. 

“He won’t answer me,” Hajime mumbled as they walked to class together. “I think...what do you think about catching him after class? I could do it. I know I can. He loves me, I know that much, and if I can catch him when his best friend isn’t around I think he’ll listen.” 

“Do you honestly think that’s going to work out well for you?” Issei frowned, digging his hands into his jeans pockets. 

“I don’t know, but I have to try. I love him, and I fucked up, and I know that. I want to apologize, but he has to listen to me first, and I know, I _know_ he’s not going to do it with Hanamaki there. Can you distract him for me?” 

“What?” Issei let out a laugh through his nose. “Seriously? You want me to distract Hiro for you to get into his best friend’s pants again?” 

“Don’t say it like that!” Hajime hissed, looking around them nervously. “That’s not...I don’t...I just want to make it right is all.” 

“I got you,” Issei sighed. “I’d love to help you, buddy, but I don’t know if he’s going to even talk to me.”

“You have to give him back his debit card don’t you?” Hajime stared at the ground. 

“I mean technically, yes. But how do I know he hasn’t just cancelled it and ordered a new one?” 

Issei turned his eyes up to the sky. Storm clouds loomed in the distance, threatening them with its force. It was fitting seeing as how it was Monday, and there weren’t kilometers between the two pairs of friends. The storm was coming, and they were walking into it. For Hajime, he was going to be fighting the blustering winds, and Issei would be dodging the lightning, or at least that’s what he thought. It was a stupid analogy, and he hated himself for even thinking it. That didn’t stop him from stopping to take a photo. 

“Seriously?” Hajime blinked. 

“What?” Issei glanced up from his camera where he’d been inspecting the photo for quality. 

“Taking a picture of the fucking sky when we’re talking about this.” He gestured toward between them.

“Yes?” Issei smirked. “It’s preparation. We have to inspect the storm.” 

Hajime shook his head, and let out a laugh before walking toward the school. “You’re incredible. Fucking incredible.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know!” Issei grinned, jogging a little to catch up with him. 

\---------

Hiro rubbed his eyes, pulling himself to get up. He was _exhausted_. The weekend had offered very little rest, and now it was back to the stress of the end of term. He’d be so glad when this was all said and done. He’d be finished with projects, and have a small break to get rest, and spend time with his family. He missed his mom like crazy these days. Growing up, he’d never been close with either of his parents, but now it was different. They were saints, and the best thing to happen to him. 

Tooru was curled up on the bed next to him, mouth slightly opened with a little puddle of drool on the pillow. Hiro snickered, and crawled over his friend. He was jealous he didn’t have class until noon so he could sleep in. Tooru needed it though. It was such an emotionally draining weekend. So much had happened.

He made his way to the shower, thinking about what he would do today in class. What would he say to Issei? He had been such a shitty person to him. Would saying sorry even be enough? When had saying sorry ever meant anything? It was just a phrase that had no actual meaning. How could he show him how sorry he was that he snapped at him? Was he even sorry? He was so angry that Iwaizumi had done that to Tooru, that everything went out the window. 

That night when they’d gone to the art show had been one of the best of Hiro’s life. He’d never felt so at home. Issei had given him that opportunity. He had given him the best night. The only thing that was unsettling was the fact that Issei thought he was scum. Well, not him specifically because he had no idea about Hiro’s past because he’d never told him, but this meant he never could. Did he ever have to? He supposed that you could be friends with someone and not tell them about those things. It wasn’t like it concerned him anyway. And they weren’t even that close. But even still, Issei was so open and honest with him. Hiro was a terrible friend. Maybe he was a good friend once, but not now. 

The sudden rush of cold water jarred him out of his thoughts. He jumped back, and turned the water off. How long had he been there? His water never went cold. His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He was going to be late. He pulled the towel down, and rushed out of the bathroom to get dressed.

Tooru wasn’t lying on the bed anymore, and the smell of breakfast and coffee wafted through the air. Hiro cursed under his breath. He _was_ late. Tooru didn’t wake up until at least ten since he stayed up all night, which was the beginning of his second class of the day. Grumbling, he got dressed before venturing out to get breakfast. If he was late, might as well just skip. Going into class late was so embarrassing. Everyone stared, and the professor almost always made a comment about her students. 

To Hiro’s surprise, Tooru seemed to be back to his old self, dressed to the nines in a pair of skinny jeans that hugged him in all the right places, a blue button down, with a grey sweater vest. His hair was perfectly styled, and his eyes weren’t puffy for the first time in days. He had his knees pulled up to his chest while he sipped his coffee and catching up on his favorite YouTubers. 

“Hi, Makki!” Tooru greeted in a singsong voice. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. I’m so fucking late…” Hiro groaned, slumping down into the seat across from Tooru. 

“No, you’re not. I’m just up early.” Tooru giggled through his grin. 

“So you’re okay?” 

“Yup! Three days of crying, and then moving on just like you said! Makki-chan is always so smart.” 

Hiro smirked, and half wondered if Tooru was faking the whole thing, but didn’t press. It was what Hiro had said after all, and it beat him being a mess. Tooru jumped up, to make Hiro a plate, chattering away a mile a minute about his plans for the week. Hiro tried to listen, but his mind was still racing. 

“Makki?” Tooru wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Hm?” Hiro hummed through a bit full rice and egg.

“Thank you...for this weekend...for everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Tooru squeezed him tighter. 

“You’d be tough as nails, that’s what. You’re Oikawa Tooru, and you are an amazing person.” 

“It still hurts,” Tooru whispered before standing up and clearing the table with that practiced smile, chattering again about this show he wanted to watch. 

Hiro knew he was faking it. Even though he did know what was going on, it still broke Hiro’s heart, and part of him wondered if Tooru was faking it on his behalf. He swallowed hard, finished up the tea Tooru had made him. He glanced at the clock, his heart sinking. He should have left ten minutes ago. 

“I know you, Babe. Text me if anything happens. Remember, you’re a strong independent man who doesn’t need anyone. Stay strong. I love you.” Hiro pecked him on the cheek before rushing out the door. 

\---------

Issei frowned when he got to class and found Hiro’s usual seat empty. He walked up the steps to the top row, glancing around to see if he had sat somewhere else. Nowhere. That was was concerning. Hiro was nothing but consistent. He got to class before anyone else, and had his head into a sketchpad by the time Issei even thought about setting foot out of bed. Was everything okay? Had things really been that bad for Tooru that Hiro had to skip class? As much as he loved Hajime, the thought made him want to punch him. 

He said hi to a few people on the way up, and plopped down in his usual place. It felt lonely without Hiro there. He’d gotten so used to being in front of him, talking before class, and texting each other little jokes. He’d forgotten that the area was pretty far away from the rest of the class. A full two rows behind, and at least ten seats away from their classmates. He set his camera bag carefully into the chair next to him, and started digging around his backpack to get his things for class ready. 

“Matsukawa!” Hiro’s voice broke into Issei’s thoughts. He jumped, and found Hiro taking the seat behind him as per usual. “Good morning. How was Sendai?” 

“G-good morning?” Issei narrowed his eyes. “It was good.”  
“Great.” Hiro grinned, not actually looking at him. 

“How was your weekend? How’s…” Issei trailed off, not wanting to cause another issue between them with a reminder. 

“Oh, perfect!” Sarcasm dripped from his words like wet paint from wood. “I always love taking care of my heartbroken best friend! The best! We even had a huge fight which was like, the coolest thing ever.” He rolled his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-” 

“It’s fine,” Hiro mumbled. “He’s going to be okay.” Hiro looked Issei through his eyebrows. “Thank you...for asking.” 

“Good. Good.” Issei nodded his head, swiveling in his chair. 

Hiro cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It wasn’t your fault. I just saw red, and got carried away. We...we’re protective of each other. I mean, I’m a little more so, but…” He trailed off. 

“No, I get it. I can see how that would be a really awful thing to come into. I’m sorry for what I said too. I didn’t know, and I don’t really like getting involved in relationships. You know that. Just...I get why you do. And if it means anything, I talked to him too. Told him my true thoughts on the matter. You’re not the only one who got into a fight with your best friend.” Issei offered a soft smile, and nudged him. 

“Yeah, well…” Hiro took a deep breath. “Thank you for Friday night. It was really nice. I don’t think I’ve ever had a better time, and I just ran out on you.” 

“Hey, no worries. You’ll just have to make it up to me and let me take you to dinner another day.” 

“What?” Hiro blinked. 

_Shit_. Issei could feel the blood rushing to his face, and the only thing he could hear was it running through his veins. The professor walked in, greeting the class. He had never in his life been more thankful to a teacher starting class in his life. He snapped himself forward, and tried to focus on the lesson harder than he ever had before. 

Was that too forward? Had Hiro realized he _like_ liked him? That would ruin everything. God, why couldn’t he just control himself? Just when they’d apologized and things had gone back to to normal, or were going to go back to normal from the sound of it? He didn’t, but he did know that his face was burning, and he wanted to hide under a rock. He could just tell Hiro he was feeling sick and that’s why his face was red. Would that work? God, he hoped so. Falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same way sucked, but at least Hiro was talking to him.

\---------

Hiro hated this class. It was stale and boring. He loved art, and he did love its history, but the professor was the worst. She sat there and mumbled the whole time in the most monotonous voice he had ever heard which was why he spent the class drawing. He stared at the pad in front of him trying to think of something to draw, _anything_ to draw because he hadn’t been doing it all weekend, and that always left him feeling restless, and being restless was not the best thing for him. 

His eyes wandered over to Issei. Hiro had never noticed how the curls on his head fell in all different directions. It reminded him of the way the clouds looked on those days where they swirled and twisted together with the wind. Hiro wondered what it looked like blowing with the wind. It was funny, he never noticed it before. A smile danced on his lips and he put his pencil the paper. 

He hadn’t even realized how long he’d been drawing until Issei stood up, pulling his book bag over his shoulder, tapping the table. 

“What are you drawing?” Issei smirked, leaning against his chair. Luckily he had the decency not to look. 

“Nothing.” Hiro offered a sarcastic smile. 

Issei rolled his eyes. “A man of mystery. See this is why you’re called Mystery Man. You don’t let anyone see anything.” He sighed in a dramatic manner. 

“Really, it’s nothing. Just some doodles.” Hiro shrugged, as he put his things away. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize class was over.” 

“You’re lucky you have me to wake you up to the real world.”

Hiro smirked, shaking his head. “After the weekend I had, you’d be out of it too. How’s the wife?” 

“She’s good! Cute as ever. Oh,” Issei pulled his phone out of his pocket, “we got married officially. She wore a little godzilla costume. It was so funny. She loves Hajime so much, practically worships the ground he walks on.” 

“She needs to watch out. That’s not a very good thing to admire.” Hiro rolled his eyes, leading them out of the classroom.

“He’s not…” Issei sighed. “It’s really shitty what he did, but he didn’t mean it the way it was said. He told his parents about Tooru, and wants them to meet him during New Years.”

“Ha!” Hiro couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “You seriously think that Tooru is ever going to talk to that asshole ever again?” 

“I just think-” 

Hiro’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He held up a finger, cutting Issei off. “This could be important.” 

_Help me, Makki! He’s being so cute in class. He’s tapping his fingers on his laptop keys. ( ´△｀) And he texted me again. He wants to talk. I want to talk to him. He looks so sad!  ʕ ಡ ﹏ ಡ ʔ_

“Shit…” Hiro muttered under his breath. 

“What?” Issei frowned. 

“Nothing. Just...Tooru wants to talk to him.” 

“Well that’s good.” 

“No.” Hiro glared at him. “It is not good. He can’t talk to him. Ever.” 

“Are you sure it’s okay to get involved like this?” Issei sighed. 

Hiro shook his head, taking a few deep breaths to keep from snapping. This wasn’t the time. He didn’t want to get into another fight. Not now. It was nice to have someone to talk to about things other than Tooru, but at the same time Tooru was his top priority. If Issei didn’t understand that, then what were they really even doing? He finally trusted someone, let him in. Issei had been nothing but kind to him. They had fun. Hiro could rant. That art show had been so surreal. He never thought he’d ever get to go somewhere like that. No, he needed to keep calm. 

“Look,” Hiro sighed, “I know you and Iwaizumi are best friends. I understand that. And you know, maybe he did make some gestures in the right direction, but it’s not enough. It’s a little too late. You don’t get involved in relationships, and I get that. But you aren’t me. You have a very different kind of relationship with your friend than I have with Tooru. Tooru is the _only_ person I get involved with. I have seen him broken so many times, and I will do everything in my power to stop that, okay? So this is why I can’t let him talk to that asshole. He’s healing. Finally. He’s faking being okay, but that’s better than the last three days.” 

Issei was quiet for a moment, contemplating what Hiro had said. Hiro sent a text back to Tooru. 

_Be strong, Babe. Remember what he did. He blatantly disrespected you. Chop his dick off. I love you. I’ll pick you up for lunch. I’ll buy you an iced black coffee and milk bread._

“Do you think,” Issei ventured slowly, “that maybe you’re holding him back? Not intentionally of course. I know you wouldn't do that. But...he’s twenty-one years old. I think he can make his own decisions, and if you keep getting so involved without him asking you too, then maybe he won’t be able to branch out. Kind of like a kid whose parents are always controlling and protecting them from anything bad. Sometimes things happen that we can learn from. And if Tooru wants to fall in love with someone completely, there are going to be fights. It’s important to let the other person explain themselves when the other is ready to hear it. Just...what I’m saying is let Hajime talk to the guy because _I_ have never seen my best friend so broken.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes. Who gave a damn about that asshole? He deserved every ounce of that worry and guilt. While Issei said made sense, Hiro wasn’t ready to let go. Tooru ran to him for everything. They had met when Tooru’s dad had lung cancer that had already spread. He was there the day he passed away. Back then Hiro hadn’t known anyone who had cancer or who died. He’d never seen grief. Tooru was so eerily quiet and calm, until one day he just started sobbing, not even able to breathe because his dad dying hurt so much. When Tooru’s stepfather told him he had to get rid of the stuff that his dad left him because he thought Tooru spent too much time with it, he had come to Hiro a mess. The time when Hiro thought he destroyed everything. When he lost his volleyball scholarship. And this was just the icing on the cake. Hiro was tired of it. He hated himself for ever causing it. So he’d made it his sworn duty. 

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Hiro grumbled, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“Do you want to go to the spot by the stream? It’s nice out, and I’d like to take some pictures out there.” 

The corner’s of Hiro’s mouth twitched up. “As enticing as that sounds, again, I hate cold.” 

“It’s not that cold today. I’ll lend you my jacket.”

Hiro weighed the idea in his head for a moment. It would be a nice way to get away from everything. He hadn’t gone out there since the temperatures dropped below his comfort. Maybe he’d get some inspiration because god knows he needed it. The term was ending soon, and if this art block didn’t go away then he’d fail, and then what would he do? He’d made a promise to himself to make something of himself, to pick himself up from rock bottom. He’d been doing so well until now, and it was suffocating. He wanted _it_ so badly because _it_ would make everything go away, every last problem he was mulling in his head. 

“Sure,” Makki said forcing a smile that he hoped was as good as the one Tooru had practiced so well. 

“Great.”

Issei smiled in that crooked way he did that was charming, cute. Something stirred in him. What he wasn’t sure, but it was a good feeling, so he left it alone and followed Issei out of the building. 

The day was dreary, beautiful. Hiro’s eyes were glued to the dark grey sky. Slate. That was the color of the sky today. Stormy skies were usually slate colored, with dark foreboding clouds, often like ash. He’d memorized every name of every shade of the sky. He wanted to paint it perfectly one day. It was easier doing the daytime sky. It was a mix of some beautiful shade of blue, more often than not, azure, and the white cotton candy clouds. Sometimes the cloud were cotton balls.  There was nothing particularly hard about that. But the night...he couldn’t get it right, and that frustrated him more than anything. 

A smile pricked up at the corners of his mouth. A stormy sky was the perfect way to describe this weekend. He wanted to change every aspect of it, but the thought of what the sky that represented it was beautiful. He liked storms, the way the wind tore through whatever was in its path. The temperature would always drop, and there was a static in the air that perked his senses. Storms were scary, awful things, but they were beautiful. And after every storm, the moment the sun peeked through the clouds was the best. It meant better things to come. He needed to focus on that. That’s what this weekend was, and soon there would be something good, something better. God knows he needed it, Tooru needed it. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

Issei’s words caught him off guard. He had almost forgotten he was there. It was a bit jarring, but the sound of his voice was soothing. He glanced around, realizing that somehow they’d made it to the spot. 

“The sky,” Hiro said softly. 

“What about it?” Issei glanced up. 

“It describes things, doesn’t it? Like emotions and shit like that?”

Issei was quiet for a moment while he pondered the question. “Hm, I suppose so.” 

“I think that could be something for my project. The assignment is an abstract painting that people are supposed to get the feeling from. Tooru suggested that I put all the feelings from when I was doing that shit, and I think if maybe I make it a series with the sky, or even just the shades that it would really be great. What do you think?” 

“Shit?” Issei narrowed his eyes, cocking his head to the side. 

The breath left Hiro’s lungs. Shit. He’d spilled the beans, and now, now Issei would hate him because how was he going to explain what that meant without actually telling him about his past? Why did he have to be painted by his past? He’d made a mistake, a big one. But he wasn’t that person, hell _that_ person hadn’t even been him, but nobody would see it. Tooru was the only one who seemed to have noticed it. He’d commented on how it was good to have him back, but his parents were only happy with the “progress” he’d made. 

“Nothing,” Hiro managed. 

“You know you can talk to me, right?”  Issei told him, sitting down on the straw grass. 

“I know.” 

“You keep saying stuff like that, and then acting scared. I just want you to know that if you want to talk…” 

“It’s nothing.” Hiro forced a smile. “Nothing at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please drop a comment below. It makes my heart so happy, and helps me stay motivated. <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's a little late, I hope it's okay. I'm happy with it, but also a little hesitant. I was planning on having it out sooner, but I got off work to find my power out. My phone is turned off at the moment due to my sister not paying her half, so there was also no internet. My laptop was dead on top of all of that. Safe to say, my evening has been awful, but I still wanted to get this out to you lovely people! <3
> 
> Also I did change the rating again like I warned. Just wanted to throw out a warning that it gets a little steamy and smutty, so keep that in mind.

If Hiro received one more text from Tooru begging him to let him talk to Hajime, he was going to scream. Tooru was one of the most stubborn people Hiro ever met if not _the_ most, yet here he was being weak for a fuck boy who had no redeeming qualities from Hiro’s perspective. He didn’t care that Tooru was in love with him. What did being in love have to do with it? Hiro had been in love once. It wasn’t healthy. It was messy, and wrong, and led him down a terrible path. Falling in love was made-up shit. What it was was becoming blind to everything toxic. You didn’t notice certain things when you were in love. You always make excuses for them. You forgave them for literally everything. It made you weak. Hiro learned that. 

Tooru wanted to fall in love. Hiro told him over and over that it was bullshit, that it wasn’t love at all. It was pure and simple infatuation. Tooru told him he was being silly, and didn’t understand. What did Tooru understand about it? This wasn’t some piece of shit novel or movie that made it all seem like rainbows and butterflies. Real life sucked. His best friend was so naive sometimes. He said that the relationship that Hiro had with Haruki wasn’t healthy, that there was a lot of gaslighting and manipulations involved. But wasn’t that part of it? 

He glared at the can of whipped cream on the counter for the frap he’d just made. He couldn’t wait to get out of work. Then he could go drag Tooru by his ear away from that guy straight into their apartment, sit him on the couch, and shove his laptop into his lap because from what Hiro could tell, he hadn’t been writing much these days. Perhaps that was the problem. He wasn’t using his outlet to get rid of all those stupid emotions. He could just write his pain away onto those poor souls in his stories whether it was his favorite character or an original, it didn’t matter. 

Ordinarily, work was an escape for Hiro. He was able on a strict routine, and schedule. But lately he’d been getting less hours, and it was throwing him off. Apparently their boss thought they needed to have more people in the “family.” Nobody liked the new people. Akaashi and Tooru side eyed them, and talked shit when they worked together. Suga tried his best to include them, but it was obvious that he wasn’t exactly thrilled having the new additions. They were annoying to say the least, and right now they were bickering over what the right way to make a skinny vanilla latte. 

“Will you two shut the fuck up, already?” Hiro snapped. 

The pair instantly froze. Literally froze. Their arms were in the exact same position, holding what they were holding. Hiro rolled his eyes. At least have the decency to realize you’ve fucked up. He took a deep breath to calm himself. 

“You two better chill the fuck out. This is supposed to be a place people come to study and hang out with friends in peace. Working here used to be so peaceful and calm. You two are fucking up the entire vibe, and I swear to god you two better stop trying to make everything a contest. Who makes the most drinks, who makes them the fastest, is basically who makes the shittiest drink.” 

He slammed the whipped cream can on the counter, turning and calmly walking over to the area for customers to pick up their drinks. He apologized to the two girls, and offered them a smile before turning around and getting back to work cleaning his space.

“Oh, and another thing,” he said turning around, “a skinny vanilla latte is the most basic thing. The only thing less is black coffee. You gonna fight about the right way to make that?” 

The pouts, and red faces from being chastised and criticized was worth every second. He couldn’t wait to get off work. Each minute with these two idiots was driving him closer and closer to wanting to quit. Luckily, Suga and Akaashi showed up before Hiro had made the decision to quit. 

He rushed to the back, clocking out, and trading his apron for his jacket on his hook. He said his goodbyes to his coworkers as he all but ran out of the coffee shop into the bitter cold. The air stung his lungs, but he could breathe. He shoved his hands into his jacket pocket, and felt his phone. _shit_. He’s forgotten it he hadn’t had it on him. 

_He passed a note to me. What should I do? I want to know. I miss him. Help?_

The text was from two hours ago. “Fuck…” he muttered under his breath. He tried calling, but each one went to voicemail. That wasn’t a good sign. That meant Tooru had definitely gone with him. No. God... 

_You went didn’t you?_

_(⊙△⊙✿)_

_Don’t you dare fuck him, ya slut_

_So mean! ( ≧Д≦)_

_Your mouth is for talking right now babe. And your ass his for sitting._

Hiro pocketed his phone, grumbling under his breath. He should have been better. Why hadn’t he kept his phone on him when he knew damn well that Tooru was like cooked spaghetti when it came to Iwaizumi. Why? What did he even see in him? What were the redeeming qualities? Hiro couldn’t figure it out, but he couldn’t do anything about it now. Maybe he should listen to Issei. Maybe he should let them talk it out. Tooru might be happier with that. At the very least Tooru could get some closure, or get to be savage in that boy’s face. He hoped it was the savage option. 

He sighed, and walked toward their apartment. He needed to work on his project. He had less than a month to finish everything. His heart sank at the thought, but that day with Issei a week ago had put something in him. There was a fire inside him now, and he was ready to put the paint to paper. This wasn't like sketching. Painting was sloppy, but beautiful. If he could just paint what he was feeling, just let that emotion flow through the paintbrush to the canvas then maybe he could call it done and enjoy no stress for the rest of the semester. A small break before the New Year. 

He kicked off his shoes, and hung his jacket up. The warm air that greeted him hugged him tightly, comforting him from the cold. It reminded him of his mom. He pulled out his phone, and when he saw no other texts, he dialed his mother. 

“Hi, baby,” she answered.

“Hey, Mama. How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?” 

“Stressed. I just...Tooru has drama going on, so I’m picking up the pieces from that, and I don’t have my projects finished just yet. I’m almost done with the others, but the abstract painting piece is giving a pain in the ass.” Hiro sighed, starting water to boil. 

“I’m proud of you, sweetheart. I know you’re going to do wonderfully. You have always been so good with art, always having your head in a sketchpad. My little artist.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes, fighting back the sigh. He hated being talked to like he was a child. He wasn’t a baby anymore, but ever since he got clean she treated him like some fragile toddler who couldn’t make any decisions on his own. It was frustrating to say the least. He wanted to tell her how much it bothered him, but he didn’t want to hurt her. She meant the world to him, and he’d spent so many years treating her like trash. He would always be her baby boy. That’s what she always said. 

“Thank you, Mama.” 

“How is Tokyo this time of year? I haven’t heard much. Have you gotten any snow?” 

“Just annoying slush. It’s not like home. I can’t put sludge down Tooru’s shirt. That’s not nice.” 

“Takahiro, that is not funny.” 

“It’s a little funny,” Hiro said with a laugh. Watching Tooru squeal and squirm to get the snow out of his shirt was always entertaining. The memories made him miss Sendai. 

“Did Tooru tell you that Takeru got an acceptance to the junior high he was wanting to go to? He’s so excited. The invitation to the team was like a dream come true. I haven’t seen that type of excitement since Tooru got that scholarship.” He could see her smile. 

“No, he didn’t. That’s amazing. Send my congratulations.” 

“That’s so strange that Tooru didn’t mention it.” 

“Yeah...are you sure he knows? I know Takeru likes to surprise him with stuff like that.” Hiro took the pot of water off the stove and poured it over the green tea. He played with the bag for a moment to let it get completely wet so the tea could seep appropriately. 

“Hm...I don’t know. Maybe he’ll tell him when he comes for New Year. Speaking of the New Year, what about you? Have you decided if you’ll come home?” 

Hiro chewed the inside of his cheeks mulling it over. He hadn’t thought much about it. He wanted to with everything in him. He wanted to stay in his old room, and be able to go to the temple with his family. When he was little, they’d make a huge day of it. His mother made a full spread for dinner, and she let him and his siblings help. Usually he was the only one. It was a good mother-son bonding time. She told him all kinds of stories and tales. He would listen so intently. Things changed around high school when he started to think he was too old to spend time with her. It wasn’t cool. Now that he realized he was wrong, he hadn’t had the chance. 

“Please, Takahiro…” 

“Okay,” Hiro agreed, pinching his temples with his thumb and forefinger, rubbing his eyes slightly. “Yeah, okay, I’ll go.”

“Ah! That’s fantastic! I’m excited. Oh, goodness, I need to get everything together. I’ll be sure to make you extra profiteroles.”

A smile sprung to his lips at the promise of his favorite food. “Um, that would be fucking amazing.” 

“Language, Takahiro.” 

“Sorry, Mama. But hey, I should be going. I need to finish my projects. I just wanted to talk to you.” 

“Oh one last thing. How are you doing? With...you know.” 

Hiro closed his eyes emptying his lungs down to the bottom through his nose. That question again. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t run from his past, and no matter what, it defined him. It was part of what made the current him, him. He’d have to tell Issei eventually. Until then, he was just going to ride it out. The drama would be too much. Whether he liked it or not, if Tooru forgave Iwaizumi, then those two were going to be part of his life. He wasn’t about to lose that.

“Taka?” 

He flinched at the nickname. His mother had never been much into calling him nicknames. The fact he went by Hiro frustrated her to no end. But when she did, she used that name. It used to be sweet. It used to be something between him and his mother. Now it dripped with venom, and pain. 

“I’m doing fine. Great even. Thank you.” 

“You know that you come to me if it’s getting hard.” Her voice was soft with an unmistakable hint of worry. 

“I know. Thank you, and you know, yeah it’s been a little hard lately, but I promise you I’d never do that again.” He ran his tongue over his lips, staring into the mug. 

“Taka-”

“I have to go, Mama. Love you.” 

He hung up before she could say anything. He didn’t want to have that talk. She didn’t understand what that talk felt like. It made his skin crawl. It made him hate himself because who the fuck took everything from those they love? He was a monster, and no matter what anyone told him about it not truly being him, it was. Nobody could tell him otherwise. He knew what they said, but in his heart of hearts, he  knew the truth. His step-siblings were all older than him, and the way they saw him and treated him were what he deserved. He was thankful for that. 

He rubbed his face with his hands, and took the cup to his room. The mug in his hands was warm and comforting. He sat down against the wall with his knees pulled up. Band posters lined the walls, and the canvases were propped against them. His desk was filled with art supplies, and the drawer connected to them had even more. This room showed everything he was trying to rebuild. He sipped the tea slowly, letting the warm liquid warm him from the inside out while he thought in silence. 

Once the mug was empty, and he’d fully recovered, he set it down next to him, and walked over to the desk to pull out his oil paints. He set them to the side, and pulled out the small tarp he’d had to get for class, and laid it on the floor. He pulled off his clothes, and changed into something he didn’t mind getting dirty. He set up the easel, put paint on his wood palate, and stared at the blank canvas. It seemed to stare back at him, taunting him. Fucking piece of shit. He had to do this. There wasn’t a question in that. Paint the sky. The dark, foreboding storm that led to the downward spiral. 

\---------

Issei walked into his apartment, scrolling through the images on his camera. He couldn’t wait to load them onto his computer, and begin editing. He absolutely loved everything to do with photography. When the lighting was good, and the angles were right, it was like New Year to him. Looking through what he’d done throughout the day was always rewarding. He captured his day in a series of photos to remind him of everything. No matter how annoying this project was, he enjoyed it just the same. 

He slipped out of his shoes, and kicked the door open. He dropped his bag on the floor, and made his way to his room to set his things down so he could get a snack. He was starving, but he’d have to wait for Hajime to have dinner. It was the rule. Snacks were okay, but meals were bonding time to talk about their day, and shit. It helped with being homesick. 

The sound of bedsprings rocking, and soft moaning emanated from Hajime’s room. What the…

“Ugh, Iwa-chan, there.” 

Holy shit. Issei bit his lip to try to keep the laughter contained, and ran on his tiptoes toward the kitchen. He couldn’t ruin the moment, but it was kind of funny. Make up sex was the best. All week those two had been moping about. Hajime was making the apartment depressing, and any time Hiro had been around Tooru he’d felt uneasy. That obviously forced happiness was the most unsettling thing he’d ever experienced. Now they were having the best sex of their lives. Issei missed make up sex. 

He went to the kitchen, and started cooking dinner. Hajime and Tooru were going to need it. Maybe he should tell Hiro everything was all good now, but that could end up with him coming over. No, it was best not to interfere with other people’s relationships. He set his phone up, and started up a playlist to cook to. He did also want to drown out any loud sex sounds if he could. While he was happy for them, he also didn’t exactly want to hear it. 

Halfway through preparing the meal on the plates, the two lovebirds emerged from the room. Tooru was clinging to Hajime’s arm with a stupid look on his face. Oh yes, that boy was starting to learn what he’d been missing out on. He could see it written all over his face. Fucked silly was the only way Issei could think to describe it. 

“Why hello,” Issei wiggled his eyebrows at them. “I see you two have made up.” 

“Mhm!” Tooru laid his head on Hajime’s shoulder. “It’s so nice.” 

“I made dinner.” Issei motioned to the plates. 

“Thank you!” Tooru sang, finally letting go and grabbing his plate, and sitting at the table. “It’s so yummy. Oh, Makki-chan was right about it getting better. So good.” 

“I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying yourself,” Issei said with a laugh. 

“Hey, Mattsun,” Hajime said softly, moving closer to Issei has he leaned against the counter. “I was kind of hoping to make it up to him with like a weekend thing? So...would you mind?” 

Issei raised his eyebrows and mulled it over. “So, what you’re saying is that you want to kick me out of my own apartment so you can fuck your boyfriend until he can’t walk properly all weekend?” 

“Don’t put it like that,” Hajime grumbled, his face flushing.

Issei laughed, and shook his head. “And where would I go?” 

“Tooru’s? Maybe you can have your own weekend.”

“Fuck you!” Issei shoved him. Hajime just laughed. “I mean as nice as that would be...he doesn’t…”

“If you like him, Mattsun, I can talk to him. Makki really like sex, and it’s been like almost two years, and he hasn’t had a nice boyfriend since high school,” Tooru chimed in. “I think it’d be so cute. You’re really handsome.” 

“As great as that sounds, Oiks, I would rather keep my friendship and dignity intact.” Issei grabbed his own bowl and sat down at the table. 

Tooru gasped. “It could be like a friends with benefits thing, and then you could fall in love!” 

“Yeah, do a friends with benefits thing,” Hajime agreed. “Maybe if he got laid, he’d back off and chill out.” 

“Oh he definitely would,” Tooru agreed.

“How would you know?” Issei threw some rice in Tooru’s direction. “Your slutty self has only started having sex a week ago.”

“Rude!” Tooru threw the rice back. “Because I have learned that I really like sex, and it feels really good. It makes me happy, and less stressed out. And I know Makki. He is nicer, and less clingy when he’s with someone. Makki does the friends with benefits thing. I know because I used to give him head on occasion.” 

Hajime choked on his rice. “What?!”

Tooru rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big deal. He’d start being all bitchy, and since I like doing it, I offered. It took some convincing though. Strictly platonic.” 

“That…” Issei shook his head. “...is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard. Iwa, what the fuck kind of fucked up friends have we met? Saying they’re like brothers but making out and getting sucked off.” 

“Hey!” Tooru snapped. “I have never let anyone do that to _me_. Being a virgin until I was in love is important to me. Never ever had an orgasm until Iwa-chan.” 

“You’re a damn filthy liar, and you know it.” Issei retorted. “You cannot tell me you never jerked off. You’re a liar.” 

“I’m not!” 

“Lies. Hajime, how could you date a liar?” 

“I don’t know...I kind of believe him. At least about the never having anyone go down on him.” Hajime shrugged. 

“Okay, sure, but never jerked off.” Issei shook his head. “Well I’m done eating. So since I’m getting kicked out of my apartment for the weekend, I’m going to get my stuff, and leave.” 

He stood up, leaving his empty plate and bowl, and walked to his room. “Lied to in my own home!” he called dramatically.

\---------

A knock at the door, caused him to jump. The canvas in front of him was a beautiful sky, unlike anything he had ever done. He blinked. He’d been so into the work, that he didn’t know how much time had gone by. He remembered thinking, and being so meticulous, but there was no sunlight coming from the window now. He set the paint board down, and ran his arm over his forehead. Finally he’d done it, he started. 

He rubbed his hands over his pants as he walked to the door. Tooru probably forgot his key. He was always doing that kind of shit when he wasn’t thinking properly. He opened the door to find none other than Issei standing there with a filled backpack. He eyed him suspiciously. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Well, I got kicked out of my own apartment, so I figured since I had nowhere to go that maybe my good friend Hanamaki Takahiro would be so kind as to let me stay.” Issei smirked, shifting his weight to the other foot. 

Hiro rolled his eyes, and stepped aside to let him in. He really didn’t have the time for this. He was finally in the mode to finish the project. Distractions weren’t an option. 

“I take it you’re not very welcoming to this.”

“No, I just finally started getting my shit done,” Hiro grumbled. “Why’d you get kicked out?”

“Because your damn filthy liar of a friend and my dumbass best friend are having a weekend of make up sex, which we can agree is the best kind.”

“Tooru is not a liar.” Hiro glared. 

“Ah, good, so that’s the part you’re mad about. I knew I made the right intro. But yeah, he said he’s never had an orgasm before Hajime which is a damn lie.” Issei set his bag on the ground. 

“Okay...that is a lie. _Everyone_ has done it to themselves.” 

“Right?” Issei said, his voice going up a few octaves.

“Look,” Hiro ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t need to think about this. I don’t really need any of this, so I’m going to go finish my painting. You can take Tooru’s room since he’s the one being a fucking slut. Mess it up all you want. Oooh, rearrange his Star Wars stuff. It’ll drive him crazy.” 

“Okay,” Issei laughed. 

“Cool. I’m going to go now. You’re free to have anything.” 

Issei nodded, and Hiro stormed to his room. He didn’t need this. He had stuff to do. He was in the zone. Fuck Tooru. Fuck Hajime. Fuck Issei. Fuck everything. He needed to do this. 

\---------

Issei didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but being snapped at was not part of that deal. It wasn’t like it was his fault that Tooru and Hajime were going to be going at it like rabbits. They were going to do that regardless of if he left or not. He appreciated Hiro letting him in, but wow, that had been intense. He was left shocked, watching Hiro has he walked out of the room, and slammed his door. 

He sighed, pulling out his camera and laptop. He put the SD card into the slot, and pulled up his photos. He flipped through, deleting the ones that he didn’t like as he went. Something that had always frustrated him was that the pictures would look beautiful on the small view screen of his camera, but when they were uploaded onto the computer where he could see it larger and with more detail, they were full of mistakes. Once he had gone to the beach with his family, and had a whole photoshoot of the water, the sky, the sunset and rise, and the people having fun. Not a single one was up to his standards, not even after editing. He hadn’t deleted those though. It was a special moment that his perfectionist photographer had to let slide. 

The idea of student life had grown on him all semester. It was easy enough to get candid photos. Friends laughing, students studying, stressed out students, people sleeping in the library, and picnics on the commons. He smiled, sorting them into a folder to use for later. The photos of Hiro stopped him dead in his tracks. He glanced up, noticing Hiro’s door was closed. Good to go. 

He hadn’t realized how many pictures he had of him. Some of them were on his professional camera, others were from his phone. Mystery Man was beautiful. His eyes danced in the sun. When he laughed, his whole face lit up, and his eyes crinkled. Cool, beautiful, stunning. Issei chewed his lip wondering if maybe a project about the guy he was falling in love with was too much. 

He slammed the lid of his laptop closed when Hiro emerged from his room. Paint was in his hair, on his face, arms, and clothes. Issei didn’t think he’d ever seen something so fitting. Hiro leaned against the wall. 

“You hungry?” 

“Starved. I made dinner before I came, but-”

“Take me to dinner.” Hiro smirked. “I’m going to go shower first, but I expect you to have everything planned. A gentleman never leaves a date waiting.” 

“Wait...what? Date?” 

Hiro let out a soft laugh, shaking his head before ducking into the bathroom leaving Issei in a daze on the couch. What did that mean? Did he like him? Was it a joke? What was going through his head? Issei struggled to keep his breath. He needed Hajime. He needed to talk to him about this because he honestly didn’t understand what was going on, but right now he was probably balls deep into Tooru. 

_“It could be like a friends with benefits thing, and then you could fall in love!”_

_“Yeah, do a friends with benefits thing. Maybe if he got laid, he’d back off and chill out.”_

Issei shook his head. No. They were crazy. He couldn’t do that. How would he even bring that up? Would it be nice? Sure. But he was falling hard for this man, and having that kind of relationship would blur the lines. Tooru was right. In a friends with benefits situation, there were always feelings on at least one party’s side. If it was mutual, that was the best, but that was few and far between as far as Issei knew. And if he entered it feeling the way he did, then he was already setting himself up for failure. 

“Are you ready?” Hiro pulled him from his thoughts. He was standing there in a pair of jeans that fell off his hips perfectly. He had a black button up shirt. “Also is it a casual place or do I need a tie?” 

“Um...well...I didn’t really pick a place.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes. “I know a sushi place.”

“I work at a sushi place,” Issei smirked. 

“Ew, not that dump. Too many tourists. It’s nice. And they have amazing saki according to Tooru.” 

“Sign me up!” Issei gave him a lazy smile, jumping up from the couch. 

\---------

Tooru was fucking Iwaizumi as they sat waiting for their food. That was all Hiro could think about, all he’d thought about since Issei confirmed what he already knew. It wasn’t right. It felt wrong not blowing up Tooru’s phone, or walking over there. Tooru deserved so much better. Iwaizumi had done a classic hit and quit, and it wasn’t okay. He didn’t care that it was a miscommunication. It bothered him. He couldn’t get the image out of his mind. Tooru was probably eating up every last second of that fucking make up sex. What did he even know about that? Nothing. 

To top it all off it had been so long since he’d even had sex, going on what? A year and a half? Two? Jerking off, and the occasional blow were not anywhere as good. It was all that pent-up energy, and now Tooru had the fucking nerve to go behind his back like this. What he wouldn’t give to just fuck someone at a bar or club, just hook up with none of the commitment, but that would mean going into a bar or club which would be counterproductive. If only he interacted with people. He closed himself off, and now here he was in a pissy as fuck mood. He even lost his source of head months ago.

He glared at his sushi. This had been a bad idea. He was too worked up. He shouldn’t have left his room, but he really couldn’t stand knowing that Tooru of all people, Tooru, was getting laid all weekend. Fuck that shit. 

“Don’t like your sushi?” 

Hiro looked up. Issei was smiling at him in that sideways smile that was beyond cute. His eyes drifted toward his lips. Maybe...maybe he knew a guy…

“Are you seeing anyone?” Hiro asked, taking a sip of his tea. 

“You’re funny.” 

“Talking to anyone?” 

“You.” Issei smirked, and winked at him.

Hiro rolled his eyes. “You’re hilarious,” he deadpanned.

“Right? Finally someone gets it! My underlying talent. I should drop out of school to be a comic.” 

“Shut up.” Hiro chewed his lip. “Are you like...hooking up with anyone?” 

“My boy, Lefty.” 

Issei grabbed his water, starting to down it. His face was burning. Hiro let out a soft laugh. That was so cute, being all flustered over this sort of talk. He was an adult, right? Not five? 

“Are you done eating?” 

“I mean...no.” Issei gestured to his plate. “And you haven’t touched yours.” 

“Okay, fine.” Hiro rolled his eyes, and started scarfing down his sushi. He wanted to leave. Now.

“Why do you ask?” Issei asked slowly. 

“Just wondering is all. Tooru and Iwaizumi are just fucking with my head is all.” Hiro forced a smile.

Issei nodded, dabbing his mouth with his napkin. His plate was empty. Hiro was done. His breath hitched, and his body was burning. He jumped up, throwing some money on the table, and starting his way out. 

“I thought I was paying!” Issei hissed, trying his hardest not to interrupt everyone around them. 

“Pay next time. Let’s go.” 

Hiro didn’t wait for a response. The cold air was nice against his skin. They’d get home first, and then he’d bring it up because if he did it now, well…

Issei didn’t say anything as they walked toward the apartment. He was having to almost jog to keep up with the pace Hiro was going despite his legs being longer. It was interesting. Was he doing it because Hiro was too fast, or was it because he thought walking so fast looked stupid? He wouldn’t be the first who prefered a leisurely pace, or jogging. Speed walking looked awkward, felt awkward. 

The moment they got in the apartment, Hiro walked in, standing a few feet from the door waiting. Once the shoes and jackets were off the words fell from his mouth. 

“Do you want to fuck?” Issei choked on air or saliva, Hiro didn’t know nor care which. “Don’t worry. It’s not like I have feelings for you or anything. It has been so fucking long, and now that Tooru’s getting all the action, I just need a dick in me. Now.”

Issei stared at him, his mouth opening and closing as though he were trying to say something. Hiro rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time for this shit. He shouldn’t have asked. He should have pulled a Tooru and found some rando to hook up with. 

“You know, never-”

“Okay.” Issei almost yelled. “I mean...yes, I...yeah. Like friends with benefits.” 

Hiro let out a soft laugh. “I don’t know if this is going to be like that. Just like a one-time thing.”

“Oh…”

“Friends with benefits is messing. Someone always gets feelings, and I don’t want that. I’m not looking to date ever again. I just want to fuck. I’ve wanted to for so long. God...I _need_ it.”

Issei’s eyes shifted around the room, but he nodded after a few minutes. “Are you going to be able to get it up? I don’t top, so you fucking better.” 

“What? No. I mean, yes. I think so?” Issei stammered. 

“Good.” 

“Do you have condoms? Lube?” 

Hiro held up his hand, and turned and made his way to Tooru’s room. He threw the door open, flipping on the lights, clearing the distance between the door and the night stand. He shoved Tooru’s Star Wars figures on the ground destroying the scene. Serves him right. Fucking slut ruining everything.

“Why would he have any?” Issei asked nervously. 

“Because,” Hiro sighed, “he was thinking about this. This guy always has condoms, but he got lube a while back _just in case_. Personally I feel like he was fondling himself, but he’d never admit it. Loser.”

“Mmm,” Issei hummed. “So...should I like get undressed?” 

“Do whatever you want,” Hiro muttered digging through the drawer. 

He didn’t care how this went. All he knew was he was going to finally get what he’d been wanting. Tooru said he got bitchy when he hadn’t had it in a while, and god knows he’s been in the most pissy mood lately. So this could help. Finally he wouldn’t want to destroy everything in the apartment. He finished his project, and now he was finally going to get fucked like he wanted. 

He found the lube and condoms finally, and rushed to the bedroom. Issei was sitting on the bed awkwardly in his underwear, staring around the room. “Nervous?” 

“No, I just...are you sure?” 

“Oh honey, more sure than anything,” Hiro purred, crawling on the bed. “Lay down.” 

He pushed Issei on his back, pulling his own shirt off. He threw his jeans on the floor, and crawled on top of Hiro, straddling him. Issei looked so shocked, and somehow that was all it took for him to pull Issei’s underwear off, discarding them on the ground somewhere with the other clothes. Issei blinked. 

“What are-”

“Do you mind if I take control? Just have my way with you, Matsukawa?” Hiro smirked playfully. 

“Um...sure.” Issei swallowed. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you.” Hiro winked. “Unless you want me to.” 

“No, no, I prefer not getting hurt during sex,” Issei said, reaching up to touch him.

Hiro smacked him away. “No touching. No kissing. Just sex.” 

“Oh…” Issei licked his lips again. 

Hiro grinned grabbing the lube, and condoms. He poured lube over his hands, and got to work on himself while he started to go down on Issei. He had to get him nice and prepared. They both needed to be, and Hiro would make sure that everything was done perfectly. Issei’s pants and moans just fueled the fire in his stomach.

“Ready?” Hiro asked, finally satisfied. 

“I was almost there,” Issei sobbed, rubbing his eyes. 

“It’s going to get better.” 

Hiro grabbed the condom, tearing the foil with his teeth, and rolling it onto Issei’s dick. The look on Issei’s face mixed with his red cheeks, and swollen lip stirred something in Hiro, and without a second thought, he lowered himself down, gasping and letting out a soft moan slip between his lips. He had almost forgotten how good it felt to be filled. Each bounce, filled him in different places, going deeper, deeper until he found his prostate. There. 

He came embarrassingly fast. It had been so long, and he’d wanted it so much. Issei followed close behind. It hadn’t been long, but it had been perfect. Just what he needed. 

\---------

Hiro pulled away, and collapsed on the bed, a smile on his face as he caught his breath as recovered from the orgasm. Issei wet his lips, eyes not leaving Hiro’s face. He looked so happy, so calm. He wished he could kiss him, hold him, but all he could do was look at him. It wasn’t enough, and Issei hated himself for that. Every part of him wanted more, wanted intimacy. It wasn’t like Issei was new to hooking up. He had done it a few times since the breakup. He had needs, or rather desires, as nobody ever died from lack of sex. But it wasn’t the same. 

Hiro turned, and grinned at Issei. “That was amazing.” 

“Oh...thank you.” Issei cleared his throat, and glued his eyes to the ceiling. 

“Are you okay?” Hiro rolled to his side, holding his head in his hand. “I didn’t hurt you?” 

“No, no, you didn’t hurt me. It just was a lot. You made me tired.” Issei forced himself to let out a small laugh through his nose. 

“Sorry,” Hiro chuckled. “I’m going to go shower. Do you want to watch a movie after we both get cleaned up?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

Hiro winked, and rolled off the bed. Issei watched him walk out of the room in nothing. He wasn’t a muscular man, but he was fit. His muscles still moved under his skin so perfectly. Issei still wasn’t over just how many tattoos Hiro had. Every last one was beautifully done, and Issei could only imagine what each story was. Surely there was something behind them because Hiro never did anything that didn’t have meaning. That was what art was to him. 

Issei pulled the condom off, and tossed it in the trash as he sat up. He rubbed his face, trying to think of something, anything to make himself feel better. Maybe he wasn’t meant for this. How could he maintain his friendship like this? If he hadn’t had feelings before, he sure did now. He wanted to touch Hiro’s skin with his fingertips, kiss him, taste him, run his hands through that soft hair, and just love him, but Hiro wanted none of that. This was just a quick fuck. It didn’t mean anything. They were both just getting those needs taken care of. He had to maintain that. Keep his composure. 

_Conceal, don’t feel. Don’t let him know._

Issei laughed at that. Of course he’d think of _Frozen_ at a time like this. This is what he got for hanging out with a six-year-old. But it was true, and that’s just what he’d have to deal with. He was in love with Hanamaki Takahiro, and he didn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! lol Right? Thank you so much for reading. <3 Please leave a comment. It makes my heart so happy. ^_^


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I told quite a few of you guys that you'd get Hiro's full backstory this chapter, but while I was writing it, I realized it would end up being like a billion words, and decided to split it into two. So you'll get a little taste this time, and then a big gulp next. I promise. <3
> 
> Enjoy!

Hiro rolled his eyes from where he was sitting a bench in the airport. Tooru had insisted he come with him so he could bid Iwaizumi farewell on his trip to visit family in Mexico. He was apparently meeting his parents and sister there too. As far as Hiro was concerned, that fuckboy should stay there. Get lost or something. Anything to keep him from Hiro’s presence. He needed him to leave Tooru alone already. 

Tooru acted like that guy had a magic dick or something. Since the time he walked into the front door of their apartment after his stupid bullshit weekend, all he could talk about was how much he loved “Iwa-chan,” and how “Makki-chan” should have told how good sex felt. A week and a half of that bullshit, and Tooru glued to his phone, or over there fucking. Hiro was starting to get _really_ pissed. He felt like he was losing his best friend, and it was terrifying. Just the thought of Tooru deciding that he was going to move out to live with him made him want to cry. 

He swallowed the lump rising in his throat, and blinked his eyes, turning his head away. At least he’d have the better part of the week to spend with him. That wouldn’t change, would it? He was happy for Tooru feeling so nice, but this wasn’t like the other guys he dated. It never had been. And maybe that was why he’d had such skepticism and distaste for the man. Hell, because of him, he hadn’t even gotten to talk to Tooru about how he was feeling about going to Sendai, and how scared he was. He hadn’t gotten the chance to even tell him about hooking up with Issei. 

“They’re taking so long,” Issei muttered, plopping down on the bench next to Hiro with a coffee, and a small bag with food in his hand. 

“I know…” Hiro sighed, taking the food from Issei. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Issei said with a smile. “Finally get to take you to dinner, right?” 

“Airport food isn’t exactly a five-star restaurant that you’d promised me,” Hiro joked, “but I guess it’ll be okay.” 

“Hey! To be fair, you ran out on me. Those reservations were expensive! And with no notice, they kept the money.” Issei frowned. 

“You should have gone,” Hiro mumbled. “Pretend to be rich for the day, right?” 

“It would just be sad if I went alone.” 

“It would.” 

Hiro snickered softly, picking at his food. Nothing had changed between them. He’d been a bit nervous, but it wasn’t a big deal. They way he’d seen it, losing Issei over something like that would have been okay. He appreciated his friendship, and it would have stung to lose his only other friend, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But this was nice. Perfect even. 

The last call for Iwaizumi’s flight sounded, and with one last kiss and hug, Iwaizumi went to the gate leaving Tooru to stand there forlorn. Finally. It was like one of those stupid movies where someone was leaving for war or something like that. Not just a few days with family. Fuck. Tooru really needed to start living in reality and not in his fantasy romance world because it was getting old fast. 

Tooru waited a few minutes before turning sadly and walking toward them. Hiro jumped to his feet. “Finally. Are you ready to catch the train now?” 

“I guess…” Tooru mumbled sadly, grasping his phone. 

“It’s a few days, Babe. Chill.” Hiro pecked his cheek. 

“Yeah, it’s okay. He goes all the time. He comes back. His dad isn’t a fan of the festivities apparently. Too much noise and fun apparently.” Issei laughed. “You guys ready?” 

“Yes,” Hiro said, linking arms with Tooru and dragging him in the direction of the train station.

The station was packed, but they were able to make the train by the skin of their teeth because Tooru wouldn’t pick up the pace. Hiro was this close to leaving him behind. He didn’t know much, but he knew that this was unhealthy. Tooru should be able to go a few days without his boyfriend. So what if he it was the first person he was actually in love with, and who he’d finally decided to give it up to? Iwaizumi wasn’t shit. 

The pit in Hiro’s stomach as the trains jostled him just grew bigger. He hadn’t been in Sendai in almost two years because of Haruki. It wasn’t safe. His family wasn’t safe. Tooru wasn’t safe. They were better off not knowing him. Maybe if he just gave himself up it’d be better for everyone. The _family_ wanted to get to him, not other people. Those he loved were just collateral damages. Those people didn’t care. It didn’t matter what they’d done to him. Hiro had wronged them, that’s all they saw. 

He glanced at Tooru who was curled up in the seat in front of him, staring at his phone with a forlorn look on his face. His eyes were glassy. He’d been like this since last night when he found out Iwaizumi was leaving to Mexico over the break because apparently when Iwaizumi had asked him to meet the family, Tooru thought it meant he’d be over there for the majority of it. Learning that wasn’t the case led to Iwaizumi staying the night, and Hiro waking up to disgusting sounds. 

Issei was sitting next to Hiro looking through his camera. Hiro smiled softly. When did he ever not just stare at his pictures? It was something nice about him. He wasn’t only watching, he was documenting life. He still didn’t really see how photography was art, but he could appreciate how Issei took the time to make sure to capture the best moments of life. Issei was such a positive person. He believed that the world had beauty, only that beauty was in people. That was amazing to Hiro because honestly he hated people.

He kicked his foot on the seat across from him, hoping to snap Tooru out of his sulking session. Tooru jumped, almost dropping his phone, and glared at Hiro. 

“Oi, stop moping around. It’s getting annoying.”

“You don’t understand love, Makki.” Tooru pouted. 

“If what you’re doing is love, count me out. Pretty sure it’s pure infatuation. It’s not healthy.” 

“You’ve never gotten that feeling after your first time, Hiro?” Issei cut in. 

“What feeling?” Hiro narrowed his eyes. 

“You know, that feeling of being so full of love for the person, and you just want to be around them? It’s science. The hormones from sex link to bonding,” Issei said absently. “ I guess that’s why I-” Issei sucked his lips in, stopping abruptly, and turning red. “I...um...I fell in love with the first guy. We were together for four years, so that’s why.” 

Hiro nodded. “I just hooked up with someone. It wasn’t serious. Tooru’s not the only slut.” 

“Hey!” Tooru kicked Hiro’s chair. “That’s mean!”

“Truth hurts, Babe,” Hiro said with a wink. “But yeah, I mean we just like what we like you know? Sex is sex.” He shrugged. 

“Oh...yeah. Sex is sex after the first time,” Issei said with a silent laugh.

Tooru gave Issei a pitying look, brow furrowed, and a soft frown. Probably thinking about the fact that Issei had been in love with someone like him, and four years later...Hiro laid his head against the window. 

\---------

Issei said goodbye to Tooru and Hiro as they parted ways on different lines for the metro, promising to catch up with them later. His head was still swimming with everything. How could he almost spill the beans like that? If he told Hiro how he felt everything was going to go crashing down around him. It would be so awkward. They’d have to see each other in class, and forget hanging out with Tooru and Hajime as a group, though to be fair, he didn’t think it was possible anyway given Hiro’s opinion of Hajime. But this would be for a different reason. And what if Tooru and Hajime end up together forever? What would that do? 

He rubbed his face as he made his way down to the platform. Nothing was going to work out. He had set himself up for failure, and the worst part was, if Hiro asked him to hook up again, he definitely would say yes because he was an idiot, and probably a masochist. He was so thankful he was going to see his big sister. She gave the best advice, and was always his biggest cheerleader. He hadn’t seen her in god knows how long, but being able to see her was all that kept him from wanting to die. 

Switching the trains, and getting off the stops so easily was like he’d never been away from Sendai. He didn’t even have to think. It was as though he was on autopilot. He was fourteen again, with his head in the clouds thinking about the guy he was in love with. The anxiety was just the same. He’d fallen for one of his friends, but it had ended well. It was only when college got in the way that it ended. He didn’t want that heartbreak again. 

He was thankful for the quiet night. Snow crunched under his feet. Houses were lit up with multicolor lights to bring in the new year. The smells of the feasts being prepared swirled around him, tempting him to come in. His stomach grumbled, and he realized he hadn’t eaten anything in almost seven hours. He groaned, picking up the pace a bit, relieved when he finally saw his house in the distance. He jogged the distance. 

He hadn’t even been able to turn the key in the door when it flew open, and he was tackled in a hug. 

“Ototo!” 

“Onee-chan!” 

Issei grinned squeezing his sister tight. He was a head taller than her, but she still always tried to pick him up to spin him around. He laughed. “Stop, you’re going to make me kill you.” 

“Kill me, and I’ll kill you, Issei-kun.” She punched his shoulder before pulling him inside. 

“I told you not to call me that. It sounds childish.” Issei frowned. 

“You’re a child to me. Always and forever my baby brother.” 

Issei rolled his eyes. “So what are you up to? How’s medical school? Do you have a suitor?” he asked taking a seat on the couch. 

“You’re so dumb.” Kamiko rolled her eyes. “It’s not medical school. It’s residency, and I’m almost done. You should know this about me. We talk all the time.” 

“No, you are too busy for me.” 

“As if.” She rolled her eyes. “And no, I don’t have a suitor, nor do I want one. Ugh, I don’t know how you do it, Issei. Men are so frustrating.” 

“Tell me about it…” Issei sighed. 

“What?” Kamiko gasped, throwing her hands over her face. “Ototo has a crush!” She squealed throwing her arms around him. 

“Will you two shut up? Be respectful! We are trying to sleep!” their mother snapped, barging into the room. 

“Sorry, Mama,” the two said in unison. 

“Hi!” Issei clicked his tongue, winking, and shooting finger guns at her. 

She rolled her eyes, before turning around and muttering under her breath. Issei and his sister made eye contact before they started laughing. 

“You’re such a dork!” Kamiko smacked his arm. “Okay, but seriously, spill. Wait, let’s go to my room. It’s furthest away from their room. Mama and Papa are finally home for a night together for once, and we’re being cockblockers.” 

“Tragic,” Issei said following his sister down the hall. “I’m going to change.” 

Issei dipped into his room, digging through his dresser trying to find pajamas. Finally he found some soft flannel pants, and a decent tee shirt. Finally comfortable, he joined his sister in her room. It had been years since either of them lived at home, but their rooms were always the same. Nothing ever changed. They always kept clothes at home, and kept things there that were too special to be lost in the chaos of moving around for school. His parents never seemed to want to change it, and that was okay. They had no prospects of having grandchildren with a gay son, and a daughter more focused on her career than ever settling down. They worked too much to have visitors, so there was really no reason to do anything.

He sat down on Kamiko’s futon, hugging his knees to his chest. His heart fluttered, and a pit formed in his stomach. This would be the first time he really sat down and told anyone about how he felt. Frankly there wasn’t anyone he’d trust with everything other than his sister. She’d been there for everything. This felt like when he was fifteen, and he told her he was gay and had a boyfriend. 

“So?” She leaned toward him slightly. “Tell me about this mystery man.” 

A soft smile made its way to his face at the phrase. Issei shifted slightly, trying figure out where to even start. He didn’t like being put on the spot. It wasn’t a natural progression. How exactly did one start talking about someone they were in love with and let it have any justice to who that person was? A thought popped into his head, and he jumped up. 

“Hold on.” 

“Where are you going?” Kamiko rolled her eyes. 

He ignored her, rushing to the living room where he’d left his things. He ruffled through the bag for his laptop, and went back to the room. His sister was leaning against the wall with an unamused look. She rolled her eyes, and patted the space next to her. 

“What?” 

He opened his laptop, and opened up the folder he’d password protected and named “History of Photography, and its Uses.” He put the password in quickly, and turned it toward her. She blinked for a minute before taking it from him. She clicked through the pictures he had of Hiro, every last one put into a chronological order. He’d spent more time on it than he’d wanted to admit, but here it was. He really was a masochist. 

“Issei…” She whispered, raising her eyes to meet his. “What?” 

“His name is Hiro. He’s in my Art History class. Always the first to show up, and the last to leave. He never really talked to anyone except for this one guy who’s his best friend, and Hajime’s boyfriend, and -”

“Hajime has a boyfriend? What is in the water in Tokyo that you two losers have found love?” she joked. 

“Shut up.” Issei rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, I just...it started with me wanting to talk to him, and I didn’t even realize that it was more. I saw him at the park when I was taking pictures of the sunset. That’s the one where he has the ladybug on his finger.”

He pointed it out, smiling softly at it. It was his favorite. He’d put it as his wallpaper if he could without fear of repercussion.

“So you just walk around taking pictures of this guy?” 

“No.” 

“Then what else?” 

“Just look through the pictures. You can learn everything about him. He talks in each one, see?” 

Kamiko pulled her mouth to the side, narrowing her eyes while she clicked through the pictures. She glanced up at him. “Yeah, I don’t speak photography.” 

Issei sighed, pulling the laptop toward him. He flipped through the pictures. How could she not know him from this? He was an artist who had all the hopes in the world. He was closed off because he was scared of getting hurt. His heart was full, but always opening even if he didn’t let anyone know. He put up walls, but the pictures could break every single one down. Each picture told a story of Hiro in that moment. His smile, the way he looked at his sketch pad, the way he laughed at his best friend. 

“A picture says a thousand words.” 

“Yeah, and I don’t speak those thousand words. I speak Japanese and English, so pick one of those.” 

He took a deep breath, closing the lid. “I’m in love with him.”

“So did you, like, actually meet him or…?”  

“Of course! Hajime made a damn fool of himself tripping over Pretty Boy, and I met this guy. He’s so cool. He likes the best music, and he has tattoos and piercings. He loves drawing. He’s always got his head in his sketch pad, but you never know what he’s drawing. He sees art in everything, and he’s perfect. He’s really guarded though, but little by little we’re getting closer.” 

“You look like a puppy, Ototo.” 

Issei made a face at her. “I needed to talk to you though. I slept with him.” 

“Oh.” She raised her eyebrows. “That’s a great step.” 

“No. Like...we’re not together. He doesn’t know I love him, and he doesn’t feel the same way. He told me. But Hajime and that guy, Tooru, started doing it, and Tooru was like a total slut virgin, right? So that got to Hiro’s head, and he wanted to, ya know, but he doesn’t trust anyone. He trusts me, and it kind of all happened in a blur, and now I’m even more in love with him. I don’t know what to do. If he asks again, then I know I would. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.” Issei’s words slurred together akin to the way a child tells a story. 

They sat in silence for a moment while Kamiko let everything sink in. The room had never been so loud. Issei’s ears were assaulted by the sound of his blood rushing through his body, amplified by his anxiety. 

“You can’t do that, Issei.” Her voice was so soft and gentle, that Issei had barely heard it. “Issei, you’re going to get hurt. You need to end this. I have always told you that I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ve seen you heartbroken, and that was with the feelings reciprocated. No. No, don’t do this. Don’t get into a friends with benefits thing. You slept with him once, and it made you feel like this. No.” 

“But-” 

“No. You asked me, and I’m telling you no.” 

“I love him.” 

“Then tell him. Tell him, or stop. You’re not going to do yourself any favors. You’re an amazing person, and I am so proud that you’re my baby brother. If he doesn’t see it, then fuck him. Well...not literally. Don’t do that!” 

She wrapped her arms around him, pecking his cheek, before resting her cheek on his shoulder. “Don’t get hurt.” 

\---------

Hiro had come home for his mother. He was risking his life to see her at home. She knew what had happened, but she’d forgotten that his little sister’s New Years play or whatever. If he’d known that he would have asked Tooru’s parents to stay the night since there was no way he wanted to be in Sendai alone. As it was, Tooru was dragging him along. His stepfather had never liked Hiro, but after everything, he downright hated him, which was fair. It didn’t matter that he was Tooru’s best friend again, or that his wife had a soft spot for him. Hiro had stolen from them, and had severely hurt Tooru. 

It was a far cry from the normal showing up at your best friend’s house like it was your own home. Even before everything happened, they didn’t have the best relationship. The man was extremely hard on Tooru to the point where Tooru would come to Hiro ugly crying. It was that man that made Tooru start getting into making out with people randomly, and sucking dick. Now Tooru realized that everything was out of love, and not to be malicious. The man had known Tooru since before Tooru was born. He had been the first one to hold Tooru after his parents. It was so strange to think that Tooru’s mom married her late husband’s best friend, but stranger things had happened. 

Hiro pulled his jacket closer while he waited impatiently for Tooru to fish his keys out of his pocket, and find the right one. He wanted to grab them and do it himself because it was taking him far too long in his stupid depression of being separated from his shitty ass boyfriend. It didn’t matter that Tooru loved him. He’d hurt him, and that was all that mattered in his mind. 

Finally the door was unlocked, and he was hot on Tooru’s heels when the warmth poured out to greet in a hug. 

“I’m home!” Tooru announced. 

“Pardon the intrusion!” Hiro called, slipping off his shoes. 

“Ew,” Tooru’s nephew, Takeru, deadpanned from where he was sitting on the floor in front of the television. 

“Rude!” Tooru snapped. “I just got here.” 

“Ew.” 

“Brat,” Tooru grumbled, walking past him. 

Hiro laughed softly. It never failed. Those two were like brothers, and Tooru was all too sensitive to it in Hiro’s opinion. 

“You’re the brat,” Tooru’s brother, Keishi, smirked. 

“I just got here!” Tooru whined. 

Hiro would never get tired of this. Tooru made himself such an easy target. It was nice to know things hadn’t changed. It had been so long since Hiro was even in Sendai, let alone in their home. He smiled to himself, while he made himself at home. 

“Takahiro,” Keishi nodded.

“Hi.” 

Hiro forced a smile. He hadn’t missed the way the man tensed, and moved away from him just slightly, nor had he not noticed the way Takeru was looking at him. Keishi used to pull him into a bear hug, or make a joke with him at Tooru’s expense. Takeru used to run up to him to tell him everything that had happened. A decade of being one of the family, the last three years had destroyed that. _He_ destroyed that. If he could take it back, he would in a heartbeat. 

“Taka!” Tooru’s mom _squealed_ as he came out of the kitchen. 

“Hi, obasan.” He smiled standing to let the woman hug him. 

Tooru and his stepfather were talking in the kitchen, Tooru’s eyes bright while he was talking a mile a minute. Though Hiro couldn’t hear him over the commotion, he knew it was probably about volleyball, or more likely, Iwaizumi. The moment the man’s eyes fell on Hiro, his face changed, dropping, eyes dark. He said something to Tooru, who instantly shut up, and glanced at him. 

Shit. So he was going to get kicked out. Maybe he could go find where his sister’s play was then everything would be okay. He didn’t want to be in that house alone. Who knew who had seen him? He just wanted to be safe. He wanted to be able to breathe. If he had just not been a fucking dumbass then none of this would have happened. He would never, could never forgive himself for the wrongs he’d committed. He didn’t care about all that bullshit about forgiving yourself. The pit in his his stomach rose to this throat, cutting off his airway as Tooru walked towards him. 

“Hey...Kazuki-san said no.” Tooru sighed, crossing his arms. “I’ll stay with you until your family gets back though!” 

“Kazuki!” Tooru’s mother interrupted. “Takahiro can stay for just a little while, can’t he?” 

“No, Nori. I don’t want some j-” 

“Kazuki.” Tooru’s mom gave him a stern look, crossing her arms. “Let’s get you boys something to eat.” 

“No, no, it’s okay. I can go.” Hiro forced a smile. “Thank you for the offer though. I really don’t want to overstay. It was so good to see all of you.” 

Hiro took a deep breath, holding himself together. He was not about to break down in front of them. It all happened so fast, that he hadn’t even realized he was halfway down the street when Tooru appeared next to him, huffing white tufts of condensation left him. His cheeks were red, and he had that dumb smile on his face that he had when he was trying to make people happy. 

“Sorry, Makki.”

“No. No, it’s fine. Go home, Tooru. Go back to your family. They’ve missed you. It’s so cold out here, and warm in there. Just…” Hiro took a shuddering breath. “I did it to myself, and I just have to deal with it, okay?” 

“You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes,” Tooru said softly. 

“Yeah, well mine can get you killed. You should just...stay away from me. Go home, Tooru,” Hiro snapped. “I’m so fucking tired of you saying it’s okay. Be mad at me, Tooru!” 

“Why?” Tooru frowned. “I was mad at you, and now I’m not. You said sorry.” 

Hiro laughed, shaking his head. “You don’t get it. You don’t fucking get it, do you?” 

“Makki-” 

Hiro cut him off with a shove. “Hate me!” 

“No.” 

“Do it!” Hiro pushed him again. “Hate me! Treat me like trash!” He shoved him between each sentence. “How can you just sit there, and fucking…” Hiro laughed, brushing away the hot tears. “Who the fuck picks someone who stole thousands of dollars worth of shit from you from the police station after getting arrested for a disturbing the peace charge, and just takes them home? Who the hell takes that person to the emergency room for withdrawal? Who the fuck checks that person into rehab, and lists themself as an emergency contact?”

“I would.” Tooru blinked. “You’re...you’re Makki. You’re my best friend. I love you.” 

“Hate me,” Hiro breathed, “please.” 

“Shut up,” Tooru rolled his eyes, pulling him into a hug. “I love you, so too bad! Now let’s go to your house, and watch something scary. I’ll even let you make fun of them.” Tooru kissed his cheek, and linked arms with him.

“I hate you,” Hiro grumbled wiping the tears away, letting Tooru lead him down the street. 

“You love me. I’m the best friend. You know, you’re really lucky to have me.” Tooru giggled. 

“Yeah, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Please leave a comment. I love you guys!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry this chapter took like a billion years. I've been a Tooru in this story with this dude I've been chatting up, and got lost in it all, but I'm back! As promised a shit ton of Makki's story!

When Hiro was little, he used to be obsessed with pancakes. He’d seen them in a show, and begged his mom to make them because he’d never had them. It had become a tradition for her to make them on Sunday mornings as he rarely had anything going on. Pancakes were breakfast on Hiro’s birthday, and during the New Year vacation. His favorite thing to do was help his mom with the task, and he’d forgotten how much he missed it until he was finally back in his childhood home, surrounded by family, and hanging out with his mom in the kitchen. 

Flour peppered his black shirt, and jeans as he sat on the counter, licking the beaters free of the sweet batter like he’d done since he was six years old. He watched as his mom filled the holiday molds. The way the bubbles slowly covered the upside of the pancake batter was always so satisfying for some reason. There was just something so calming about it all. 

His mother glanced at him, a smile spreading over her face. Tears started to fill her eyes causing his heart to flutter. “It’s so good to have you home, sweetheart.” 

He smiled softly. “I’m happy to be with you.” 

She smiled sadly for a moment before brushing the tears from her eyes. She let out a soft laugh, and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous. I just remember when you were so little, and now you’re all grown up. I keep thinking about what happened, and what I did wrong. What kind of mother doesn’t even recognize her own baby is having issues? I just feel like I could have saved you before…” 

“Ma…” Hiro took a deep shuddering breath, and slipped off the counter. He wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her cheek. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I should have known.” 

“Nobody knew. I didn’t tell anyone.” 

“But I’m your mother. I should have known! And now...now you’re so scared to come home, and I just want my baby here. I think about losing you all the time just like your sister, and I just worry. I remember how scared I was that you were going to die in some cold place, all alone. I couldn’t even find you, and you’d come home, and…” 

Her voice broke, and she turned around to hug him, burying her face in his chest. He closed his eyes, trying to keep the lump in his throat from escaping and hurting her more. Why had he hurt everyone so much? Why? Maybe it would have been better if he had died. His mother would have been devastated, but he wasn’t her little boy anymore. He was someone so different. Looking on who he was, and who is now were like night and day. He’d always been a happy kid, but something changed. Now he was cynical and hated everything. He didn’t see good in people anymore. He was scared, and hated himself most of the time. He was clingy, and selfish, and just not worth anything. 

“If your father and I had just leaned on each other after Kayo died instead of blaming each other, things would have been different. We were at each other's throats, and you were left alone to see that. I just...if we had paid more attention to you, or if we hadn’t gotten divorced, maybe it would be different. Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten so hurt. It just hurts me to think of you so broken.” 

“Mama, I’m okay. I promise.” 

“No, you’re not! You’re sick! You’re still sick. Just like Shin. I hate it.” 

“I promise, I’m better.” 

“But how do I know? I’m so scared for both of you. At least with Shin, I am married to him and see. But you...you’re in Tokyo. God knows what could happen. I’m so scared!”  She shook her head, pulling away from him. “If that happens again, if you even feel like it, you call me okay, baby? You call me, and I’ll be there.” 

“Okay.” He offered her a small smile. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I did though. I, I think about it all the time. The fighting, the messy divorce, the way you didn’t get to see your father as much as you should have, and Shin’s drinking. I just, I failed you as a mother, and I am so sorry.” 

“Mama, it wasn’t your fault. It was me. I chose to go down that road, and I swear to god, I’m never going to do it again. I swear on Kayo’s soul, I won’t.” 

She stared at him for a moment, her expression unreadable before she turned back to the pancakes, cursing under her breath that she’d burned them. New tears fell down her face, as she tried to get them off the hot pan. 

He hated seeing her like this, hated knowing that he had been the one to cause her to be like this. He pretended it was Haruki all that time, but it was he who had stayed. It was he that made the choices to pay for drugs over his family. He made that decision, and him alone. He’d betrayed everyone’s trust, and he was trying so hard to make things right, but everything was even more difficult. He didn’t even want forgiveness. He wanted anger, and to be hated. He wanted everyone to push him out of their lives because he was toxic, and just like his mom said, it could happen again. It was a downward spiral, and though he’d hit rock bottom, his body still craved it. It was why he couldn’t sit still when he was agitated, why he felt like running all the time because his skin was crawling with want. It was like starving yourself knowing you could go get food any time you wanted, but you continued to starve yourself. The hunger had tapered off to a dull one, one you had after not eating for the whole day. Things triggered the hunger though, and he had to forced himself not to eat. He had to put a lock and chain around the refrigerator, and pantry. That’s what it was like, but he could never explain that to anyone. Only his stepfather understood, but at the same time didn’t because alcohol wasn’t like what he’d put into his body. This had triggered that hunger in him. It was so painful to see his mom like that, and his body wanted to just eat the food to numb the pain. 

He wouldn’t. 

“Mama, you know how we did osoji yesterday? Isn’t that about washing away the past to start the year fresh? And the bells rang at midnight to push all of this away. We have to let it all go, no more pain, or questioning, okay? It’s a new year, and we should enter it with a clear head, and light heart. When we go to the temple we can pray for all of the good things, okay?” 

His words were hypocritical. He knew it wasn’t going to leave him, but he needed to at least try to give his mother comfort. She meant the world to him. She didn’t deserve any of this. He’d never hurt her again. He swore it. He wanted to show himself how strong he was. He wanted to prove to himself that Haruki was wrong, that everyone was wrong. He wanted to prove to Issei that he wasn’t scum. He didn’t want Issei to think bad about him. God, he didn’t want that to happen. Not after everything. 

“You’re right.” His mother smiled, nodding her head in agreement. “We need to start the year fresh.” 

\---------

It wasn’t uncommon for Issei’s parents to be working during holidays. He and Kamiko had their own traditions, and spent them more often than not alone. They always blasted music while they decorated the house, and made food. So it was weird when their mother announced that she and their father were going to be off service for the entirety of the holiday, or at least part of it. Issei wasn’t really sure how that was going to go. Nine times out of ten, at least one of them was called into work. It was the reality of being a physician, which was precisely why he never wanted to be one. 

“I bet you a thousand yen they’re going to skip out on us,” Issei smirked plopping down on the couch next to his sister. 

“You’re going to make me spill my drink!” she squeaked, holding the cup up as if to catch the fluid. 

“Oops,” Issei shrugged. 

“Make it two thousand.” She sipped her tea quietly for a moment. “It’s going to be weird having them with us.” 

Issei hummed in agreement, picking at a piece of lint on his jeans. “I’m supposed to hang out with Hiro today. Do you want to tag along?” 

Kamiko stared at him, narrowing her eyes. “What? Issei, you can’t do this to yourself.” 

“I’m not going to fuck him or anything. We’re just going to hang out. I think it’d be good for me, you know? Get out of this house.” 

Kamiko stared at him intently for a moment before shaking her head, and sipping her tea. Her silence said everything. This was a big deal because coming home for New Years rarely meant he ever went anywhere without at least his sister. He didn’t go visit Hajime or any of that. He had all the time to do that in Tokyo. This was the time of year to be with his family. It was even more important after his sister went away to college. They’d always been so close, and to leave her behind…

But he’d already made the arrangements. Hiro had some weird thing about Sendai, so he never wanted to be alone, and his stepsiblings weren’t the best to him. He wanted to get out, and apparently Tooru’s family wasn’t being the most inviting. It didn’t really make sense. They were best friends since they were kids, just like him and Hajime. They could walk into the other’s house and be welcomed in like they were family. 

“Why do you want to go so badly?” Kamiko asked softly. 

Issei thought for a moment. Why did he want to go so badly? Because he just loved being around him. He loved him. Just talking to him was enough. He wanted to see him here, learn what he used to do in Sendai. They’d both grown up in the city, and they obviously had never crossed paths, so it would be interesting to know. He wanted his whole story. Who was Hanamaki Takahiro really? There was more to him than the quiet artist who didn’t trust anyone, and kept to himself mostly. He wanted that. He knew what the photographs said, but while a picture said a thousand words, they were often times inferred and subjective. He needed more.

“I just want to see him.” Issei shrugged. “Is that a crime now?” 

His sister rolled her eyes, and kicked him gently. He was about to protest when his phone started blaring the obscenely loud bullhorn ringtone that meant Hajime was calling. He nearly fell off the couch at this sound. Kamiko jumped, actually spilling the tea all over her, and eliciting a slew of curse words. He snatched the phone up, and skillfully avoided his sister’s attempts to smack him. 

“Welcome back to Japan. How was-?”

“Fucking Tooru fucking showed up at the fucking airport! Fucking kissed me in front of my fucking family! And I swear to god, I almost dumped him on the spot. The look he gave me when I pushed him away, and walked off might as well have done it. Who the fuck shows up like that? As if my parents didn’t already feel so uncomfortable with this, he has to go and fucking do this shit!”

“Well hello to you too,” Issei muttered, making his way to his room to grab his lighter and pack of cigarettes to talk to his friend outside. 

“I swear to fucking god, Issei. I’m going to fucking kill him,” Hajime ranted.

“Yeah, well you could, but then you’d be all mopey because your boyfriend is dead, and like you’d end up in prison if Hiro doesn’t kill you first. So then my boyfriend is in prison, and my best friend is dead. Think of the children!” 

“Boyfriend?” Hajime scoffed. 

“Well…” Issei kicked the snow, finally having made it outside. “So you were saying that you were thinking of committing homicide to ring in the new year?”

“Fuck, Issei, you should have been there.” Hajime sounded deflated now that the anger had finally dissipated. “I’ve never been so mortified, or embarrassed.” 

“What happened?” Issei asked lighting up his cigarette. 

“I just fucking told you.” 

“You know, Iwaizumi, there is a six-year-old child living in your house, and that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble. I don’t appreciate that kind of vulgarity around my wife.” 

“Shut up. She’s not home. My parents decided to go to my grandparents’ house without me because they just need to _think._ ” Hajime groaned. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“That sucks.” Issei frowned. “So you said Tooru showed up at the airport, but like what happened?” 

“I don’t know. All I know is my family and I were getting our bags, and all of a sudden Tooru jumped on me, kissed me, and handed me some gifts, and started introducing himself to my fucking family.” 

“Wait...why was he there?”

“I don’t know!”

“How would he know where to find you?” 

“I told him that we’d be getting in this morning at ten, and we’d be at gate 5 on Japan Air from Mexico City.” 

“That’s really fucking specific. Did you give him the flight number too?” 

“I mean...maybe? I was so exhausted. I could not get over that jetlag. I guess I’m getting old.” 

“You’ve been old since you were eleven. Why are you mad at your boyfriend? You were going to introduce him to your family anyway, right?’ 

“God, you don’t get it. It was supposed to be on my terms! Not bombard them in the middle of the fucking airport!” Hajime groaned. 

“Did you tell him not to come?” Issei watched the way the mist of his breath, and the smoke mingled in the air, playing with each other in a game of tag. 

“No, but he should have known. I told him about how they reacted. He keeps saying that he thought I wanted him to come to the airport, and he wants me to just take his presents because he got them for Christmas for me, and he’s never had anyone to give actual Christmas presents to because he’s never known anyone who actually celebrates it.” 

“Iwa...you gave him the most detailed itinerary on you getting in, and he’s missed you since before you left. If I was Tooru, I’d think that you’d want me to surprise you there too.”

“You’re not helping.” 

“You do realize, Hajime, that you aren’t a good communicator. Your boyfriend tried to do something cute, and nice, and you left him hanging, and are mad at him. I get that it wasn’t what you wanted, but god, you gave him all the signs. You know how extra your boyfriend is.”

The line was silent. Issei glanced at his phone to make sure the call didn’t drop. “Iwa?”

“I just wish that for once my feelings were taken into account. I have to go. Bye.” 

The call ended, and Issei just stared at his phone. He wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. His head was so fuzzy. Issei didn’t get involved in relationships unless asked, but he wasn’t even sure that Hajime had actually asked him. Hajime wasn’t an emotional person, and that last line worried him a bit. Had he misread the conversation? Had his friend just simply wanted to vent or talk? Hiro was getting to him in more ways than one. 

He tried to call back, only to be sent straight to voicemail, and a swift text essentially telling him to fuck off. He groaned, and leaning against the cold side of the house. He’d fucked up. 

The door opened, and his mother walked out, followed closely by his father, dressed for work. At least he wasn’t fucking that up. His mother fanned her face, and smacked him on the arm. 

“How many times to I have to tell you to stop smoking? That’s how you die. I do not want to watch my baby boy die from cancer.” She grabbed it out of his mouth, throwing on the ground, and snuffing it with her shoe. 

“At least don’t smoke by the door, Issei,” his father muttered. 

“You and Kamiko be good. I left money for you guys. We’ll be back in the morning to go to the temple for sure. I promise.” She kissed his cheek. “I love you, honey.” 

“Love you too,” Issei mumbled, knowing she wasn’t going to hear it since she was running out to the car. Just like always.

\---------

Sendai hadn’t changed at all. The stars on the outskirts were just as bright as he remembered. It was so much more beautiful than Tokyo. Here the city lights didn’t cut through the sky with such power. The air was cleaner, and Hiro’s lungs soaked up the oxygen. The last time he’d been in Sendai, he’d been close to death. His head had been muddled with drugs. Everything flooded back, triggering nothing but anxiety, depression, and fear. He didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t have it in him to beg his family to stay when they needed to visit his extended family who wanted nothing to do with him. They should enjoy their holiday. They’d already gone to the temple, and that was enough. 

Still he couldn’t push the feeling. He’d been pacing for hours now, and had broken down so many times he was embarrassed to count. Even trying to sit down, blast music in his ears, and sketch didn’t help. In fact, it made it worse. Anyone could sneak up on him. He wanted his mom. He wanted Tooru. He wanted Issei. He wanted to be back in Tokyo. Hell he even wanted that asshole. Just someone he knew to be with him. He hated being alone in Sendai. Haruki was in Sendai. The family was in Sendai. Sendai was dangerous. 

Now he found himself locked in his room, staring wildly at the door, waiting. He huddled closer in the corner, trying to make himself breathe, trying to calm his nerves. He didn’t like being alone. He didn’t want to be alone. But he deserved to feel like this. He deserved to suffer because he had done this to himself. He made a choice. He hurt everyone who had ever cared for him. He deserved this. Hell, he deserved whatever Haruki wanted to do to him. 

He jumped at his phone buzzing on the floor next to him. He snatched it up, answering with a somewhat shaky voice. 

“Maaaakki~! Are you okay?” 

“I’m f-fine.” _Dammit _. He needed to calm down.__

__“You’re not. But anyway, Kazuki-san said you can come over for a little bit because at the temple he decided that it would be best to put the past behind, and move forward. So you can come over and have food with us. Mama and Kazuki-san are going to be out for a little while. Come hang out with me and Takeru.”_ _

__“You sound cheerful. I take it you and that asshole finally made up?”_ _

__Tooru giggled. “Oh, yeah we definitely _made up._ ”_ _

__“Ew.”_ _

__“Rude. Come over! My mom made profiterole!”_ _

__“I’ll be there in like two minutes.”_ _

__Hiro threw his phone in his pocket, grabbed his keys, and practically ran to the front door, slipping into his shoes, not even taking the time to tie the laces. He glanced around nervously. He zipped up his hoodie, pulling the hood up, and buried his fists deep inside his pockets as he hurried down the street, and around the corner to find Tooru’s house. Haruki could find him. Haruki knew where his family’s house was. He knew where Tooru lived. He knew everything, and that thought alone was terrifying. Haruki hadn’t done anything to either family, and that was nerve wracking because he could._ _

__He had never been happier than when Tooru threw the door open, and wrapped his arms around him in a warm, welcome hug. Hiro’s racing heart began to slow, and the lump in his throat started to shrink. He closed his eyes, and hugged Tooru tighter. It was only when the cold started to nip at him as the warm air left the entry way of the home did he pull away, slipping off his shoes, and closing the door._ _

__Streamers were hung from the walls in a festive display. Different colors were twisted together, and lights lined the the junction of the wall, and ceiling. Small lanterns with the battery powered candles lit the halls. The house smelled of an array of different types of delicious foods. Takeru was sitting on the floor, eyes glued to the screen where he was playing some video game that Hiro had no interest in. It was never something he was into._ _

__“Do you want something to eat? Maybe some tea?” Tooru asked strolling toward the kitchen, eyes dancing._ _

__“Tea would be nice. Where are the profiterole?”_ _

__Tooru handed him a tin from the freezer, and put a kettle on the stove to boil water for tea. Hiro watched him get the tea cups together. He turned to Hiro with a huge smile on his face. “Iwa-chan’s family went to visit grandparents to think, and well...we made up.”_ _

__“For the love of god, Tooru.” Hiro made a face. “Your nephew is here.”_ _

__“He can’t hear me.” Tooru shrugged. “Plus he’s been so obsessed with that game that he really hasn’t noticed much else. I thought we were going to have a fun time together since I’ve been in Tokyo so long, but all he wants to do is play that game. He’s probably going to spend all the money he got this year on another one. Keishi says that he doesn’t get to play it much because he’s in sports, but honestly it’s such a waste of time. He could be practicing.”_ _

__“Not everyone is as obsessed as you.”_ _

__“I call it dedication.” Tooru winked._ _

__“Yeah?” Hiro kicked his knee gently. “How’d that work out for you, babe? You took dedication to a whole other level, and you hurt yourself a million times, so I don’t want to hear it. Let Takeru do something else.”_ _

__Tooru sighed deeply, and poured the water over the tea leaves. “How are you holding up?”_ _

__“Oh great. My stepsiblings are the best. My stepdad has asked me approximately a thousand times how recovery is going, and talking to me about how happy he is to be sober, but is bitching about not getting to have warm saki. Mom’s trying to tell  him one drink isn’t going to hurt him as if she even knows what it’s like. So that’s been fun.” Hiro forced a smile. “And my mom thinks that it’s her fault that I got into that shit. But hey, I’m in Sendai, so I can hear it all in person. That’s great right?”_ _

__He popped another profiteroles in his mouth. Sendai triggered everything. All the cravings he had in Tokyo were amplified by a thousand, and he was happy to have comfort with his best friend. They talked for a bit in the kitchen until Keishi came home, and all but kicked them out so he could cook dinner. They headed toward Tooru’s room to continue._ _

__“Why are you walking like that, Tooru?” Takeru asked, trailing behind them. “Does your knee hurt?” Tooru choked on his water._ _

__“Yeah, Tooru, why are you walking like that?” Hiro smirked._ _

__“Tooru!” Keishi snapped from the kitchen, suddenly at the end of the hall, eyes wide._ _

__“Yes, my knee hurts.” Tooru grabbed, Hiro’s hand, cheeks burning red._ _

__“Why are you blushing? I was going to ask you to teach me serving, but it’s okay. I’ll wait.”_ _

__“In a little bit, okay?” Tooru called over his shoulder. “Makki and I have to talk about something.”_ _

__“Okay.” Takeru frowned, going back to play video games Hiro guessed._ _

__“We are talking,” Keishi warned, before walking back to the kitchen._ _

__“Busted,” Hiro laughed._ _

__\---------_ _

__Issei waited at the train station for Hiro to arrive. While they lived near each other, it was about an forty-five minute train ride from on of their houses to the other, so meeting in the middle seemed like a good idea. They could go to one of the last of the festivals going on. Maybe they could go on the rides together. Issei loved the festival rides even though some looked to be suspect. His sister wouldn’t be caught dead on one as she thought they were no doubt an accident waiting to happen. It made sense in a way. They weren’t really stabilized by much, but it added to the thrill of it all. If nothing else, he’d like to ride the ferris wheel with Hiro. They could sit at the top, and just see the whole city lit up for the holiday. It was beautiful. He wondered if Hiro had ever seen it. Probably, but still._ _

__He smiled when he saw Hiro walking towards him. He had his fists dug so deep in his pockets, that the jacket practically reached his knees, and he was pale. He looked almost like he was scared of something. His eyes were darting around. Maybe he hadn’t seen him._ _

__“Over here!” Issei called._ _

__Hiro jumped, and offered a small smile when their eyes locked. Issei fought the urge to pull him into a hug. The man looked so nervous. Maybe he was developing feelings too? Or had he found the whole hooking up thing to be awkward now? God, Issei hoped it wasn’t that. He’d die if their relationship turned for the worst._ _

__“Hey, where are we going?” Hiro asked, skipping pleasantries all together, his words rushed._ _

__“Hi. I was thinking we could go to one of the festivals going on.”_ _

__Hiro nodded. “Okay, so let’s go then. Hurry.”_ _

__Issei furrowed his brow, letting the man pull him by his hand through the crowded station, and up to the road. He wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but whatever it was, he didn’t like it. It wasn’t until Hiro had pulled him, almost at a jog to the end of the street that Issei pulled himself out of it._ _

__“Are you okay?”_ _

__“I’m fine. We just need to hurry.”_ _

__“Are you worried the food will run out?”_ _

__“No. I just…” Hiro sucked his lips in, thinking. Issei could see the gears in his head spinning in his eyes. “My mom wants me home by a certain time is all. And I don’t want to run into anyone, so we should go.”_ _

__“Oh, well if you didn’t want to run into anyone, you could have come over. We can just hang out. My parents ditched my sister and I, and then I ditched my sister. She’s got to study anyway, but whatever,” Issei suggested._ _

__Hiro seemed to consider it for a moment before shaking his head. “No, no, we’ve already come this far, and I think it’ll be okay.”_ _

__“Okay, then relax.”_ _

__The festival grounds were alive with music, and laughter of children. Kids ran through the crowd, playing with their friends. Tents and booths lined the streets. The smell of street food wafted through the air causing Issei’s stomach to growl with want. He had eaten with his sister before he left the house, but he’d worked up an appetite. Hiro still seemed a bit jumpy, standing rather close to Issei. It made him feel a bit uncomfortable. While he welcomed the closeness, it wasn’t good for him. His heart started to race, and butterflies swarmed in his stomach._ _

__“You hungry? I could go for some ramen. There’s got to be a tent with it somewhere. I think you’ll feel better once you eat.”_ _

__“Um...yeah, sure, I guess. Um...I just…” He pulled at his sleeves. “Yeah, maybe I just need to eat.”_ _

__Issei smiled at him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Hiro relaxed into him, causing warmth to stir in Issei’s stomach. He fought the urge to kiss him. He wanted to comfort him. There was something wrong that Hiro wasn’t telling him, but he didn't want to press. He knew that he was flighty, and being this nervous, he was sure he’d run. Hiro shouldn’t be alone like this. Nobody should. Even when you’re on high alert like that, you’re an easy target._ _

__Hiro didn’t say much as they ate. He didn’t want to play the games Issei kept insisting on. He really didn’t say much at all. His focus was elsewhere. Issei had to keep an eye on him at all times in fear of what would happen if he didn’t. To his surprise, Hiro agreed to the rides with a tiny smile. Slowly he crawled out of his shell and started having fun._ _

__“Don’t you dare rock the car,” Hiro warned as they climbed into their seats for the ferris wheel. “I will fucking kill you.”_ _

__“Sure,” Issei winked. “No funny stuff.”_ _

__They waited as each car was seated, inching higher and higher. Issei’s heart was racing. He couldn’t wait to be up on the top, and take spectacular photos of it all. Aerial photos were sometimes one of the most breathtaking. It showed life in a different way. Candid pictures that nobody would be able to catch. He didn’t care that it was only going to be on his phone. The camera was decent enough. Maybe he could snap a new year selfie._ _

__Hiro leaned forward, resting his hands on the bar, staring down. “Ever since I was little, I’ve been scared of falling. I just picture falling to my death. People used to say that you passed out before you hit the ground, but it’s not true. You’re awake and conscious the entire time. It’s better if you’re on your back because the sky isn’t going to look like it’s getting any further away, but if you’re on your stomach, you see your death coming. It’s so weird.”_ _

__Issei narrowed his eyes, confused. “What? That was so random.”_ _

__“Not really.” Hiro glanced at him. “We’re in a ferris wheel.”_ _

__“Okay…”_ _

__“No, it’s just,” he sat up, “just like I get so scared of things. And every time something dangerous happens, I picture falling. Rock bottom, you  know? And it’s just like, you know that sinking feeling you get when things get bad? It’s like that. It’s like your stomach hits the floor. You’re free falling. Tooru says it’s poetic.”_ _

__“It’s morbid as fuck,” Issei said, with a smirk._ _

__“Shut up.” Hiro leaned back. “When Tooru and I were little kids, we always wanted to go to theme parks. Rollercoasters and the like. And I would never want to go on them, but Tooru always made me. He’d tell me that it made you free. And he was right in a way. There’d be that unbelievable fear of falling, and then I’d be okay. When he got older, I liked to be in the front so I could see us getting closer to the ground. It’s this sick thing. Doesn’t make any sense. Like self destructive. There was just something thrilling about it all. It was like I’d take the opportunity to die, and just wouldn’t. Is that weird?”_ _

__“A bit…”_ _

__“Sorry, I’m just thinking. You know, what if I’m just some kind of sick masochist? Enjoy hurting myself.”_ _

__“Are you okay?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Hiro ran his tongue over his lips. “I’m fine.”_ _

__“You’re not planning on jumping...are you?” Issei said slowly._ _

__“What?” Hiro laughed. “Of course not. I don’t actually want to die. I’m just thinking out loud.”_ _

__“Ah.” Issei nodded._ _

__Neither one said anything after that. They watched the ground get further and further away, until they were at the top. It was breathtaking. Issei pulled out his phone, taking photos from different angles, wishing that he’d brought his camera with him. These would be hell to touch up. He knew he could do it, but it still would be the worst. He sighed, and leaned back. Hiro was leaning on the bar again, staring at the ground. The lighting softened his phone. The worry seemed to have melted off his face, but he was still deep in thought. Issei snuck a picture, priding himself when Hiro didn’t catch him._ _

__“I can never get the night sky right,” Hiro mumbled._ _

__“Hm?”_ _

__“City lights from high up look like stars, don’t they? I can draw skylines, paint them perfectly, but the stars? The sky? I can’t do it.”_ _

__“I never noticed, but yeah, now that you mention it, they do.” Issei glanced around them, admiring it all. “You know…” he ventured. “Photographing the sky isn’t easy either. It’s something you have to learn to do. There’s a lot of skill involved, but eventually you get it.”_ _

__“Fuck photography,” Hiro muttered under his breath._ _

__“Oh…” Issei frowned. “I was just trying to help.”_ _

__“I know.”_ _

__\---------_ _

__Hiro’s mind didn’t stop racing. The festival had been such a blur. He couldn’t focus on any of it, and now he hated himself for not making that fun memory with Issei that it should have been. He wanted to get home so he could curl up on the couch with his mom, and watch whatever cheesy movie she wanted to watch. They’d have snacks, and eat dinner together. He could laugh, and be happy. His mother was his safe place, always. She was warm, loving, strong, perfect. He always felt safe with her. Ever since he was a baby. Of course that’d be the case. That’s what mothers were to their children, but something felt so different. After everything, it was like he was four years old again. His mom could make all the bad things go away._ _

__He silently cursed Issei’s need to stop by a convenience store to pick up some snacks. There was no doubt enough food in his house to feed him, and he’d eaten so much street food that it was a wonder that he was still hungry. Apparently he needed snacks for the ride home. So he found himself tapping his fingers on his arms while Issei inspected the snacks like he was trying to find fine wine._ _

__“Taka-chan!” someone said in a singsong voice._ _

__Hiro instantly froze, and tensed at the use of the old name. His lungs forgot how to function, and the air was trapped just under his vocal cords. He thought he’d put that behind him. He thought spending this New Year celebration in Sendai with his family so his family could stay home and not stay in some overpriced hotel in Tokyo would be okay. He thought…_ _

__Issei turned around, finally realizing that Hiro had stopped walking next to him. Hiro hated the way his eyes widened. He knew right then and there that Issei would never talk to him again. He was going to find out what Hiro had kept locked away from him, something that he never wanted anyone to know. This was why he shut people out. He wanted to tell him to leave, to leave him here because he was not about to let Issei get killed because of him._ _

__“What’s going on?” he asked, slowly walking toward them._ _

__“Just an old friend!” the person said._ _

__Their voice was familiar, but it had been a year and a half, and he wasn’t sure which member of the family it was. He didn’t want to turn and look. He was sure he was as white as a ghost, and he just needed Issei to leave, but the lump in his throat was still there preventing anything from coming out. Maybe they could both run away, and escape this._ _

__“Doesn’t look like you’re friends.”_ _

__“Oh, we go way back. Isn’t that right, Taka-chan? Didn’t you tell your new friend here about us?” When Hiro didn’t respond, the man took it upon himself to keep going. “Who do we have here? Taka-chan, don’t you know it’s rude not to introduce people?”_ _

__“Um...I…” Hiro was thankful his lungs were working now, and he could speak._ _

__He glanced at the person, instantly recognizing the man. Eisuke. God, he was so strung out. His eyes were rimmed red in a sunken face, and his hair was a matted mess. Track marks were visible on his arms, and he smelled of alcohol and smoke. It was too late. This was over before it started. If Issei thought they were friends…_ _

__“Eisuke, Matsukawa,” Hiro mumbled, his eyes fixed on the ground. “Matsukawa, Eisuke.”_ _

__“You actually know him?” Issei narrowed his eyes._ _

__“We go way back. Are you hitting it? He’s good.”_ _

__“Wait...what?”_ _

__“I...Eisuke, we really have to go. My mom-”_ _

__“Oh, yes, how is your mom, Taka-chan? I think we saw her the other day in the park. She’s still as pretty as ever. She’s doing well?” Eisuki’s breath reeked of decay._ _

__“Yes,” Hiro managed despite his dry mouth. What were they doing?_ _

__“Can I join you in your festivities?”_ _

__“We really have to be going. Excuse us.”_ _

__Hiro felt Eisuki’s hand in his pocket. Let him take his cash. As long as he left them alone, and they were safe. But they’d never be safe. Issei wasn’t safe. Not now. Fuck._ _

__He should have never let him. He should have been a dick, and called him something shitty, should have made him hate him. Because the truth of the matter was the people who knew him weren’t safe. They were always in danger because that’s what happens when you are around a junkie. That’s all he was. All he’d ever be. Rehab, sobriety, being clean. It didn’t mean anything, because that’s who he was. That itch to reach that high was always there, always gnawing at him._ _

__Issei was too good. He was so nice, and funny, and never made any bad decision. He was the son of a doctors. The brother of a soon to be doctor. Hiro was naive to think that someone like Issei would ever be able to be friends with him. Hell he didn’t deserve to be friends with Tooru with his fucking PhD science professor parents, and dean stepfather. But Tooru was his friend since childhood, and he chose to come back. Hiro shouldn’t have let Issei in._ _

__“Haruki says hi,” Eisuke whispered in his ear._ _

__“We really have to be going.” Hiro forced a smile. “So good to see you. Stay well.”_ _

__He managed to get away from Eisuke’s grip, and started to walk backwards as he spoke, not wanting to turn his back on the man just in case. He should have never stolen from a fucking head drug dealer. Hell he shouldn’t have dated him. But he hadn’t known at the time. All he wanted was to escape, to be free. Ha. Like he’d ever be free._ _

___Nobody leaves the family._ _ _

__“Get back here!” Eisuke grabbed him. “Haruki would love to see you. Family reunion.”_ _

__“No. Please. I just want to go home.” Hiro tried to pull away from him, only to be shoved._ _

__Hiro didn’t know what happened, but somehow Eisuke was on the ground, with blood running down his chin, and tooth in his hand looking dazed. Issei was glaring at the man, his fists still clenched. He held a hand out to Hiro who gladly took it, and allowed his friend to pull him to his feet. He was trembling, clinging to his hand as the walked out of the store._ _

__“I’m sorry. We have to go to Tokyo now. Please, Issei, we have to go.”_ _

__“What the hell?” Issei stopped walking and stood in front of him. “How do you know that guy? What’s so unsafe? What the hell are you keeping from me because if it’s so fucking dangerous, then I have a right to know.”_ _

__Hiro stared at him, tears pooling in his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He swallowed hard. Issei was staring at him, his face twisted into a combination of anger, fear, confusion, and worry. How could Hiro tell him? He’d leave him here, and he was as good as dead._ _

__“I…” Hiro swallowed. “I’m scum,” Hiro whispered. “You should have never wanted to be my friend.”_ _

__Hiro shook his head, trying to keep the tears from falling. His body was shaking uncontrollably. He wasn’t sure if it was the fear or Eisuke, but he just really wanted to go find something, and forget, to feel better, to feel _good_ for the first time in almost two years._ _

__“Can...can I have a cigarette? Please?” Hiro whispered. He couldn’t bring his voice above that._ _

__Issei stared at him for a moment before tossing the box and lighter at him. “You’re not scum. And I think I’m an adult who’s fully capable of deciding who I want to be friends with.”_ _

__Hiro didn’t say anything, just tried so hard to light the fucking cigarette because he needed to get out of there, but he was so scared. His hands were shaking too much._ _

__“For fuck sake…” Issei said under his breath. He took the pack, and lighter from Hiro’s hands. He pulled out one of his own, lighting it, before leaning in to help light Hiro’s from his own. “Let’s go.”_ _

__Hiro followed closely, eyes darting around everywhere. The metro. He just needed to get to the metro like he did almost two years ago. They made it. And they made it to his house. Hiro just wanted to leave, but Issei shut the door to his room._ _

__“I have to...We...My mom...Tooru...We have to...Tokyo...now.” He stuttered as he rushed around the room packing his stuff._ _

__“Hiro.”_ _

__“Back to Tokyo,” Hiro mumbled again._ _

__“Hiro!” Issei grabbed him by the shoulder, and shook him by the shoulders. “Calm down.”_ _

__“You don’t understand!”_ _

__Issei pulled him into a tight hug. “You’re okay. Just breathe. I won’t let anything happen to you. Just breathe with me, okay?”_ _

__Hiro tried his hardest to follow Issei’s coaching. When he began to relax, Issei pulled away._ _

__“You don’t understand…” Hiro muttered, slowly sitting down on the futon he’d left out that morning._ _

__“Then tell me.”_ _

__“You’ll hate me.”_ _

__“I could never hate you, Hiro.” Issei nudged him, offering him a sideways smile. “Tell me.”_ _

__Hiro ran his tongue over his bottom lip. What was the problem with making Issei hate him? He should hate him because being around him was dangerous. He swallowed._ _

__“I stole a ton of money from a big drug dealer,” he whispered._ _

__“What?” Issei all but jumped back._ _

__“I...I should start from the beginning.” Hiro swallowed hard, and brushed the tear off his cheek._ _

__“Tooru and I played volleyball together up until high school. We lost the finals for Nationals, and suddenly I was so lost because everything I knew was going to be over. We were graduating, and I was so fucking scared that Tooru and I would grow apart. He got this really amazing volleyball scholarship, and was going to study literature, and become an author. He had everything figured out. Everyone around me had it all figured out. They knew what they were doing, and I...I had just had this offer for this university to study mechanical engineering that my parents wanted me to do, but I didn’t have any fucking interest in it. They said I could actually use my drawing for something useful. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t know what I wanted. I was so lost, and everyone around me had it all fucking figured out._ _

__“I wanted to go to this show that was part of this underground punk scene that I was so in love with since I was younger, but my parents wouldn’t have it, and I always had school and practice, and now I didn’t. We were graduating in three months. Tooru was going to go with me, but his parents told him no last minute. Plus he was still practicing with the team so that way he’d be in top shape when he started practicing with the college team. I was so alone, you know? I mean, I guess I still could have practiced with them, but I didn’t see the point. So I went alone. Tooru offered to just stay home and have a cool sleepover. I didn’t want to. I wanted to go to that show, and I did._ _

__“And I met this guy, Haruki. He was so cool, so cute. Just everything I would have loved to be. His name was Haruki. He was twenty-six. He was a successful tattoo artist. He was funny, smart. He told me that I shouldn’t go to college if I wasn’t sure. Taking a few years to learn about myself was good. He liked me. And he invited me to hang out with him and his friends. They started drinking and smoking weed, and at first I told them no because of my stepdad and Tooru, but they told me it wasn’t bad. And I was eighteen. So I believed them. And it was amazing._ _

__Hiro paused, glancing up from the bed to Issei who was sitting there looking at him. He had expected to see something negative on his face, like anger or disgust, but he just offered a small smile, and nodded for him to continue._ _

__“I wanted a tattoo, but I didn’t want to wait until I was twenty, and Haruki told me he could do it for me for free. Free! So I did it. I took all this time drawing it out, and I couldn’t get it right. I walked into his shop, and handed it to him. He fixed it and made it perfect. My first tattoo. I felt so, so free, you know? And Tooru got both of his from him too when we were eighteen. Most of mine are from Haruki. He was so nice. Just...so cool. We smoked a lot together and talked. He told me my art was amazing, and I could be an amazing tattoo artist because I mentioned how I would love to do it._ _

__“And it got to the point where I was wanting to do it more and more, where I felt like my skin was crawling unless I could smoke. And I was a dumb kid who didn’t know anything about pot who thought it was normal. I thought it was like how people who smoke cigarettes need to smoke, you know? I never...he was lacing it. Turns out his tattoo shop was a front for this big drug ring._ _

__“He turned me into a fucking junkie, Issei. He saw a lost, scared high school kid who didn’t feel quite right in the world. He made me steal from my best friend, from my parents, from my siblings, from every single person I loved. Everyone hated me, but if I didn’t, then how was I going to get my next hit, you know? He made me,” his voice broke, “he made me have sex with him for drugs. Our love turned into payment, even when I didn’t want to. He pimped me out because it would make him money. And I was so in love with him, and when we had sex for love, it was beautiful. And it felt good, so good.”_ _

__“I’m so sorry,” Issei breathed, pity all over his face._ _

__Hiro let out a laugh._ _

__“Don’t be. I’m scum, remember? Remember you said anyone who touched that stuff was scum. Well fucking hate me, Matsukawa, because I’m a fucking junkie. I may be clean for almost two years now, but I wanted it. I _crave_ it. Ecstasy, ketamine, heroin, LSD, I did it all. Not meth because Haruki said I was too pretty for that. I have fucking track mark scars that you can’t see because I covered them up. I made Haruki cover them up. Turns out...you can find even the tiniest veins when you need it. I was, I was fortunate that I didn’t get anything from sharing needles and having sex, no being raped because that’s what it fucking was. _ _

__“And you know what? I always want to do it because maybe, maybe I’m not as strong as I thought. And every single time I talk to my family, they ask me if I’m still clean. That’s the first thing they fucking ask, Issei! Tooru tells me he’s proud of me! My stepfather tells me, ‘oh we celebrated xyz months sober together.’ Nobody asks him if he’s still not drinking first thing. Nobody looks at him with skepticism like they look at me. I’m a fucking junkie, Issei. And I stole from a drug lord because I wanted out. It wasn’t that I wanted to get clean. No. No, it was because I was so scared of him. I was so in love with him, still am, but I’m not scared of anything more than I’m scared of him._ _

__“So I tried to reinvent myself. Like what he called me, Taka. I used to go by that. Everyone but Tooru called me either Taka or Takahiro, never just Hiro. But after rehab, I wanted to start new. Make someone new that was stronger than Taka. I...I go around telling myself that I’m stronger than I think I am. That resisting it is some brave strength because I want it _every single fucking day_. I’m just waiting for the day I don’t have the strength left. I sit here thinking I’m going to make something of myself, while also being terrified of the day I slip up. And you shouldn’t be my friend because I’m dangerous. Knowing me is dangerous.” _ _

__Issei took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “I wish you would have told me that earlier.”_ _

__“I should have. I should have because now they know your face, and now you’re going to go. I should have-”_ _

__“Hey.” Issei took Hiro’s hands. “You’re just Hiro to me. You’re an amazing artist. You’re someone I love hanging out with. You’re going to be the best tattoo artist in the world, and you’re going to give me some, okay? And if you ever feel like you don’t have enough strength, I’ll give you some, okay? I know Tooru and your family will do the same. You don’t have to be strong by yourself. They made you think you were less. And I’m so sorry about what I said. I don’t...they’re not...just...I’m sorry for what I said. I don’t think you’re scum. You’re just Hiro to me.”_ _

__Hiro stared at him, shocked. He hadn’t expected that. Issei smiled at him, and let out a silent laugh._ _

__“Did you really think you’d get rid me that easily?” Issei asked._ _

__“Can we go back to Tokyo now?”_ _

__Issei laughed again, and pulled him into a hug. “If that’s what you want. But if you want to stay and spend the time with your family, I’d say I’m probably a lot stronger than them.” He flexed his arm. “And there’s a whole house full of people who love you.”_ _

__“Oh…” Hiro breathed. “Oh. I think...I want to talk to my mom first. And Tooru.”_ _

__Issei nodded. “I think that’d be a good idea.”_ _

__Hiro didn’t leave his arms. He was safe there._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment! <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I'M 50000000000% SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG WAIT ;-; I've been either hecka busy or going through some stuff. I'm gonna try harder for more consistency. Thank you so much for understanding. I love you guys. <3 This one is long, so I hope it makes up for it. Buckle up though. It's a lot.
> 
> Also here's a picture of Tooru's X-Files tattoo so you can picture it. :)

Issei wasn’t sure what to think about what had happened. It was so much. He still hadn’t wrapped his head around what he’d learned. He couldn’t get the image of that junkie in the store out of his head. The man’s eyes were clouded with whatever poison he’d pumped into his body. Had Hiro looked like that? It was hard to imagine because Hiro was the most beautiful person he’d ever met. Thinking of him wasting away on drugs didn’t seem at all possible. Hiro seemed like an intelligent person, so it just didn’t add up in his mind why he’d ever touch that stuff. He remembered the end of high school, and sure it was confusing and scary. It was easy to feel lost, but didn’t everyone? The thought had never even crossed his mind to touch that stuff. 

God, no wonder Hiro was so closed off. Tooru was definitely a saint, that was for sure, because if even a fraction of what Hiro told him he’d done had been done to him, he’d probably let him drown. But that wasn’t Hiro, was it? After rehab, Hiro said he reinvented himself. Issei liked him well enough, but Hiro was closed off, lonely, hardened, and antisocial. Who was Taka? That was who he wanted to know all this time, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

He stared up at the ceiling thinking about it. Could he even ask questions? He had so many. Scum. Issei hadn’t changed his mind on that. Junkies were definitely scum, but Hiro wasn’t scum. God, he wanted to meet Haruki. He wanted to see what was so appealing about him. He wanted to throw him out some fucking window. This man was predatory as fuck toward a minor. He sounded like a psychopath. He could manipulate, and hurt Hiro, and still convince him they were in love. He had no fucking regard for anyone. Who the hell drugs a person without their knowledge? Yeah, it was Hiro’s fault for even agreeing to smoke or drink with people he had just met, but this man was an adult? Haruki pimped Hiro out to make money off his suffering, which no doubt pulled Hiro deeper into the drugs to numb everything, to feel good when everything in his life at that time seemed to be unimaginably painful. 

Hiro was in love with someone who did all of that. So why didn’t he even feel anything toward Issei? Not that he had any obligation to feel anything about him, but the thought kept crossing his mind. He felt like an asshole to even think about it. God, he wanted to show Hiro what love really felt like. He wanted to spoil him, make him feel amazing. Hiro deserved to feel important.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the front door opening, and the sound of Tooru talking excitedly to Hajime fill the apartment. He rolled his eyes. Those two were falling in love harder and harder every day. He’d been watching it since the beginning. He knew this. But Hiro hated it, didn’t believe it was love. He truly understood now why he was so against the relationship, and why he so fiercely got involved when there was anything that rocked the boat. How could he trust Hajime when his only serious relationship, the only time he’s ever been in love was so toxic? There must be some way to make him realize that not everyone was Haruki. 

His phone buzzed on the desk across the room. He didn’t move to answer it. It was probably Hiro. He’d been texting him since they’d gotten back to Tokyo, but Issei didn’t know how to respond. How could he talk to him now knowing that he knew nothing about him? How much of what he was told was real? No, Issei couldn’t talk to him until he had all his own issues worked out because he was not about to subject Hiro to any of that. 

Issei pulled himself to his feet, and made his way out of the room. The only person he knew he could talk to about this was Tooru. He’d been involved during the whole situation. He knew both Taka and Hiro. That person was Makki. Maybe that’s who he really wanted to know, not Taka. He wanted to know Makki. 

Tooru was chattering to Hajime about the new Star Wars movie they’d gone to see for the millionth time since it came out a month ago while they unloaded the groceries. Issei watched them for a moment, a small smile finding its way to his face. This was the real deal. He’d known a long time ago, but watching them now, talking and being domestic just solidified it. It didn’t help that he had never seen Hajime look at anyone the way he looked at Tooru, his features softened with eyes glistening. Hell he’d never thought he’d ever see that. Hiro had never watched them. If he did, he would realize that this was what being in love looked like, was like. It was safe, comfortable, secure. It was joking around, and spilling your guts out about things you love while your partner listens, loving every second of it because they love you and whatever you love is important to them. 

“How was the movie?” Issei asked, walking into the kitchen, plucking up a grape from the bag Tooru was holding. 

“Oh my god, so good!” Tooru’s eyes lit up again. “They had them all back! Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford! It was like a reunion. Ugh, they’re so perfect. But god, Kylo Ren, who by the way is Leia and Han’s kid is such a jerk. I don’t like him. Oh my god, he’s over here throwing fits, and being whiney. And he thinks that Anakin would be proud of him now.” Tooru scoffed. 

“As if. Anakin had a hard life, and was pulled into that life because he had nobody, and the freaking Jedi counsel ignored it. Obi-wan let him down the most. Like they stole him from his mom. He was born a slave, you know? And then he’s basically a slave to the Jedi. He had all these issues, but you know that toxic masculinity of the Jedis with their ‘Jedis aren’t allowed to feel’ bullshit was thrown at him over and over. Like, if someone is telling you that they’re having these mental breakdown type stuff going on that they just need to stop is going to help. And then, _and then_ , Padme was told explicitly that he went on a rage when he found out his mom had been murdered and just slaughtered people. Did she say anything? No. Plus she’s like so much older than him, and she knows the rules, but no, she goes and has babies with him that just end up destroying everything, and-” 

“Yeah, that’s cool. Glad you liked it,” Issei cut him off. 

Tooru rolled his eyes, muttered to himself. Hajime laughed. “If you get him started, you have to hear him out. You know better.” 

“You know, I _should_ , but I don’t.” Issei shrugged his shoulders. “I just asked how the movie was, not a full essay with citations. I don’t give a shit about that shitty series.”

Tooru gasped loudly, spinning around. “What do you mean!?” 

Hajime pulled Tooru to him quickly, and cut him off with a kiss. Tooru huffed, pulling away. “I acknowledge that you don’t have good taste in movies, and while you’re wrong, I respect your right to be wrong.”

Issei couldn’t help but laugh. He loved this guy. Never a dull moment. The man was dramatic, extra as hell, petty, sassy, intelligent, nerdy, funny, silly, and just a fun person to be around. He wished that Hajime would have met him sooner because their life before him was so boring in comparison to now, albeit less complicated, and much quieter. He liked life with Tooru much better, especially since it meant Hajime was happy, and Hiro was in his life. The thought reminded him of why he was going in there to begin with. 

“Hajime, I’m gonna steal your boyfriend for a minute,” Issei grinned, already pulling Tooru by the arm. 

“Be my guest. Let him talk to you about-”

“Don’t you dare remind him,” Issei snapped, pointing his finger at him as a warning. Hajime just laughed and shook his head. 

Issei pushed Tooru into his room, and shut the door. Tooru glanced around the room, sighing, and taking a seat in the desk chair, swivelling back and forth. His eyes met Issei’s. All the playfulness, and light was now replaced by a serious, steady look. His mouth was pulled to the side, and Issei could practically see the gears in his head turning. It was quite unnerving how expressive the man was, always analysing. 

“What do you want to know about Makki?” Tooru asked, leaning back in the desk chair with his arms crossed. 

“Huh? How did you…?” Issei narrowed his eyes, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. 

“Makki told me he told you about everything. You’re not answering his texts, or answering his calls. He’s been talking to me about it. So I’ll tell you what you want to know, but only because he said I could. But do know that if you decide you don’t want to be friends with him because of his past, then I’m going to think you’re a piece of shit.” Tooru stared at him with the most chilling smile.

“Oh…” Issei wet his lips, glancing at the floor for a moment. “I just...I have a lot of stuff I need to work through. I don’t think it’d be fair to him for me to talk to him with my mind all jumbled. I don’t want to hurt him.” 

“I think you should tell him that.” Tooru picked at his pants. 

“What did he do to you?” 

Tooru let out a soft laugh, shifting in his chair, and smiling at Issei. 

“I came home for the first time from college. My birthday. My parents bought me a new MacBook for my birthday because I needed something with more space, and something faster for college, and writing. I got a ton of money from my family. I didn’t know what was going on with Makki, so I invited him and Haruki to celebrate. They were there when it happened. Makki stayed the night, and when I woke up in the morning, all of the money was gone. _Both_ my laptops were gone which meant all my writing was gone. The story I’d been writing since I was fourteen was gone. He’d taken all the cash from my family’s stuff that they left out, and their credit and debit cards. They used every last yen was drained from the accounts that morning. Somehow he knew the pins. A bunch of our electronics were gone. Apparently Haruki was withholding the drugs from him until he did it. I didn’t know. And he’d already gotten on the hard stuff that makes it so difficult not to have another hit. He did it to his family too.” 

“Fuck…” Issei breathed. 

“Yeah...and I lost my best friend. It was kind of like he died?” 

Tooru pulled his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his legs, and rested his chin on his knees as he stared at the ground. He let out a soft laugh, and shook his head. He didn’t lift his gaze. 

“I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. It was awful, but he took everything, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why until his mom told my mom which was around the time that I got hurt, lost my scholarship, and everything I’d ever hoped and dreamed, and worked for. It was gone, and Makki was gone. I got really depressed. I picked up my phone so many times to text him or call him, to talk to him, but each time I realized I couldn’t. I would get angry, and send a slew of texts. I said some of the worst things to him. I hate that I did. 

“And I found out that Haruki was actually using that against Makki. One of his tactics was saying that he was the only one who loved or cared about him. He used the fact that his parents wouldn’t let him come home, the fact that his siblings hated him, the fact that he hurt my family so badly as proof. Haruki made Makki keep the same phone. He’d make him read the texts I’d sent, and made him listen to the voicemails I left. It wasn’t just me doing that. His siblings were too. His mom. Dad. Just so many people angry at him. He convinced Makki that he had nobody else but the, ‘family.’” 

Tooru held up air quotes, and rolled his eyes. 

“It hurt Makki, broke him down, and Haruki would medicate him with whatever was in his box that day. Haruki drugged him, manipulated him, made him do things he didn’t want to do because he’d made Makki think that he had nobody else, that if he didn’t do what he wanted, he’d be alone. He broke him down.” 

Issei’s eyes flicked to the window. The sun was starting to set. If he were back home, it’d be any moment that the first star would appear. But here, the lights reflected off the clouds in a green-grey hue. Snow was melting, turning into sludge under people’s feet, and the tires of vehicles. Everyone was going about their day normally. Nobody knew that his world was changing. 

He tried to process what he’d just heard. He couldn’t. It was so strange knowing that, and even more so that Tooru had forgiven him. Tooru still was Makki’s best friend. _Tooru can be the best friend you’ll ever have, or the worst enemy._ He tried to put himself in Tooru’s place. If Hajime had done that to him, would he have forgiven him? No. He didn’t care. What he’d done was just inexcusable, and yet they _forgave_ him. Maybe Makki did know what love was. 

“Why’d you pick him up?” 

“Hm?” Tooru glanced at him. 

“You showed up at the police station. Why?”

Tooru shrugged, and straightened up. He didn’t respond at first, leaving Issei in a tense silence. Issei was struggling to breathe. He wanted to know everything, but what if it was more than he could handle?

“I honestly asked myself that question so many times. I was working on the fanfiction I was writing, and my phone buzzed. I didn’t recognize the number, and I usually don’t answer numbers I don’t know, but something told me to. I heard him, and I just hung up. I thought...I thought I should just leave him there. He deserved it. He was a criminal. He’d stolen everything. I had to rent a crappy computer from the school because neither I, nor my family could afford another one. My parents had a lot of financial issues after that, and they were just barely getting back on their feet. My stepfather _hates_ him, not that he was ever a fan of him in the first place. Thought he was a bad influence, and in some ways he was right.”

“Your family was that put out?” Issei gaped at him. 

Tooru nodded. “Their banks finally helped them out, and my stepfather still wants to sue Makki for everything, but my mom talks him down.” 

“So why’d you go?” 

“Because he’s my best friend.” Tooru shrugged, offering a sad smile. “I love him. That wasn’t him. Makki was there when my dad died. He was there when it all hit. He was there when I missed my dad so much it hurt. He was there when my stepfather and mom started dating. He was there when they got married, and Kazuki-san was so hard on me. It was Makki who saved all my dad’s stuff. Kazuki-san thought I was getting too distracted from volleyball and school, and he wanted to get rid of the books, and movies, and things my dad left me. It hurt so much for my mom and Kazuki-san to lose my dad, they had practically wiped him from existence in the house, and that was the last thing of him. Makki was with me when I freaked out about realizing I was bi, and helped me be so comfortable and proud of it. He went with me when I came out to my family. He was with me for everything. He still is. He’s my best friend. So I went.” 

“I don’t know if I could do that…” Issei shook his head. 

“Mattsun, look,” Tooru leaned toward him, “Makki has never done that to you. He won’t ever do it to you. He swears he’s not going to relapse. He just needs people in his life to love him. You can’t judge him by his past, but you should know about it so you can understand where he’s coming from. That whole part of his life affected everything from there on out. He let you in, so please, I’m begging you, please don’t show him that he’s the person he was during that time. He’s not. He’s not the person he was before that either. Hiro is who he is now. He wanted to start new. So be his new, okay?” 

\---

Hiro tugged at his sleeves, staring at his phone waiting for Issei to text him back, to call him. Ever since he told him things weren’t the same. He barely even spoke to him, and since they’d been back in Tokyo there was just radio silence which was only making him more anxious. It had been so hard to leave Sendai knowing that the _family_ was stalking his real one. His mother promised to change her routine. His stepfather said he’d keep an eye out, though he didn’t even know what any of them looked like besides Haruki. As for his step siblings...well they were understandably furious, but they had the luxury of not being in Sendai. Their younger half-siblings on the other hand were probably the ones who scared him to death. They were eleven and eight. Had they scouted them out? If anything happened to them he’d never forgive himself. 

Maybe he should just surrender himself to whatever Haruki wanted to do to him. What would it be? Would there be an “accidental” overdose? Or maybe being beat half to death? Shot? Stabbed? Didn’t Haruki say he offered refunds on tattoos and held a lighter so close to Hiro’s skin he could feel it searing the hair on his arms. Or maybe a combination. Haruki was creative afterall. 

His heart raced at the thoughts. He’d been thinking about that so much lately. He ran from Haruki. It wasn’t a desire to get clean. Hell it’d be easier to still be using. None of this would matter if he was high out of his mind. He’d taken enough money from Haruki to last him, but instead he used it to try to pay back debts. Dirty money. Drug money. Would the people in his life even want it if they knew? Maybe he’d just breakdown and drink. Fuck his stepdad. Hiro wasn’t an alcoholic. His stepfather hurt him when he was growing up, and maybe that’s part of why he started using anyway. He was _so scared_. His family was in danger. Tooru was slowly slipping through his fingers into the grips of Iwaizumi. Now Issei wouldn’t talk to him. It was all too much. 

No. No, he was not going to be that weak person he was before. He was not going to be selfish. This was his mess, and he needed to deal with the consequences. He rubbed his face, and glanced around his room. It was a mess. He hadn’t really done much since final exams, and the holiday. Things were piling up in his room. Clothes were scattered everywhere, and crumbled pieces of failed sketches he’d thrown behind him hadn’t made it to the empty trash bin in the corner of his room. Cleaning his room would clear his head, and distract him from all the racing thoughts. What was that thing that Tooru had talked about? Entropy? The room was in the state of entropy. His life was a state of entropy. 

He pulled himself up, and put some music on for background music while he cleaned. Focusing on the task at hand, and the beat of a double drum, soring guitars, and melodic, poetic lyrics made it hard for him to worry about much else. He hummed to himself, sniffing each article of clothing to determine if he was clean or not. He picked up one of his hoodies. Something fell out of the pocket. Curious, he leaned down to pick it up only for his heart to stop making his blood run cold. 

A small bag of familiar black powder and a needle in a ziplock. He swallowed nothing. He sat down, and picked it up, staring at it. _Haruki says hi._ It wasn’t a threat. It wasn’t hinting that Haruki was going to hurt his family. No. Haruki had known he was back in Sendai. This was his plan. Haruki knew Hiro’s drug of choice, the thing that gave him the most pleasure. Heroin. Even just the process of getting set up gave him a rush. Just looking at it sent a rush in him. He caught himself unconsciously chewing his lip, fighting the excitement. He could practically feel the intense euphoria and weightlessness. 

He quickly opened the ziplock, and pulled out the small bag. His heart swelled when he realized it wasn’t just one dose. It could sustain him for probably a day or two with no comedown. He let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He set the drug on his leg, and reached for the needle, inspecting it.

The needle was safely packaged in sterile packaging. Haruki always claimed he’d be damned if the family got something from him. Hiro didn’t know where he’d gotten them from. Tattoo needles were very different, and the ones used for piercings were hollow, but he always managed to have a stash. He made everyone look at the packaging to make sure it was safe. 

It was going to be over. All the pain, the guilt, the anxiety, gone. He let a choked, bubbling laugh escape his throat. “God, I love you, baby.” Whether it was about Haruki or the drug, he wasn’t sure. Both. He set it aside, and rushed to his drawer to get the lighter Issei had left. He set it down, another rush flowing through him. Almost there. Almost. He slowly ventured out of his room to the kitchen to get foil. 

He stopped. What was he doing? He’d sworn this off. Haruki didn’t give a shit about him. No. He needed to get rid of it. That was his past. It was going to stay in the past. He’d hurt so many people. _So many_ because of this shit. No. He swallowed hard and went back to the room, slowly crossing the room. He picked up the bag, staring at it. So close. So close. It was as though the heroin was calling him, welcoming him back to the family. No. 

He took a shuddering breath, and took the bag, making a beeline to the front door, preparing himself to pour it out outside. He couldn’t put it in the toilet or sink. It’d get in the water. He knew that. If he poured it off the balcony, the wind would take it away. He glanced around him. Nobody was in sight. He stared at the bag in his trembling hand. Everything in him was screaming at him to go back inside and use it. Escape. No. He had to get rid of it. Throw it out. Get rid of it. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t open it, couldn’t let it go. 

A thought crossed his mind. His stepfather kept alcohol nearby. When he was really craving it, or wanting to relapse, he’d sit with it in front of him to prove he was stronger than his addiction. It worked, right? A lot of alcoholics did that. Hiro could do that. He could just put it in his drawer, and when he was feeling like using, he would stare at it. Yeah, that’s what he would do. 

\---------

“A tattoo?” Tooru blinked at Hiro. 

“Yeah! Come on. You can get one for your dad. It’s coming up, isn’t it? The anniversary.” Tooru visibly tensed. “And you can bring Iwaizumi if you want.” 

“You are okay if Iwa-chan comes?” A small smile appeared on his face. 

“Of course. Come on. Or you know what? I could just get another piercing. Or both.” 

Hiro was aware he was talking far too fast, and was far too eager. But right now he had a baggie of heroin sitting in his room, and his body was screaming for the prick of the needle. It was called needle fixation. He’d learned about that in rehab. So if that’s what he needed right now, then a tattoo or piercing would help, right? Yeah, of course it would. All he had to do was convince Tooru to come with him. 

“Hm…” Tooru rocked back onto his heels, thinking. “I don’t know what I would get. I usually plan it out, you know?” 

“Okay, but you have the constellation, right? And the one about that X-Files. So, so you know, go with the space theme. Maybe, maybe you can, um, oh! Oooh! So,” he grabbed Tooru’s arm, “see how you have the X-Files one under the constellation, and then your dad’s name under it? What if you add like, ‘May the Force always be with you.’ Perfect way to memorialize him more, right?” 

Tooru’s eyes lit up. “Yes!” He glanced at his arm, frowning slightly. “That’s going to be like my whole forearm.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes. “That’s the point, dumby.” 

Tooru sigh, crossing his arms. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep hiding it.” 

“Tooru, babe, you’re almost twenty-two years old. You got your first at eighteen, and you played volleyball with it when you weren’t allowed to have any tattoos. You have amazing concealer.” 

“Well yeah. It’s tattoo concealer, but still.” 

“Go tell Iwaizumi we’re going. I’ll buy dinner.” 

“You’re going to buy him dinner?” 

“Yeah.” Hiro shrugged. “Why not. He’s your boyfriend, right?” 

Tooru narrowed his eyes at him skeptically, but didn’t argue. He was smart enough not to chance it. Hiro just needed to go, needed Tooru with him and if that meant Iwaizumi, then it meant him. Hiro would be a damn saint if he needed to because he knew what was in his room, calling his name. Because he needed Tooru like he needed air, and he needed the drug like he needed food. Air was more important. 

Issei still wasn’t responding, not even when he was invited to get a tattoo with him. Or just go with him in general. Why would he though? Hiro was scum. The fact that he almost relapsed just proved that. His brain chemistry was altered forever after chemical dependency. Once an addict, always an addict. It didn’t matter how long he’d been clean. That just proved it. He _ached_ for it. So he didn’t really blame Issei for not wanting to talk to him, but he wanted to know. Maybe he could talk to Iwaizumi about it. Just use the night to his advantage. Kill two birds with one stone...or rather maybe three. 

It took even less time that Hiro thought for Tooru to be lugging his boyfriend out of the apartment in full high spirits, talking about how this was going to be the best tattoo yet for a multitude of reasons. Hiro was glad he didn’t mention Haruki in all his excitement. He pushed his sleeve up and stared down at the beautiful artwork on his arms. The creativity of it all, the way the colors worked, and blended. It was a level of art that Hiro dreamed of having, but in a way it made him feel sick because Haruki wasn’t the best person, but Hiro did love him. Haruki loved Hiro too. The gift was proof of that. 

Hiro was so distracted that he didn’t even feel the need to bite his tongue when Tooru and Iwaizumi kept being kissy and handsy on the metro. People were staring. He’d gotten used to being stared at. There weren’t that many people in Japan who were as tattooed as he was, though it was become more accepted and popular. But there was something in him now, itching under his skin as their piercing eyes glared at them. He was suddenly eighteen again, pulling at his sleeves to hide the track marks. He was slumped against his boyfriend, in a flurry of feeling the best he’d ever felt. He was Tooru and Iwaizumi, only more so. He was giving a discreet blowjob on the metro as the drugs blurred his thoughts. It made him feel sick. 

He practically jumped off the train when the doors open, rushing out of the station, ignoring Tooru calling to him to slow down. But he didn’t slow down, not until the cold air hit his face. He leaned against the wall trying so hard to catch his breath. Tooru stepped in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, mouth pulled to the side. Hiro glanced around. Iwaizumi was a ways down from them, leaning against the wall of the building staring at his phone. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Follow my finger.” 

“What?” Hiro narrowed his eyes. 

“Follow my finger.” 

“What the fuck?” 

“I’m only going to ask this once, Takahiro, and you better not be fucking lying to me. Are you on anything? Are you drunk?” 

Hiro felt like he’d been slapped in the face. Here he was hanging on the cliff by his fingers, trying his hardest to pull himself up, and his best friend was accusing him of falling off. He felt the tears pricking in his eyes. 

“No,” he whispered. “I’m not, and it really fucking hurts that you think otherwise.” 

“You haven’t been acting right since Sendai. In fact, you’ve been acting a lot like before.” 

“What would you even know about me, Tooru? You’ve been over at your boyfriend’s house fucking so much you can’t even be bothered to check on me when I am a nervous wreck because of what happened in Sendai. You know what happened in Sendai. You know. But no, you’re too preoccupied with his dick to even come home. I’m not okay, but I’m sure as hell not using. I’m trying to give your damn boyfriend a chance because I guess I can’t have you without him. So there.” 

Hiro wiped the tear off his face, shoving his hands in his pocket, and storming off towards Iwaizumi. He ignored Tooru’s protests. 

“Iwaizumi?” He meant to sound stern, and commanding, but it came out small. 

“Huh?” Iwaizumi raised his eyes from his phone. 

“Do I seem high or drunk to you?” 

“Huh?” Iwaizumi shook his head. “No. You seem fine. Just shaken up.” 

“Do you know about me? Do you know I’m an addict? I haven’t touched a single thing in almost a year and a half, and your boyfriend is accusing me of it. Just like your best friend. So what do you think of me?” 

Iwaizumi blinked, glancing over at Tooru. “Nothing different. I mean I don’t know you well enough, but you seem pretty protective and loyal to people you care about. And I know you hate me, which I don’t blame you. But I think you’re a good person, and your past shouldn’t be used against you. You should be trusted.” 

“Thank you!” Hiro turned to Tooru. “See? Now do you believe me because he came out of your boyfriend’s mouth?” 

Tooru crossed his arms, chewing his lip. “I just think-”

“Tooru, leave it. We’re supposed to have a good night tonight. You two are getting new tattoos, and then we’re going to dinner. You don’t need to be stirring up the past, okay?” 

“But-”

“But nothing.” Iwaizumi stepped between Hiro and Tooru. “Stop. I know you’re having a hard time right now dealing with your dad, and you told me you got the first two around the time you and Makki were fighting. Don’t project things onto your friends, especially not your best friend.”

“I’m not projecting!” 

“You are. You’re picking a fight with him, and he didn’t do anything.” 

“Like you would know.” Tooru glared at the two of them.

“The two of us are going to go have a good night, and if you’re willing to apologize and stop, then you can join us. Are you going to apologize?” 

Hiro blinked. Was...was this guy really standing up for him? After how he treated him? Tooru did project. Was projecting. Hiro could see the tears building up in Tooru’s eyes, and the way he was starting to shake. He shook his head. 

“Okay.” Iwaizumi kissed Tooru’s forehead. “I’ll see you when we get back then. Let’s go, Hanamaki.” 

Tooru’s eyes widened. His mouth fell slightly open. He bit his lip hard, and when Iwaizumi turned around. Hiro could practically hear Tooru’s heart shattering. Iwaizumi was right. Tooru was projecting. He’d been fine until they started to go get tattoos. There was no doubt in Hiro’s mind that coupled with his dad’s death anniversary coming up, the fact that the last time Hiro had been unbeknownst to Tooru on drugs, and Haruki was the one to did them, plus what happened in Sendai that he was thinking about it. Tooru was the one person who never asked him that, and he had. Now his boyfriend and best friend (who were not at all friends) were going to go out together. This was a hard time of year for him. Hiro felt awful for fighting with him, but he couldn’t keep himself from turning and following Iwaizumi. 

His mind started running a million miles an hour. He wanted to go hug Tooru, make up with him. But on the other hand, Tooru very rarely ever apologized when he was wrong. It was his biggest character flaw. Hiro spent the last year and a half apologizing even for the tiniest things. He apologized first when they got into fights even when in his mind he’d done nothing wrong. At this moment, he couldn’t bring himself to do it because that had hurt way too much. 

“Thank you…” Hiro mumbled before clearing his throat. “For defending me. Even when you don’t really know me.” 

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Someone needs to stand up for you.” 

“What?” Hiro cocked his head. “But I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you.” 

“So? I know why you do it. Tooru is kind of the type of person who throws himself all in, doesn’t protect his heart. You’re kind of that armor for him, and I have been far from the perfect boyfriend. I don’t think I’ve ever really done anything to try to change your mind, so that’s my fault. Besides, Tooru is a child when it comes to apologizing.” 

“But...why did you still want to do something with me then?” Hiro couldn’t understand. 

“Like I said,” Iwaizumi glanced at him, “I haven’t done anything to change your mind from hating me, so this is my first step. I’m not an asshole.” 

“Oh…” Hiro blinked. Snow crunched under their feet. If it was back home, it’d echo through the quiet night. In Tokyo, it was just a background noise. “You know he has a hard time with this part of the year.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Did you know he watched his dad die?” Iwaizumi nodded his head. “Did you know we were only nine?” Another nod. “He doesn’t handle it well. Never has. His mom and stepdad cleaned out every reminder he ever existed. They were best friends, his dad and stepdad. Apparently the story goes Kazuki-san and his dad went to university together, and they met his mom. Kazuki-san like her, and was going to tell Tooru’s dad, but he gushed over her first. So Kazuki-san resigned to it, but he never liked anyone else. Tooru’s dad knew, and he actually told him when he was getting toward dying that he gave his blessing. And asked him to take care of Tooru and his mom. It’s like one of those shitty love stories Tooru likes so much.” 

“Yeah, he told me.” Iwaizumi put his hands in his pockets.

“So why-” 

“It’s sad, heartbreaking, but it’s not an excuse. I love him to death, and I’m going to be there for him, but it’s not an excuse to pick a fight, and not apologize. What about you? Tell me about you.” 

“Me? Oh...um...there’s not really anything to tell. I like art. I made bad decisions, and have a saint for a mother and best friend.” 

“There’s more to you than that.” 

“How would you know?” 

Their conversation was cut short when they reached the tattoo parlor. Hiro was so thankful for the warmth, and the escape from an awkward conversation. The buzzing of the guns, and the Western metal music flowing from the speakers calmed Hiro. There was just something so, so calming about tattoo parlors. He hadn’t been in one since everything happened, but even back then when everything was so bad, the tattoo shop was the one place he felt safe. Iwaizumi leaning against the wall while Hiro told the artist what he had in mind, something resembling the Artwork album by The Used. Somehow the needle in the skin was so appealing just then. 

The door flew open just as Hiro was getting his arm cleaned. Tooru brushed the snow off himself, making a show of trying to look dignified. Another one of the artists came up to him, and Hiro watched Tooru talk to them. He just watched Tooru, waiting. Iwaizumi had been so quiet, nervously tapping on the counter next to Hiro’s space. 

“Are you okay? Do you want to go talk to him?” Hiro asked. 

“No, no, he can come talk to us when he’s ready. I...I’m, uh, scared of needles.” 

“What!?” Hiro stared wide eyed at him. “ _You_ are scared of needles? You look like you wouldn’t be scared of a damn thing.” 

“Shut up…” 

“That’s hilarious.” 

Tooru walked past both of them, his nose slightly stuck in the air, not opening his eyes to look at them as he passed. He was such a child. It only made Hiro’s blood boil. Suddenly he felt arms around his shoulders, and a kiss on the cheek. 

“I’m sorry for doubting you, Makki-chan.” 

“I’m sorry for leaving you.” 

The tattoos they got that night were the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm so sorry I waited so long. Please leave a comment! It makes my heart super happy, and helps with motivation. Also here's a picture of the Artwork cover by The Used for those of you unfamiliar.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS 
> 
> Okay, so it's only been like 6 days since I last updated, but boy oh boy I'm excited to get this one out. It's where the healing and fluff begin. I'm so excited. I know you guys are too because oh boy that angst. There is gonna be something else, but mostly just a lot of fluff. Anyways I'm going to shut up now and let y'all read because I love you guys so, so, so much. My regulars make my heart happy, and everyone who comments are my favorites. <3

Hiro couldn’t stop thinking about the other night, what Iwaizumi had done, had said. Someone who he had treated like shit for the last several months. He and Tooru started dating early September if Hiro was remembering correctly, and the majority of that time Hiro had never said a nice thing about him. But that night had Hiro reconsidering. He told him about his past, and the man didn’t even blink an eye, or miss a beat. No. He’d sat there and defended him to Tooru, who in his defense was going through stuff. Maybe he needed to loosen the reins on Tooru a bit. Iwaizumi seemed like a good guy, and the fact that he was scared of needles was absolutely amazing. 

The sound of the bell above the door ringing, signaling a customer brought him out of his head. He blinked at the counter he’d been cleaning for the past ten minutes. He tossed the rag aside, and pulled off the gloves to take the order. 

Issei offered him a half-hearted smile, hands buried in his slacks. That work uniform that looked so incredibly so good on him was a bit wrinkled, and flour and sauce were noted in random places. It was kind of cute. He’d missed it. It reminded Hiro of himself after painting. Culinary arts were one in the same. Messy, frustrating, and rewarding. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi. What can I get you?” Hiro said trying to keep his voice professional. It had been almost two weeks since they’d interacted. They didn’t have class together this term, so they didn’t even have that which was probably for the best because it was so awkward. 

“Uh, just a large caramel frap would be good.” 

Hiro raised his eyes to stare at him. “It’s fucking cold outside.” 

“I told you I like the cold.” 

“Okay…” Hiro shook his head ringing it up. “Five hundred yen.” 

Issei nodded, and handed him the money. Hiro hated this. He hated how stiff it was. There was a cloud around him. When he was little, he liked watching _Winnie the Pooh._ Eeyore had always made him so sad with the rain cloud always over him. He’d always been such a sad character. That’s what it felt like lately. 

“Closing up alone?” 

“Tooru’s going through some shit,” Hiro said, going to wash his hands. “The anniversary of his dad’s death is tomorrow. He always spends the day before just marathoning Star Wars in bed. That’s what him and his dad were doing the day before. Luckily his dad’s heart just stopped in the middle of the night so Tooru never saw him go through that period where the person is like in and out of consciousness. All that horrible death shit. I mean...it was getting there. He was on oxygen, couldn’t get out of bed, wasn’t eating. It was coming. I’m just glad it didn’t. Tooru tries to stay up long enough to watch all of them, but goes to bed the same time he did that day. His goal is to watch them all before then.” 

“Yeah...he’s been at our house a lot lately. He looks sick almost.”

“Yeah.” 

The silence that filled the small coffee shop was deafening. The grind of the espresso machine helped to dampen it, and the scream of the blender. It filled the silence. Even the ticking of the clock helped. Anything to keep the silence from getting too loud. He poured the blended drink into the cup, adding extra whipped cream because he knew Issei liked it that way. He didn’t know how he knew, but he just knew. He handed the cup to Issei. 

“Thank you.” 

“Have a good night,” Hiro forced a smile. 

“Actually I had something to talk to you about.”

“You don’t want to be friends. I know. Also I got an STD screen to prove to you I didn’t give you anything. I’ll give you the paper. I promise.” 

“What? No.” Issei shook his head. “No, of course I still want to be your friend. Are you stupid? Something like that doesn’t change who you are. Sorry, I just wanted to process everything before I talked to you because I didn’t want to be an ass to you. I’m pretty big into thinking before you speak.” 

“How mature,” Hiro muttered through a smirk. 

“What can I say? Mama didn’t raise no fool. Raised me to be a gentleman. Besides,” Issei took a long sip of his drink, “I’ve seen what not thinking does. I am friends with Hajime by the way. Definitely a guy who lets it out.”

“I think that’s a good thing, saying what’s on your mind.” 

“Not everything in your mind needs to be said.” Issei played with the bottom of his cup. “If you speak without thinking, then you can hurt people.”

“It’s funny you say that because the radio silence hurt me a lot more than if you just told me that you were thinking about it.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He turned around to face Hiro. “I didn’t just come here for coffee by the way. I came to talk to you. Maybe take you to dinner?” 

Hiro chewed his lip, turning his focus on cleaning the damn espresso machine. They were such a pain in the ass to clean, but anything to keep his mind preoccupied. How could he come in here like that? Like nothing changed? How could he just leave Hiro like that? A mess. Nobody, _nobody_ , had been there for him. Well not true. Issei did stay with him for a few hours that night, and his mom held him until he had to go. Tooru was there for the train ride, then mostly spent time with his boyfriend. In that time, he hadn’t calmed down. And now he had his favorite hero in his room that could help him with everything. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Hiro muttered. He let out a soft laugh, throwing the rag to the side, and spinning around. “You know what? Actually it’s not okay. Nothing is okay. I’m not okay. My mom is scared to death about me. My best friend is going through his own shit and is obviously addicted to dick, so he’s not there. He’s never home. You ignore me. And you know what’s the funniest thing? Iwaizumi of all people helped calm me down. He’s the first person to make me smile for real since coming back from Sendai. The first person who made me feel like, like maybe I’m not my past. Can you believe that? The person I treated like shit for the last four months was the one to help me.” 

“I told you he’s a good guy…” Issei smiled sheepishly at him. “But look, I am so sorry I just basically ghosted you. But I was confused, and stupid. I needed to collect my thoughts because I didn’t want to say something to hurt you because I am seriously dumb as fuck when it comes to this kind of thing.” 

“Being a friend?” Hiro blinked at him, crossing his arms. “Tooru’s drunk on love, and high on sex, so he has an excuse. But you?”

“Ouch. I deserve it, I guess.” 

“Yeah.” Hiro fought back tears. Hell he didn’t even know why he was tearing up in the first place. “What happened to if I feel like I don’t have strength, you’ll give it to me? What happened to ‘you think you can get rid of me that easily?’”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” 

“I guess.” 

“When do you close up?” 

“Ten minutes. You know you were that asshole who comes in almost at closing and messes up the espresso machine.” 

“Don’t clean up until you close.” 

“Do you do that?” 

“Technically we have to keep everything up and running until the last customers leave.” 

Hiro sighed, defeated. He didn’t really know what else to do. He had no energy. Just thinking about cleaning up all over again was exhausting. Who knew how trying it was to stay clean when you had your best friend calling to you. He couldn’t fight this. He’d been wanting to talk to Issei since they’d gotten back to Tokyo.

“I’ll go to dinner with you,” Hiro resigned. “But you should come over afterward. The apartment is lonely without Tooru, and if you’re willing to try to be a good friend again, I could sure use the company.” 

Issei nodded. “Yeah, sure. It’ll save my teeth from the literal tooth-rotting love that currently lives with me. Did you know they cuddle on the couch every night to watch documentaries on stuff like secret societies, ancient civilizations, aliens, paranormal, and just the most random stuff? And they act all romantic and shit.” 

“Ew.” Hiro rolled his eyes.

“It’s sweet though, don’t you think?” Issei leaned against the counter, sipping on his drink.

“I don’t know. Tooru’s happy, so that’s good. He deserves to be happy.” 

“You deserve to be happy too.” Hiro’s breath caught just below his vocal cords. 

“No,” he breathed. “I don’t.”

\---------

Issei’s heart stopped. He wasn’t sure he had heard Hiro properly, it had been so quiet, mumbled under his breath. Hiro was just focusing on cleaning, his back to Issei. He blinked, wondering if he should say something. If he’d heard wrong, then he’d look like an idiot. And was this really something that he should talk about now? Wouldn’t it be better to talk about that at home where it felt easier to be vulnerable?

“Why don’t you think you deserve to be happy?” Issei hadn’t even realized he had said anything until the words came out of his mouth. He held his breath preparing to be snapped at. Hiro tensed before turning around, tears glistening in his eyes. 

“I’m a bad person, Issei. I told you to stay away from me. That’s why I don’t make friends with anyone. Because I deserve to be alone. I hurt so many people. I hurt all these people, and so I don’t deserve it. I just focus on my art, and hope that one day, one day,” his voice broke, “one day I’ll be able to be in an art gallery. I’ve wanted that since I was a little kid, before everything. I wanted to make this beautiful art to make people happy. I love art. I love how beautiful everything is. There is art everywhere. Buildings, the sky, trees, cities, countryside, beaches. But people don’t see it, Issei. They don’t see the art, and it’s just there. It’s just sitting there to be seen and enjoyed, and nobody sees it. So, so I wanted to make people see. I just want to make people happy.” 

“You’re not a bad person.”

“I am! Fuck, you don’t know anything about me.”

“Then tell me.” 

“No.” 

Hiro dried the tears with his sleeve. Issei felt like a knife had stabbed into his heart. 

“I just want to make people happy, Issei. I’ve always just wanted to make people happy, but I hurt everyone instead. You know, you know I was really good in school. I made really good marks without even trying. My parents used to be so proud of me. And, and Tooru convinced me to join volleyball with him, and I was _so good_ at it. My mom would always be so happy. They’d look at me like they were so proud of me, and they’d tell me. ‘Taka-kun is so smart, so talented’. ‘Taka got top marks!’ ‘Taka did so well at his game.’ ‘Taka is getting so good at his art.’ I got into a good business program because my parents wanted me to. ‘Taka got into one of the best schools! He’s such a good son.’ I’d draw and paint, and they’d just look like I’d taken their breath away. My family used to be proud of me, Issei. And now? Now they don’t even trust me. Now what constitutes as making them proud is that I haven’t done drugs. 

“I’m in art school. I’m doing so well. I, I really love art, and I’m really good at it. I don’t think so most of the time, but I am. I got asked to be part of this tiny art show for school. Just the school, that was it. Nothing big, nothing fancy, but I was so proud of that. I couldn’t wait to tell my mom, to tell my dad. I called them, and the first thing I’m asked is if I’m still clean. The first thing. I tell them about the art show, and it’s ‘I’m so proud of you for staying clean, baby.’ I dropped out of the art show. It didn’t make them proud or happy. I want my parents to be proud of me again. I want to make people happy, Issei. 

“You know what makes me really happy? I work here in this little coffee shop, and I’ve learned how to do all this coffee art. Nobody taught me anything besides the little leaf. So I draw different things in the coffee. And I try to make the fraps look as nice as I can. People smile. They smile because of me. But they don’t know I don’t deserve to be happy. They don’t know I’m a bad person.” 

Hiro dried his eyes again, letting out a hollow laugh with his head turned up. He shook his head, sniffled, and leaned against the wall, hugging himself. They were silent for a moment besides the sounds of Hiro trying to calm his breathing, and stop crying. It didn’t make sense to Issei. Hiro was the best person. He wasn’t trying to be selfish. When was he ever selfish? Issei couldn’t think of a single time since he’d known him that he wasn’t protecting other people. All Issei wanted to do was make Hiro happy, to teach him that he wasn’t his past, that he was special, and a good person, and someone worthy of love.

“Did you listen to yourself just then, Hiro? You said you just want to make people happy. You see the world in this different lens, the lens of an artist. You see this beauty and art everywhere you go, and you want to capture it because it would make people happy. You learned out to do that with coffee to see people smile. You said you just want to make people happy. If you’re a bad person then why would you want to make people happy? Bad people don’t want to make people happy.” 

Hiro let out a shuddering breath, and chewed his lip. His eyes were glued to the floor, and his fingers were digging deeper and deeper into his arms. If he hadn’t been wearing long sleeves, Issei was sure he would have left half moon scars all over them. He looked so small like that, hunched over, folded in on himself. Suddenly Issei was seeing a small Hiro, scared of his parents fighting, wanting to escape. He’d said that his parents getting divorced had been the best thing that happened because of that, and he was able to breathe. Hiro needed to breathe again. 

“Shit, I’m so fucking sorry.” Hiro laughed. He took off this apron, and disappeared in the back. He emerged in his jacket, and scarf. “Let’s go.” 

Issei walked next to him, wanting so badly to take his hand, to hold him, to kiss him. But he couldn’t, so they walked through the cold night. Issei paid more attention to everything around him. Lately he’d forgotten to take it all in. Photography was so similar to what Hiro saw. The only difference was that one was done by hand while the other was a click of a button. But it did the same thing: Captured a moment, captured art. Issei focused so much on people, that the rest of the world just seemed to fade out. 

Hiro didn’t say much, just agreeing on picking food up to take back to the apartment. Issei thought about the fact that Tooru was almost always at his apartment lately. Hajime mentioned something about going out with him and Tooru to get a tattoo or something, but other than that Tooru was spending all day there, and at least half the week of staying the night. He even had a toothbrush and toiletries over there, plus he was storing clothes in Hajime’s closet. Hajime had even given him his own drawer. Had Hiro really just been sitting at home alone? 

The apartment looked cleaner than Issei had ever seen it. Immaculate if he had to choose a word. He thought back to the coffee shop, how Hiro just kept cleaning. It was some sort of nervous habit. Had Tooru not noticed this? It was as though nobody lived there. Part of him was amused remembering how his mother was growing up when family was coming, but this was painful. Hiro was suffering. Sendai had been this triggering for him. Issei had no idea. 

\---------

Food had never tasted so bland, yet so comforting. The tea warmed him from the inside out, the numbness in his hands faded. He hadn’t realized just how cold he was until now, sitting on his couch in a pair of pajamas with a blanket wrapped around him. He wasn’t sure this is what Issei meant by getting dinner with him, but it would have to do. Issei didn’t seem to mind. He was sitting on the floor, slurping on his ramen. Watching the steam made Hiro wish he hadn’t gone for the yakisoba. 

“I’m sorry about the mess,” he said clearing his throat. Issei turned to stare at him, a noodle dangling from his mouth. 

“Mess?” 

“Yeah. The house is a mess.” 

“Hiro, dude, I think everything in this apartment is clean enough to eat off of.” 

Hiro rolled his eyes. He tapped his cup with his fingers, thinking about what to say, what to do. His eyes found their way to the hall once more like they had been since he’d found the drug in his pocket. He dreamed about it. Every night was the same. He was in the back of Haruki’s shop again sitting in a circle with other people from the family. Haruki was kissing him, running his hands over him. He’d pull away, smiling at Hiro before he tied the tourniquet tight on his arm. One more kiss, and he pulled up the heroin into the needle. Haruki brushed his hair back. “I love you so much Taka-chan.”

“Hiro?” 

“Huh?” He glanced at Issei. 

“Your yakisoba spilled on your blanket. Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Hiro forced a smile. “I just...I haven’t been back to Sendai since Tooru picked me up from the police station. Not even to see my baby siblings’ things. Things that are important to them, things that I want to be there for. I don’t want to be shitty brother. I want them to love me. I’m not close with my siblings. That’s on me. And the one time I decide to go back, that happens. He threatened my family, Issei.”

“It’s probably just talk.” 

“No. You don’t know Haruki. He’s killed dozens of people. I have never seen him actually do it. And I don’t mean by just dealing. No. People have crossed him. When people wouldn’t pay him, they were beaten within an itch of death and left. People would mysteriously end up with overdoses. They kill people, Issei.”

“If they were planning on doing something, don’t you think they would have done it by now? How long has it been? A year and a half? Two?” Issei offered a smile. “I think they’re okay.” 

“You don’t know that!” Hiro found himself shaking. “He, they, you don’t know. I stole from Haruki.” 

“Can’t you just, like, ya know, pay him back or something?” 

Hiro laughed, shaking his head. “Haruki only accepts blood. You know I was thinking about leaving, about running before that. Haruki found out. They beat me up, and then held me up. Haruki pointed a gun at my head and pulled the trigger. It was loaded. It wasn’t supposed to be. It was supposed to scare me, to keep me from leaving. It was supposed to tell me nobody leaves alive. He locked me in his apartment, had eyes on me. He found out I tried to leave. I told him I was just going to the lobby to get a drink from the vending machine. He pulled out a lighter and held it so close to my arm that it burned the hair off saying that he offered refunds. He threatened to set me on fire, Issei. No remorse. And he loved me. They could do that to my family. So you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry.” 

Issei was quiet for a moment. “You’re alive and well now.” 

“Only because I got arrested! And...and because he loves me.” Hiro pulled at his sleeves. His tears were blinding him, turning everything blurry. 

“Hiro,” Issei said gentle and stern all at once, “he doesn’t love you. He never did.” 

“No, no, he does. We were in love. He loves me.” 

“No, he really doesn’t.” 

“He does!” Hiro shouted. “He does. And we were in love. I love him, okay? We’re in love.” 

“Do you even realize what love is, Hiro?” Issei narrowed his eyes. “It’s not some fucked up manipulation. He was twenty-six. You were eighteen. You hadn’t even graduated high school.”

“We were in love. Fuck you!” Hot, boiling tears ran down his face. He wanted to punch Issei. How dare he say that?

Issei grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him. 

“People who love you don’t drug you without consent. People who love you don’t beat you down and make you hate yourself. People who love you aren’t going to manipulate you into doing what they want. People who love you don’t fucking beat you up, and act like they’re going to shoot you. People who love you don’t threaten to set you on fire. People who love you don’t threaten your family. People who love you let you go. People who love you want you to be happy.” 

Hiro slapped him away. “He loves me.”

“He doesn’t, Hiro. I’m sorry, but he doesn’t. You’re not supposed to be scared of people who love you. Do you want to know what love is? It’s laying on the couch watching stupid documentaries. It’s going places you don’t particularly want to go, but you’re excited because they look so happy. It’s staying in on a Friday night to talk about life.” 

“He, he, he loves me. He has to love me.” Hiro couldn’t breathe. “He said he loved me. He has to because, because I...no, no, he loves me. We were in love. He gave me a present.” 

“Listen, breathe.” Issei looked him straight in his eyes. “I know it’s hard. But that wasn’t love. He didn’t love you. You talk about all these bad choices you made, how you hurt all these people. _He made_ you do that. You wanted to go get drunk or smoke some weed, and he laced the weed with other drugs without you knowing. You trusted him. He took advantage of you. He saw a lost kid and he snatched you up.” 

Blood was rushing through Hiro’s ears. He could barely hear anything else. His head was spinning because no, no, Haruki did love him. He did. He was sure. He told him all the time. He loved him. He did. He just wanted him to feel good, _really good_. He...but...Everything was shutting down. His lungs wouldn’t work. His heart was about to jump out of his chest, and his stomach was climbing up his throat. No.

\---------

Issei didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen someone like this before. Hiro was balled up to himself, eyes wide and wild. His body was trembling so hard that he was sure that Hiro was about to shatter, and maybe he was. He was realizing that for two years of his life, he’d suffered under a false guise of love. It wasn’t love. It was never love. Hiro _didn’t_ know what love was after all. After so much speculation, it was here in his face.

He moved the food out of the way, and pulled Hiro into a hug. The flood gates started, ripping through his body. Issei didn’t know what else to do other than to hold him. He had seen breakdowns before, but nothing like this because he’d never known anyone who had their life so drastically affected by something. 

Issei wanted Haruki to be the one to die. It wasn’t right to wish someone dead, his mom had always told him as much. Murder was wrong, and wishing death on someone was just as bad. But Haruki was pure evil. Issei had never met him, but he was sure he was. Where the hell had he even gotten a gun? They were so extremely hard to obtain. There were ways to get them, sure, but Issei had no idea how. He hadn’t even seen a real gun except when he visited the US a few years ago. It had been unsettling to say the least, and to have one pointed at you by the person you loved? 

Issei took a few deep breaths to keep from crying. It wasn’t about him. This wasn’t his time to cry. Hiro needed him to be there, to help him through this. He’d been holding this in for so long. If Tooru knew Haruki before everything, why hadn’t he said something? Tooru wasn’t afraid to speak his mind after all, and he had definitely come back with ‘and another thing’ moves so many times he’d lost count. He calls it like he sees it. What had he been thinking? He got not one, but two tattoos from this guy. Both illegal might he add. The only illegal thing he’d ever done was when he started smoking with Hajime back in high school when one of their friends’ brother was there. They had both hacked up a lung. Hajime actually threw up. But Issei wanted to try it again, and now he went through a pack every two days. So for them to be drinking, and getting tattoos underage, let alone Hiro even thinking he was just smoking weed, was wild to him. Tooru knew Haruki and didn’t say anything, or at least that was Issei’s understanding. 

Hiro needed a friend right now, but when he was better, Issei was going to suggest he use some art therapy. He knew how much Hiro poured into his work. He’d seen that over and over. There was even that one work he did with paint splatter. Art was something so special because you could get everything out into one piece, whatever it was. Photography was an art that didn’t really capture that. Whatever Hiro needed, Issei would be there. He loved him so much both as a friend, and romantically. Hiro didn’t deserve to cry like this, be so broken. Hiro deserved only the best. He deserved to be happy because whether he thought so or not, Hiro was a very good person.

The sobs became less harsh until it eventually died down into just soft sniffles. Hiro melted into Issei’s chest for a moment before pulling away. He let out a shaky laugh, and wiped the tears away. His eyes glued to Issei’s shirt. 

“I’m sorry about that. I just...I shouldn’t have. I couldn’t help it. Everything just came out, and I couldn’t stop it. I’m really sorry. You can go now. I, I know I’m just being difficult. I ruined your shirt.” Hiro got up to grab something something to wipe the snot off his shirt. Issei grabbed his wrist, pulling Hiro to sit down again. 

“Listen to me, Takahiro, look me straight in my eyes. You do not ever have to apologize for opening up or breaking down in front of me, okay? I am here for you one hundred percent. I love you, okay? I want to be here for you.” 

Hiro chewed his lip, and narrowed his eyes. “You love me?” 

“As a friend! Just a friend.” Issei coughed, forcing a smile. 

“I guess I love you too.” Hiro smiled. “Now seriously we need to clean you up. That is just gross. You can change into some of my stuff. You’re still staying the night?” 

Issei blinked for a minute. Had he said he’d stay the night? He couldn’t remember. Hiro had asked him to come over, but stay the night? The last time he stayed the night, they had sex. Issei really didn’t want to do that. His sister was right, plus Hiro wasn’t in a good place. It would be so wrong on so many levels. He’d stay the night though if that’s what it took to help Hiro.

“Yeah, of course.” Issei smiled, standing up to follow Hiro to his room. 

“No!” Hiro almost shouted, holding his hand up in front of him in the hall. “I, I’ll get it. You stay there. Please, make yourself at home.” Hiro looked almost desperate. 

“Oh, um, okay?” Hiro visibly relaxed at Issei’s answer as he disappeared into the hall. 

\---------

Hiro closed the door of this room, falling against it, and slid down to the floor. Everything was falling apart. He hadn’t meant to say all those things. Why had he said all those things? It accomplished nothing. Issei probably thought he was a loser, and was probably waiting for the moment to run. And now, now he just had all the abuse he’d endured in the forefront of his mind. Issei was wrong. Haruki loved him. Hiro didn’t care what he had to say. Love was messy, it was complicated, but it was still love. 

He buried his head in his arms that were resting on his knees, sniffling. He thought he was done crying. He was supposed to be done. He didn’t let himself cry. Crying meant you were weak. Crying meant that he wasn’t better. Haruki hated it when Hiro cried. He said it pissed him off, so he’d give him something to take the edge off. Boy, did he need something about now to take the edge off. 

Hiro pulled himself off the floor drying his eyes, and crossed the room to his drawer. Opening it, he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as though if he breathed deep enough some of the herione would waft up into him. Just a taste. Just a small taste. What would that hurt? He could just use a little bit. They said in rehab you weren’t supposed to, but then why could alcoholics sometimes drink just one glass? It was the same thing, right? 

He took took the baggie as though it were a precious jewel, staring at it. It’d be so easy to do. He could pocket it, sneak foil or one of the spoons, and pretend he was going to the bathroom. He’d done that so many times before. How many times had he done just that at his mom’s house before she threw him out for good? At his dad’s? It didn’t matter that Issei was right there. It. Did. Not. Matter. 

No. 

He kissed the bag gently before putting it back in the drawer, being sure to hide it behind the small flap that came away from the main drawer in the back. He pushed the clothes to cover it before closing it. Somehow he felt just a bit happier. Hiro quickly grabbed a pair of pajamas to give Issei. Just a pair of black pants, and a baggy shirt. 

He found Issei on the couch, just kind of staring up at the ceiling, bouncing his leg, and drumming his fingers.. The food they had been eating earlier was still on the floor, untouched. The yakisoba he’d spilled still hadn’t been cleaned, and the blanket was still soiled next to it. While cleaning had been something he’d been obsessing over lately, he didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. His eyes were sore and puffy, and frankly he was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he the dreams that awaited him wouldn’t allow for that. Hiro knew that already. As soon as he closed his eyes, Haruki and the family would be there. All the drugs that haunted his life would be there. He was going to slip up one day. That’s what they kept saying. It was like that meme from _The Simpsons_ “remember you’re here forever.” 

In rehab they were taught that the drugs were always going to be a part of them. Their brain chemistry was forever changed, and for him being an addict, and not a drug abuser, it meant his body needed it, craved it. It felt like he was starving himself in a way that he really couldn’t describe to anyone who didn’t understand who hadn’t gone through addiction themselves. His stepfather understood, so that was nice. 

“Here,” Hiro said softly, handing Issei the clothes. “I’m sorry if they don’t fit properly.” 

“Oh it’s fine.” Issei smiled, taking their clothes from him. 

Hiro couldn’t help but notice the fidgeting. His eyes were locked on the way Issei was drumming his fingers. His brain zeroed in on the leg bouncing. Even as Issei stood up, and started unbuttoning his shirt, Hiro noticed those little things. Issei was restless. How many times had he seen him like that? Restless and fidgeting and not noticed? Hiro tore his eyes away from him only when their eyes met. 

“Want a strip tease?” Issei smirked, swaying slightly. 

“No,” Hiro couldn’t help but smile. 

“You sure?” Issei hooked his tie over Hiro’s shoulders. “It could be fun.” 

“Stop,” Hiro laughed, pushing him away. 

“Whatever you say, though I should say that I’m am an amazing dancer, and extremely seductive. You’d be falling for me in a second.” 

“Not likely,” Hiro crossed his arms, glancing out the window. 

“Right,” Issei said, clearing his throat. “Hey, do you mind if I go smoke a cigarette?” 

That was it. That was all it took. Hiro stared at him. He’d gotten changed so fast. He was even more fidgety now. Hiro could practically feel the early stages of withdrawal just by looking at him. Restlessness, practically itching for it. Anxiety. Issei rubbed his hands up and down his pants. Sweating. 

“What if I said no?” Hiro stared at him dead in the eye.

“What?” Issei blinked.

“What if I said no, you can’t.” 

“Are you saying no?” Issei narrowed his eyes. 

“No, I’m not saying no. I’m just asking what you’d do if I said no.” 

“Uh, I guess I wouldn’t? I mean...you don’t want me to, so I can respect that.” Issei sat down. “I’ll wait.” 

“What would you feel like?” Hiro chewed his lip. 

“Um...I mean...I get kind of like, ansty for a bit.” 

Hiro let out a soft laugh, and ran his tongue over his bottom lip nervously. “You’d get anxious. You are anxious. Then your palms start getting sweaty. You’ll start to get irritable and everything could set you off. You can’t concentrate. Soon you’ll get a headache. You’ll feel nauseous. All you can think of is just smoking a cigarette. You’ll be sick.” 

Issei shifted, and narrowed his eyes. 

“Only it won’t hurt. Your body won’t ache, but you’ll feel it. Almost like a flu.” 

“Hiro, what are you…?” 

“We’re not different. I hope you know that.” 

“What?” 

“We’re both addicts, so don’t you dare think you’re better than me. Don’t you dare question why I would choose to do something knowing it’s addicting. Yours is just acceptable. Everyone does it.” Hiro shrugged. “It’s fine, really. But answer this question, if you stopped smoking, would that be the thing everyone’s proud of your for? Would people ask you if you’re still not smoking? Nobody judges you, Issei. Nobody. And you’re not different from me. You’re not.” 

“Well for one, I don’t think I’m better than you, so cross that off.” Issei shook his head. “And no. Nobody would care. My mom would be happy, but no.”

“Okay. Just so we’re clear.” 

Issei stood up, and put his hands on Hiro’s shoulders. He looked him in the eye. “But you know the difference between you and me, Hiro? You’re strong enough to quit. I’ve tried to quit because my doctor parents and sister are always on me about it, and I cough a lot more than I used to, but it just gets annoying. I don’t go more than like three weeks. I never said I don’t understand that part of it. So can I go have a cigarette now, or are you going to be a good influence on me and make me quit?” 

“Do whatever you want. You’re a grown ass man,” Hiro muttered. “But if you do, you have to share.” He held out his pinky, which Issei locked with his own. 

“Deal.” 

Hiro followed Issei out to the balcony. He watched Issei light up, and noticed the tangible way his body relaxed as the nicotine hit his brain. He handed Hiro the lighter, and carton of cigarettes, but kept his eyes focused out on the busy city below. Hiro felt himself relax as well as he inhaled.

“It’s harder to quit smoking, and drinking than it is to quit the hard shit in my opinion.” 

“Huh?” Issei glanced at him. “How do you figure?” 

“It’s everywhere. Part of getting clean is to change your environment. Different friends. Stay away from situations. All that. But like with drinking and smoking, it’s everywhere. It’s just this integral part of society, and even if you don’t have a single friend or family member does it, it’s everywhere.” 

Hiro sighed, taking another drag. He watched the way the embers burned a deep orange-red. The ash fell almost like snow. Little flecks landed on the railing before the wind pulled them away. Someone somewhere was going to breathe that in involuntarily. It wouldn’t make them want to smoke, but it was going to hurt them in some way or another. But somehow it didn’t seem serious. 

“I guess,” Issei shrugged. He glanced at him. “But it’s not really an excuse, now is it?” 

“There’s no such thing as an excuse in this. The fact that you want to do it is all that matters.”

Issei nodded slowly. The two of them were silent while the puffed on their cigarettes, and only when half the pack was gone, did they go inside.

\---------

The lights of the television flickered on Hiro’s sleeping face. He looked so much like an angel in the neon glow. Issei didn’t want to move because he didn’t want to wake him up. He felt like those people who have their animals or babies fall asleep on them. Hiro had just cuddled up against Issei and fell asleep. The movie they’d been watching had long since been forgotten. Issei couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He wanted to love him, to show him love because if he didn’t, then someone else fucking better. 

He’d been running his fingers through Hiro’s hair, just watching him for god knows how long. Time seemed to stop in that moment. He took a deep breath and took the chance. He pressed his lips gently to Hiro’s forehead, lingering for just a moment. Had Hiro ever gotten soft kisses? Had he ever known the innocent, sweet, pure love of a forehead kiss? 

Issei reached slowly for his phone, making sure Hiro didn’t stir. His heart was pounding in anxiety and excitement. He aimed the camera so that both of them and the television in the background, then took the same one with him repeating the kiss with his eyes closed. Issei stared at the photos. He opened his cloud, making a private folder he put the photos in. 

_This Is What Love Is_

“I’m going to try my hardest to make you fall in love with me, Hiro,” Issei whispered as he deleted the pictures off his phone. If that happened, issei would show Hiro the folder. Until then, it was his secret.

The sound of the key in the lock made Issei tense. Tooru walked in flipping the lights on, only to quickly turn them back off again. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Tooru’s voice wavered. Sobs were waiting behind them. 

“It’s okay. Are you alright? Did you guys get in a fight?” 

“No, no, um, I needed Makki.” 

“He’s kind of not in a good place right now, Babe. What’s up?”

“Just...my dad...I miss him.” 

“I’m sorry,” Issei said genuinely. “I can’t imagine.” 

“Can I wake him up? Please? I just want to cuddle up and cry.” 

“Babe, you have a boyfriend.” 

Tooru inhaled, leaning against the door. Issei watched him carefully. “I don’t think I’m good for him, Mattsun. Not right now. I’ve been crying all day, and I need to give him a break, you know?” 

“Hajime loves you, Tooru. Hiro’s been crying all day too. Just let him sleep. Go to your boyfriend.” 

Tooru rubbed his face, wiping the tears off his cheeks. “We finished Star Wars. We could have done it. We could have watched it all before-” His voice broke, and a sob escaped from somewhere deep inside him. 

Issei wanted to get up, wanted to comfort him, but he couldn’t move. Not now. Not with Hiro sleeping on top of him looking like a goddamn angel. This was all he’d wanted for the past few months. Any other time he knew Tooru would be fangirling about this situation, but he was so broken right now. Eight? Nine? Is that what Hiro had said? That was so young to lose a parent, to lose someone that defined the rest of your life. 

Sounds of someone running up the stairs echoed through the apartment. Another sound of keys in the lock. Hajime walked in slowly, pulling Tooru to him, and hugging him so tight. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. I’m here. Shhh.”

This is what love is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please leave a comment. They help keep me motivated, and make my heart so happy. <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little short. I was trying to see if I could add more, but I like it like this and my beta agrees. This is a pivotal for the climax we're getting to. Enjoy!

Winter can be beautiful. All you have to do is look past the biting cold, and the numbness in your fingers and face. The snow, or ice, or whatever that white stuff was that was falling from the clouds was made of unique, intricate crystals. The trees stood strong, and asleep, contrasting against the grey skies. It wasn’t all about the cold. It was hot chocolate in a mug between your hands, curled under a blanket. It was couples who still believed in love cuddled up together to keep each other warm. 

Each season had a different scene, a different personality. The nights were long, and the days were short. Time seemed to fly by as the world slept it away. Lights shined from apartments, and sometimes there was the flicker of candlelight. Somehow things that seem so ordinary become so different in this time of year. It was fitting that the days slipped away through one’s fingers while they slept. Nature was sleeping. There was no active vegetation except for evergreens that stood bold and proud against the white backdrop. 

Birds chirped in the background, and the sound of the stream flowing downhill drowned out the world. Hiro hadn’t been to this spot in so long that he almost forgot how peaceful it was. He folded in on himself trying to keep the cold from nipping at him. He gripped his sketchpad to his chest for dear life. He’d missed drawing. With everything that had happened over the break, it had taken the backburner. 

He pulled set his bag to the side, holding it close to keep him warm. He grabbed a pencil, and opened his sketchpad. Hiro stared at the empty page. So much could on it, but what really belonged there? Would his mind let the images flow through the pencil to paper, or would it be locked? The pencil felt strange in his hand. He bounced the eraser against the pad, thinking, trying to figure it out. 

_Draw what you see._

Hiro shivered. It was so simple, yet so difficult. That was always the best way to get through an art block. He would always tell people who were trying to learn to do that. It was hard to put things on paper from your mind when you still were learning the basics. By drawing what you see, you had a frame of reference. Was what you were putting on paper resembling what you were looking at in any way? Was the light source appropriate? All those things built up until you had the skill to try to draw from your mind. And when your mind just wouldn’t work, go back to the basics. Always go back to the basics. 

_Just start doing something. The hardest part is starting._

How many time had he or Tooru told the other that? When he hit art blocks, or Tooru hit writing blocks, they encouraged each other. It was also easier said than done. Hiro needed to do it though. This was his only outlet and at this point he was about to explode. If Tooru asked him one more time to go running with him, he was going to scream because no, he was not going to do that. He hadn’t even liked going for runs when he was in sports. Sure as hell not now. Didn’t Tooru know that he’d spent two years doing drugs and smoking? His body was torn to shit, and he was not about to be shown up. Tooru was far too competitive for his own good when it came to sports and exercise. In a way him getting hurt was a good thing because his obsession was going to break him. 

Hiro took a deep breath, and scanned his surroundings to find something, anything that piqued his interest enough to draw. His eyes settled on an abandoned park bench between two trees whose branches were covered with snow. In the spring, that spot had green grass, and people running around. People were always having picnics under the cherry blossoms. Now lanterns hung from them left over from New Year celebrations. It was probably beautiful at night. Slowly, he took the pencil in his hand again and put it to paper. 

Sketching was like learning to ride a bike. You never forget, but if you haven’t done it in a while, you’re a bit shaking, and pretty shitty at it. But you still know what to do. It was so goddamn frustrating though. He glared at the paper, drawing, erasing, drawing, erasing. The page tore, and Hiro threw the sketchpad, before burying his face in his arms as hot tears burned in his eyes. The only thing he was good at, and he couldn’t even do that. He’d let Haruki take that from him again. How could he do that? How even now could he let Haruki control him? No. No, he wasn’t going to do that. 

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, and wiped his tears away. He stood up, walking straight for the sketchpad. He examined it, his heart racing in fear of damage. The edges were wet, but nothing major. It would dry. He let out a sigh of relief, and hugged it to his chest. It was his most prized possession. If anything happened to any of them, he’d lose it. He took a few more deep breaths before sitting down and trying it again. He wasn’t going to leave until he got it right. It was up to him to get better. It was always up to him. Nothing could change that he didn’t want to change or try at. That was true now more than ever. 

\---------

The warmth of the coffee shop hugged Hiro in a loving hug. His jeans were wet and cold, but he didn’t care. He’d finally got back to drawing. It was like he’d taken a drink of water after wandering in the desert. There was a pep in his step, and his heart was swelling with happiness. For the first time since coming back to Tokyo, he’d felt happy. The typically annoying guys from the previous shift didn’t even bother him. He cheerfully put them on their way, as he went to the back to get his apron. 

The smell of coffee was all around him. The hiss of the milk steamer, the sound of the beans grinding was like music to his ears. Finally art was back in his life. Everything around him was beautiful again. Colors were brighter and deeper. The smile didn’t leave his face even when he realized Tooru was late for his shift meaning he was alone during rush. 

“I’m so sorry, Makki!” Tooru gushed, tearing behind the counter to the back. He clocked in and emerged with his apron. His hair was disheveled. His clothes were messy as though they’d been thrown on. Tooru usually made sure he looked perfect. 

“You smell like sex,” Hiro smirked. 

Tooru’s already rosey cheeks turned to a deep red. His eyes flew open into saucers. “Makki! Shhh! A customer could hear you. We have children who come in here.” 

“Exactly. Which is why you shouldn’t come to work smelling like it.” Hiro shrugged, brushing past him, calling out the name for the coffee he’d just made. He turned around to find Tooru standing there with his shirt pulled up over his nose sniffing. “There’s a line, Babe.” 

Hiro had forgotten how well he and Tooru worked together. Rushes were always so smoothe. Nobody complained about their orders. Both were charming enough, and good at their jobs which helped. Even if they did get it wrong, nobody complained. They both paid attention to the task at hand. Hiro took extra time to make sure the art was perfect now that he was back in his rhythm.

“Do I really smell like...ya know?” Tooru asked under his breath, glancing around. Only a few people were in the shop now that the rush was over, and they were heading to the closing hours. They had their headphones on and were clicking away on their laptops. 

“Yes. Well not as much anymore.” Hiro shrugged as he wiped the countertops. 

“Oh…” Tooru leaned against a wall with his arms crossed. His mouth was pulled to the side, and his eyes were glued to the floor. “I didn’t know.” 

“It’s fine.” Hiro smiled. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. It is fun, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” Tooru grinned. “And he’s really sweet about it. I don’t know. I like feeling close to him, you know? Like he’s everywhere. I love him so much. And it’s almost overwhelming, but it’s perfect.” 

“Yeah,” Hiro breathed. He was suddenly eighteen again. Haruki was everywhere. Their eyes were locked for a moment. Hiro couldn’t think of anything else but how much he loved him, how much he didn’t want it to end. He’d never be able to hear “With You” by Sum 41 without being there. 

“Makki?” 

“Hm?” 

“I...I think he’s the one.” 

Hiro let out a soft laugh. “You say that about all of your boyfriends.”

“I know, but I’m serious this time. I swear. I can’t think of life without him. And it’s like when he came into my life, everything clicked together. We go through stuff that would have ended my relationships in the past, but I want, need, to work it out. I am so in love with him, Makki.” 

Hiro straightened up, and he turned to look at his best friend. Tooru was staring at him intently. There wasn’t the usual whimsical far away look he usually had when he talked about his boyfriends being the one. There was no shred of that in his face. He was serious. Something about that terrified him. Because if it was true, then he’d lose Tooru. What would he do without him? Tooru was his rock. 

“I’m happy for you.” Hiro forced a smile, hoping it as good as Tooru’s fake smile.

“Thank you.” Tooru smiled. “You know when we finished all of the first six Star Wars, I felt like like I was going to die. I just thought you know, I could have gotten one last round in. I didn’t know what to do. I left when he’d gone to the bathroom. He followed me. He was there for me. And just...nobody’s ever done that. I feel whole with him. It’s not perfect, far from it, but it’s perfect for us. You’re right though, you know? It’s not like in those fairytales and romance novels. It’s much better.” 

He hummed softly, hugging himself. Hiro swallowed the lump rising in his throat. He wanted so desperately to be truly happy, but it was so difficult to do that. Tooru was always there when nobody else was. He was there when his parents were screaming bloody murder at each other. When Hiro’s stepfather’s drinking became excessive, and he started to get violent, Tooru was there. And after he sank to his lowest fucking point, Tooru was there. He had been able to stay clean because Tooru was there. What was going to happen if he left? It had never even crossed Hiro’s mind before because they were so young. Just barely legal. Hiro didn’t know if he trusted himself to be alone. 

“So…” Tooru started, “you’re not going to say anything rude?” 

“Why would I?” Hiro asked softly, fixing his gaze to the counter. “You’re happy.” 

\---------

Issei arranged the photos in his cloud to make a perfect arrangement. He had managed to sneak more pictures over the last week and a half. The term had just started, but Issei already knew his what his portfolio was going to be. _This is What Love Looks Like._ Of course he was keeping the ones with Hiro in a different folder. There was no way he was going to show Hiro pictures of other people. It was the perfect theme for Issei really. It was candid shots where love showed through in the purest form. One day he’d probably photograph a million weddings, graduations, baby showers, events, but candid shots when people didn’t know. That was when human emotion was real. Everything else was fake. 

When you looked at people’s social media, it was all fake. Nobody was half as interesting as they were on the internet, nor were they as beautiful. People had a habit of putting out only what they want other people to see. Many people wanted to brag, or cause others to be jealous. It rubbed things in people’s faces all the fun they were having. It was like a book or movie. Life is so exciting, never a dull moment, but in reality there were a lot of things that people did that they would never post about like being up all night with your friend telling scary stories. Food fights, pillow fights, boardgames, late night talks, just sitting in silence. Those things were deemed exciting, so there were no photos of those things online. Those were the moments Issei wanted to capture.

Issei immediately slammed his laptop shut, and threw it to the side, flipping on the television at the sound of Hajime’s key in the door. His roommate walked in, staring at the mail intently. He kicked the door closed, not looking up. Surprisingly Tooru was close behind, chattering away. It was kind of cute how much Tooru talked to Hajime. He never saw him talk that much to anyone else, and Hajime talked to Tooru more than he talked to anyone else. Love. 

“You looking for something, buddy?” Issei asked playfully. “I haven’t seen you that intent on mail since high school.” 

“Oh,” Hajime cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair. “I’ve been applying for internships in different places. We’re getting there, you know?” 

“Do they not call or send emails?”

“I don’t know.” Hajime tossed the mail on the kitchen counter. “I’m just nervous is all. We’re coming up on our final year of university, and I just need something. You’re so lucky that you’re not required to have an internship.” 

“Since when are you required?” Issei raised an eyebrow.

Hajime sighed, glaring at him. “If I want to have a good job when I’m done, I need to do something, anything to get my name out there.” 

“Is working on the school newspaper not enough? You did that in high school and now.” 

“No! Fuck, Issei, I’m telling you I’m so stressed out about this.” 

“I’m sorry,” Issei held his hands up. “You’re going to be one hell of a journalist. I don’t doubt that one minute. Someone’s going to pick you up. Don’t sweat it.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m just going through so much bullshit right now, and I just need a good thing.” 

“I’m here. Come into my office.” Issei patted the seat next to him on the couch. Hajime rolled his eyes for a moment before making his way over to him. “So what seems to be bother you?” Issei gasped. “Your dick isn’t broken, is it?” 

“Fuck off.” Hajime smacked Issei, but couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “No. My parents are still being so, so…” 

“Homophobic?” 

“Yes. It’s just I spent all this time thinking how truly blessed I was to have parents who accepted me for me, but in reality they only accepted the idea of me. They’re limiting how much I can talk to Ana. My mom won’t speak to me. My dad barely talks to me. And just the way they looked at me when Tooru showed up. They’re ignoring me now. The last thing they asked me was if I’d have an internship so far. When I said no, that was it. I’ve tried to talk to Ana, but nothing. I have to get a scholarship. I have to because I have to at least talk to my baby sister. I love her so much, Mattsun. I just, I don’t know what to do. And the thing is like I can’t talk to Tooru about this because I don’t want him to blame himself, or go run off to make me happy because he’s just that sweet kind of person who wants everyone to be happy.”

“Hey, Hajime?” Issei ventured.

“Hm?” 

“Why _did_ you tell them about Tooru? You’ve dated guys before, some even longer. So why?” 

Hajime was quiet for a moment. He stared at the television. Some stupid commercial was on for gum. Issei nudged him, but nothing happened. For a moment Issei thought Hajime was cutting off the conversation. He went to get his laptop. 

“Because I love him,” Hajime whispered. “I love him so much. And, and as scary as it was, I’m willing to lose my family for him. The only one I’m not willing to lose is Anastasia.”

“What?” Issei narrowed his eyes.

“I love him. I...I think I want to marry him, spend my life with him.” 

“Say what?” Issei shot up like a bolt of electricity had just run through him. His eyes were so wide, he thought his eyeballs would fall out of their sockets.

“I think he’s the one.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up for just one second. Who are you? What has Pretty Boy done to you? Since when are you a romantic? And holy shit, where is your logic? You are twenty-one years old.”

“I don’t see how that changes anything?” 

“So, so you’re saying that you’re going to marry a guy you’ve known for what? Five months? And you’re willing to give up your family for him?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t even know you anymore.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Then on top of all of that I don’t know if I’m even doing that well at my writing. I think it’s gotten worse with this class I’m in. It’s so annoying. And my professor actually told me my article I turned in was a piece of shit. I just need this internship because what happens if I don’t get it? I don’t know if I’m a good writer anymore. And I realize that I’m ignoring everything. It’s all too much. I don’t know how much more I can take, but when I’m with Tooru? It doesn’t matter.” 

“You’re so far gone.” 

“Maybe.” Hajime sighed, and glanced at him. “What about you? How are things with you and Hiro? Or are you being a creep?” 

“Did I tell you we had sex?” 

“What? No.” 

“Yeah. I didn’t even know what to do. He didn’t want me to touch him or anything. He kind of took over, and then it was done. He asked if I wanted to be fuck buddies basically. I don’t know how to feel about it. My sister said don’t do it because I already have feelings for him. But like, I am kind of into it.”

“I agree with your sister. That is just...no. No. How many times have you done it?”

“Once. He hasn’t brought it up since that first time.”

Hajime hummed in response. “Don’t get hurt, Issei. You’re a really great guy, and you don’t deserve that.” 

“Thanks, but I really want to be with him. I do love him. He’s finally opening up.” 

“Well I hope everything works out.” 

“Thanks.” 

Hajime patted Issei’s leg, and stood up. “Thank you. I’m going to for a run with Tooru in a little bit. Do you want to come?”

“I’m a pack a day smoker. What do you think?” 

“Oh so it’s gotten worse?” 

“Shut up,” Issei muttered before going to back to his laptop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you wouldn't mind leaving a comment my heart will be so, so happy :D


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm super excited about this chapter. We're leaving up to the climax, and that slow burn is almost coming out of the oven. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Bye, Makki! Have a good night!” Tooru blew a kiss on his way out the door, following closely on Iwaizumi’s heels. At least he’d come home. That was more than he usually got these days. The door closed, leaving him an in empty silence.

More than ever Hiro was feeling isolated from his friends. That was what happened when instead of going to college with your friends from high school, you take two years off to get high off your ass. The sober moments in those two years were far and few between. It had taught him so much. He’d gone a path that rarely anyone does. He didn’t find work or go to a trade. Hell he hadn’t done a damn thing in those two years. But now, now he was seeing Tooru growing wings to get out into the world. He’d do great things, be a great person. He was going to be a literature teacher while he worked on his own writing. He was going to be somebody. It was hard for Hiro to know what was going to happen to him. It was like high school again. Free falling. 

He bounced his eraser on the sketchpad, and chewed his lip. He couldn’t stand the silence, but the thought of moving from where he was sitting felt as though he was giving up. He needed to get comfortable in silence. He needed to learn to work through his thoughts and not drown them out with music. All he did was run away. All he did was hide and isolate himself. He missed who he used to be. Before everything happened, he was happy. 

Was he? Was he really? He was a good student. He was witty, and funny, and had fun. He and Tooru got into trouble. School, the volleyball every day. Running, and exercising because he was expected to. He was a dutiful son, who wasn’t exactly the perfect image of a model son, but close. But it was all what was expected. Nothing felt like he was making a choice. The next step was go to a good university. Get a good job. Get married. Have a family. All expectations. 

He remembered what it felt like that night he met Haruki. Getting drunk and high had felt better than anything he’d ever experienced. Finally he felt free. Haruki had opened his mind. While those two years were far from perfect, and he went through so much shit, he was happy. Each new drug opened another part of his mind. Heroin had been the final key to the universe. He knew all the secrets. Why he was alive, why humans were here, what the point of life was. Everything. There wasn’t a damn thing he didn’t know. And now it was gone. Life was back to being mundane. He was doing what everyone expected. He felt lost. He felt like he was falling and nobody was there to catch him. He didn’t want to feel that. He wanted to be free again. He wanted his mind to open again. Maybe, just maybe if he tried to be in silence it would crack open again.

His eyes took a life of their own, and his body was pulled toward his bedroom. He slapped his cheeks, muttered under his breath to himself. He wasn’t going to do this. He was not going to be weak because that was not all he was. In doing drugs, he lost his art. It got so much better for a while, but then it eventually wasn’t something he could do, or even wanted to. Heroin because his lover, and that was all he thought about. He was in a committed relationship, and not a damn thing was going to get in the way. Until he was sucked into the abuse. He wasn’t going to go there. He was going to be strong and say fuck that bitch like any normal person would. But it wasn’t heroin that hurt him. It was people. People always hurt you. That was a fact of life. 

No. 

He closed his eyes. He inhaled slowly, held it, and exhaled slowly. He repeated the process a few times until he felt himself calm down. He concentrated on the five senses. Touch. Sketchpad. It was rough and soft at the same time. Smell. The earthy, and almost metallic smell of the lead in the pencil. Sight. Wall. The wall was tan. Sound. The low rumble of the heater warming the house. Taste. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. The metalic taste of small cuts he’d made chewing at it. A few more breathing exercises, and he leaned back. The tension was gone.

It had been such a long time since he’d used any coping technique he learned in rehab. They all seemed so silly outside those white, sterile walls. It was meant for when if you didn’t behave, they would force you to, sedate you. You’d get in trouble. Rehab wasn’t just for detox. They put those people with the literally crazy people. _Crazy is a derogatory term, Hanamaki. You do not use those words, just like we say not to call yourself a junkie._

He rolled his eyes as the voice of his counselor rolled into his thoughts. But it was true. They were placed with the people in “crisis.” People who were legitimately psychotic. People who had actual mental illnesses that needed to be locked away because they were dangerous to themselves or others. They’d make them sit in the day room together coloring like two year olds, but Hiro got back into art at least. He’d talked to people who were borderline personality disorder patients who were so manipulative, and scary to him. They weren’t stable. He knew that, but it scared him nonetheless. The rationale to put them together after the drug abusers finished detox was because often people who used drugs were self medicating, and there was an underlying mental illness which he thought was bullshit because he was _fine_. It was just an excuse to replace the drugs they already loved with something more potent that made you a zombie. They threw shit at him like anxiety, codependent personality disorder, panic disorder. Bullshit. They just wanted to take him off what made him feel good went numb him. And he was told that being an addict was itself a mental illness which was a load of shit. 

He hated rehab, couldn’t wait to get out. He hated being labeled, and being treated like he was a threat to anyone. He just got involved with the wrong people, and made some questionable decisions. The reason they kept him was because he refused to go along with their bullshit. They wanted him to say he saw his issue with taking drugs. They wanted him to say he regretted it, but that was one of the few things he didn’t. He hated rehab. 

But the six months in rehab, he’d learned a lot of things. He learned about why he thought the way he did. He learned how the events in his life shaped him. His parents’ constant fighting made him anxious, and wanting to run away. That’s how he met Tooru after all, running from the screaming. The divorce made him feel like people were better apart. He felt as though he was free falling when his baby sister died, and everyone around him was in shambles. He needed structure, and while he was a free spirit, he needed set schedules which was why with the uncertainty of what would happen after high school when his time wouldn’t be so structured he felt so terrified and lost. 

That is why he made himself such a strict schedule when he moved to Tokyo. Everything was planned at the start of the term. He tried to keep his classes no more than two hours   
apart. He would draw between classes either in the art building or outside. Homework was scheduled. He worked the same times every day. He ate the same time every day. He and Tooru followed a certain pattern of winding down at the end of the day. Everything was structured. And he felt safe. But that fall term, the structure fell away and he was free falling. Tooru had a boyfriend and they were getting more and more serious. There wasn’t a constant. And he made a new friend which also ruined the routine. Boundaries and structure. That’s what he needed. And he didn’t have that. He was falling. 

He set his sketchpad to the side, and grabbed his phone. He was never going to sleep if he didn’t wind down. He needed to get back on that. If Tooru was going to be gone, maybe Issei could help. 

\---------

The new term meant no classes with Hiro who was only in his first year, and Issei being in his third. If only Issei had skipped more intro classes than art history, then he would be able to see him more around school. Hiro was back to working more at the coffee shop, and he rarely saw him at school. Issei was working more too. He really wanted a better camera, and some new lenses. While his parents paid for his school and living arrangements, they didn’t give him anything extra past a stipend for groceries. They believed that he should spend his time focused on school and not working. Even though his job wasn't the best, it paid well and he loved his coworkers. 

He sighed, flicking the embers off his cigarette. They danced through the wind to their final destination. Where would that be? Would anyone see them? It was an interesting thought. It reminded him of life. Everyone was always caught up in something, being pushed and pulled in whatever direction the wind took them. Rarely did people pay attention. The person sitting next to you on the train, or the one that you ran into on the sidewalk, you didn’t know where the wind would take them, and you didn’t actually see them. Had he run into Hiro and Tooru in Sendai, and never noticed them? Did they used to be just embers? 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, and a smile sprung to his face. Hiro was off for the night, and wanted to hang out. Issei’s shift ended in an hour. His heart swelled with excitement. Finally he’d get to see him again for more than five minutes. A quick text back, and he was ready to finish out his shift. He tossed his cigarette on the ground, snuffing it out, and returned to work with a smile on his face. 

\---------

Night was calming, and electrifying at the same time. Issei was a night owl, always had been. He could stay up all night, and often did. This always meant he was exhausted all day when he had to be up early. This term he didn’t have any disgustingly early classes like the last one, though seeing Hiro every morning had always been something so exciting and special. The energy changed at night, and suddenly all the fatigue was gone. He was ready for anything. That was part of why he liked closing shift. He got to walk home at night when the city was as quiet as Tokyo was going to get. 

He stopped at a corner to wait for the walk signal to turn on. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, and a lighter. The nicotine rushed to his brain sending instant pleasure and satisfaction to him. He thought of that night that Hiro had confronted him about it, and told him he was no different. That they both suffered from addiction. That may have been true, but he just didn’t see the comparison between cigarettes and heroin. Sure smoking was terrible for your body, but people have been smoking tobacco for years. Though...humans have always dabbled in opiates haven’t they? History was full of people using substances. Some cultures used things to talk to their ancestors or find the right path. So was it really that bad? Or was it society that said it was bad? There was a difference between abuse and addiction though. 

He felt as though he was onto something. It was so weird. His experience had only been about smoking, alcohol, and caffeine which was honestly the most hilarious thing to him. Why was it those were okay? Caffeine was just a joke in his mind. It was nothing. Alcohol could be a problem with mental health, sure. But cigarettes? He didn’t deny for a second that he had an addiction to them. He’d tried to stop smoking four or five times, but it never worked out. At this point he’d just accepted the fact that it was part of his life to stay. 

Issei had been thinking about things a lot lately, just being so introspective. He wanted to understand what it was that was so appealing. Why would you take something that affected you so much that you’d kill for it? As much as he’d get grouchy without cigarettes, he’d never steal or do anything rash to get it. Alcoholics didn’t do that. People who smoked weed didn’t do that. But people on the hard stuff? Their life is completely controlled by the stuff. They will do anything for the net high. And that was something that he just could not wrap is mind around. Maybe that was the reason they weren’t acceptable. And how did they even bring drugs into the country? It’s like people could just walk around the border. It was an island. Where did it come in? 

He definitely had more questions than answers every time he talked to Hiro about it. Tooru had said that Hiro wanted to start new, and asked him to be his new, but how could he be his new when he needed to know the past to understand the person before him? Was Hiro his addiction? No. He had gotten past that and was a new man, but that said, Issei needed to know more. Maybe part of it was how much he cared for him. It was like every day he felt more in love with him. He just wanted to understand so he could help. The past doesn’t just leave you. Everything leaves a mark, and something as big as a heroin addiction? He needed to know. 

He descended down the stair of the metro to find the right to Hiro’s apartment, his head still mulling over everything he’d been learning. It was like a bombshell. Had it really been only five months since he’d met Hiro? Somehow it seemed like so long ago. Not in a bad way of course, just in the way that back when he was pining over Mystery Man things seemed so simple. Things were innocent. Gorgeous guy with good taste in music, and an amazing sense of style. Back then he’d never expect this. Ever. 

A few stops and a five-minute walk later, he was standing in front of Hiro and Tooru’s door. He raised his fist to knock, but something in him made him stop. Could he really do this? What would happen if he did walk into that apartment? Would he be able to get out if he needed to? What if this was another hook up? Who texted someone to come over at almost eleven? He took a few deep breaths. Of course he could do this. He could say no. He had to say no. He rapped the door a few times. 

The door flew open, and Hiro was standing there almost trembling. Issei blinked, shocked. Why was it every time he saw Hiro he was so sketched out? He missed the old Hiro, the one who was calm and composed. He hated to think that, but he did. But at the same time people change. And seeing Hiro like this, it made Issei want to protect him, comfort him, love him even more. 

“How was work?” Hiro asked hugging himself. His voice was strained, and there was something forced in the chiper tone he was trying to have. 

“It was good. Can’t really complain.” Issei shrugged kicking off his shoes. 

“I really love the way your outfit looks on you,” Hiro murmured, eyes running up and down Issei.

Issei swallowed. His heart was pounding. As much as he loved the conversation, he knew it would get dangerous. No matter how much he wanted to be with him, or be intimate with him, he couldn’t. That would be taking advantage of Hiro when he was in such a state, and he couldn’t do that. Hiro needed someone good in his life, and Issei was bound and determined to be that person. 

“Thanks. I like your hoodie.” 

“Oh...yeah.” Hiro glanced down. “Thanks. Um, I got it at a concert a while back with Haruki. He bought it for me.” 

Haruki. 

Issei hated that name. He didn’t want to hear it. He refused. It made his blood boil. It made him want to take everything that was connected to Haruki and burn it. Everything. But Hiro had things that he loved like that hoodie. He saw him wear it all the time. It was soft, comfy looking. He wanted to wear it, but not now. Now it was tainted. 

“Are you hungry? I was making food.” 

“Oh yeah, that’d be great. I can always eat.” 

“Good.” Hiro forced a smile before turning on a dime and heading toward the kitchen. “Please, make yourself at him.” 

Issei raised an eyebrow, but followed him to the kitchen. Rice and vegetables were already on two plates, and some chicken was frying in a pan. It smelled amazing. Hiro worked his way through the kitchen better than anyone he ever met. 

“You know your way around a kitchen, huh?”

Hiro glanced up, and laughed. “I used to cook all the time with my mom when I was little. Why? Are you trying to make me a housewife?” 

“Are you saying you will be? I’ll be a world-famous photographer, so I can definitely be your sugar daddy.” 

Hiro laughed again, and shook his head. “Don’t you even dare say that to me ever again. But no, I do think it’d be nice. Well no, it’s not actually.” He leaned against the cabinet. “I’ve been there. Had a guy who supported me financially. You kind of lose a sense of self, don’t you think?” 

“Honestly I don’t think that not having to work would be a bad thing. Sure if you wanted to work, but couldn’t that’s a different story.” Issei pushed himself to sit on the cabinet. “How’s your semester going? I really miss you, you know.” 

“Yeah?” Hiro nodded his head. “It’s been good. I’ve just been really, I don’t know. It’s weird. I don’t like it. And it’s like Tooru’s going to be graduating soon. You will be too. Everyone my age will be gone, meanwhile I’m stuck with stupid eighteen year old kids.” 

“Everyone has their own pace.” 

Hiro shrugged and went back to attending to the food. Issei watched him. He looked calm and purposeful cooking like that. He pictured a little Hiro with his mom in the kitchen. It was the cutest thing he could have dreamed off. Mother telling her son how to make the perfect rice. It seemed nice. He and his sister spent most nights on takeout or frozen meals. Occasionally they’d go to a fancy restaurant, but his mother was too on the go to ever take time to cook. Kamiko dragged him to cooking lessons so they could have their own special holidays and birthdays since their parent rarely stayed home. It was always throwing money at them, and promises to take them to eat. It was lonely. But they had each other. 

“Are you drawing again?” Issei asked spotting the sketchpad on the couch. 

“Yes. How did you know I stopped?” 

“You didn’t have that eye anymore. And you were way more worked up. Art is like therapy to you, right? So you got so worked up, so I only assumed.” 

“No, no, it’s fine.” Hiro turned the stove off. “The food’s ready.” 

“Cool.” 

Issei slid off the counter, and moved to help himself. Hiro shooed him away, telling him to sit down. Issei obliged, leaning back in his chair. He could get used to this. Hiro trying to wait on him. Usually Issei was the one waiting on people. Hiro paid so much attention to the detail of the plate. Issei could tell he was just using it for more art, and it was beautiful. He never knew anyone as happy with art as Hiro. A lot of people got so frustrated, but Hiro always seemed happiest when he was creating something. 

Hiro put the plate down in front of Issei, and grabbed a couple glasses of water for them before he sat down. They thanked their food, and Issei started to devour his dinner. He hadn’t realize how hungry he was. 

“This is delicious.” He looked up to see Hiro’s reaction, but he was just sitting there watching Issei. “What? Aren’t you going to eat?” 

“Later.”

“Aren’t you hungry?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then why aren’t you eating?” 

“You have to finish first. In case you’re still hungry. I don’t want to take it away.” 

“Huh?” Issei narrowed his eyes. “We’ve eaten together a million times.” 

“Not like this. I never made you dinner. It’s different. It’s special. Haruki said that it was really nice when I made dinner, and he would always get upset if there wasn’t enough for him not to be hungry,” Hiro said as though it was the most obvious thing. 

“Do you do that for Tooru?”

“No.” 

“Then why me?” Hiro’s breath hitched in his throat, and his eyes immediately fell to the table. He picked up his chopsticks, and started playing with his food. 

Issei watched him. What was going on? Why was he acting so weird? Sendai had really gotten to him. Maybe all those weird things he was used to started coming back. He wouldn’t be surprised. Still. This Haruki guy seemed like such an asshole. There was something so off about him. 

“Can I ask you something?” Issei asked, glancing up from his food. Hiro stared at Issei, not saying a word. It made him feel uncomfortable, as though he had fallen into a forbidden topic. But there was nothing in Hiro’s face. No emotion. That made it even more unsettling. 

“You have more questions about it don’t you?” Hiro asked softly. “About those two years I was using?” Issei nodded. “What do you want to know?” 

“You said that Haruki only takes payments in blood. What do you mean? You mentioned you thought he was going to kill you. What happened?” 

Hiro visibly tensed. Color drained from his face making Issei to immediately regret asking that. 

“This guy, the one at the store, Eisuke?” Issei nodded. “He was dating this girl, Aida. She was pregnant. Haruki hated that. He _hated_ when women used drugs when they were pregnant because that happened to him. His mom used drugs her whole pregnancy. He was in the hospital his first month and a half. Anyway, Aida died randomly. Overdose. They found her body in an alleyway. Eisuke came in ready to kill Haruki, screaming that he’d killed her because of that. Haruki locked him in a room for a few days to punish him. Just until the point of withdraw got so painful that he was just screaming in pain, sobbing so loud. Then he let him out. I just thought Eisuke meant because he gave them the drugs.” Hiro paused. He drummed his fingers on the table nervously. 

“If he hated it so much, why did he give her the drugs?” 

“Because that was his job. Haruki wasn’t the top dog, Issei. There were people who came into the shop or at our house in suits. They were the ones that started using me because Haruki came up short one month. Apparently he didn’t get paid by someone or something, and they were mad. Threatened to kill him. I was in our bedroom. He was so scared. They saw me, and decided they wanted to use me, so they did. The first time, Haruki came into the room just shaking and teary and told me he was going to give me some stuff to make me feel really good. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He just handed me a couple of pills, and made the heroin, gave it to me, kissed me and told me he was sorry. Part of it was to get revenge on him. Part of it was to pay the debt. He had to do what he was told, Issei.” Hiro cleared his throat. 

“I didn’t really take Eisuke seriously until I actually saw Haruki kill someone. He made other people hold down this guy, and he injected him with a lot of heroin. A lot. The guy died. I got scared. I wanted to leave. Haruki told me that he had to, that they made him. I knew he was scared of them. Haruki and I talked about going to Paris to see all the art, and spend a week going to the Louvre. We’d get away. I wanted him to come with me, but he told me he was going to send me because I’d be safe, but he couldn’t go. We walked to the shop. Some guys were inside, so he went in. Then some people from the family came and told me that they were going to take me to the airport. They didn’t. 

“We ended up at this abandoned warehouse type building. They beat me up so badly. I just wanted to die. I thought I would. And Haruki was there. He had a gun. He told me, told me I was going to die a junkie death. I knew too much, so he couldn’t let me live. But he didn’t shoot me. Just fired six empty times. It wasn’t loaded. It just a click. Terrified me. So, so that was when I knew it. I knew that I was going to die in the family. I’d never see my mom. I’d never get to apologize. The next time she’d see me I’d be in a body bag, that is if they found me. Nobody cares about junkies. So yeah. I escaped a few months later.” 

Hiro started to eat his food slowly. Issei wondered how he could eat after that. He felt sick himself, but hadn’t had to live through it. Hiro had. He knew that terror, but he could sit there and eat. He was trembling a bit, but other than that seemed eerily composed. 

Issei played with the noodles on his plate. There was so much he wanted to ask, so many questions about the information. Why did Hiro do the drugs? What was it like? Why did it go on for two fucking years? Drug laws were so strict in Japan, and it was an island, so how exactly did Haruki have access to so many drugs? How did this guy get a gun? Why would he try to take Hiro out to a fucking warehouse to shoot him execution style. There was something fishy about the situation, something organized. It wasn’t by chance. Nobody, especially not some random twenty-six year old tattoo artist, just happens to become a huge drug dealer. And the people in suits? The death threats?

“Hiro?” 

“Hm?”

“Was Haruki in the...ya know.” 

“Was he in what?”

Issei shifted in his chair before almost whispering, “The yakuza?” 

“What?” Hiro paled even more. “Why would you ask that?”

“Nobody just gets that high up in drugs. People in suits? Guns? Drugs? That is some organized crime shit if I ever heard it.” 

Hiro cleared his throat. 

“Not, not exactly.” He wet his lips, and glanced at Issei for a moment before staring at his food. “He worked for them is all.” 

“What? So he was.” 

“No. No, he wasn’t.” 

“How do you work for them, but not be part of it?” 

“Look.” Hiro stared at him dead in the eyes. “Haruki was a victim.” 

Issei laughed. “You are so stupid, you know that? A victim? The guy who kills people for knowing too much? Hiro, I’m sorry. I love you, but that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You just can’t wrap your head around the fact that you dated a guy in the yakuza and almost died because of it.” 

“No, you’re the idiot. You don’t know how any of that works! You know, you know people work for those mobs. Yakuza, Italian Mafia, gangs, the Real IRA. People work for them that aren’t in them. It’s for protection in a way. And, and if they have people doing their dirty work nothing comes back on them because if the yakuza got caught them, then it’d be so bad. But if it’s a random person? No blood on their hands. The police just throw the person in jail. Haruki just worked for them. 

“And you don’t know him! You don’t know a single fucking thing about him. He liked art more than I do. He, he grew up really bad off. Like I said, his mom did drugs when she was pregnant with him. He was in the hospital withdrawing. Then he got adopted. But those people got into drugs or alcohol or something. I don’t know. He got put in foster care, and was passed around. He was abused several times. Never got adopted. So he aged out of the system and had nobody. He moved around too much to have friends. 

“He, he wanted to be an artist. An amazing one. You know a lot of people dream of Paris right? But, but he wanted to be there because the artwork, the architecture, and anyone can just rent out one of the little art stations along the streets. He wanted one by the Seine River. He had all these dreams but he was just this kid who nobody cared about. And he wanted to go to art school so, so badly, but didn’t have money. He loved music, and just the whole punk culture. He wanted to be a tattoo artist. He loved Disney movies the same way Tooru loves sci-fi. His favorite was The Lion King. He knew all the words. His favorite thing to do was sit in the park and draw, so we did that a lot. He had this smile that lit up his whole face, and his laugh was just musical. And he was just the sweetest person. 

“He met this person who kind of took him in. And that guy was working for the yakuza, but he didn’t know. They kind of pulled him in. Somehow he was accepted to an art school he never applied to. His tuition was paid for. Just all these little things being taken care of. And this friend, this friend made him feel loved. They dated. And well he was there when the bosses came by. So, so it was be part of it, or die. And he hated drugs. Hated people who used them. The word junkie in his mouth was like poison. He said it in this way that there was so much contempt. But it was his job. It was do what they say or die. He never had a family, so he made one. They were the ones who sold for him. They were the ones he trusted the most. He loved them in a way. They weren’t friends. He always stressed that. They were family. They were loyal. He didn’t know that that wasn’t what friends or family was supposed to be like. He didn’t even realize people were terrified of him. But that was all he had. You can’t leave because you know too much. You know too much. He knows too much. I know too much. And don’t you dare breathe a fucking word of what I just told you.” 

Hiro wiped the tears off his face. “I made you fucking dinner, now eat it. Don’t you dare say a fucking word about Haruki. Don’t even say his name, okay? You. Do. Not. Know. Him.” 

Issei stared at him, flabbergasted. He’d never heard Hiro talk like that before. All the words practically ran together, and he was so mad. Haruki had brainwashed him. Issei hadn’t realized he was shaking himself until then. He shifted in his seat. He’d only heard their name before. It was like the boogieman in a way. Something you hear stories about, but it seems like an urban legend. But the yakuza was real. They were secret, but they were there. Everyone knew. Everyone. But he’d never known a single person who knew them. 

“Hiro?” 

“What?” Hiro spat, eyes sending daggers at him. 

“If he hated people who used drugs so much, why did he give them to you?” 

Hiro stared at him. New tears were pooling in his eyes. His face was contorted into something Issei couldn’t even begin to read. 

“Because he wanted me to feel good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment! If you have any constructive criticism, let me know details so it can get better. Love you guys! <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How are y'all doing? Okay so this is a pretty long chapter, but I hope you enjoy it. Things are getting closer ;)

Issei fiddled with his camera and lenses. He hadn’t had a good sit down clean in far too long, and he’d started to notice the imperfections in his photographs from the dust. It was frustrating to say the least. There was nothing better than a crystal clear shot. When he was working, and taking pictures of events, it would be a nightmare for that to ever happen. He would be sure to clean them before every event. Everyone would recommend him. Though to be fair, any photographer worth their skill was doing that anyway. It was silly for him to think he was any different, but that didn’t matter. 

He was thankful that the photography students were able to use the lab, and had access to the cleaning supplies so he didn’t have to have an extra added expense. The quiet of the room added to the peaceful air. The photography lab was one of his favorite places. Cameras that the students could rent were in cases on display. He could only hope to one day afford Nikon D850. It was the best on the market, and only cost the low low price of three-hundred and sixty thousand yen. One day. For how he had to settle for his Nikon D3400 which was nowhere near the D850. And by the time he was able to afford that one, he knew for sure there was going to be another one even better. It was a blessing and a curse really. 

He got started getting everything ready for the long, tedious process of cleaning every last speck of dirt and dust from his baby. Issei had always taken such careful attention to this sort of thing. His sister joked that if being a photographer didn’t work out, he’d be an excellent surgeon. He would definitely not make a good surgeon. He hated anything to do with the body. It was all so gross. No, thank you. 

The heater hummed in the background as he got to work, hunched over the table. It looked awful. He hated himself for letting it get so dirty. He’d been to caught up in everything to even think about it. The camera went everywhere with him. Of course dust, dirt, pollen, and whatever else would get stuck into the crevices. And he did smoke quite often, so of fucking course the embers would get in there. That should have been reason enough to quit, but at this point he was pretty sure he would kill someone at work without the sweet, sweet nicotine to calm him down. 

He got lost in it all. The way the cleanser smelled, and the special detail it took to remove every last molecule of debris sucked him into the zone. Nothing else existed. It was just him, and the thing he loved most in the world. There was no stress when he was working. He never had the feeling to step out for a cigarette. He could do it for hours on end, and would never feel the ache in his neck, shoulders, and back from being hunched over for so long. 

Issei jumped, almost dropping the lens he was cleaning when his phone literally shrieked from his pocket. He had been sure he’d put it on silent. He made a mental note to change his notification tone from the horror movie scream queen. He’d only used it to cockblock at home. Now it was ruining his life. He sighed, putting the lens down on the table. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and rolled his eyes. He stretched, rolling his shoulders a few times before opening Hajime’s text. 

_Hey when are you going to be home? I need to talk to you about something important. Also should I make you something to eat? Tooru and I are starving._

That sounded serious. In all the years since he’d known Hajime, he’d never phrased something like that. He’d always just waited until they were together. And of course Tooru would be involved. _Of course._ He loved the guy, but it was getting to be annoying that he never had time alone with his best friend. And how was he supposed to bring it up? Hiro was missing Tooru a lot too. Their friends were getting so serious, and quite frankly, Issei wanted to scream. It was almost disgusting. Even when he was with them, they’d be all lovey and gross. 

_Yeah, I’ll be home in a bit. I’m almost done up at school._

He silenced his phone, and slid it in his pocket. He finished the last lens before heading out. 

When he arrived home, the familiar, heavenly scent that had been the favorite part of his childhood greeted him. The smell of tomatoes, chiles, melting cheese, chili powder, and other spices wafted through the air in a tantalizing manner, pulling him toward the kitchen. His heart skipped a beat, and a smile appeared on his face. He dropped his bag and rushed toward the kitchen hoping that Hajime’s mom was there, and they’d made up only to find Hajime with a lollipop in his mouth stirring a pot of Spanish rice. Tooru was sitting on the counter, swinging his legs as he watched him. 

“Ugh, you.” Issei groaned. “I thought your mom was here.”

“No, just me.” 

“Have you even made this stuff before?” Issei frowned. 

“A few times.” 

“When?” 

“I helped my mom.” 

“I swear to god, Iwaizumi, if you fuck this up for me, I’m going to be pissed.” Issei glared.

“Hi, Mattsun!” 

“Hello, love!” Mattsun said dramatically hugging him. “So you’re pestering him enough about the other part of his life that he’s going to risk killing us all. You’re special.”

“Thank you,” Tooru smiled. “I’ve never had enchiladas before. Or Spanish rice.” 

“Here,” Hajime said, handing Tooru the lollipop. Tooru thanked him, before popping it in his mouth. 

“That’s not sanitary.” 

“We do much more unsanitary things, Mattsun.” Tooru grinned. 

“He keeps asking for candy, and then makes me suck all the chili powder off.” 

Issei gasped. “You brought candy back? You didn’t tell me?”

“I got you a whole bag. I thought I gave it to you?” 

“You did not.” He turned to Tooru. “And why would you want to get rid of the best part?” 

“It’s weird. Iwa-chan puts it on everything. It’s gross. He had cucumbers with lime juice and chili powder before. Can you believe it?” Tooru pouted. 

“Yes. And it’s because it’s good, you peasant.” 

Issei ignored Tooru’s protests, taking the spoon out of Hajime’s hand and trying the rice he was making. “Surprisingly good.” 

“Thanks.” 

Hajime tried to fight back a smile, and the pride that was forcing its way to his face. He turned the stove off, and moved the pan from the burner. Tooru slid off the counter, and went to get the plates. Issei’s heart swelled when he realized it was dinner time. His friends waved him off as he tried to help. Eventually he resigned to sitting at the table. A plate was plopped in front of him, and he wanted to shove the whole thing in his mouth. Enchiladas, rice, and beans. Perfection. But he had to be polite, so he sat there waiting for the other men to sit down. They thanked the food and finally he was able to partake in what was probably the food of the gods. 

“Oh my god, Hajime, this is sooooo good.” Issei was sure his eyes rolled to the back of his head in pleasure. 

“Thank you,” Hajime laughed. 

“So what made you decide to do this all of a sudden? Tooru pestering you?”

“Actually I figured I should probably learn to do it on my own since my family probably disowned me by now, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to let part of my culture die with that.” 

An awkward silence filled the air. Issei didn’t know what to say. He knew things weren’t great, but this was bad. Maybe Hajime was being dramatic. Maybe this would all just be over soon, and he’d go back to talking on the phone with his mother or sister, filling the apartment with that beautiful, musical language that Issei had always loved. But in this moment, Hajime looked so pained. Tooru had his arms around Hajime, with his head laying on his shoulder. Issei felt like such a shitty friend for not being there. 

“I hope you realize how much he loves you,” Issei said quietly. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. 

“Huh?” Tooru glanced at him. 

“I hope you realize how much he loves you,” Issei repeated. “This guy was not a relationship guy. He was the guy who hooked up with people. He had a few ‘boyfriends,’ but not really. And now he’s over here dating you, and he is fully prepared to not have his family in his life because he loves you so much. That’s all.” 

Tooru blinked, and glanced at Hajime, who was focusing on his food. One look and he realized he shouldn’t have said anything. How could he be so stupid? That wasn’t for him to say, especially not in front of Hajime like this. He was so easily made uncomfortable or embarrassed. And maybe, maybe Hajime hadn’t told him that he wasn’t the relationship type in the past. Maybe he didn’t want Tooru to know. It had just come out. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?

“You’re giving up you family for me?” Tooru said softly. 

“No, Issei’s being dramatic. It’s just some family drama that will be fine. Don’t worry about it. Eat.” 

“You can’t do that. I won’t let you. If they decide to do that if you stay with me, then we’ll stop, okay?” 

“Tooru, I promise, everything is fine.” 

“But-”

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Issei said trying to change the subject.

Both Tooru and Hajime seemed thankful for the diversion in the conversation. Issei breathed a sigh of relief. 

“You know how things are getting serious with us?” Hajime started. Issei nodded. “We’re talking about moving in together.” 

“Oh, that’s great news, but I thought that’s what was going on, was it not?” Issei cocked his head to the side. “I’m so happy to officially have a new roommate. Welcome to the family, buddy!” 

“No, I mean, alone. Just the two of us. Without you or Hiro.” 

Issei was quiet for a moment. That was a big step. And he was completely supportive if that’s what they were wanting to do, but his mind immediately went to Hiro. He was so, so anxious these days, practically a mess. He knew he wasn’t just Sendai that was shaking him up. He didn’t like Hajime for the longest time. Hiro and Tooru were closer than anyone he’d ever known. They were practically glued to each other, and from the sound of it that’s how it’d been since they were kids. Tooru was rarely at home. Hiro was more and more isolated, and it was unsettling to think of how he was going to react. 

“Have you told Hiro yet?” Issei asked.

“Well, not yet. We wanted to tell you first because you’d be easier to talk to you, you know? And Makki, well it’s going to be a lot, so…” Tooru played with his food. 

“So how are we going to split up the kids, Iwaizumi?” Issei asked trying hard to keep the mood light. 

“I was thinking that you and Makki could live together!” Tooru interrupted. “It’d be cute. And then maybe Makki will fall in love with you. I know you guys have been getting closer. Come on!” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

\---------

Hiro closed up the coffee shop, and headed home. He held the warm cup of tea between his hands as he tried to stay warm. The steam danced in the cold air in a mixture of battle and love. Heat and cold were always in that battle. It reminded him of that story he’d heard when he was little about the moon and the sun loving each other, but could never be together because when one was present, the other was not, could not. Love was like that in general. Star-crossed lovers. That was him and Haruki.

He couldn’t help but think that if all of what Haruki had gone through hadn’t happened, and if the people who controlled them weren’t around, and if drugs hadn’t been such a huge part of the relationship that maybe, just maybe they’d be in Paris right now having a lunch in some cute restaurant with the best coffee. Haruki always said they had the best coffee. Haruki wanted to get out of Japan so badly, but Hiro was sure he’d never get his wish. Nobody left alive, nobody but him. 

Why was that? Haruki had every opportunity. And if Haruki had let him get away alive, and the bosses found out then, they would have killed Haruki. But Eisuke said that Haruki said hi. That meant that Haruki knew he was there, which begged the question of why he was still alive and breathing if Haruki really wanted to kill him. And if the bosses knew that Haruki didn’t kill him, and they couldn't find him, then surely they would have hurt his family, right? His family was safe. He was safe. Eisuke was sent to give him heroin, but not kill him. That was weird in itself, even more so that Eisuke even did it and didn’t just keep the heroin for himself because that’s what addicts do. Why would Eisuke care more about something that Haruki would probably never find out about when he loved the drug just as much as Hiro if not more. And he also used it to numb the fact that Aida was dead, and Haruki had killed her. Hiro wasn’t even sure if he’d killed her because of orders, or because he just hated that she was pregnant and doing drugs. 

Hiro brushed the thoughts from his head. That had been happening so much lately. He couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming back no matter how hard he tried, they came back. It wasn’t even like he could talk it out with anyone because Tooru wasn’t around, and he really didn’t need to pull Issei into this more than he already had. What would happen to Issei anyway if that happened? Issei knew too much now. Hiro had talked. Would they find out? Would he just one day walk into being ambushed? Would they come find him? They were everywhere. Haruki told Hiro that much. The bosses were everywhere. They talked. But there were different factions, different groups, different families. They fought each other. Fought over money, drugs, guns, and territory. Haruki said they could never run from them because they were everywhere. God, it was hopeless. 

He unlocked the door to the apartment, and stopped dead in his tracks. Tooru was sitting on the couch, curled up with a book, reading. His mouth was parted slightly like it always was when he was in a really good part of a book. The lights were dimmed, and he had on a lamp. It was like old times before Issei and Iwaizumi came into their lives. In that moment, Hiro realized just how much he’d missed his best friend as tears blurred his eyes. 

He kicked out of his shoes so quickly, and almost ran across the room to curl up with the person he love more than anything in the world. Tooru didn’t take his eyes off the book, but he pulled Hiro to him in a gesture of comfort. Hiro’s head was situated on the man’s chest. He closed his eyes, listening to Tooru’s even, steady breathing, and his heart beating. How many times had they cuddled like this on a cold night? Hiro had always taken it for granted. Now he just wanted to watch one of those stupid paranormal movies and eat junk food, and stay up to all hours of the night gossiping and talking about life. He missed him so fucking much. 

“I missed you,” Hiro mumbled. 

“You should have told me,” Tooru said with a giggle, as he set down his book. 

“You know you’re going to ruin your eyes if you keep reading in the dark like that.” 

“That’s a myth. It just strains your eyes, it doesn’t damage them.” 

“You wear glasses already. Do you want to keep straining your eyes until you go blind? How will you read then?” 

“Audiobooks.” 

“You’re such a dork,” Hiro laughed. “So why are you home? 

“Just wanted to spend time with you.” Tooru smiled, wrapping his arms around Hiro. “I’m sorry I’ve spent so much time with Iwa-chan. I just really love him, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It does make me upset though. I miss you, and never see you.” 

“Makki?” Tooru pulled back, and stared at him seriously. 

“Hm?” 

“Why don’t you just say something? If you miss me and want a day with me, why not tell me?” He pulled his mouth to the side. “I can’t read your mind, and I don’t want to you hurt you. I’m not trying to. I get caught in things, and I know that. I’m sorry about that, but you know me, so just tell me okay?” 

Tooru laid his head on Hiro’s shoulder, and snuggled closer to him. 

“Tooru?”

“Hm?”

“I want you to miss me because, because I don’t, I don’t deserve for you to spend time with me when you’re happy because I’ve hurt you so much. I’ll never be able to make it up to you. I can’t pay you back. I just, I don’t feel like I’m allowed to do that.” 

“Hey,” Tooru protested, “don’t. You want to know how to make it up to me? Support me. Get to know Iwa-chan because I am in love with him, and I want to spend my life with him. But I want my best friend to be part of that. Just make an effort, okay?” 

“Okay,” Hiro whispered, fighting back tears. 

Tooru was the one person that Hiro felt there was still a debt to. Everyone else he knew exactly what he needed to do. He had to pay everyone back for everything he stole, but his parents refused to take money. All they wanted was for him to stay clean. He try to pay Tooru’s family back for everything whether or not they’d accept it. His step siblings had been paid back. But Tooru, Tooru always told him not to worry about it. There was nothing to be paid back. He insisted that he knew that Hiro wasn’t himself when he was using, so those decisions weren’t him. Now here he was, actually asking for that return. And god dammit he was going to do it. 

“I love you, Makki.” 

“I love you, too. Do you want to watch a movie? One of those cheesy paranormal ones?” 

“Um, duh. Always.” 

Tooru picked a movie on his laptop, and connected to the television. Another one of those cheesy movies. Hiro always made fun of the plot, and characters, annoying Tooru until he started laughing and joining in. He didn’t do that this time. He didn’t have the energy. Sendai had sucked all the life out of him. He hated that. He hated having to live those two years over, and over, and over again. He was just was scared, just as terrified, and to make matters worse he had what he craved so badly in his room, calling him. Everything was just so exhausting. 

He curled into Tooru, listening to his breathing. His heart skipping beats, and racing with the plot of the movie. These were things he wanted. And just the fact that as the year went on, things got harder and harder. He had wanted to start this year on a positive note. Last year had been the first year out of rehab, the first year free. And he was starting this year nervous, terrified, and on the verge of losing control. He’d collected his one year token, and here he was, on the edge. 

The movie was over before Hiro even realized. He hadn’t even paid attention to it. But the end credits were rolling, and Tooru was stretching. Hiro sat up, and tugged on his sleeves. Tooru was going to ask him about it, he was sure. They always talked about movies. Always. But this time he had nothing to say. 

“I need to talk to you about something.” Tooru took a deep breath. “Don’t freak out.” 

“Well now that you’ve said that, how can I not?” Hiro asked, trying his hardest to be nonchalant.

“Right.” Tooru wet his lips. “You know our lease is ending at the end of the month. Soon.”

“Yeah.” Hiro shifted.

“Well, well I was thinking that maybe, maybe it would be a good idea for us to, um,” Tooru shifted. “I think it would be a good idea if we spent time...apart.” 

“What?” Hiro’s breath caught right beneath his vocal cords. His vision blacked out, singling out only Tooru. 

“I’m just saying that, well, you’re really reliant on me for staying clean and being a good person, and I just think that it’s not healthy you know? And I want to have my own life with Iwa-chan. I, I do think we’re too close for this relationship to be healthy. I think that I’m enabling you. It scares me because it’s like am I going to have to spend every second with you? I want a life, Makki. I love you so much, but I’m in love with Hajime, and I want to move in with him. And, and, and you, you are, you are very co-dependent. You always have been. I think that’s why you got involved with what you did. I want you to be your own person too, Makki. And, and you can’t do that with me always being there.” 

“What?” Hiro glared at him. “So you never wanted to be friends again, did you? Why didn’t your just leave me in jail then? I’m codependent? Are you serious? Who has been the one to pick up all the fucking pieces when you’ve fucked up? How many fucking times have you had your world crash down, and I’m the person you run too? You came to me every time your dad had another round of chemo and was in the hospital, and you couldn’t go because you were too young. I was the one who picked up all the pieces when your dad died, Tooru! I was nine. _Nine._ I had never dealt with that before, and you made me. Who did you run to when you made out with that guy in the locker room and realize you were bisexual? You came to me when your mom and stepfather got married, and they pushed your dad out of your life. Every single fucked up thing that ever happened to you, was put on me! Everything! 

“I had to be the one to make my mom feel better when my sister died. I was four. And when my parents were fighting, biting at each other’s throats, I had to fix that. I had to be the one who, who had to assure my parents that it was okay. That I was okay. I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay. And then, and then they got divorced and you know what? I never told you that they fought over me, but not to keep me, but for who didn’t want me. My mom wanted my dad to have me, he wanted her to. They didn’t want me, and I knew that. I never told a soul that. Ever. And, and then years later after I’ve almost killed myself with drugs did it come out that it was because they both thought they fucked up and that’s why my sister died, and they didn’t want the blame for fuck me up. Did you know that my mom refused to talk to my dad after I started using because she didn’t want to tell him she killed both of his kids. I fucked up my entire family. Me. I did that. I never told you shit because I didn’t want you to feel bad. 

“When my stepfather was getting drunk every night and being violent, I was the one who protected my mom, my step siblings, and my half siblings. Me. I, I didn’t tell you how bad that was. I never told you anything. I never told you that I wanted to fucking kill myself for so long, and I pretended I was okay. And Haruki, Haruki was the only one who knew. He was the only person who cared, and everyone tries to tell me I’m full of shit. Well you know what, Tooru? You don’t have to ever deal with me again. Not that you ever did.” 

Hiro jumped up, not wanting to hear a single word Tooru had to say. How dare he? How dare he act like he was the one with an issue? All he wanted was one person, one friend, and he wasn’t wanted. He understood Haruki on a personal level. Nobody wanted them. Everyone turned their backs on them. They wound up in a fucked up situation. Why had he ever left? 

“Makki!” Tooru grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him. “Listen to me! I want to live with Hajime. I love him. I love you. But I don’t think that I can be where I want to be with him if things are the same. Tell me when you miss me. Tell me when you want to hang out. Text me. Call me. Don’t wait for me because you know I’m stupid. I get caught up in love stories. And, and I don’t want to leave what I have. I don’t want to ruin it because I always do. I always have this unrealistic expectation of how a relationship should be, but this time is different. And Hajime’s moving out of his apartment. Issei is still going to live there, so I thought that maybe you’d want to move in with him. He misses you.”

“You want me to move in with Issei?” Hiro tried his hardest to stop himself from trembling.

“Yes. I think it’d be good for you. He’s logical, and grounded. He’s a lot like Hajime. You and I, we’re not. We’re impulsive, and jump in head first. And I think it’d be good for both of us to have a rock so we can grow. I know I am.” Tooru’s eyes were almost pleading. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready to lose you,” Hiro whispered through his tears. 

“You won’t. You’re my best friend. I love you so much. And I don’t know what I would do without you. Those two years when you were gone were so bad, but it’s better now. You’ll never get rid of me. You mean the world to me. Just, just talk to me more, okay? Move in with Issei.” 

“When are you leaving?” 

“I’ve moved most of my stuff to his place. We’re moving in next week. I’ll throw you a birthday party to break it in. What do you say?” Tooru giggled softly. 

“Okay,” Hiro breathed.

\---------

It was strange seeing the apartment become bare. Issei had never really noticed how much of the stuff in the apartment was actually Hajime’s, or rather what he was taking. Issei didn’t mind. It was time for a change. It had been a great run as roommates, but it was starting to get a bit awkward when Tooru started practically living there. Plus Hajime bringing guys back before that. Honestly Issei wasn’t sure he’d ever thought that Hajime would settle down. He had always been so focused on his future that relationships weren’t something he was willing to handle. His best friend was always one of those guys who didn’t like things that took too much effort. He knew where he wanted to be, and be damned to anything that he could derail that. Of course he still had a pretty healthy sex life, even introducing Issei to some of his “friends” after he broke up with his boyfriend. 

He leaned back against the wall to survey the damage. He would need to add more decoration to the apartment if Issei’s mom was going to be satisfied. And he’d need some new appliances. If Hiro was supposed to move in with him, then why didn’t Tooru just go take the things over there since Issei’s mother had taken all that time to pick out the perfect matching color scheme. His mother had bought most stuff in the apartment, and while he loved Hajime to death, taking the toaster was a fucking dick ass move because now how would he make toast?

Hajime emerged from his room with yet another box. “You know you could help out.” 

“I could, but you’re the one leaving me so…” Issei shrugged his shoulders. “Leaving me for another man, and this is how you treat me. The nerve.” 

“You’re an idiot…” Hajime muttered, pushing past him. 

“You hired help, so why do you want me to help you anyway?” Issei asked grabbing an apple, and biting into it. 

Hajime set the box down, and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt. “Well, it’s just...this is it. You know it’s a closing of an era. You and I moved in together. We didn’t have help. It was just me and you. So it’s kind of...I wanted to have that again is all. One last time.” 

“You act like one of us is dying.”

“You know what I mean.” Hajime rolled his eyes. “This could really be it. I do see myself with Tooru for the foreseeable future. Maybe more. It’s just, well, I mean, this is the last time we’re, ya know.” 

“Meh,” Issei shrugged and leaned across the counter. “If he’s the one, then he’s the one. I think it’s a necessary step. I think it’s way too soon, and way too young to think about forever and marriage and all the nonsense you’ve been spouting. It’s cute, but really? It was bound to happen. We’re growing up, and we’ll be done with school in about a year. You’re going to go be the best investigative reporter anyone has ever seen, and I’ll be a famous photographer. It’s a natural part of life, and I’m happy that we got two years as roommates. Now stop with the sappy bullshit and move out already. You’re wasting my air. This is my apartment now, and I’m not paying the bills for you to hog it all, ya fucking freeloader.”

Hajime smirked, and shook his head. He leaned against a chair, and glanced at the ground before looking up with a smile on his face. “I’m going to miss that. Your sarcasm.”

“You’re moving to another apartment, babe, not dying. We’re still going to be friends, and I promise to be extra sarcastic. I’ll even text you sarcastic things so you won’t miss it too much. Plus you and Tooru have come up with some cute banter of your own.” 

“Did you just call me babe?” Hajime narrowed his eyes. 

Issei sat up. “Huh, I guess I did. Picked it up from Hiro I guess. Him and Babe. The dynamic duo. And you swoop Tooru up and take him away. Not even on a noble steed. It’s just plain rude, really.” He took a drink from his cup. 

“This is weird. We’re never like...you know. Like this.” 

“Look,” Issei walked over to Hajime, and put his hands on his shoulders. “You’re nervous. This is a big step. You’ve never had a serious relationship because you’ve always been in a committed relationship with your future. Then in walks Pretty Boy and changes your whole life plan. You fell in love, fast and hard. Things are moving fast, and that scares you. You’re flighty about that sort of thing. And you’re worried about what’s going to happen. I know that. I know you. Everything is changing. You’re having issues with your family. You’re worried that it’s going to happen with us, but I promise you that we’re brothers. You’ll always be my brother, okay?”

Hajime nodded. Tears were shining in his eyes. It surprised Issei to say the least. Hajime wasn’t the type of person to ever just show his emotions like that. He didn’t talk about it. Didn’t show it. Just tried his hardest to be stoic like he was taught, but big things did cause it. A moment of letting himself be. Tooru was pulling that out of him. Issei saw that more and more. He’d heard all too many times Tooru lecturing him about showing emotions and toxic masculinity. It was a good change. Issei pulled him into a tight hug. After a minute, he pulled away.

“Thank you.” Hajime whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. Now go on, get. Get out of here you dumb, stupid animal.” Issei shooed him. 

Hajime laughed softly, and picked up the box he’d been carrying. Issei went to his room, and laid on his bed. Truth be told, it was scary. He was going to miss walking into the apartment to Hajime actually watching the news. Nobody else would do that because who actually watched the news? Especially someone who was twenty-one. Who would call him out on his bullshit before he even realized he was doing any bullshit? Nobody knew him like Hajime. They’d been friends since Hajime’s first month of moving to Japan from Mexico. They couldn’t even communicate verbally at the time, but they figured out their own way of communicating. What if that went away? 

He couldn’t help but thinking about Hiro moving in later that week, well he still needed to ask him since there had only been talk between him, Hajime, and Tooru. Nothing had been set in stone, and he and Hiro hadn’t actually talked. It was going to be so weird. Issei missed him, but he really didn’t know him that well now that he thought about it. How could that be? He knew Tooru plenty well, and he’d known them the same amount of time. Hiro was closed off, but they really did have a connection and he was learning more every day. Still...

\---------

Hiro’s head was spinning. His world was crashing around him. Tooru’s room was practically empty. The only sign he was ever there were a few sci-fi posters, and those ridiculous glow in the dark stars that he’d insisted on having since they were kids. He was such a nerd. There was something simultaneously sad and sweet about how he tried to keep so much from back before his father passed away. Tooru would never move on completely. Hiro knew that. He wondered if Iwaizumi did, and if he would support that or try to extinguish the flame. It sure as hell better not be the latter. Hiro would miss laying next to him at night, talking and staring up at the stars like they did growing up. Things were so much simpler then. It was before everything fell apart, before Hiro ruined everything. 

He’d been sitting on the floor of Tooru’s room for the last few hours since he’d left, just staring. He’d never seen this room empty. This was the first place that Tooru lived. He’d had two roomates the moved out around the time Hiro had finished rehab. Tooru’s room had always been there full of everything that made Tooru Tooru. They had spent so much time here. This was the place he went when things were bad, and he just wanted to relapse so badly. Even when Tooru wasn’t home. It was comforting. Through everything, this had been the safe place. How was he supposed to live with an empty room? Would he even be able to stay clean? 

Suddenly his chest seized. No matter what he couldn’t bring enough air into his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt. Sobs shattered his body, and the tears poured down his cheeks like waterfalls, soaking his sleeves. 

_Nobody loves you, Taka. I’m the only one._

_All your supposed friends, family, they hate you. They leave you. They hate you._

_You’re worthless. You’re a junkie. Nobody loves junkies._

_Do you want to feel good, Taka-chan? I can make you feel so good, baby. Everything will feel so good. No more pain. No suffering. Just bliss._

Hiro covered his ears trying to silence Haruki’s voice screaming in his head. It wasn’t true. No. No, but it would feel good. So good. 

Haruki was right. 

Hiro jumped up, wiping the tears off his face. He all but ran to the kitchen, rummaging through the drawer for a large metal spoon, then grabbed a bottle of water. With every step down the hall, his room became further and further away. It was as though he would never reach the end, he’d never feel good. Finally he reached it. The cold metal of the handle was refreshing. Once inside, everything would be better. 

He ripped the drawer open. He tossed the lighter on the floor before delicately retrieving the baggy in the back. He picked it up slowly as though it were fragile. He sank to his knees, eyes not leaving the drug. He swallowed the lump in the back of his throat. Hiro took a deep breath, and set it down. His eyes scanned over his hands and arms trying to find something, anything. He could get even the smallest of veins, but nothing was popping up. A groan escaped him. A tourniquet. He needed a tourniquet. 

“Fuck Haruki, you couldn’t have helped?” he grumbled under his breath. 

Anything would do. He rummaged through his closet for a belt. His closet was such a mess. Unorganized just like his life. There, the belt Tooru had insisted he wear the night Issei had taken him to the art show. It was still connected to those uncomfortable pants. Tooru had never asked for it back. 

Tooru. 

The pain surged through his entire body. He knew this was a bad idea. He knew everyone would be mad, but right now he didn’t care. He didn’t give a shit because he couldn’t handle this. He hadn’t had to deal with this since he got out of rehab, and now he was crumbling under the pressure. All he could think about was the way the needle would feel as it punctured the skin. That itself would be pleasure enough. And then the rush as the drug hit his brain. 

He grabbed his trash bin, and pulled it next to him. It’d be a while, and he wasn’t taking any chances of vomiting all over the floor. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He rolled his eyes, pulling it from his pocket, and throwing it on the ground. Nobody was going to mess this up for him. You couldn’t trust anyone. The only thing that never let him down was sitting there before him, ready to make sure he felt better. He started getting to work. He connected the needle to the syringe before pouring the water ever so carefully into the spoon. He reached for the heroin. 

A slew of buzzing came from his phone. He felt the frustration and annoyance building up in him. He rolled his eyes, reaching for the phone to silence it. 

Issei’s name kept popping up as text after text popped up. He ran his tongue over his lips. He never sent Hiro that many messages, or rather that long of a message. He sipped the water off the spoon, and opened them up. He didn’t want to be shooting up when there was an emergency. No, that could wait until after, and it would feel that much more satisfying. Nobody would be the wiser. 

_Hey, so I was thinking that since Tooru and Hajime were going to be moving in together, and rent on the apartment that you and Tooru shared since it’s in such a good place in Tokyo, and I know that you don’t make a ton of money, and that Tooru’s family was kind of helping him out. Plus I know that you hate being alone. You said that your thoughts get the best of you, and you end up with Tooru or me or running away to the spot. And like I don’t really want to live alone either. My parents pay my rent, so you can save up your money. They also buy groceries, but Hajime and I would always just buy our own that didn’t get covered because when I say that my parents buy groceries, I’m talking they send it straight to our apartment. They don’t let us just get whatever, so that’s why we would buy our own. So I was just going to see if maybe you wanted to move in with me. It’s a change of course. You and Tooru have a pretty snug apartment and the one I have is pretty big, and it makes you feel weird sometimes, but I just think it’d be nice for you to move in. I’d offer to move in, but my parents pick everything out. It’s close to school. Walking distance. Which means that you can walk to work and won’t have to deal with public transportation which can be such a mess. So basically I’m just saying I want to live with you if that’s okay. We’re friends right? And our best friends didn’t mention anything until last minute so we both got screwed over. I know you’re stressed even though you don’t say it. I know. So please let me know, okay? Thank you. Oh! Btw do you want to hang out this evening? Maybe we can go see a movie even though nothing is good. Or we could just lounge at home. I miss seeing you daily. Wow, that sounded really gay. But I am gay so I’m going to own it. I, Matsukawa Issei, am the biggest gay to ever gay. That felt amazing. But yeah, let me know._

Hiro read over the text a few times, before taking a shuddering breath, and setting the phone down. He stared at everything before him. He wanted to do this so badly. Everything in his body was screaming for him to do it, just shoot up and feel good. One time wasn’t going to be so bad would it? Something to take the edge off, and then he’d be better. Then he could get onto figuring things out. 

He picked up the spoon and water again before picking up the lighter. He flicked the lighter a few times, sparks sputtering as the butain tried to catch, almost as hesitant about the situation as he was. Both wanted it so badly, but there was just something there preventing it. Haruki wasn’t here. Maybe that was it. His birthday was coming up, and his mother was going to be there. He knew, _he knew_ she was going to check for track marks. She had since the beginning. Even if she tried to be discrete, he knew why her eyes were scanning down his arms. The first time she’d seen it, her eyes had gotten so big, and tears hung in them. She looked horrified. Could he do that to her again? After everything she’s done for him? 

But the drug called to him, whispering sweet nothings about how he’d feel so much better. Nothing would matter. 

He snatched his phone off the floor and hit the call button on the corner of Issei’s text. His body was trembling. He couldn’t move from his spot. 

“Hey, did you get my-”

“I don’t think I can be strong anymore.” 

“Huh?” 

Hiro cleared his throat to steady his voice, but it still came out in the same soft choked, trembling voice. “You, you said when I couldn’t be strong anymore, you’d give me some. I don’t think I can.” 

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I can’t do it.” 

“Where are you?” 

“Home.”

“I’ll be right there. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Hiro hung up the phone, and turned his attention back to the set up in front of him. He reached for the bottle. 

\---------

Issei ran through the busy streets, trying his hardest to get to Hiro faster than Hiro’s mind could pull him under. He could see the apartment, but it seemed to take years to get to. Finally he was clammering up the steps, and knocked on the door, opening it before there was a response. 

“Hiro?” 

Nothing.

He rushed down the hall, throwing open the door. Hiro was sitting there with a needle in his arm, pushing the plunger down. He scrambled to his knees so he could take it away. Hiro raised his eyes to him. 

“I told you not to do anything stupid!” Issei said through tears. 

“I didn’t,” Hiro whispered. He put the needle on the floor, before holding pressure on the puncture. He motioned to a small baggy on the floor. “I didn’t open it.” 

“Then, what are you…?”

“Needle fixation.” Hiro stared at him as though it was the most obvious thing. 

“What?”

“It’s this thing that a lot of IV drug users get. The setting up give you a buzz itself because your brain is realizing it’s going to get what it wants. It like floods you with dopamine. Then the feeling of the needle going into your skin sends even more. Part of why I don’t think I’ll ever stop getting tattoos. And then the act of pushing the plunger and whatever you’re putting in, just puts you in this amazing state.” His voice was soft, almost a whisper. 

“Then what…?”

“I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t. So, so I just kept heating up water and shooting it until you got here. I was trying really hard. I never opened it. I swear. I promise.” Tears poured down Hiro’s cheeks. 

Issei pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly to his chest. Hiro sobbed into him. It didn’t make sense. Not one bit. How had he even gotten it? Was he telling the truth? Had he really not been doing it? And was shooting water even okay? Sure they put water in you at the hospital, but it always had something in it to keep the cells from bursting. His mother told him that before. Something about osmolarity. And that was sterile. It wasn’t something from a shitty bottle of water. Was that needle even clean? Should he take him to the hospital? Should he call somebody. 

“Eisuke put it in my pocket in Sendai. I didn’t know. I swear.” Hiro sat up as though he’d heard Issei’s thoughts. “And Haruki always gives people clean needles. Always. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Hiro nodded. “Goddammit, Hiro, why didn’t you say anything? Fuck. Are you serious? Are you serious right now?” 

“Please don’t yell at me. Please. I can’t handle it.” New tears pooled in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Issei took Hiro’s face in his hands. “You’re going to be okay. I’m not going to leave you alone, alright? And we’re going to get rid of this. _You’re_ going to get rid of this.” 

“But-”

“No. No, buts. You said you needed strength, well here it is. We’re getting rid of this shit.” 

Issei stood up, holding a hand out. Hiro took it slowly, and allowed himself to be pulled up. He watched as Issei picked up the drug. He pushed it into Hiro’s hand. “You’re going to pour it out.” 

“I-”

“No. You’re going to pour it out. It’s going to be gone. You’re setting it free, and in turn yourself. Now come on. You’re going to pour it out outside. Put it in your pocket.” 

Issei pulled him behind him. They slipped on their shoes and jackets. Then he took Hiro into the night. They walked in silence, and not one word or sound between them. The whole time he never let go of Hiro’s hand. They didn’t stop until they were at their spot. 

“You’re going to pour it out here.” 

“Why?” Hiro breathed. 

“Because this place is where you go when you’re feeling lost, right? It gives you peace and strength. You need that to do this, right?” 

Hiro nodded, pulling the baggy from his pocket. Issei rubbed Hiro’s arms, and pressed a kiss to Hiro’s cheek. Hiro slowly opened the bag. Issei could see the hesitation in Hiro’s face. A gust of wind blasted through the cold. Black dust was pulled with it. 

“Free,” Hiro whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment. I makes me so so so happy. <3
> 
> See you next chapter


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. I've been trying to figure out how to connect this chapter and then realized I could split it into two. Problem solved! 
> 
> Also I was part of an Oikawa challenge so if you want heartbreak you can go read my fic [Perfect](archiveofourown.org/works/15408735)

Hiro glanced around his new room. The last time he’d been in here was after that stupid Halloween party. But now it was his room. His posters were on the walls showcasing his favorite bands, movies, and art pieces. A new blacklight was anchored to the wall, and the windows were covered with blackout curtains. Somehow it felt more like home than he’d felt in a long time. There wasn’t really any real reason. Maybe it was because this was the first time in his life that there was nobody pestering him about how it should be. Growing up, his parents policed his room. Haruki already had his house the way he wanted it. Tooru frowned at the darkness of the room, and made enough negative comments, that Hiro finally just let him do the decorating for “good luck” as his friend had put it. But this time, this time he was allowed the creative freedom he wanted. 

It was a good feeling. It felt fresh and new. He really needed it after everything. There was just a sense of peace over him. Moving had been nerve wracking and stressful, but Issei, Tooru, and Iwaizumi had really helped out a lot with moving things while he packed up. He was moved in by end of that day. He and Tooru turned in their keys, hugged each other for incredibly too long, yet not long enough before they parted ways. He’d expected it to hurt not being with Tooru, but it felt surprisingly nice. It wasn’t like Tooru really was ever home in the first place. He wasn’t alone now.

He couldn’t wait to show his mom the new apartment. It was so nice. She’d love it. Issei and Iwaizumi really did have a nice way of decorating that was so different from anything that he, his mom, or Tooru ever did. It was minimalistic, but still looked so nice. Hiro was sure his mom would appreciate it. She might not like his room, but he was going to show her anyway. And he had drawn some beautiful things for her as well. 

When he was little she’d always put his drawings on the refrigerator. He’d always be so proud. It meant his mommy was proud of him. He still remembered crawling into her lap, and showing her the pictures, telling her what everything was. She’d always make this exaggerated response. As he got older, he stopped. It wasn’t until he was fifteen that she started asking him about it. She said he always had his head in his sketchpad, but she didn’t get to see it anymore. So he started drawing things she liked. He was convinced that all of those drawings were just thrown out over the years, but she showed him the scrapbooks full of them after he got out of rehab. He learned so much after that. They’d gotten so close. 

He jumped at the sound of his phone ringing at his side. His mother’s face illuminated the screen. He picked it up and answered it. 

“Hey Mama. I was just thinking about you.” Hiro played with a stray string on his blanket. 

“Hello, sweetheart. How are you? What were you thinking about?” 

Hiro pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them with one arm, and resting his head on them. “About when I was little and you’d put my drawings on the refrigerator.” 

“Oh, baby, I remember those days so well. Gosh, it seems like yesterday. I still go look at them. You know what? I’m going to bring the books with me, and we can look at them together. It’s really amazing that we can watch your talent blooming. You haven’t showed me anything recently.” 

“Mm,” Hiro hummed. “Maybe, if you’re good, I’ll give you my piece I did for my final project last term. It’s a painting.” 

“I would love it!” She squealed. “I can’t wait to see you.” 

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it. You can see the new apartment.”

“Are you staying-”

“Yes.” He took a deep breath. “I am.” 

“Okay…” She paused. “Are you really going to be okay without Tooru? I don’t really know this Issei boy. What if he’s a bad influence on you?”

“He’s not. He’s really cool. And I’ll be fine. I think I can decide who is and isn’t a bad influence.” 

Silence. 

“Taka, you know I can’t trust that. That’s what you told me before, and look where that got you. God, I thought I raised you better than that, and then-”

“Mama, if we’re just going to talk about that, then I’m going hang up because I am not about to sit here and let you lecture me about something I already know. I lived that, Mama. Me. I did. Yes, I hurt you. Yes, I hurt everyone who loved me, but I was the one who actually went through it. I’ve learned my lesson, okay? I haven’t let a single person in since I got out of rehab because I don’t want that to happen again. Issei is good. He’s amazing. He’s a better influence than Tooru.” Hiro wiped the tears out of his eyes. “I just want you to trust me.”

“Taka, I’m sorry. I just want what’s best for you. I’m your mother.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Hiro pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I’ll be flying into Tokyo at eight in the morning tomorrow. You can pick me up?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay. I’ll take you to get breakfast. Anywhere you want.” Hiro could see her smile, eyes shining. He could hear his siblings fighting in the background. “I’m so sorry, baby, but I have to go. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Hiro closed his eyes. He just wanted his mother. That’s all he wanted since Sendai. He wanted to curl up with her and just cry like when he was little. There was nothing in this world more comforting than his mother’s arms around him, and the smell of her flowery perfume. It had been so long since he’d gotten to do that. He couldn’t wait until tomorrow, but he had to be sure to cover his arms. The marks still weren’t gone. He didn’t want her to think he’d actually relapsed when he didn't. He came so close, but he didn’t. That should mean something. 

He took a few breaths before he got up to get ready for work. He was going to be working with Tooru today, so that was going to be good. He missed him even though he’d seen him the day before at school for lunch. It was weird because for months Tooru had been with Iwaizumi and spent less and less time at home. When he was home, he had Iwaizumi over. Hiro hadn’t even got to spend much time with him, yet moving away from him was so difficult. Maybe because now Tooru didn’t have a homebase with him anymore. There wasn’t that hope that he’d walk into the apartment, and plop down on Hiro’s bed and they’d talk like they used to. God he should have never made Tooru go on break to talk to Iwaizumi.

Hiro grabbed his messenger bag, making sure that his pencils were in place, before grabbing his sketchpad off the desk. Issei was on the couch fiddling on his laptop. He kept telling Hiro he was working on his projects, but how was taking pictures taking so much time? It really didn’t make sense. For sure he’d thought that he’d just be lounging around, floating through school because wasn’t photography easy? Calling it art was far too generous in his opinion. That had not changed. 

Issei glanced up at him. “Going to work?” 

“What does it look like?” Hiro muttered under his breath. “Yes.” 

“Sorry,” Issei frowned closing his laptop. “I was going to see if you wanted to go to dinner with me. I’m starving.” 

“Could have fooled me. You know that staring at a screen ruins your eyes, right?” 

“So be it. Everything seems to ruin you these days. I think I’ll take my chances. Dance on the wild side.” Issei smirked. 

Hiro rolled his eyes as he pulled on his jacket. He wasn’t in the mood. He hadn’t been in the mood. Why did Issei always have to do this? He just wanted to go to work. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to be asked to go get dinner when they’d been home together this whole time, and Issei never said a word. 

“Whatever.” 

“Are you okay?” Issei asked. “Did I do something to upset you?” 

“No.” Hiro sighed. “I just want to go to work, okay? And if you care so much about stuff like that, then come to my room, and ask me. Don’t wait until I’m about to leave to ask.” 

“Oh, okay. Noted. I just didn’t want to bother you.” Issei shrugged.

“Bother me?” Hiro narrowed his eyes. 

“I think we need to get to know each other more, and talk if this living situation is going to work for both of us. How it was before with Hajime and I, if one of us was in our room, we didn’t bother each other. That was our place to just be. So unless it was important, we left each other alone to respect each other’s personal space. When we were in the common spaces, then we talked. If we left our bedroom door open, then it was fair game to pop a head in. I just didn’t want to bother you.” Issei ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.” 

“Oh, I see.” Hiro tugged on his sleeves. “That’s not how Tooru and I were, or ever have been. We’d literally just walk into each other’s rooms.” 

“Okay, so we have some things to work out. Have a good time at work.” 

“Thank you.” Hiro walked out the door, and just as he was about to leave, he paused “Issei?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I get off at nine. We can get food after.” 

“Sound great.” Issei smiled.

\---------

The usual rush kept Hiro and Tooru busy, not leaving much room for conversation. Just being near his best friend was enough though. Hiro felt a sense of familiarity. He really needed to get himself back into a schedule again, and to make the new situation normal. It was going to take some work, but he knew he had good friends, and Issei was pretty fantastic in that department. He really was lucky to have him even if it felt so scary at times. 

Issei knew him in a completely different way than anyone else. It was so easy to talk to him. He didn’t feel like he was going to be judged. In the last almost year and a half, he couldn’t talk to anyone without that sense of anxiety. Tooru was the easiest to talk to, and even then Hiro would find himself feeling uncomfortable about saying anything related to using. But Issei, Issei knew his past. Called him out on his bullshit, and still treated him the same. He was there when Hiro broke down. How many anxiety attacks had Issei been there for? How many times did he talk him off the ledge? Not once did he feel judged. Not once. Not even when Issei walked in on him shooting up water. So, so maybe feeling normal would be easier than he’d thought. Issei made him feel safe.

“So,” Tooru said, slipping in next to Hiro, “how’s life with Mattsun?” 

There was something in the way he asked the question that didn’t sit well with Hiro. He knew Tooru well enough to know there was a hidden meaning, though he didn’t know what it was. He was staring at him with this wide grin, and eyes sparkling mischievously. 

“What are you plotting?” Hiro asked narrowing his eyes.

“Nothing,” Tooru said obviously trying to act innocent.

“I know you. I’m not buying it. Spill.” Hiro squared himself, and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Well,” Tooru started, leaning his back against the counter. “I was thinking that maybe you’d stop being so uptight if you got laid.” 

“Tooru!” Hiro hissed, covering his mouth. 

“Nobody’s here.”

“You’re ridiculous.” 

“You’ve been all closed off, and then anxious and stuff. Grouchy. You always told me that, and I think you’re right. I think you do need some action. It’s been a long time. Mattsun hasn’t either. He had a bad breakup a while back, but I think he needs to move on too. And he’s handsome, and nice.” Tooru nudged him. “What do you say?” 

Hiro stared at him, dumbstruck. Had he really said, what he thought he just said? Him and Mattsun? Where had that come from? Hiro had never even thought about that. Probably because he was still hung up on Haruki. Almost a year and a half later, the man still had his grip on his heart. He hadn’t ever thought of dating another person ever. 

“I don’t want to date him, Tooru. I don’t like him like that.” 

“Did I say date?” Tooru smirked, his voice low. 

“We tried it,” Hiro grumbled under his breath. 

“Tried what?” 

“Sleeping with him. Friends with benefits kind of thing. He seemed so hesitant, but we did it. And it was nice. Felt good. But, but I don’t think he was into it, so, so I don’t want to bring it up again. Plus I thought about it after the fact, and I don’t want to make it awkward.” 

“You what now?” Tooru blinked. 

“We had sex.” 

“Um, excuse me, when did this happen?” 

“A few months ago. That weekend you and Iwaizumi had your redo weekend. Just once.” Hiro shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. Besides, he never asked me about it since, and I don’t want to bring that up.” 

“You didn’t tell me?” 

“When could I?! You were never home, and I couldn’t talk to you about anything! I haven’t been able to talk to you about anything because you’re so obsessed with your boyfriend. Not since you two started having sex.” Hiro drummed his fingers on the counter.

“Oh…” Tooru swallowed hard, and clenched his fists. “I, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever,” Hiro mumbled. “I’ve accepted it.” 

“What do you say the two of us have a sleepover? And we can catch up. Braid each other’s hair. Come on. Besides it’s your birthday.” Tooru hugged his arm. “Like old times.” 

“Look,” Hiro sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t think we’re ever going to be back to old times, okay? You, you’re so in love with this guy, and me? You’re not the same person as you were. I’m more or less different too. So, so I don’t think old times will ever happen.” 

“You’re so dumb sometimes.” Tooru muttered, resting his elbow on the counter, holding his chin. “Do you really think you were anywhere near the same after two years of being strung out? No. Do you think I was the same as I was before I lost my scholarship? No. But we still did things like old times. What I’m trying to say is we don’t have to be exactly the same people to do things we used to do.” 

Tooru glanced at Hiro. “Draw me like one of your French girls.” 

Hiro laughed, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot.” 

 

“See? Some things don’t change, Makki-chan. I want to be the first person who tells you happy birthday like always by whacking you in the head with a pillow.” Tooru giggled.

“And remember, it’s not my birthday until five thirty in the morning.” 

“Because you were that asshole that kept your mom in labor all night.”

“Maybe that’s why I like the night.” 

“Maybe so.” Tooru hummed. “What do you say?”

“Don’t you only have one bedroom?” Hiro eyed Tooru. 

“Oh...yeah.”

“Besides my mom is going to fly in tomorrow morning, and I need to pick her up. And I know for a fact, you’re going to keep me up all night with your insomnia.” 

“Hey!” Tooru protested. “It’s not insomnia. I just have a lot of thoughts. You know how a lot of people get really good thoughts in the shower? I get mine when I’m going to go to sleep. Iwa-chan has been making me just go to sleep which proves that I’m not an insomniac, Makki.”

Hiro just stared at Tooru, deadpan. He refused to give Tooru the satisfaction. “How?” He cut off when he saw a glint in his best friend’s eye. “Wait, no, I don’t want to know.” 

Tooru pouted. “I want to do something with you.” 

“Like what?” Hiro smirked. 

“Movie and dinner? We can go to that theater with the restaurant. I’m buying obviously since it’s your birthday.” 

“I told Issei I’d get dinner with him. Shouldn’t you be planning my party?” 

“Oh, okay. Um, well a different time! Have fun with Mattsun.” Tooru beamed before pushing away from the counter. 

Hiro waited for the passive aggressive response that he knew Tooru was likely to throw his way. But nothing came. Tooru just went to clean, humming a song to himself. It hurt. It was as if he didn’t find Hiro worth fighting for. Sure, Tooru was wanting to move forward, but this, this was strange.

“Tooru?” Hiro gripped the edge of the counter behind him.

“Yes?” 

“I could cancel. I mean you’re my best friend, so you take priority. And, I mean, like, it is our tradition. I missed it before.” 

“Don’t. You made a commitment. You need to keep it.”

“I need structure. I kinda feel like I’m free falling. I need normality.” Hiro chewed the inside of his cheeks. 

Tooru looked at him, really looked at him. He crossed his arms over his chest before clearing the space between them. He was so close, and Hiro’s heart started to race with nerves. Tooru knew something, could sense it. He could tell. 

“You swear to me that everything is okay? You’re good? You’re straight?” 

“Babe, I’ve never been straight,” Hiro smirked trying to clear the tension.

“Stop. You know what I mean.” 

Hiro averted his eyes. He couldn’t look at Tooru. “I’m good.” 

“Look at me.” Hiro refused. He couldn’t. “Makki, look at me.” 

Slowly he brought his eyes to meet Tooru’s. He was so scared. He didn’t want everything to come out. He didn’t want Tooru to hate him because he knew he would. Hiro swore he would never even touch drugs again, and here he had been hiding heroin in their fucking apartment. He damn near relapsed. 

“Can I be honest with you?” Hiro asked, glancing around the empty coffee shop. 

“Of course.”

“I’ve been struggling a lot since Sendai, but I’m okay. I promise. It’s been really hard, and, and, and I,” Hiro cleared his throat. “I’ve been smoking a lot with Issei, and before you say anything just please understand that it is so hard. Most people who get off that hard stuff do something else. Smoking or drinking, and I don’t want to drink, Tooru. I don’t. And I’m really sorry, but, but I don’t know what else to do because I don’t want to spiral, and, I, I almost, but I didn’t. I swear.” 

Tooru fell back a couple steps. His mouth was hanging open slightly. His eyes were boring into Hiro, wide, and unblinking. Hiro instantly regretted saying anything. He swallowed hard, and tried to find something to do. Tooru stepped in front of him, arms crossed tightly over his chest. 

“You didn’t tell me.” 

“How could I?” Hiro asked, feeling himself start to tremble. “I’m so goddamn scared of you judging me and leaving me, okay? And, and Issei, Issei is helping me so much.” 

“You told Issei?” Tooru’s voice was soft. 

Hiro’s eyes fell to the floor, and he nodded slowly. He felt like a dog that had just gotten in trouble for tearing up the couch. He hadn’t done anything wrong technically. No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Not technically. He didn’t relapse. He almost did. He told his friend. He got rid of the drugs. He wasn’t going to go down that road again. He refused. 

“Makki, I, I am so sorry if I did anything to make you feel like you can’t come to me with this.” 

Tooru cleared the distance between them, and hugged him tight. Hiro let himself lean into him. He snaked his arms around his best friend, holding onto him in a death grip. A lump rose in his throat, and he was sure that he was going to have a full breakdown right there. There was still an hour left until they closed up, and he was not about to let a stranger walk in on that. Besides he hated this. He hated being so fucking weak. He hated feeling like he was losing control. 

All he wanted was for things to go back to normal. He wanted to go back to waking up at six in the morning to go to school, and sit for an hour or two drawing and listening to music to drown out the world. A set schedule for work where he wasn’t always trading or having the new kids take his shifts like he had been. There were people he needed to pay back, and bills he needed to pay. Hiro and Tooru had a pretty good routine even if Tooru had a life outside of his. Tooru had dates and flings, but nothing serious even if at the time he insisted he was in love. It was different between him and Iwaizumi, and it felt selfish to get in the way, but everything was changing so much so fast. Too fast. He knew not to go to Sendai. He knew. But he went. He got off his goddamn schedule, went to the place he knew was bad news, didn’t speak up when his best friend was slipping away, and focusing so much on his new friendship. His life was unbalanced, and now more than ever he needed it. 

Hiro pulled away, their hands locking as the hug was broken. “You know that day you accused me of being high?” Tooru nodded, chewing his lip. “I wasn’t. I swear, but I wanted to be. God, I just wanted to feel good because the truth is, I haven’t felt good in so long. And I was grasping at straws, so it hurt.” 

“You should have told me.” 

“You fucking accused me of relapsing! You were so mean. You, you didn’t even ask me what was wrong. You just assumed.” Hiro felt himself getting angry as the tears threatened to pool in his eyes. “I promised you, and it scared me because you’re my best friend in the entire world. You’re my person.”

“I’m sorry. It was just...you were acting like before, and that scared me too. It made me angry. I felt betrayed.” Tooru shifted his weight. “I should have trusted you, but, but Makki, in that moment I couldn’t.” 

“I know,” Hiro breathed. “But, but it’s okay. I promised you, and you told me in no uncertain terms I’d be dead to you if I relapsed.”

“You would,” Tooru stated firmly. “Because I have to protect myself. Because I’m not letting you do that to me, to my family, again. But tell me if you’re slipping. I’m not going to get mad if you come to me for help, okay? Only if you do it.”

Hiro nodded. It made sense. It seemed so obvious now. There were so many times he could have said something. He could have made Tooru listen to him because he knew even with Tooru so in love and obsessed with Iwaizumi, he would be there if he needed him. The best friend a guy could have. The worst enemy....

“Are you good though? Do you need me to take you somewhere? Do you need an appointment? I know you were supposed to take those medicines for your anxiety and stuff before, but you stopped. Do you need those again? Do you need to go to the therapist again?” Tooru asked rapidly, his face twisted in concern. 

“I’m okay. I promise.” Hiro linked their pinkies and offered a soft smile. 

\---------

Issei had thought getting rid of the drugs would have made Hiro a better person, but it didn’t. Sure, he wasn’t jumpy, and anxious, but he was closed off again, and angry. He tried not taking it personally, but it was hard when Hiro snapped at him about the littlest things. He stayed in his room, and when he was around, he would give Issei looks. And it had only been a week! He couldn’t wrap his head around it. There was something wrong. The walls Issei had tried so hard to knock down were back up. He felt like he was at square zero. Maybe he had pushed him too much. Maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe, maybe he was angry that Issei made him do it. Whatever it was, Issei wanted to fix it. 

On the plus side, Hiro had agreed to go to dinner with him, and talk about their living situation. That was good. Old Hiro wouldn’t have done that. He would have just flat out said no, or have some rude response, but this was different. It was definitely a transition between friends and roommates. He’d heard so many times how you should never move in with friends, but everything worked between him and Hajime. Though to be fair they were practically brothers, and were both pretty calm. Hiro was more high strung. There needed to be some talks, and their friendship was going to have to adjust. 

His phone rang just as he was locking his door. His heart sank. He just knew it was going to be Hiro backing out. Just knew it. Hiro was working with Tooru today, and that meant that he was probably going to just go do something with him. Issei understood because he also had a best friend that he prioritized above others, but he would never cancel on Hiro for Hajime unless there was an issue. That was part of being friends. You had to try at everything. He pulled his phone out and just as expected, Hiro’s name popped on the screen. He rolled his eyes, annoyance and frustration bubbling. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi, um, so...I have to pick my mom up at the airport early in the morning, and Tooru was wanting to have a sleepover. I just want to juggle everything right, and not make anyone upset. Do you think we could order in? Or cook? If you want to go out, we definitely can. I just…” Hiro trailed off. 

He sounded so torn. Every ounce of frustration melted from Issei. 

“What do you want?” Issei asked, leaning against the door watching his breath dance in the air. 

The phone was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. I don’t want anyone mad at me.” Hiro’s voice was so weak, hesitant.

“Do you want to just come home and we’ll talk?” Issei chewed his lip for a moment waiting for a reply. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Is Tooru pestering you?” 

“No.” 

“When do you need to pick your mom up?”

“Eight.” 

“Then come home. You’ve been going through a lot. You sound hesitant to me, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or overwhelmed. If we decide to go out, we can. If we decide to stay in, then that’s cool too. We’ll just have a roommate date.” 

Issei closed his eyes, silently cursing himself for calling it a date. 

“You, you don’t mind?” 

“Of course not. I just wanted to hang out with you. We live together, and I haven’t even really seen you. We’re friends, right?”

“Yeah.” Hiro let out a small laugh through his nose. Issei could practically see the cute smile on his face. “Yeah. That would be great. Um, Issei?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

“No problem. See you in a bit.” 

“Okay.” 

Issei hung up the phone, and stared at in. He wished that there was a way to photograph that conversation because if there was anything that screamed love, it was that. Hiro needed love. He needed to learn what love was. From what he did know about Hiro, there wasn’t a lot of true love in his life, so he had a very warped view. He had a lot in his closet, a lot of secrets, things he didn’t want to let out. It was killing him. Issei wasn’t going to force it out of him, but he wanted to gently coax it out because Hiro deserved it. He needed it. 

Issei went back inside, no bothering to change out of his clothes, opting to only hang up his jacket. He splayed down on the couch trying to ignore the growls of protest his stomach was now making. 

“The things I do for love…” he muttered to himself. 

Love. 

All this time he was convinced he was in love with Hiro, but if he learned anything from the last week, he barely knew him. So how then could he be in love with him? Was that infatuation? Could he just have “feelings?” Was it just the fact that he’s just so fucking hot and cool? Was it the fact that he had gone so long without dating, or even liking someone? He had his heart broken, and wanted to take off from that. It had been a while, so did that mean that maybe he just didn’t remember what it felt like? Was it all stemming from the fact that he hadn’t had these feelings in so long? Was he being dramatic? The only thing he knew for sure was that while he may not be _in love_ with him, he did love him. A lot. And with everything in him, he wanted him. 

The key in the door pulled Issei out of his head. He sat up, and greeted Hiro who mumbled a reply as he took care to take off all his cold weather clothes. He glanced up at Issei, and pulled his mouth to the side, crossing his arms firmly across his chest. Issei could sense the hesitation. Spending so much time watching people, Issei had learned to pick up on certain things. Subtle cues and changes in posture told a lot about what was going on, and right now Hiro was definitely riled up. 

“How was work?” Issei asked sitting up. 

“Fine.” Hiro didn’t move. “Just….I, I miss how things were. I miss having my best friend to myself, and I know that’s selfish, but I do. I feel like I’m lying to him. And, and he wanted to, he asked me to go to dinner and a movie and stay the night. I wanted to. I really did. I wanted to go with him, and just let things go back to normal, but I’m free falling. I can’t, I can’t even tell him how much I am struggling.” 

“Hey, come sit down.” Issei patted the seat next to him. 

Hiro hesitated again, before walking over to sit down. The tension didn’t leave his body. His eyes were glued to the floor. Issei wanted to so badly to hug him, but he didn’t know if he would be okay with that. Instead he waited patiently. Hiro shifted a few times before curling up in the corner of the couch. 

“What’s really bothering you, Hiro?” Issei asked softly. “I thought you were maybe jumpy and stuff because you had the drugs in your room, and you were having an internal battle with yourself. But that doesn’t seem to be the case.” 

Hiro chewed on his lip again, and tears pricked in his eyes. “I...I feel like I did before. Like when I was just that scared lost kid. It’s the same way I felt in rehab. All I want is my mom. That’s all I want, but I can’t. Even when she’s here, I can’t.”

“You’ll see her tomorrow. Maybe you two can talk.” 

“No. No.” Hiro shook his head. “Because I’ll never have that again. I don’t, I don’t have a rock right now, and it’s scary. I was grounded. I had everything worked out, and now? My mom can’t be in Tokyo all the time, Issei. And I can’t be in Sendai. I can’t. And now, now Tooru isn’t here. I don’t, I don’t know what to do. I had this realization at work talking to Tooru, well I mean I guess I felt it for a while now, but if I lose him, then what, what happens? I don’t want to relapse. I don’t. I don’t. I want it. I want to do the drugs. I want the heroin so bad it hurts, but I can’t do that. I can’t. But it’s hard when I don’t have anything to ground me. So, so I have to make everyone happy so that I can be okay.” 

Hiro seemed so small, like a child. He couldn’t possibly know what that feels like. His life had a logical progression. He grew up in this rich, privileged family with everything he wanted, handed to him as long as he followed rules that honestly weren’t even that strict even though he complained about them. His parents worked so much, so he and his sister were close. He had Hajime. The biggest dilemma he ever had was coming out to his parents, which had actually gone over pretty well. He’d never been thrown out of his house. Nobody turned their backs on him. The people he trusted most never told him he was dead to them. He didn’t have this cloud following him. 

“Hiro,” Issei started slowly, being careful with the words he chose, “I told you I’d give you strength, and I will. But, have you, have you ever just learned to rely on yourself? I don’t mean to say that to be rude or anything. Just...relying on people for safety and stuff like that when you’re not taking care of yourself is going to set you up for failure.” 

“No.” Hiro mumbled. “I don’t trust myself.” 

“Why?”

Hiro stared at him with burning, pleading eyes. “Because I let everyone down around me, so how can I rely on me?” 

“You don’t.”

“I do!” 

“You made a mistake.”

“No. No, it’s been before that. My mom needed me when my sister died. I couldn’t be good enough. Tooru needed me for his dad, and it wasn’t enough. Just I’m not enough. I _need_ people to survive. And Tooru, I told him I was struggling. I admitted it. I told him I talked to you. He looked so hurt. And he reminded me of some things…” 

“What?” 

“When I was in rehab, so you go through the hell of detox where you literally feel like your entire body is tearing apart because it hurts so bad to withdraw. Then you go to like the rehabilitation part where you see a doctor and a therapist, and try to analyze you because people self-medicate, and shit. So you go so they can fix you. Anyway they diagnosed me with all this shit, and wanted me to be on medicine for it, but I said fuck that shit when I got out. Tooru asked me if he needed to take me to someone again. If I needed to be back on the meds. And, and it just made me feel so fucking weak. I just need to ground myself and I’ll be fine.” 

“Can...can I ask what?” 

“I don’t want to put out that bullshit,” Hiro said. He looked exhausted. 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

“Codependent personality disorder. Anxiety. Panic disorder. Possible borderline personality disorder. Can you fucking believe it?” He glanced at Issei. “It’s bullshit. It’s all just bullshit. I’m not. I’m not. They don’t know. So, so no. I’m not.” 

“Okay.” Issei offered a smile. 

“I’m not fucking crazy, Issei.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m just hurt. That’s it. I just, I just have to heal.”

“Right. So, so, can I make a suggestion? I’m no expert.” 

Hiro let out a hollow laugh. “No shit. Sure.” 

“Focus more on you. Think about what do you want. Not what you think other people want. You have to learn to love yourself so you can heal.” 

Hiro pulled his mouth to the side, and took a few breaths. He glanced back at Issei. “How?”

“Well...it’s like every relationship in your life. You have to keep trying. What’s something you like about yourself?” Issei tried to relax his posture was much as possible.

“I’m actually good at art.” Hiro tugged at his sleeves. “Um...I like to make people happy.” 

“Okay, that’s a really good start. So conversely, what do you not like about yourself?”

“Everything.”

“You just said you like two things about yourself. No take backs.”

“That I’m a bad person. That I just bother everyone, and leech off people.”

“Okay, so what ways do you think you can change that?” 

“Um…” Hiro thought for a moment. Issei was really hoping for a breakthrough. “Stop relying on people.” 

“How do you think you can change that?” 

“I don’t know. I can’t.” 

“I think you’re a really strong person. You have done so much improvement since you got clean from what I hear. You’ve healed a lot. You’ve made amends with people. You try hard every single day. Give yourself credit. Take time for yourself. Do what is best for you, not other people.” 

“Issei?” 

“Hm?” 

“I don’t want to go anywhere for dinner. I’m really sor-”

“Don’t apologize. Try again. What do you think about us going and getting dinner? I’m starving.” 

“I, I, well if you’re hungry-”

“Is that what you want?” 

“I don’t want to go out. I want to stay home.”

“Okay. Then we’ll stay home. Are you hungry?” Hiro nodded. “What do you want to eat?” 

“Whatever you feel like. I’m okay.”

“No. What do you want?”

“Pizza.” 

“Then we’ll get pizza.” Issei smiled. 

“Issei?” 

“Hm?”

“Thank you.” Hiro practically pounced on him in a hug. “I need to cuddle.” 

“Okay,” Issei laughed. “No problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment. It makes my heart so happy. <3 The next chapter should be up quickly.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Please forgive me! Things have been so crazy lately. I should be on the right track now. Prepare yourself for the slow burn to finally get fully cooked. :D
> 
> Anyway, I'm gonna stop talking now and let y'all get to the story. <3

“Hanamaki Takahiro!” 

Hiro jolted upright to the loud voice, and the door to his bedroom being flung open. His heart was racing, and any signs of sleep had escaped him. It took him a moment to comprehend what was going on until bright sunlight flooding in assaulted his eyes. He hissed, covering his still sensitive eyes. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? I was terrified. I was at the airport for two hours!” 

_Shit. I slept through my alarms._

He grabbed his phone. Fifty missed texts. Twenty missed calls. He felt sick.

“Mama, I am so sorry.” 

“Do you know how worried I was? I thought something happened to you! But you were just asleep!” She brushed her tears away. 

“I’m sorry. I-”

“It’s these curtains. The sun can’t come in. And what is this?” She motioned to the blacklight. “These are bad for your eyes. Do you really have to have all this stuff on your walls? Is this good for you?”

She crossed her arms, trying her hardest to recuperate herself. Tears still pricked at the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away expertly. Hiro shuddered to think how many of those tears he’d caused. Guilt swept over him. It was inevitable that children make their parents cry, especially the mother. From conception until the day parents died, they cried over their children in various ways. Hiro wanted to capture that. 

“I like it.” Hiro fought back the tears. “It’s my room, and I like it.” 

“Tooru never let this happen…” She shook her head. “You know I called him to make sure you were okay? But I forgot he doesn’t live here anymore.” 

“I swear I didn’t mean to sleep through my alarms. I set a lot. I just had a really bad night.” 

She stared at him, her mouth in a hard line. Tears were brimming in her eyes. “You worry me to death.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

She cleared the room, and sat down on the bed, pulling him into a tight hug. She peppered kisses all over him. “Don’t you dare ever scare me like that again, Takahiro.” 

“I won’t.” 

She held him for a moment before letting out a soft laugh. “I’ve never met Tooru’s boyfriend. Nice kid. God, I had to go off of one of his dating pictures to find him. Does he take any pictures of people that aren’t selfies?”

“Nope,” Hiro let our a soft laugh. 

“Tooru was kissing him on the cheek, and that kid had this cute smile on his face. It was gross actually.” She scrunched her nose playfully, bumping her son with her shoulder.

“Welcome to my life,” Hiro laughed. 

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” 

Hiro laid against her again, closing his eyes. When he was little, he spent every morning on his birthday just cuddling with his mom before they went out to breakfast. Sometimes they watched a movie first. Sometimes they didn’t. His dad wouldn’t be home because inevitably his parents had been fighting all night, but on the night before his birthday, his dad would go to his friend’s house, or to a hotel to give Hiro a break. Neither one of them wanted to fight on his birthday, Christmas, or New Years. Most of the time they still did, just under their breath. So birthday mornings were just him and his mom. 

The first time he didn’t was when he had just turned thirteen because now he was a teenager, and it wasn’t cool for a teenager to be cuddling with his mom. That was when he started spending his time in his room, not really wanting to talk to her. That was also about the time when his mother met his stepfather. It was a lot. He’d gotten so used to it just being the two of them, that at that point he was angry. After that, he didn’t really talk to his mom much at all, just small talk. He was busy with volleyball, school, and doing things with friends. She and his stepfather were having kids together, and he and his step siblings weren’t close. Then the drinking and more fighting started. Hiro just locked himself in his room, and blasted music in his earbuds, or went to Tooru’s house. 

They stopped being close. Only on rare occasions did he go out with his mom for his birthday. In fact, Tooru’s mom started hosting it. On his eighteenth birthday, Hiro had wanted to go to breakfast with her for the first time in years. They were all ready to go when his stepfather decided it wasn’t a good idea, and refused to let them leave. He was so angry at his mom for listening to him. He’d told her he hated her, and stormed off. When he came back, her eyes were rimmed red, and she was still crying. She’d made all his favorite foods, and a cake while his stepfather was passed out on the couch. He didn’t say anything to her, just picked up the empty alcohol bottles and cans. It was just the two of them again that night. He blew out the candles, and they watched movies in her bedroom until his stepfather got home from the bar even more sloshed. 

When he was gone, his mother texted him on his nineteenth birthday, called him and sang him happy birthday. He’d listen to her voicemail of her singing to him for hours. He wanted to call her, but back then he was convinced she hated him, that they all hated him. If he went back, they wouldn’t let him in because he couldn’t stand to sober up. It was uncomfortable until it became a painful hell. He was convinced she’d throw him out again. 

He spent his twentieth in rehab. That was the birthday he most wanted to cuddle with her for hours on end, but he was sure she hated him. She didn’t call or visit. Granted he wasn’t allowed visitors, but he still missed her. So having his twenty-first like this was the best. He just wanted to curl up with her and watch movies, so that’s what they did. 

Hiro closed his eyes, and listened to his mother’s heartbeat and breathing. Her arms were wrapped around him tightly. There was so much peace in being here. It honestly made him hate himself for spending all that time resenting and ignoring her. That was precious time that he could never get back. He didn’t even take the time to answer her calls and texts those days when he was almost constantly high. 

“Mama?” 

“Hm?” 

“Do you hate me?” He turned to look up at her. 

“Of course not. Why would you ask that?” Her brow furrowed as she stared at him. Her eyes were full of confusion. 

Hiro sat up, and tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie. He couldn’t look at her. He didn’t deserve to look at her. She was so good, so perfect. He didn’t know a more perfect human being. Suddenly he felt as though he was tainting her. He had done so much to her. The good moment was gone. Now everything seemed to be falling. 

“For everything I did...to you…” He averted his eyes. 

“Taka.” She took his face in her hands, and forced him to look at her. “Baby, you have done nothing worth being hated for. You were sick, but you’re better now. People do things they normally wouldn’t when they’re sick. Honestly I didn’t even recognize you. You’ve always been a sweet kid, if not sarcastic and a bit rebellious. That, that wasn’t you. That was your illness, and that awful man.”

“Don’t…” He brushed her hands away from him. “Don’t make excuses for me. I did that. I made a choice.” 

“You did. You made a choice to lie to me about going to Tooru’s. You made a choice to go to that bar, and talk to that man that you knew was much older than you. You made the choice to trust him. You made the choice to let him talk you into things. But after that choice, baby, that controlled you. After you started taking those drugs, they took control of you. I’m not saying it’s not your fault, but what I’m saying is I don’t blame you for anything. I love you, Takahiro. And I would die to protect you. You made me a mom. You made me fall in love more than I thought I ever could. And that immense love I have for you made me push you away because I couldn’t coddle you, and if I didn’t then I’d do that. I’d enable you. I’d let drugs ruin our family. I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you.” 

She ran her fingers through his hair again, and studied his face for a moment. “Let’s not talk about that. It’s in the past. It’s your birthday. Let’s celebrate.” She kissed his cheek, and stood up. “You get dressed, and we’re going to go to get a lunch. You can show me around the city. I haven’t been in Tokyo much.” 

Hiro smiled weakly, and followed his mother’s instructions. He watched her walk out of the room, and when she closed the door, suddenly it was as if he was in a safe cocoon. Her perfume wafted in the air, and the lingering feeling of her arms around him still hugged him. Her presence was there, but she wasn’t. There wasn’t any worried eyes, or any awkward conversation. He savored it for a moment before pushing himself up off the bed to get dressed to join his mother. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to show her around.

It was a nice day even if it was still fucking cold as shit. The sun was shining through the trees, and the sky was a deep blue. Days like today would be good to go to the spot to draw. He couldn’t wait for spring. It’d bring new life. People would be outside again. There’d be laughter of children playing. Bugs would be out. Birds and rabbits and lizards would be exploring a new world. He just couldn’t wait for the green. 

They ate a small breakfast, before Hiro showed her around the city. Every time she came, she wanted to see more. She hadn’t really ever been to Tokyo, and it scared her that Hiro was attending school there. She insisted that there were better places in Sendai. She was probably the only mother in Japan who didn’t want her kid to go to the famous universities in Tokyo. They weren’t even that good from what he’d read. It was more about the status quo. His mother knew that which was probably why she didn’t push them to go. Now she just wanted him in Sendai to keep tabs on him, but he had been adamant on not staying in Sendai. Sendai was Haruki’s turf. It was the “boss’” turf. They couldn’t do anything to him in Tokyo, at least he was pretty sure of that. He remembered people in the family who said if you escaped their jurisdiction, they’d let you slide. 

After making the rounds, Hiro decided to stop by the coffee shop. He had never actually shown her where he worked, and he’d love to make her a cup of her favorite coffee. A cinnamon mocha. The perfect milk art would be a butterfly. She’d heard once that people used them to represent having lost a child. That’d mean a lot to her. 

The smell of coffee hit them hard as he opened the door for his mother. Warm air wafted out, hugging them, and pulling them into the shop. Soft music was playing, something that wasn’t always present. Or maybe it was and he just ignored it. It set the vibe. Students were hunched over their laptops and books as they tried to give the illusion to themselves that they were really having a life. He knew well that a lot of them never bought coffee, just huffed the fumes in hopes of a second hand high. 

Tooru was at the counter, talking to some girl who was so clueless to the fact that he was happily taken. She didn’t stand a chance with him. No girl really ever did. Tooru was just too high maintenance. He was a really good boyfriend, but for a guy, if Hiro did say so. Hiro felt bad for all of the girls who wanted him, and all the boys too. God, Iwaizumi had to be a saint to put up with that nonsense twenty-four/seven. 

“This is where you work?” his mother asked, cocking her head to the side. 

“Yeah. I really like it.” 

“It looks like somewhere you’d work,” she observed. “Artsy. Do you hang your art on the walls?” 

“Oh, no.” 

“But people are selling their art. Why not you? You’re much better.” 

She smiled at him. The smile didn’t reach her eyes. It hadn’t all day. Forced. She was worried. She was always goddamn worried. He made her worried. And there was nothing he could do to fix that. Nothing. He wanted her smile to be in her eyes. He wanted her to look at him with them shining with pride like they once had. He hadn’t seen that in a while. 

“I’ve just never thought about it. I like doing art for myself.” 

“Well you said you have stuff laying around your apartment.” 

“I was going to give that to you.” 

“Make some money off of it, Taka-kun. You need it. Don’t be a starving artist. Be an artist.” 

“Obasan!” Tooru called from the counter. “I’m glad you made it! How were your travels?” 

Hiro took the moment to slide behind the counter. Their boss was rarely there, and Tooru was a general manager of the store, so if he went back there off the clock, was he really going to get in trouble? He got to work making the coffee. It had to be the best damn coffee of his life because he wanted to show her that he was doing something well. Maybe a coffee would make her proud. He focused everything on it before turning, and sliding the mug toward her. 

“Cinnamon mocha.” 

She gave him a confused look before her eyes settled on the coffee. A smile broke onto her face. “Did you make this?” 

Hiro nodded, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from smiling. He felt like a little kid trying to make his mom happy. Her smile was in her eyes. Hiro swore his heart grew ten sizes just like the Grinch in that movie. He watched as she picked it up, and took a sip. Her eyes widened for a moment. 

“Baby, this is so good!” 

“Thank you,” Hiro smiled. 

“Makki is the best at making drinks. I make him make mine all the time,” Tooru chimed in. 

“It’s not that hard to make a black iced coffee, Babe.”

“Says the expert.” Tooru rolled his eyes. 

Hiro appreciated the fact that Tooru was trying to help him. He realized that Hiro was trying his hardest to make his mom happy, but part of him felt it was a bit much. 

“Oh!” Tooru’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry! Happy birthday!” 

He pounced on him in a tight hug, and kissed his cheek. “I forgot because I always wake you up.” 

“Since we were little.” Hiro rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. You should've come over!” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have moved out,” Hiro retorted under his breath. 

He still wasn’t happy about it. He wasn’t sure if he ever would get over it. There was no respect to it. There was nothing about Tooru moving out that didn’t seem like a slap in the face to Hiro who was completely blindsided after basically being ignored by his best friend for months. Maybe it wasn’t really that big of a surprise after all. And maybe Hiro still blamed him just a little for making him crumble. He ditched him, and while Hiro’s life slowly started to cave in around him, Tooru was nowhere to be seen. 

“Oh.”

Hiro glanced up. Tooru was staring at his hands that were resting on the counter. Everything in Hiro wanted to comfort him, but he knew that wasn’t what he actually wanted. Issei had told him that he needed to take care of himself. He needed to do what he wanted, and not what other people did. It wasn’t that Tooru was asking him for anything. He was thinking about his actions, which was enough. But deep down, Hiro desperately wanted to make him feel better. 

“Well we have to go,” Hiro said after a moment, drumming his knuckles on the counter before leaning forward slightly. 

“Okay. I’ll see you tonight?” Tooru seemed to liven up instantly. 

“Yeah, sure,” Hiro smiled, before walking out from behind the counter, and leading his mom out of the cafe. 

“Where are we going to go next?” His mother asked from behind the cup of coffee she was sipping on. 

“I want to take you somewhere special.” Hiro grinned, putting his arm around her shoulders. “You want me to show you Tokyo, so why not the places I actually go to rather than museums and the typical tourist stuff?” 

“I’d like that,” she smiled, laying her head on his shoulder as they walked. 

As they made their way through the busy streets, Hiro’s eyes were taking everything in like they used to before the world crashed around him. The last few months have clouded his vision from all that made the world beautiful. 

Tokyo was just art pieces thrown together. The buildings towered into the sky to become like guardians watching the people. At night, light in the windows were the brightest stars in the city. Downtown reminded him of pictures of Times Square in New York City. Neon lights cut through the darkness of night, and during the day were simply something to add color and beauty. Tokyo Tower was an imposter of the Eiffel Tower, and at night you could pretend you were in Paris. He liked to just stare at from his apartment and pretend he was there amongst the centuries of art and culture. All the while through the hustle and bustle of city life, and urban jungle, Mount Fuji was keeping a close eye, reminding everyone who took the time to actually look at it, that their fate was not in their hands. 

He loved Tokyo. 

\---------

Hiro stood next to the tree that he spent most of him time sitting under during the warmer months. A ways away there was a park bench he’d go to when he was feeling restless. It was the place he came to think, to be. When he was in his spot, everything was possible. He wasn’t anyone. He just was. There was never drugs or Haruki or Tooru or his family. There was no past or future. Only the present. But there was Issei. His eyes wandered over to the first place he’d seen that person taking pictures of the sky. His eyes lingered there. 

That day he remembered a little lady bug had crawled on his sketch pad, or maybe his finger. He wasn’t sure of the specifics anymore, but he remembered that because he’d asked what luck it had brought him. God knows he needed it. If he had known then what he knew now, he wouldn’t have been so closed off. He wouldn’t have pretended he had never been in love. Before he met Haruki, and after rehab, he didn’t believe in love. He told everyone that. Love was bullshit. Love wasn’t real. Love was something in those stupid romance novels and movies that Tooru loved. He’d told himself that it wasn’t real, that he’d never felt it until he started to believe it. He convinced himself because it was the only thing that kept him from being damn near suicidal thinking about Haruki. 

But then something happened. 

He wasn’t sure if it was Tooru being a sap in love, or if it was Issei bringing it up that triggered the memories of love. It was pure unadulterated love. His first love. His _only_ love. Haruki had taken every piece of him, and more. He took him, and molded him. He showed him what it felt like to be head over heels. Days were better with Haruki in them. Sex was better with Haruki than anyone in the world. He was sure of that. Everything before Haruki had been awkward, and messy, though mostly likely since he was in high school, and so were they so there was no experience. It was another level. Sex was intimacy for the first time in his life. Haruki made him see colors he never saw before. He opened his mind to another realm of possibility. There was a world that few ever got to see. People said it was just a drug induced hallucination, but what if it wasn’t? What if he really had seen the key to the universe? He couldn’t believe that he’d ever convinced himself that love didn’t exist, that he’d never felt that before. It was senseless. 

“It’s beautiful. Peaceful.” His mother’s voice jolted him from his thoughts. 

“Yeah,” Hiro breathed. “It is. I like to come here to draw.” 

“I would love to see what you do here. I didn’t think it was possible for Tokyo to have a place so beautiful.” 

“Parks are beautiful in Tokyo,” Hiro noted. “They have a different air about them than in Sendai. I feel like I can just breathe, you know?” 

She nodded, and quietly looked around. The sun caught in her hair, reflecting the light around her head like a halo. It was fitting because she was a fucking saint. He’d never noticed the silver streaks in her hair. Many older women he knew didn’t grey so young, either that or they covered him up. From this angle, he could see the fine lines of life beginning to carve canyons in her skin. When her eyes crinkled up in a smile, valleys formed. She wasn’t even in her fifties yet. Years had worn on her. She’d lost a child. Almost lost another. Divorced. Abusive marriage. Pain. Addiction. Suffering. All things that took a chisel to her face. A pang of guilt struck through his heart like a knife when he realized how much he’d aged her because in only three and a half short years, her youthful beauty had matured much too quickly. 

Despite it all she was the most beautiful person Hiro had ever seen. Her heart was full of nothing but love and forgiveness. Everything she went through only made her stronger. All of the shit that was thrown at her never damaged her heart. Who loved like that? He knew mothers would die for their children, but when he’d seen that door slammed in his face he was sure that it was a lie. But when she came to pick him up from rehab, he was reminded of how strong a mother loved. She pulled the reins she’d once held so loosely in hard after that. His mother was not about to let her son run wild again. A mother, _his mother_ , loved like that.

It took addiction, abuse, and fear to make reality fall into place. Those nights he ran out of the house because he couldn’t take the fighting, she’d always cry when he came home, curl up with him and tell him that it wasn’t his fault, and she was sorry. Every birthday that she spent so much money and effort on went without so much as a thank you. She made it to every one of his games. Supported everything he ever did. Even though he never wanted to be a salaryman, she only pushed him toward it because she knew there was no money in being an artist, and she never wanted him to live like that. She forgave him without him ever saying sorry. Everything was forgiven when she found out he was in rehab, and coming home. He was so fucking lucky to have her as his mother. 

Takahashi Aimi was a saint. 

“Mama?” 

“Hm?” She turned to face him. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, sweetheart.” 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” Her eyebrows furrowed in question. 

“For raising me. For loving me. For always supporting me even when I didn’t deserve it. For never expecting anything. For not hating me for never saying a simple thank you. For forgiving me. For loving me.” 

She stared at him for a moment, tears pooling in her eyes. Her mouth fell slightly open, and a smile spread across her face. Her smile was his favorite thing in the world. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Taka-chan.” She pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m your mother.” 

“You still deserve thanks. And, and I’m sorry for every single bad thing I’ve ever done to you. Hell I’m sorry for all the pain and discomfort you were in when you were pregnant with me,” he laughed slightly through his tears. 

“You were definitely my worst pregnancy, and birth by far in terms of physical pain.” She let out a shuddering breath. “You know, I always think about your sister. Always. I think, I think your father still hates me for what happened. He’s my best friend. Always will be even if your stepfather doesn’t like it. You know when Kamzubro was drinking, and acting out, your father always told me to leave. He said, ‘Aimi, you are far too good of a woman to deal with that, and you’re too nice to say something, so give me the word, and I’ll do something.’” 

She smiled sadly, and pulled out of the hug. She wrapped her jacket tightly around her, and stared into the stream. 

“I wonder sometimes if Kayo had lived how our lives would different, but then I wouldn’t have your sisters. It’s funny how life works out, isn’t it?” 

Hiro hummed next to her. It was an interesting thought. The idea of him having a little sister that he was actually close to seemed so foreign. He remembered the first time he’d seen Kayo even if he had been only four years old. That memory was something that stuck with him. She’d been so small. She looked like she was sleeping, and her skin was a strange color that he now knew was from her being dead. He’d always been so excited. Most boys would have wanted a brother, but he wanted a baby sister. The whole time his mother had been pregnant, he was so excited. He was even the one that got to pick her name. And he remembered the funeral, not understanding what happened to his baby as he called her. If things had been different then, would he have been different now?

“It’s not good to think about what ifs,” Hiro said softly. “They said that in the hospital. What ifs make you unnecessarily anxious. You can’t change the past. You can’t control the future. Only the now. You have to live in the moment.” 

“That really is the truth,” she sighed. “So what do you want to do in this moment, Taka-chan?” 

Hiro glanced at her, and his heart leapt with joy. Her smile reached her eyes. There was something in her eyes that he hadn’t seen in so long. Pride. 

“Sit with you,” Hiro breathed.

“Okay.” She pulled him close, and kissed his forehead. “I’m so proud of you.” 

\---------

Hiro was greeted with Tooru jumping on him, and planting a wet kiss to his cheek. He could already smell the alcohol on his best friend’s breath. Hiro rolled his eyes. Of course. Tooru couldn’t have a party without drinking. Hiro understood it, but at the same time it was frustrating. Tooru was more fun and bubbly when he was drinking, an enhanced version of him, but it also enhanced how he reacted negatively. Tooru didn’t allow people to cross him, and Hiro was just waiting for the moment that he’d see Tooru lose his shit drunk. 

“Happy birthday!” Tooru giggled, keeping his arms around Hiro’s neck. “Did you have a good day with your mom?” 

“Yeah,” Hiro let out a soft laugh. “You already started drinking?”

“Mhm,” Tooru grinned. “One drink?” 

“No,” Hiro said firmly, staring Tooru dead in the eye. “Stop asking me that question.” 

“I don’t ask you that much.”

“You do.” 

“Only once or twice.” 

“Every time you have a party.”

“I do not.” 

“Do so.”

“Do not.” 

“Do.”

“Not.” 

“Boys, stop. You’re adults. Act like it,” Hiro’s mom chastised, giving both of them a slap on the arm. 

They both muttered a sorry, and walked into the apartment. Streamers, balloons, and a sign made from those letters that they sold on strings spelled out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Music was playing in the background, and judging from the heaviness of the guitar, he was sure Iwaizumi had picked it. He had pretty good taste, and wasn’t into the majority of the poppy crap Tooru liked, even if it was fun to dance to. But he didn’t feel much like dancing. Pizzas were stacked on the small kitchen table, and a cake was on the counter. Hiro’s heart jumped for joy, and a smile spread over his face. 

“Happy birthday, Mystery Man,” Issei threw his arm over his shoulders. “How does it feel to be twenty-one?” 

“The same,” Hiro laughed, elbowing Issei in the ribs gently. 

“Tooru, what are you doing?” 

Hiro turned to see his mother hugging herself with a frown on her face, her eyes glued to the liquor and beer. Tooru glanced at her, then followed her gaze. 

“It’s a party,” Tooru responded with a shrug. 

“It’s a party for _Taka._ ” 

The way she stressed his name sent shivers down Hiro’s spine.

“Yeah?” Tooru blinked.

“You have alcohol.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea given…” She glanced around for a moment, before lowering her voice, and going back to Tooru. “...He’s a recovering addict?” 

Hiro’s stomach dropped. Him. it wasn’t okay for him to have alcohol around him, but his fucking stepfather who’s actual problem _was_ alcohol could. 

_“It helps make you stronger to be around it and not drink.”_

Bullshit. He had kept that heroin around him, and nothing but want and anxiety filled him. 

“Mama, it’s okay,” Hiro broke in. “I don’t mind.” 

“But I don’t want you to be tempted in any way.” 

“It’s booze, Ma, not heroin.” 

The room was quiet for a moment before his mother smoothed her clothes, her eyes staring at the ground. A practiced smile lit up her face, and she said, “I think I’m going to make some soup. You have to have an appetizer. I’m not going to let you just eat pizza.” 

She quietly pulled things out that she needed, trying her hardest to take her mind off the comment. It sucked, but it was the truth. Nobody in that house wanted to hear it, but it was his truth. He was a heroin addict. He took all kinds of drugs, but heroin was the one that held him in its grasp. He never had cravings for the others. Sometimes he wanted them just for the thrill, but heroin consumed him. He loved heroin. Just the thought of it had goosebumps popping up on is arms. He rubbed his forearms before stepping up to help his mom cook like always. 

It had always fun to cook with his mother. They always ended up laughing, and messing around. Everything melted away, and it was just the two of them all over again. Hiro didn’t even care to be involved in the rest of the party, but he supposed it would have to go on just to appease Tooru. That’s the only reason he’d come. He just wanted to see Tooru.

As the food was served, Hiro’s mother made the small bowls of miso, handing them to Tooru and Iwaizumi to hand out to the guests. His mother insisted on making the men to their best at that. Hiro could get used to this. He leaned back on his hands, and waited for his turn. He was starving, and couldn’t wait to have his mom’s miso. It was so simple, yet hers was the best. 

Nobody saw it coming. Whether Tooru tripped, or it was him being tipsy, there was no way to tell. And there wasn’t any way to avoid the steaming hot soup that fell on Hiro.

“Shit!” Hiro snapped. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” Tooru gushed, kneeling down to help his friend. “Are you okay? Did I burn you? You can borrow some of my clothes. Come on, we’ll get you changed.” 

“I’m. Fine.” Hiro glared at him, standing up. “I’ll do it myself, thank you. You’ve done more than enough.” 

 

Hiro changed out of the soiled shirt, silently cursing Tooru with every name in the book for being so clumsy and spilling soup all over him. Why was he even drinking at all? His mom was right. It was insensitive to drink at an addict’s party because people would spill food on said person. It was plain rude, and he didn’t understand why the fuck Tooru thought it was a good idea. Hiro shouldn’t have defended it. It was plain stupid. 

He pulled on the shirt before heading back to join the festivities. His mom was sitting on the couch talking politely to Issei who was leaning against it from where he was sitting on the floor with a second helping of pizza. Hiro joined her, and laid against her, closing his eyes. He just wanted to relax. The party was nice, but really the thing he wanted most was to just sleep and cuddle his mom. Suddenly, his mother grabbed his arm. 

“Hanamaki Takahiro, what the fuck is this?” 

Hiro’s heart sank. His body tensed. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ Everyone had turned their attention to them. He tried to pull his arm away, but his mother’s grip only tightened. He could feel her nails practically digging into the skin. 

“I, It, I,” Hiro stammered. 

“How could you do this? What the fuck is wrong with you? After everything we’ve done for you? After all we’ve forgiven you for, and you touch that shit again?” 

“No!” Hiro fought back the tears in his eyes. “I didn’t! I swear.” 

“Then why do you have track marks on your arms? Just like the ones from before.” Her stare was just as intense as he’d remembered that day she’d quite literally thrown him out of the house. 

“I, In Sendai, they, I,” Hiro tried to find the words. 

“Answer me!” She shouted causing Hiro to flinch.

“I think we should give them some privacy,” Iwaizumi said, motioning to their friends. 

“No. I want to hear this.” Tooru said, his icy stare not leaving Hiro. 

Everyone was judging him. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t do anything! He tried to find the words. Issei caught his eyes, but Hiro shook his head. He had to be the one to tell what happened. 

“I didn’t. I almost did, but I didn’t. Haruki, he, they put, in my pocket. I didn’t know! I found it later. I should have thrown it away, but I couldn’t. So, so I hid it. And, and things got really bad, and I almost, but I didn’t. I called Issei. I didn’t. I couldn’t be strong anymore. He, he said that, that he could help. So I called. And, and I couldn’t wait, so, so I just used water is all because, um, needle fixation. I, they, rehab, we talked about it. I swear on my life I didn’t do it.” 

“You expect me to believe that bullshit story? Water? Are you serious?” 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, I just have to cut in for a moment. He’s telling the truth. I was skeptical too, but when I got there, it was just water. The bag wasn’t opened, and I didn’t see any sign of it anywhere. I made him throw it out. He’s fine.” Issei cut in, pulling himself to his feet. “I wouldn’t lie about that.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like that, Takahiro?” His mother still had an iron grip on his arm. Her eyes had softened, but there was still the same raw intensity. 

“Everyone judges me.” Hiro whispered through tears. “Issei wouldn’t. I didn’t tell anyone how conflicted I was until it happened.” 

“You,” Hiro’s mom threw his arm back at Hiro, and turned in on Tooru. “You were supposed to help him. You were supposed to help keep him on the right track. You’re his best friend. That’s the only reason I let him be in Tokyo after rehab.” 

“Obasan, I am not his babysitter.” Tooru’s voice was level, calm, chilling. Hiro shivered. “If he wants to talk to me about it, then that is his responsibility. He is a grown man, and if he wants to relapse and let everyone down, then so be it. I told him before, and I’m telling him now, you relapse, you’re dead to me. And Makki, why didn’t you tell me? Your mom is right. After everything, I think you should at least have the decency-”

“Shut up!” Hiro shouted, jumping to his feet. “You don’t know what it’s like. None of you know what it’s like to be constantly judged all the fucking time because of something that happened in the past. None of you get it. How can I even talk to you when this is how you are?” 

“Hey, hey, I think we’re all a little shaken up, but we need to calm down. Stop jumping on him,” Issei said, putting his arm protectively around Hiro. 

“Tooru, come on,” Iwaizumi said, trying to pull Tooru off the floor.

“I tried to talk to you, Tooru. I tried. But you didn’t listen because you were too involved with him. And Mama, how can I talk to you when all you do is ask about it every chance you get? And that’s all you seem to care about. You don’t listen when I try to tell you anything about how I’m feeling. You never have. The saddest part about this is Iwaizumi and Issei are literally the only people who haven’t judged me, and they barely know me. So, so that’s why I called Issei because in that moment, I didn’t need to be judged. I needed a friend. And that’s what neither of you would have done. You would have judged me. You would have yelled at me. You would have walked out. I know you would.” 

Tooru and his mother just stared at him, hurt expressions on their faces. He didn’t care. He just wanted to leave. 

“Issei, can you take me home? I just want to go home. Happy birthday to me, right?” 

“Of course.” Issei took his hand, and pulled him over to the door. “Thank you guys for the party. It was really nice to meet you, ma’am.” 

\---------

Air didn’t exist. Sight was just an illusion. Hiro couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see. He was blinded by tears, and felt sick from how hard he was crying. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. He was trying so hard, so hard. All he had wanted was to have a good birthday. He was sure, so sure that all the other birthdays would be better. This was worse, _the worst_. He lost everything. They didn’t know how hard it was. They didn’t. 

He had done so much. If they knew how much pain he went through for his sobriety, they might have. He thought Tooru would have known. After all he was the one who was there when the withdrawn got the worst. The detox center he was taken to didn’t routinely give methadone. He was given some, but not nearly enough to make it stop hurting. He felt like he was dying. He couldn’t stop throwing up. His bowels completely betrayed him. It wasn’t pretty coming off heroin. But did they know? Did they even care? He went through all of that for them. Every single day his body craved it, and it probably would for the rest of his life. He’d permanently changed the structure of his brain. He was sure he’d always feel hungry for it. It was like when you wanted chocolate so badly, but you couldn’t have it for some reason. It gnawed and gnawed until you gave in. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. But what did it matter? 

God, he wished he could. He wished that he hadn’t poured out the drug because he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to feel this pain. He didn’t want to feel like a piece of shit. He didn’t want to be painfully aware that nobody trusted him. His mother would never be proud of him for anything more than staying off drugs, and now, now she didn’t even believe him. They didn’t believe him. He could just get a drug test to prove it to him. But what if he’d breathed some in? 

The bed sank next to him. “Go away, Issei,” he managed to whisper. 

“Taka, sweetie, it’s me.” 

Hiro turned around, to face his mother. He couldn’t see her clearly, but she was there. He curled into her, just wanting nothing more than to be close. He buried his face in her stomach, and wrapped his arms around her. Finally his body found the ability to breathe, and it realized how exhausted he was.

“I didn’t relapse. I swear.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “Can I tell you something secret?” 

He nodded. 

“I’m terrified I’ll lose you.”

“That’s not a secret.” 

“Shhh,” she shushed him, rubbing his back. 

“I have nightmares about it. Ever since Kayo. Just all these awful dreams. And for the longest, I just thought that it was just me dealing with that. You were so good. But, but I watched you spiral, and I didn’t do anything because I was scared. I had a bad feeling when you went to that concert. I knew. And I was so scared. I saw the marks. I saw your face change. I saw you turn into something, and it terrified me. I was supposed to protect you. And you came back. I was sure the next time I saw you, you’d be in a body bag somewhere. 

“But one day, one day I saw you. I watched. I made sure you were okay. I thought if I could just see you just once a day, I would know you were okay. So I found that tattoo shop, and I’d wait sometimes all day so I could see you. And then I didn’t, but I kept going back to that corner. I walked by. I thought about going in there so many times. I thought, I thought you had died, and that man didn’t seem phased. I thought to myself, he’s supposed to love my child. If he took my son away because they loved each other, then why did he seem so at ease when you were dead? That’s what I thought. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to go up to him, and scream down his throat. I didn’t see you for three weeks. 

She paused for a moment, taking a shuddering breath. Hiro didn’t move, or speak. He didn’t want to ruin it. He wanted to hear her out. She found him. She waited for him. She...didn’t give up on him.

“That night when Tooru called me frantic because you were withdrawing so badly, and he was taking you to the hospital was the best night of my life because I knew my baby was alive. I have had a lot of good moments, but I thought you were dead. It was better than the day you were born. I would text you. I’d call you. I knew you had your phone because I could see it. Every birthday, I’d throw you a party. I hoped you’d come. You never did. I thought that last birthday we spent together would be it. Eighteen birthdays was all I had with you. But you’re okay. And you’re twenty-one. 

“So, so I was really scared tonight. I’m always scared that it’s going to happen again. I felt sick seeing those track marks. I didn’t think. I...It’s hard for me to understand or believe, Taka. But, but I trust you. I want you to know that I do trust you. You’re so strong. I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Hiro whispered, rolling over to bury his face in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient. Please comment. It would mean so much. Plus tomorrow's my birthday. ;)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry it's been a bit. I've kind of been sucked into knb, but it's all good. I'm back! 100% will finish this fic if my life depends on it. Warning that this is a heavy chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Photo editing was one of the best and worst things about photography. The easy part was actually taking a picture that meant a lot. Photography was whatever you wanted it to be. Most people took pictures constantly now, and in a way it made Issei feel like his art and profession were going to be phased out. Photography was already looked down on, but now that everyone had a camera at their fingertips, it scared him. Photography had always been his thing. Always. But he reminded himself that all the photo editing in that world wouldn’t touch this. 

He chewed his lip as he worked on the picture he’d taken of Hiro and his mom the other night. It might have been weird and a bit creepy to walk in on that, but he had just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Despite knowing that it was his mother, the fight had killed him. Hiro had never looked so terrified, and having him flash his eyes back and forth as his body started to tremble had broken Issei’s heart. Part of him wasn’t even sure if he should have let the woman in, but at the time he didn’t think there was much wiggle room. He was relieved to find them snuggled together. 

“Hey.” 

Issei jumped, and slammed his laptop shut at the sound of Hiro’s voice. Hiro let out a soft laugh, pulling his messenger bag to the side so he could sit next to Issei on the bench. It was weird how only several months ago, Issei had sat on this very bench studying Hiro like he was a goddamn piece of art. 

“Hi.” 

“What? Were you looking at porn?” Hiro raised his eyebrow. 

“No.” Issei forced a smile. “Just scared me is all.” 

“Ahuh.” 

Hiro nodded his head for a moment before turning his attention to his feet. He wet his lips nervously, and let out a small laugh. Issei noticed Hiro was clinging to his sketchbook. Since Hiro’s birthday party, Issei noticed Hiro being a lot more like his old self. He didn’t look like a scared, broken little kid anymore. He smiled again, and he had started drawing more. It was refreshing. 

“So this is going to sound crazy.” 

“Okay.” 

“I haven’t really spent much time, nor talked to Tooru since everything happened. I requested to have my shifts moved around so I didn’t work with him. Told our boss that we didn’t really get things done since we would just joke around which might mean that I’ll never get to work with him again if we ever get back to how it was before. I’ve been avoiding him like the plague, and I’ve actually blocked his number, and all of his stuff on the different chats.” 

Issei was sure his eyes had popped out of his head. He had no idea. Hiro seemed so happy lately, and he hadn’t talked to his best friend? How? Issei couldn’t think of not talking to Hajime for more than a couple days at most. 

“You what now?” Issei interrupted. 

Hiro glanced at him for a moment, before focusing his eyes back on his shoes. He tightened his hug on the sketchpad. 

“It’s just he said I was dead to him back then, and he would send me the most vile shit. After what happened, the way he looked at me…” Hiro shook his head. “I thought that he might do it again. It’s funny because with Tooru, being dead just means he will literally kill you. I just...I’m scared.” 

“I don’t think-”

“Will you just let me talk?” Hiro spat with a glare. “It’s not like you even know him, okay? Just because your best friend is fucking him doesn’t mean you know him. He’s in this stupid little honeymoon phase with him, so you don’t know him.” 

“I’m sorry.” Issei held his hands up in surrender. 

“It’s cool. But yeah, I’m just really scared of him right, and what he could do. I know he apologized, but I can’t trust it. Or couldn’t. Anyway, he caught up to me yesterday at school. He literally was standing outside my classroom, skipping his class, and not having Iwaizumi at his hip. And he was looking very hipster, I must say. Which means something. Don’t worry. He dresses up like that when he has something important going on which is so stupid, but he does. So he caught me, and wanted to talk, and my heart damn near came up my throat. I wanted to throw up. Basically he wants to heal everything.” 

Hiro didn’t say anything for a moment. Issei took the chance. 

“That’s good.” 

“No.” Hiro shook his head. “I am so happy lately. I feel like my old self. And I was thinking about what I’ve been told about being codependent. Well I was thinking that maybe being away from him is good. Like maybe I shouldn’t be friends with him because when he gets so mad…” 

Hiro let out a soft laugh, and let his head fall back. Issei noticed the tears he was holding back. 

“God, it’s so stupid, right? He’s my best friend. He knows everything about me. I love him so fucking much. But it’s like maybe it’s better off this way? I was fine without him last time. I felt like I could breathe. I felt on top of the world. Maybe part of that was the drugs, but goddamn, the way I’ve felt these last three weeks. It’s free. And my mom stopped asking me if I’m staying clean. Now she asks me about school, and work, and stuff. The stars are aligning, and I just… It’s fucking crazy, right? Thinking about dropping my best friend to the curb?

“He wants to hang out, clear the air. He wants me to come over this weekend. Iwaizumi said he’ll leave us be, but I don’t know how true to that Tooru can be. It’s just, just, what if I’m right? What if we can’t be friends anymore? I don’t want to be looked like I’m going to relapse again. I don’t want to see him that angry ever again. What if it’s toxic? Iwaizumi said something along those lines to Torou a while ago. I don’t know. I’m just scared. It’s so insane.” 

Hiro laughed again. This time he didn’t stop. He just kept laughing as though he’d lost his mind. Issei was frozen in place. 

“It would be for the best, wouldn’t it? His family hates me. I’m a piece of shit in their eyes, so maybe I should just tell him straight up I don’t want to be friends anymore. What do you think?” 

Hiro’s eyes bore into Issei’s soul. Desperate, scared, lost. There it was. Back again. 

“What do you want?” 

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.” 

“It doesn’t matter what I think, Hiro.” 

“You know, just once, I want him to feel at least half the pain he caused me. Maybe,” Hiro gasped. “Take Iwaizumi out of the apartment. I’ll just tear into Tooru and then end it. Just tell him to go fuck himself.” 

“Is that what you want to do?” Issei held his breath. 

“Yes, honestly.” Hiro turned to face him, and smiled. “It’s settled.” 

Issei felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He knew that Hiro had been more at peace lately. _Tooru can be the best friend you’ll ever have, or the worst enemy._ The words haunted him now. Hiro had experienced both sides of the coin, and he could understand why that was scaring Hiro, but Issei knew it was just a misunderstanding. The look Tooru had given Hiro had been pure disgust and rage. Issei knew why. He hadn’t been around for Hiro’s downward spiral back then, but from what he had been told, Hiro had really fucked everything up. He’d stolen everything from Tooru. He’d made his family go into debt after helping Haruki hack the account. So many things had happened, so it made sense why Tooru had looked at him like that. Tooru had forgiven, but had not forgotten. That much was clear. But could you blame him? 

Tooru and Hiro’s relationship came to mind. They were so close, so inseparable. The two of them all over each other, and making out at the Halloween party flashed in front of his eyes. Tooru’s adamant defense of Hiro when they’d first met. Pretty Boy waltzing through the campus with an arm hooked around Mystery Man. Tooru telling Issei the story. But lately, around the same time Hiro had started having problems, Tooru had been so different with him. Issei had thought it had to do with the new relationship, but what if it wasn’t? Hajime had told him about that night he was supposed to hang out with both Tooru and Hajime, and how Tooru had been acting. He had been surprised by it because the concept was so foreign. They talked about it. Had Tooru been like that this whole time? 

“I’m going to go to the park to draw. Do you want to come with me?” Hiro asked, standing up, a small smile on his face. 

Issei glanced outside. The sun was shining bright, and clear. The sky was a beautiful azure with no cloud in sight. People were having picnics on the commons, bundled in jackets. Their cheeks were painted pink for the cold. Hiro hated cold, but it was such a beautiful day. Not as cold as it had been. 

“I thought you hated cold.” 

Hiro shrugged. “It’s not bad today.”

“I have class unfortunately.” Issei glanced at his laptop. “And homework.” 

“Oh, okay. I’ll probably be with Tooru this evening. God, I cannot wait for that. I can finally just speak my mind.” 

“Yeah…” Issei breathed, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Good luck.” 

\---------

Hiro’s hand seemed to move all on its own across the page. His head was empty, and all that remained was art. That’s all there had ever been. His whole life was about art. There was beauty in everything. Everything. There was literally nothing that couldn’t be seen in a positive light. He’s always been such an optimist, even when his parents were screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. Even when his stepfather was in a drunken rage. Hiro had art, and he could make anything beautiful. He’d drawn his family in the way that he’d always wanted them to be. Back then he had never been hurt. Back then he wasn’t tainted. He wanted to go back to that. 

The sky was the perfect blue. The wispy clouds were sponged on the blank canvas. Birds were gliding through the soft air currents. What was it like to be that free? He wanted that. What was it like to see Tokyo from that high up? What he wouldn’t give. He’d only been on a plane once in his whole life when he was really little, and his family was flying from Sendai to Tokyo. It’d been at night. From high above the city, the lights looked like stars, and for a moment, he didn’t realize they were actually lights. In that moment, he was above the stars. 

Stars. Night skies. Wishes. New. Infinite.

Everything was possible when you wished on the first star. Staring up at the night sky made you feel so small. It washed away every problem you had because it humbled you. He and Tooru would lay on the grass, and stare up at infinity. They’d find the constellations, and even make up their own stories. Tooru always said that people were made of stardust, and that one day they would be stars themselves. After his father died, Tooru saw a new star in the sky that he hadn’t remembered seeing. He swore that it had never been there before, and back then Hiro had agreed. It was between the little dipper, and the big dipper. A new bright star. They had stared at the sky damn near every night for hours, and they’d never seen that star. Tooru believed it was his father, sparkling and winking down at him, watching him proudly. Stardust could become a star somehow. 

But stardust was remnants of stars that had died. Hiro knew that now, but could it be possible? Whatever the answer was, Hiro was obsessed. He needed to get the night sky right. He needed to make a painting that he could be so proud of, and he wanted to make that star the brightest of them all so he could give it to Torou. 

But now? Now what was the point? Without Tooru, he’d get it right because he wouldn’t have that little nagging feeling that Tooru was judging it. Tooru had memorized every star in the sky with expert precision, and he would point it out. Hiro knew he would. But it was hilarious because the number of stars in the sky was infinite. Nobody knew them all. Stars died, and were born every second. Half the stars that people saw weren’t even there anymore. Now he would get the sky right. 

\---------

Issei tugged at his sleeve while he waited for Hajime outside the student center for him to finish his shift editing people’s essays. He knew he was doing this for Hiro, but it all felt so wrong. Hiro breaking it off with Tooru felt so wrong. He couldn’t imagine them being apart. That day when Hajime and Tooru met, and started their relationship, Issei had seen it. From the moment he met them, he saw it. A closeness so palpable. 

One night. One moment. That’s all it took to put the nail in the coffin. Really? He and Hajime had gotten into their fair share of fights. Hell there were times they had literally gone at each other, fist blazing. They always made up, actually closer than before. Maybe that’s what those two needed. Not an end to a lifelong friendship, but a good, old-fashioned fight. Issei would bring the popcorn. A black eye, busted lip, and bloody noses were a small price to pay for a good friend. They were getting rarer and rarer. 

A grating metal creak sent shivers down Issei’s spine, pulling him from his thoughts. Hajime walked out of the student center, busying himself with putting a textbook back into his backpack slung over one shoulder. He crouched down, throwing the bag on the floor, yanking at the zipper with more force than was necessary. His phone fell from his pocket, and Issei heard the audible expletive escape his best friend’s lips. 

“Oi, Iwaizumi! You dropped something.” 

Issei jumped over the railing for no other reason than to look cool. He towered over Hajime triumphantly. Hajime glanced at him, and threw up his middle finger. Issei feigned offense. Hajime rolled his eyes, and stood up. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Hello to you too,” Issei muttered. “I was just waiting for you.”

“Why?” Hajime narrowed his eyes. 

“What? A guy can’t be waiting for his best friend that he misses so dearly?” 

“Yeah, but you can’t. You never do that. What’s up?” 

Issei shifted his weight between his feet, as his mind reeled on what to say. He hadn’t quite planned things out this far. Of course this looked weird. He could have just sent a text. That would have been much easier, more him, less conspicuous. 

“I heard that Hiro and Tooru were spending time together, so I figured the two of us could as well.” 

Hajime shrugged, and adjusted his backpack. “You could have just texted me. You didn’t have to stalk me. Maybe Hanamaki was right. You are a stalker.” 

“Just for you.” Issei winked. “Hey, Iwa…” Hajime grunted in response. “What do you think about Hiro and Tooru’s friendship?”

“What kind of question is that?” 

“Just answer the question.” Issei turned so that he was in front of Hajime, walking backward. “And tell me if I’m going to walk into something.” 

“Not a chance.” Hajime smirked. “But honestly I think it’s a bit...odd.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Way too close. And then, like, Tooru just kind of distances himself from him, and Hiro starts to spiral. It’s just...odd. Not healthy, that’s for sure. It’s a bit codependent.” 

Issei mulled it over for a moment. “Do you think they’d be better off ending their friendship?”

“Hell no.” Hajime bit a piece of dried skin from his lip. “It just needs to be a bit more healthy. Time apart.” 

“Which they’ve had.” 

“Yeah.” Hajime stopped walking. “Do you know something?” 

“No.” Issei glanced away. “I was just asking.” 

Hajime narrowed his eyes at him, and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. Even though Issei was nearly a half a foot taller than his friend, the man could be very intimidating. Issei forced back the shudder that threatened to run up his spine. He couldn’t let him know because if he did, he would just run home. That wouldn’t be good for anyone. Hiro and Tooru needed to work this out themselves without a third party. Issei would let Hajime run off to console his heartbroken boyfriend, but he was going to stall him enough so that it could be done. 

“What has Hiro told you?”

“Okay, first of all, how dare you think I’d be a snitch. Second of all, he didn’t. I’ve just been thinking a lot about what happened at his party. It was such a bad situation. Can you imagine?”

Hajime sighed, resigning to the fact that Issei wouldn’t give up the gun like that. He shook his head. 

“I don’t want to think about that. I’ve never seen Tooru look like that, and Hiro looked terrified. I can’t imagine…” 

“Right?” Issei’s voice involuntarily went up a few octaves. He cleared his throat. “But everything should work itself out...right?” 

“Sure.”

“Let’s get some ramen,” Issei said, slapping Hajime on the back. “You’re buying!” 

\---------

Hiro hummed along to the song he was listening to as he walked up the stairs toward Tooru’s apartment. He made sure to take it all in. This was going to be the last time he was ever going to have to see it. Whoever had come up with the design had a weird way of making things look appealing. The stairwell was just plain concrete, and unpainted rails. It looked dangerous. Maybe he should have taken the elevator. Maybe then he would have seen something a little different, and he wouldn’t be out of breath by the time he reached the top. 

He took his earbuds out of his ears when he reached the last step, opening the door to the hall. The walls were a dirty white from years of nobody cleaning them. Who knew what bacteria was growing on there. He made a point not to touch it. The hall was lined in grey flooring, the one that wasn’t quite carpet, but not a regular floor. He didn’t know what it was called, nor did he give a fuck. He didn’t get why they couldn’t just have a good old-fashioned outside stairwell and concrete. Why do they have to make it feel like a goddamn roach motel? He was honestly surprised Tooru would even agree to live here. 

When he reached the door, Hiro hesitated to knock on the door. The last time he’d been here, he’d almost lost everything. He had been so terrified of losing Tooru and his mom, and now he was giving Tooru up willingly. Irony. 

He took a few deep breaths before he knocked on the door. A few moments later the door was flung open, and Tooru pounced on him in a tight hug. Hiro didn’t make any move to hug him back, and held back the urge to shove him off. The least he could do was let his friend have a last hug. That’s what Tooru loved. Hugs, cuddles, and deep talks together. But he’d made his bed. He abandoned Hiro for that asshole Iwaizumi. He’d left him for dead. He’d been so scared, so nervous, falling apart, and this guy was just off fucking like a rabbit. He had the audacity to look at Hiro like he was dirt. Well, Hiro could play that game too. 

“How are you, Makki? I missed you.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

Hiro wanted to scoff, to laugh in his face. Miss him? Could have fooled him. A few weeks ago, he was ready to kill him. Now he missed him? Months of leaving him alone, and now he missed him? Hilarious. But Hiro wouldn’t have to deal with that much longer. 

He followed Tooru into the apartment, and kicked his shoes off. Part of him thought maybe he should keep them on, so he wasn’t struggling to put them on when he made his exit. Hell maybe Tooru wouldn’t even let him have his shoes back. Good riddance. 

“Do you want something to eat? Drink? I can make coffee or tea.” 

“I’m fine.” Hiro sat on the couch. 

“Okay.” Tooru nodded. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna get my coffee I made at work.” 

Hiro watched him run to the kitchen, and pick up a cup filled with iced coffee. He let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t have a death wish to have scalding liquid thrown at him. He could handle cold. He followed Tooru with his eyes silently until Tooru was curled up on the opposite end of the couch. 

“I was wondering maybe we could w-”

“Look. I’ll cut to the chase. I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.” 

Tooru stared at him, a blank expression on his face. He didn’t blink, didn’t move. He just sat there with a deer in the headlights look on his face. Hiro bit his lip to keep from laughing. 

“You’re a shitty ass person. I don’t know why I was ever friends with you in the first place. Honestly maybe my life would have been a lot better without you. It’s your fault after all that everything happened. My mom keeps saying it was her, but it’s you. Did you know I thought about killing myself every single fucking time you texted me? You said I was dead to you, well what? Did you want to kill me for real? Is that how it works with you? People say what they want about Haruki and yakuza, but at least they don’t go around acting like they’re holier than thou asshole. You walk around with this invisible crown on your head. Fuck you.” 

Hiro was trembling. Everything was pouring out. All those thoughts and feelings he swallowed those two years were finally purging from him. He wanted to see Tooru cry. He wanted him to feel small. He wanted to see his heart break. He wanted him to crumble. 

“Makki-”

“Shut up, you piece of actual shit. You always made me listen when you had problems, but you never listened to me. I had to be the one to pick up the pieces for everyone, but the second I tried to talk to you, you would cut me off. I let you drag me around for years. Where did it get me, Tooru? Where? And you know Haruki. You met him. You got your fucking tattoos from him. You knew him. You knew he was a lot older than us. You thought it was cool. You thought it was so great for me. And then you have the fucking nerve to say you never liked him? You act like he’s trash and you knew he was trash from the beginning. You act like you haven’t done a single thing wrong in your entire life when in reality, Tooru, it’s been the majority of your life that you’ve treated people like absolute shit because they did something to offend you. How dare someone now think that the great Oikawa Tooru was less than. Fuck you. I’d be so much better off without you.” 

“Are you done?” Tooru glared at him. 

“No.” 

Hiro’s chest was heaving. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. His lungs were screaming from the fire raging inside him. He jumped to his feet, and the sketch pad at him. He pulled things from his bag, throwing them at Tooru. He just sat there, smacking them away so they didn’t hit his face. 

“I...I hate myself because of you, Tooru,” Hiro’s voice came out in a small, soft squeak. “I can’t heal because of you.” 

Tears pooled in Hiro’s eyes, blocking out his vision. He blinked them back, wanting to watch Tooru’s reaction, but all he was doing was just sitting there. 

“I’ve been wanting to start new, to heal, to go back to who I was before, but I can’t. Because I fucking hate myself. I want to jump off a bridge or a building. I don’t deserve to be happy. I deserve to suffer. I just want to slit my wrists, but I can’t because I can’t do that to my mom. Not after everything. You, you make me hate myself. You never let it go, do you? You keep on, and you keep on. We’re not friends. You’re still being your vindictive, little, shitty ass excuse for a human being. You never wanted to make up. You just wanted to look like this knight in shining armor, so you could continue to chip away at me. Issei taught me I don’t have to fucking take your bullshit anymore. I hate you. I fucking hate you with every fiber of my being. I hope Iwaizumi finds out what a shitty person you are, and leaves your slutty whore self to rot. You, Tooru, are the one that doesn’t deserve to be happy. So fuck off. Rot. 

“And you know what, Tooru? Your writing fucking sucks. You’re never going to be a best selling author. You’re just going to be someone writing fanfiction for the rest of your life for free. You’re wasting your entire life chasing this dream, but you suck. It’s shit. Everything you write is shit. I just tried to appease you. Everyone who tells you it’s good is lying. Funny how it’s only people who love you.” 

Hiro let out a laugh, shaking his head. He brushed the tears out of his eyes, and wanted to scream when he just saw Tooru looking at him with a bored expression on his face. He wanted to punch him. 

“Are you done now?” 

“I really hate you.” Hiro muttered. “Now I’m done. Oh! No, I hope you get a billion STD’s.” 

Tooru rolled his eyes. 

“I didn’t know you felt that way.” 

“Well I do.” Hiro crossed his arms tightly in an attempt to stop shaking. “I was looking at what was wrong, why I couldn’t heal, and it was you.” 

“So,” Tooru shifted. “Let me get this straight. You suddenly don’t want to take responsibility for your own actions. Fine. You want to yell at me, whatever. But I’m going to need you to fucking keep Hajime’s name out of your mouth, okay? You got that? He didn’t do anything to you. He’s been nothing but nice to you, and you just treat him like he’s trash, so we’re going to fucking end that right there.” 

“I didn’t even say-”

“You did.” Tooru stood up. “So what? I’m not allowed to be pissed at you for what you did? Hell, Makki, Takeru didn’t deserve that shit! He didn’t deserve to watch his grandparents move in with him, broken and a wreck. He was a baby. They almost lost their house because of you. My parents were almost homeless. Do you understand that? It wasn’t that you stole some money and a couple laptops from me. I’m not that petty. I never told you this, Makki, but you ruined my family so you could go off with Haruki. You gave him everything. You gave him what he needed to drain my parents dry. For what? Do you know how hard it was for me to watch that happen? Keishi was tied up with the courts trying to represent them in the best possible way. They lost their standing at the university. Takeru asked questions that nobody could answer. I almost had to drop out of college because of you because I felt obligated to work my ass off in some shitty company to help my parents now lose their house. They were tied up with the banks for a year. You didn’t see that. You think I hated you for stealing from me, but I hated you for what you did to my entire family. 

“So sure, hate me. I’m not going to tell you I’m sorry for what I said or did back then because I’m not. But if I ever made you feel that way since, I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. But let’s take a good look in mirror, Makki. Maybe, just maybe, you hate yourself because you were a shitty ass person. I mean listen to yourself defending yakuza? But I’m the shitty one?” 

Tooru shook head, and let out a laugh scoff. Hiro was trembling again. 

“See? This is what I mean! You think you’re so perfect. Any time anyone wants to call you out, you deflect.” 

“I’m not deflecting, I’m explaining.” 

“You’re such a shitty person.” 

“Whatever.” Tooru rolled his eyes. “You know my parents hated me, Makki? You know my stepdad told me my dad would be disgusted by me? Do you know my mom told me she never wanted to speak to me again because I brought you into the house? If I hadn’t had scholarships, I wouldn’t be here. Keishi, Keishi was the only thing that kept me grounded, and Takeru didn’t deserve that. So, so yeah. Yeah, I fucking hated you. I still hate that you did that. But, but I love you. And if you don’t want to be friends anymore, fine. I’m not gonna force you. But please don’t think that I said those things in anger. Because I fucking meant them.” 

“You didn’t tell me any of that.” 

“My stepdad still thinks it’s disgusting that I’m friends with you. He hates you. But I defend you. We never let Takeru know. And Keishi? He doesn’t get it either. He wants to take you to court, put you in prison, and throw away the key. But he won’t. He’s talked Kazuki-san down from suing you a million times because of me. Because I don’t want my best friend to be in prison for something he did out of desperation. Maybe, maybe things are going to be different after this because you’re not going to be my friend, but I’ll still defend you. 

“So if you don’t want to be friends, then go. Leave.” 

Hiro didn’t move. He couldn’t. He just stayed planted to where he was standing. Tooru stared at him, taunting him, challenging him. Hiro didn’t move, and when he could, he just sat down on the couch, and cried. Tooru sat down, and pulled him into a tight hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment. It make me so happy and smiley! And it give me motivation. ♥️


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiiiiiii~
> 
> Surprise! I wrote this next chapter really fast, and since the last chapter was so angsty, I wanted to give y'all this. Plus I've been so impatient about putting this out. Enjoy! 
> 
> Oh! [This is the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJEA0RlVUsI)

It was funny how a huge fight with a friend could change so much. Hiro and Tooru had never gotten into a fight like that before. Hiro had never just spewed everything out before because he felt bad for everything he’d done, but now that everything was out there, and all the dirty laundry was aired out, things started to get back to normal. Things weren’t going to be the same, which was fine by Hiro because he didn’t want the same. He wanted to be better. Things had never been better since he got out of rehab.

February was coming to a close, and spring was starting to bloom. Everything seemed fresh, and new. He could breathe for the first time in a long time. The world was opening up in ways that had seemed impossible the last few months. There was a freedom that was palpable. It was like a weight had been lifted. Hiro was all smiles, and he’d taken a liking to drawing Issei again. 

He studied him intently working on his project. Hiro wondered how a photography student could spend so much time hunched over a laptop rather than with an actual camera, but this was the digital age after all. Still it seemed like such a waste. At least with art, it was tangible. Your hands still did all the work. There was no using computers, at least not the real artists. Hiro was a purist. He knew he shouldn’t be, but he was. He didn’t understand how editing your work on a program was art. You weren’t even doing it. Tooru told him he was being pretentious, and maybe he was. Still didn’t change the fact that it was his opinion. 

Issei chewed on his lip, his eyes scanning the screen. He looked even more exhausted in this light. Hiro glanced back to his paper, trying his hardest to get that look down. By now he had a whole sketchbook full of Issei. It made his stomach flutter, and his heart race every time he caught him doing something like this, engrossed in his work. It was like how it was fun to draw Tooru when he was reading or writing. Tooru was pretty, but Issei, Issei was something entirely. Hiro couldn’t explain just what it was, but there was something. Spending more time with him only made it grow. There were times Hiro didn’t want to take his eyes off of him. He wasn’t sure why. 

Hiro finished the sketch before getting up to go to work. He didn’t want to leave. The apartment was warm, and he was in a comfortable silence with Issei. If he got up to leave, then that comfort would go away. But he had to.

\---------

Hiro walked through the front door, still smelling like coffee. It amazed Issei how strong Hiro and Tooru smelled of coffee after they got off of work. It wasn’t an unwelcome scent either. Especially on Hiro who only smelled of coffee, not mixed with cologne. He wanted to hug him, to hold him, to inhale that scent. He hated himself for how much he wanted to get closer to Hiro. Living with him, and going through everything with him had only been a catalyst. Now he felt closer than ever, but his heart longed for more.

“Good shift?” Issei asked before realizing Hiro still had his earbuds lodged in place. 

Hiro hadn’t seemed to notice him as he mouthed the words, and danced slightly to the music. Issei took the opportunity to get a shot before Hiro noticed him sitting on the floor of the living room. Hiro grinned at him when he noticed him. He unplugged the headphones from the phone, and hit play. A familiar tune filled the room. 

“Wanna dance?” Hiro asked. “I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until recently. It’s like all the clouds are clearing, and I can finally have fun again.” 

“So how do you want to dance?” Issei smirked. 

“I dunno.” Hiro shrugged. “Tooru and I usually just danced to his poppy shit.” 

“Well your playlist is definitely not your typical dance music.” 

Issei crossed his arms, holding eye contact with him. Hiro laughed softly before crossing the room. He held his hand out to Issei who eyed it skeptically. He took his hand, noting how soft, yet rough his skin was. He’d wanted to hold Hiro’s hand for so long, and now it sent shivers down his spine. Hiro pulled him to his feet, and went back to his phone. 

“Okay, so have you ever gone to a concert?” 

“Negative.” 

“Have you seen one?” 

“I’ve seen clips like in music videos.” 

“Okay, so do that. Just feel the music.” 

Hiro tossed his head to the drums, mouthing the words to the song. He closed his eyes, and made gestures to match the lyrics and emotions being conveyed. Issei stared at him in awe. He was so _happy _. Issei hadn’t seen him like this, not really. He’d abandoned all reserve, walls down as he danced around the living room. Issei had no idea how to dance like that. All he’d ever learned was formal dancing.__

__The song ended, and the soft, melancholy piano of Disturbed's cover of “The Sound of Silence” filled the room. Hiro stopped dancing, and went to change the track. Issei stopped him. It was his turn to hold his hand out to Hiro._ _

__“Dance with me.”_ _

__“Huh?” Hiro glanced from his phone to Issei. “It’s too soft.”_ _

___Hello darkness my old friend._ The gravelly voice sang. _ _

__“Dance with me.”_ _

__Hesitantly Hiro took his hand. Issei pulled him close, wrapping a hand around his waist while keeping his right hand closed tightly in his. Hiro looked surprised at first, but leaned in. Issei stared into his eyes, a soft smile on his face. Hiro smiled back, his face softening. He laid his head against Issei’s shoulder._ _

__“I’ve never danced like this before.”_ _

__“I can tell,” Issei teased, softly._ _

__“I like it.”_ _

__Hiro relaxed against him, allowing Issei to guide him around the room. Issei breathed him in, trying his hardest not to be creepy. Issei closed his eyes, willing his heart to calm down. He couldn’t let him know how much he needed this, how much he’d wanted this for months. How was he so lucky for this to happen? His stomach knotted in anticipation. He didn’t want to ruin this. He didn’t want Hiro to hate him._ _

__But it hurt. It hurt to be this close to him. It hurt to feel Hiro’s breath on his skin, sending goosebumps over every part of him. It hurt how much he wanted him, how much he _needed_ him. His mind traveled to the night they’d hooked up. He hadn’t savored it. It had all been a blur. Now it was all he wanted, but he couldn’t. He had to hold back everything he wanted, and suffer in silence because if he dared to say what he felt, he’d ruin everything. _ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“Huh?”_ _

__Hiro looked at him as the song ended. His face was soft, eyes looking sleepy. Issei stared at him._ _

__Get away. Move. Stop._ _

__His head was screaming at him, but his body was paralyzed, holding Hiro so close. Hiro didn’t make a move to leave either. Before Issei knew what happened, his lips were against Hiro’s. His lips were surprisingly soft despite the cold he’d walked through. Warm. Perfect. Hiro tensed against him._ _

__Issei’s body finally responded to his brain’s command. He all but shoved Hiro away._ _

__“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Fuck! Shit! I’m so sorry. I-”_ _

__Issei was cut off by Hiro grabbing the front of his shirt, and kissing him hard. Issei didn’t know what to do. Was this really happening? This had to be a dream. There was no way that this was happening. Hiro bit Issei’s lip, and gently tugged. He could feel his hot breath panting against him._ _

__“You love me, huh?” Hiro smirked._ _

__“I...um...you…”_ _

__Hiro laughed softly. “What would you say if I told you the same?”_ _

__“What?” Issei blinked at him. “Are you…? You’re not messing with me?”_ _

__Hiro shrugged, pulling away. “I’ve felt something about you. Didn’t know what it was.”_ _

__“Oh…”_ _

__“So how long?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“How long have you loved me?” Hiro’s eyes were dancing playfully, and the smirk was still plastered on his face._ _

__“I-”_ _

__“So you’re the luck.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__Issei’s head was reeling. He didn’t know what was happening anymore. It was confusing. Did Hiro really feel that way about him, or was he messing with him? This was Tooru’s best friend after all, and he _knew_ how Tooru could fuck with a person’s mind. _ _

__Hiro laughed, shaking his head. He pulled Issei to him, and kissed him again. “Luck.”_ _

__“I still don’t know what’s happening.”_ _

__“You said you loved me. I said okay.”_ _

__“Okay to what?”_ _

__“This.” Hiro motioned between them. “See, I started the fall drawing at our spot under the tree I always sit under. I was needing something. Just got out of rehab not too long ago. A little ladybug landed on me. I asked what luck it brought me, and I looked up and saw this guy taking a picture of the sunset. I watched you. I didn’t know it was you. And everything is you.”_ _

__“How...how long have you liked me?”_ _

__“I don’t know.” Hiro shrugged. “Everything is all off up here.” He motioned to his head. “But there’s just something about you. Always has been. So answer my question, Mr. Stalker. How long have you loved me?”_ _

__“Before I met you.” Issei wanted to die hearing those words out loud. It sounded so stupid, creepy._ _

__“So you were stalking me.” Hiro looked at him slyly._ _

__“No, I just saw you in the art building, and it was perfect because you were like a goddamn piece of art.” Issei felt like crying. “And then I met you, and just...I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of you at all. I-”_ _

__“You think you’re taking advantage of me?” Hiro shook his head, and let out a silent laugh. “You? No. I’ve been taken advantage of. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met.”_ _

__Hiro took his hand, entwining their fingers. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Issei’s hand. He stared up at him. Issei wanted to lean down and kiss him, but he couldn’t. What if Hiro was just fucking with him. He could hear the blood rushing through his ears, and his cheeks were getting hot. Tears were threatening in his eyes. He pushed Hiro away._ _

__“Don’t.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I told you how I feel, and you’re just mocking me!” Issei was trembling now. “I didn’t even mean to.”_ _

__“I’m not mocking you?” Hiro looked at him with genuine shock._ _

__“Yes, you are.” Issei grabbed his jacket, and his keys. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”_ _

__“What? Issei, I think you have it wrong.”_ _

__“I never once mocked you, Hiro. Never. I love you, and this?” He shook his head. “I’m going out.”_ _

__\---------_ _

__Issei slammed the door in Hiro’s face. Hiro just stood there in the middle of the living room wondering what had just happened. He hadn’t been messing with him. He was serious. They joked around. They were playful. That’s all he’d been doing. He hadn’t meant to hurt him, but now he didn’t know what to do._ _

__Hiro was new at this. He had never really flirted before. Ever. He never had feelings for guys in high school over more than just physical attraction. And with Haruki, it was different. Haruki had approached him. Haruki groomed him. He was just fascinated by Haruki, and giddy that someone so cool would like him. They never flirted. It was just sex and drugs really. That’s all it ever was retrospectively. So that’s what made this so difficult. He didn’t even have a basis to go by on how he actually felt until Issei fucking kissed him. That’s when everything fell into place. All the confused thoughts and feelings suddenly made sense. Issei had been this burning bright light in his life. He thought of him immediately all the time, no, he thought about him a lot. He preferred his company to anyone else’s. He could just exist with Issei. He felt safe, comfortable, and warm with him. Talking to him always made him happy. Issei was always there, not judging. Hiro didn’t understand because it didn’t seem like friendly feelings. He’d really never felt that with Tooru even though a lot did overlap, but there was always something more, and it grew. So, so when Issei had told him he loved him, when he’d kissed him, everything made sense. Love. That was what love was. That’s what it felt like. But he’d fucked it all up._ _

__He sighed, grabbing his phone, and went to his room. He should call Tooru. He was good at this stuff. Hell he knew how Issei felt. That’s why he was always dropping hints, and saying all that weird stuff. But at the same time, his pride got in the way. Admitting to Tooru that he _did_ believe in love would wound his ego. But he did need advice. _ _

__He groaned, and felt face first into his bed. What was he going to do?_ _

__\---------_ _

__Issei tried to drown out the feeling of breaking down in the nicotine. If he could just calm himself down, then he’d be okay. He could barely light the cigarette with how much he was shaking. Months, _months_ , of waiting, of longing had got him here. Standing in the alley between the apartment building, and the convenience store trying to have his first of many cigarettes in an attempt to chainsmoke the pain away. Maybe he should go into that store and buy beer. That would be too sad. _ _

__Nicotine flooded his system. He held the smoke in until he was starting to see stars in his periphery in an attempt to getting as much as possible. Hajime, his sister, his parents, they all wanted him to quit smoking. They said it was a disgusting habit. They said it would kill him early. And they were right, but it was calming. It was a hell of a lot better than getting blackout drunk like _some_ people._ _

__He closed his eyes and replayed what had happened. He’d been so foolish to think for even a second that Hiro felt the same way. Hiro and Tooru were friends for a reason. They had to be cut from the same cloth, and while he had never seen Tooru fuck with someone, the stories were out there. Hiro had told him plenty. Hell Hiro just talking about it gave him chills. So why wouldn’t Hiro do the same? Birds of a feather and all. Then what did that say about Hajime? He would never do that. Ever. But Hajime wasn’t Hiro. Hajime wasn’t easily swayed in his convictions. Hiro obviously was. His track record said as much._ _

__He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Hajime to see if he was home. Issei was pretty sure Tooru was at work, so the chances were high. He let out a sigh of relief when he got the reply quickly. He finished one last cigarette before practically running to the metro to go to Hajime’s apartment._ _

__The train couldn’t move fast enough. He didn’t want to let it all out here in front of people. He wished he was back home, and he could just talk to his sister about everything. She always knew the best way to comfort him. Hajime was great, but Kamiko was his sister, his first best friend. He didn’t want to call her though. She’d feel so guilty if he started crying, and she couldn’t be with him. Knowing her she’d probably be on the next plane to see him, but he didn’t want her to do that just because he had a lapse in judgement._ _

__His body moved on autopilot as he made his way up the stairs to his only asylum for the time being. He pounded on the door, feeling everything inside him starting to push for a way out. When Hajime finally opened the door, Issei let go. He wrapped his arms around his neck and started crying on his own arm. Hajime took a moment before reacting. He wrapped his arms around his friend, holding him while he broke down. Issei had only broken down like this twice before. Once after he came out to his parents only to be met with malice. The other when he broke up with his boyfriend of four and a half years. He let Hajime guide him inside, and closed the door._ _

__Issei pulled away to give him a chance to lock the door. He slipped out of his shoes, and wiped his face with the sleeve of his jacket. Hajime rubbed his back as he led him into the living room. Tooru was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, typing frantically on his laptop. His eyes were zooming across the page in hard concentration. The gears were turning as he pumped out what was probably another chapter or scene for one of his stories. Issei was glad he hadn’t noticed. He didn’t want to have that conversation. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone other than Hajime._ _

__“Can we talk in private, please?” Issei practically begged Hajime._ _

__“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Hajime said, softly._ _

__Issei sniffled, catching Tooru’s attention. His head leapt up, and concern was written all over his face. He pushed his laptop aside, and ran to Issei’s side._ _

__“Are you crying, Mattsun? What happened? Are you okay?”_ _

__Issei pushed him away. “I don’t want to talk to you.”_ _

__“What? Why?” Tooru pulled his mouth to the side, crossing his arms._ _

__“Tooru, he doesn’t want to talk to you about this. Give us some privacy, okay?” Hajime said sternly, stepping between Issei and Tooru. “Just listen to people, okay?”_ _

__Just then Tooru’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket. “I gotta take this anyway.”_ _

__Issei watched him walk down the hall, and waited until the bedroom door closed. He sat on the floor with his back against the couch and his knees pulled to his chest. He buried his face in his arms, and let the sobs pour out. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. How could he go back home now? Hajime only had one room. He couldn’t kick Hiro out._ _

__He felt Hajime sit down next to him, and put his arm around him. Issei leaned against him, thankful for the comfort. Hajime pulled him into a hug, and gently rocked back and forth while he waited for Issei to be ready to talk. All Issei could do right now was sob. He felt like such an idiot. His heart was broken. Again. He shouldn’t have let his guard down. Hiro had so much going on. He shouldn’t have kissed him. He shouldn’t have said anything. He sobbed until he couldn’t anymore. He felt so weak, so exhausted. Hajime handed him a bottle of water._ _

__“You want to talk about it?”_ _

__Issei quietly sipped on the water without answering Hajime’s question. He wasn’t ready yet. Hajime just held him. Only when the bottle was empty did he speak._ _

__“I kissed Hiro,” he mumbled._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“We were just messing around. He wanted to dance, so we did, and then this slow song came on, and I only know how to dance formally, ya know? So we danced to it, and I didn’t even realize I told him I loved him. I just thought I said it in my head. I knew I should have pulled away from him after the song ended, but I kissed him. Then he kissed me. He was saying all this stuff about how he liked me, and shit about luck. But he kept laughing at me. He kept smirking at me. I told him how I felt, and he just mocked me.”_ _

__“Shit…”_ _

__“Right?”_ _

__Issei was quiet for a moment. He traced the rings on the bottle absently._ _

__“Nobody’s ever done that to me before.” He met Hajime’s eyes. “I’ve been turned down, but not like that.”_ _

__“Do you want me to beat him up for you?” Hajime offered with a smile. “Tooru’d probably be mad at me, but I can deal with that. He’ll get over it.”_ _

__Issei laughed softly. Hajime kissed his head. It shocked Issei. He had never done that before. He’d never been that affectionate. They’d been friends for so long, and never once had that happened. Issei cuddled a little closer to him._ _

__“See? There you go. Laugh. I’ll make you laugh again. But seriously, do you need me to fight him? Nobody messes with my best friend.”_ _

__“No, it’s okay.”_ _

__“You know it’s kind of rude that you’re cheating on my sister. You got married. You were such a pretty bride with your flower crown.”_ _

__Issei laughed again. “I’ve always got Ana, right?”_ _

__“If she finds out, then I’m not going to be the only Iwaizumi who’s gonna fight him. Watch out. She has our mother’s temper.”_ _

__“You both do.”_ _

__“Yeah, but I got a little more of my dad.”_ _

__“Thank god.”_ _

__“You want me to get you ice cream on my way back from punching Hiro for you while you pick a dumb comedy on Netflix?”_ _

__Issei laughed again. “So we’ve gone from beating him up to fighting him now to punching him?”_ _

__“I gotta defend your honor.”_ _

__“I’m really happy you’re my best friend.”_ _

__“Don’t mention it. It wasn’t like you had much of a choice. You got this ugly mug, and I didn’t know Japanese. Odd ones out.” Hajime turned to look at him. “Can I at least go off on him in Spanish?”_ _

__“Let your Latino side out to your heart’s content, babe.”_ _

__“That’s Tooru’s line.”_ _

__“Right.” Issei smiled._ _

__\---------_ _

__Hiro tapped his fingers on his leg while he waited for Tooru to pick up the phone. He hated that he had to call him, and get love shoved in his face, but honestly he didn’t know who else to call. If this fixed everything, then it would be worth it. A small price to pay to help make things right with Issei._ _

__“Hi, Makki!”_ _

__“So what if hypothetically I did feel that love bullshit you’re always talking about?” Hiro’s voice was a little shaky._ _

__Tooru gasped. “Are you in love?”_ _

__“ _Hypothetically _. What would you do?”___ _

____“What do you mean?”_ _ _ _

____“How do you like flirt and stuff?” Hiro chewed his thumbnail as he paced the room._ _ _ _

____“Are you growing up?”_ _ _ _

____Hiro almost threw the phone. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Tooru’s bullshit. He just needed a way to fix this, and fast. He want to skip all of Tooru’s teasing and prodding because Issei had left the apartment so quickly. He was obviously hurt, and Hiro couldn’t take the fact that he’d been the one to hurt him._ _ _ _

____“Shut up. Seriously. Like say hypothetically someone told me they loved me, and they kissed me. And I didn’t realize that I felt the same way because, like, I’ve never had the chance to really know what that is, but it all came into place when that happened. Hypothetically I joke around about me feeling that way to flirt, and I was laughing and stuff. And say hypothetically the other person thought I was fucking with them.”_ _ _ _

____“You what now?” There was a pause. “Is that why Mattsun is crying? Did you make him cry?”_ _ _ _

____“He’s crying?” Hiro cussed under his breath. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world. “I didn’t mean to make him cry. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I just don’t know how to flirt. I don’t know.”_ _ _ _

____“Ugh, this is why you should listen to me.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, you’re right. I should have just sucked his dick right then and there.”_ _ _ _

____“Well how are you going to fix it?”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t know! That’s why I called you!”_ _ _ _

____“You could take him on a nice date to make it up to him.”_ _ _ _

____“But how do I fix the now?”_ _ _ _

____“I can talk to him.”_ _ _ _

____“You wouldn’t mind?”_ _ _ _

____“Of course not.”_ _ _ _

____“Thank you so much Tooru. I love you.”_ _ _ _

____“I love you too!”_ _ _ _

____The line went dead as the call ended. Hiro leaned against the wall, and slid down. He banged his head against it, hating himself. How could he do that? He’d never seen Issei cry. He was too good of a person. He’d hurt Issei, _really_ hurt him. All he could see was that look of embarrassment and heartbreak. He hoped to god that Tooru could fix this. _ _ _ _

____\---------_ _ _ _

____Hiro woke up when he heard the front door close. He jumped out of bed, and rushed to the see Issei putting his keys in the little tray they kept them in. Their eyes met, and Issei quickly turned away. He still looked so hurt. His eyes were puffy, and red rimmed. His hair was a mess, and his clothes were disheveled._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” Hiro breathed. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wasn’t joking. I just don’t have any experience with this, and I’m a fucking idiot. But I do mean it. I do love you. I just...I don’t know how to process feelings like that anymore, but that’s all I can think of this as. And, and if you can forgive me, I’d like to make it up to you.”_ _ _ _

____Issei stared at the countertop. He licked his lips, and shook his head. “You made me feel like an idiot.”_ _ _ _

____“I know, I’m so sorry.”_ _ _ _

____Issei looked up at him. “I’ve been in love with you for so long. Do you know how hard it was for me when we hooked up? I didn’t even know what was happening, Hiro! And I think about that a lot. It hurts loving someone who doesn’t love you back, who you can’t tell. And it doesn’t matter, but when I thought you liked me, and then you laughed in my face? That, that broke my heart, Hiro.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry.”_ _ _ _

____“Tooru said you didn’t mean it. He seemed pretty sincere, so that’s why I came home.”_ _ _ _

____“I knew you weren’t going to answer my calls.”_ _ _ _

____“I would have.” Issei straightened himself up. “I’ll always answer you.”_ _ _ _

____“Issei?”_ _ _ _

____Hiro timidly walked toward him. He held out his hand. Issei stared at it for a moment before taking it. Hiro kissed the back of it, and held it gently between his hands. He raised his eyes to look up at Issei. He’d never realized how much taller the man was until now, staring up at him. He pulled his hand from Issei, and reached up to take the man’s face in his hands. Issei let him pull him into a gentle kiss._ _ _ _

____“Can I take you on a date?” Hiro said softly. “I’ll dress up, and buy your roses. Take you to dinner. Take you home. I’ll make it like one of those shitty romcoms. How’s that sound?”_ _ _ _

____Issei bit his lip to hold back a smile. “You mean it?”_ _ _ _

____“Of course.”_ _ _ _

____“I’d love that.”_ _ _ _

____“Good,” Hiro laughed softly, and pulled him into another kiss._ _ _ _

____This time Issei pulled him closer, and deepened the kiss._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hoped you liked it! Leave a comment and tell me what you think. <3


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